A few days ago we were discussing bullying of GLBT teens/tweens.
On the news today: two middle school girls committed double suicide during a sleepover. One of the girls was definitely the object of bullying (having red hair was at least part of it). The other girl was bullied for sticking up for her friend.
The news segment cited a study in Massachusetts. 1 out of 4 middle schoolers is the victim of bullying.
ONE QUARTER of MIDDLE SCHOOLERS. Is it me, or does that seem like
a) way too many kids period
b) way too many kids in that vulnerable preteen age group
I think that the problem lies with the parents. The parents need to instill two important things into their kids:
1) Don't bully
2) Don't tolerate other people's bullying
If either of these are done alone, bullying will cease to exist, but if they are both done, it will most definitely end.
I think the name "bullying" should be changed to sound much more vicious and evil.
All very valid points. Although, a few others that I would recommend are simple. One, bullies innate cowards by nature, and most of them don't really know how to fight unless it's against someone who can't fight back. You'll notice that bullies won't dare attack a person they know that can potentially beat them up, as they're bullying tactics rely on intimidation.
That's why I think it's important that parents instill in their kids NOT to fear others, as a bully will feed off their fears much similar to an animal. Thus, if I was a parent (WHICH IM NOT), then I would tell my child to look a bully dead in the eyes and ask them to back off if they are confronted. if the bully doesn't think the person is scared of them, then more than likely they'll back off, as their reputations rely on fear.
However, if that doesn't work, then I would definitely have my child take some martial arts lessons, so they'll know how to defend themselves in a fight. I know I'll get some flak for saying that, but the reality is that sometimes in life, you may not have any other choice than to use violence to defend yourself. Granted, I am a bit of pacifist by nature, and don't believe in violence to solve problems. However, even I'll admit that sometimes, violence is a necessary evil to survive in today's world. I know some will argue and tell me that I'm wrong. Saying, "Well actually Mr. Stevennix, you could instruct your child to get a principal or teacher involved to stop the bullying if it persists." I know...the typical Disney cliche crap right? Well, I got news for you then...IT DOESN'T WORK! Wanna know how i know that it doesn't? Because in high school, I was bullied all the time, and one bully I had used to hit me all the time in class; even in front of the damn teachers. When I hit the kid back, the teacher never got mad at the bully. No, no, no, she got mad at me. Then the principals just told me it was my problem for not ignoring them. Gee, it's kind of hard to ignore someone when someone punches you in the ribs all the freaking time.
However, I won't bore you with those details, as I wouldn't want to bore anyone, but this is why I always laugh whenever I see those damn cartoon network and disney channel bullying tips about getting adult authority involved as my experience taught me...IT DOESN'T WORK. Therefore, if i had a child, I would encourage them to learn how to fight in case a bully pushes them too far to the point to defend themselves. I'm just saying.
Interesting, but what if the problem is the parent and the child is only mimicking what they see at home as acceptable behavior?
Not always is it an easy call to point a finger at what the culprit is for such behavior. So, in a sense saying it goes back to the parents is true, but many parents are facing issues that our parents did not have to face as we were children. I didn't come from a broken home as many of our children today do, the discrepancy from parent to parent to step-parent on how to handle a situation can be very misleading to a child on how to handle a situation. Not only that but the child could be getting one kind of treatment that says it's ok to bully from one parent as more and more parents are creating scenario's of parental alienation. It is a horrible thing to see happen to our youth today, but not only could these girls have been feeling pressure at school by their peers, the home atmosphere needs to be taken into account as well.
Children no matter what they choose in life that know they are unconditionally loved will be more apt to stand firm and not take their own lives in the end.
i wish they would list how many bullies there are. what we need to also focus on are the bullies and stopping them.
in my personal situation my daughter was picked on because she stood up for someone that was being bullied. our school failed us. this girl was a habitual bully. no one stood up to her so she continued to bully. her parents were foster parents and didnt or couldnt correct the situation. the school refused to do anything so we took the issue to the school board. we could have sued but chose not to. sometimes suing gets everyones attention. money talks.
we resolved the issue for our daughter but it wasnt easy. it was weeks and months of taking the avenue that we should have without results. i can understand why a child would say why bother when they follow the rules and there is no help for their situation at every turn.
i feel so bad for children that have to live this way and everyone should do everything they can so they dont have to.
This is not only a kid problem. This is a parenting problem.
I agree that a more urgent word is needed. Any ideas?
As a parent, I think blaming parents is too simplistic (and in most -- but not all -- cases, misplaced). The reality is that kids today have a lot more influences beyond parents and school. They have the entire internet at their fingertips.
The influence of parents has eroded as kids are exposed to messages that conflict with what they're learning at home.
Turn off the texting, cell phones and Googling so that kids pay more attention to the adults in their lives.
I'm not a parent myself, but in my opinion, the parents should limit the kid's texting, cellphones, internet, etc and control the influences. It is true that there are more influences today than ever before, but there were still a lot of influences before modern technology came around.
Also, I don't think every kid should get martial art lessons, only the ones who show that they wouldn't misuse it.
as a parent you are responsible or should feel responsible for the actions of your children. if your children are influenced enough by outside sources that you cannot control something this ugly, you need to accept some of the blame.
bullies usually "spawn" bullies. if the parents are bullies,get their attention. sue them. maybe then they will stop the bully breeding
The schools want everyone to be treated equally but they are realy dumb about it because if somone gets into a fight it's a no fault situation and all parties involved are sent home no matter who started it, or if somone was picking on another, or if somone was helping somone defend themself, it doesn't matter.
They want people to look at the poor bullies side of the story empathetically, when in reality the main issue lies in the bully who should be expelled, and his parental guidance. And that's where the moral deconstruction of our nation begins.
You are absolutely correct - the parents are responsible. Yet, we look to the schools for training. Every library computer, every school computer, I feel must have an anti-bullying poster to visually remind people to be nice.
Sad that humanity needs basic, fundamental training - very sad.
The kids today are just cruel. Their behavior, lack of manners is out of control.
Anyone can be the victim of a bully. The sad part is, I don't think the schools have programs or teachers etc. that a child can go to if they are being bullied.
Now the parents of the children that are the bully's need to be held accountable for their child's actions. Not just a slap on the wrist will suffice.Sometime in jail or doing community service should be mandatory. Now the child also needs to spend time in juvenile hall. Perhaps a week or two. I know it sounds harsh but too many kids are dying these days because of it.
Another child 15 was just beaten to death in Florida by his ex girlfriend and 4 male friends. For what?
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