Who is more important to you? Your real parents or foster parents?

1. 58

   romariposted 13 years ago

   I am an adoptee and I discovered my real family (parents and siblings) on the Facebook. They searched for me.
   
   I know my parents get jealous because I knew the reality and they are afraid if I turn my back to them.

   replyreport
   1. 60

      A la carteposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      It's the people that loved you going up

      replyreport
   2. 70

      Cagsilposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      There should be a happy medium, where both sets of parents can be an active part of your life. Selfishness on either part will only cause a division.

      replyreport
2. 62

   Lisa HWposted 13 years ago

   romari, if the "jealous" parents you're referring to are your adoptive parents, there's at least the chance you're incorrect in thinking they "get jealous" if they don't seem "all happy" at the idea you're in touch with your birth family.  I'm a mom of 3 kids, and one is adopted from infancy. I know it's different when kids are adopted older than infancy.
   
   In any case, my concern with my son's meeting his birth family (and I was the one who encouraged him to respond when his birth mother contacted an agency to try to meet him) was that the family who hurt him as an infant would hurt him again (in one way or another, not physically but emotionally; mostly because they obviously weren't the most nurturing people in the world, and I didn't think they'd necessarily know the best way to share whatever had to be shared with him, without causing him to "go through some kind of thing" associated with having to digest whatever they did, said, or shared.
   
   I don't know you or your parents, but I'd hope (for the sake of your relationship with the parents who probably love you more than you can know) that you leave room for the possibility that your parents aren't jealous of your birth family at all.  Maybe they're just worried about how that family will impact you and your emotions.  Most adoptive parents know their child will meet and talk with the birth parents/family one day.  It's just part of the deal.  Sometimes the reunion is a happy one that adds great things to the life of the adoptee.  Sometimes, even if it starts out seeming great, things go bad; and it is the adoptive parents who will be there, trying to help their child deal with having been hurt by the birth family yet again.  Maybe none of this applies in your situation, but it definitely is how things can work sometimes.

   replyreport
3. 64

   CARIBQUEENposted 13 years ago

   My foster parents got dibs where importance is concerned. They show love and affection beyond all measure. The love they show, if all parents were like that, this world would be a better place. Love and appreciation to all foster parents.

   replyreport
4. 0

   Home Girlposted 13 years ago

   As a grown up person, romari, you can establish healthy relationship with all your parents, it's up to you to set up boundaries and make it pleasant and useful experience for all of you. Easy said than done though.

   replyreport
5. 60

   BobbiRantposted 13 years ago

   I was adopted as well and met my biological mother years ago.  But the one who was there for me (adopted mom) was the one who got my love.

   replyreport