If you had a teenager that was months from graduating and decided to run away from home, how would you handle it?
Contact all of their friends they have to be somewhere and they are normally closer then a parent thinks. Let them all know that I am getting ready to file a missing persons report on them. When I located them I would sit down and talk to them without arguing and bring them back home.
I would see if I was able to bring that individual back, so that their life isn't completely ruined, before calling the PD.
Ya, that was my first thought, but she managed to cover her bases by being 18.
Trying to reason with her at the moment isn't working. There is a boy involved.
Thanks Cags, I should have refrased that differently. It is late here and I am trying to wrap my head around why my daughter took off a month before graduation. Usually I don't get personal on here, but family isn't much help at the moment.
I would love to lay all the blame on the boy, but knowing my daughter, it wouldn't have taken much for her to think the grass was greener on the other side. I am a more diplomatic person, and my husband is cut and dried. Frankly, this wouldn't have bothered me if she would have done this after graduation. She is a great kid, just under alot of stress. I have never had any major problems with her, but she has always been stubborn and opinionated. I should let her move on with her choice, but again can't seem to reason why she would do it now instead of in a month. It would be easier if she would talk to us, but at the moment has written everyone off.
The reasoning? Is and will remain up to her, simply due to her age. I'm not keen on each school's method for handling this type of situation, so I cannot really tell you, what's what. What I can say is that she apparently has her reasons and she will have to reconcile that reason with you and your husband, sooner or later.
Most family members won't be much help. Simply due to emotions will be running high and confusion will have them gripped like it presently has you.
Her perspective/perception is all that is going to matter to her. She will think that you are trying to manipulate her, so the best thing to do, would be to let her come to you. You chasing her or trying to force her to return, will only drive her away. That could possibly ruin any and all future relations you have with her. I said possibly, because all people are different.
Of course not. You're looking at it from the vision/perspective/perception of her not graduating, which is a failure of some sort and could be damaging to her future. Apparently, she isn't seeing that, because her perspective/perception is too focused on something else. What that "something" else is? I don't know.
Evaluate the "stress"? Is there something of her life you do not know about?
Does she remind you of anyone you know?
This would lead one to think it is very personal and something she isn't ready to explain to you. I don't want to cause a panic in you, but my mother dropped out of school to marry my father, because her mother didn't approve. And, I'm not saying that is why she did what she did, it's just a thought.
And in due time, she will have to eventually reconcile with you and your husband about her decision. It has to happen sooner or later. If you would like to email me and we can talk further that way, instead of continuing it here, then feel free. I'm always up to listening and usually a good conversationalist.
I am grateful that she is staying in school. (Living across the street from the school principal has some benifits.) She is following in the footsteps of others in our family so that is where part of this wasn't a surprise. As for stress...well I am still working on a hub for that one. I guess you could say that stess is a major factor in her decision. Other details would be best in an email.
As strange as this may sound, I was told that I should be proud of her because we taught her independence, stand up for what she believes, go for her dreams. I am proud of her. Most of my hubs are about her and my son. (They are my little comedians!)
Thanks for your support, and I will email you later!
If my kids ran away...I'd move...Just the other day I told my son"I'm not Young enough to know Everything".
Wow, I must be more tired than I thought after re-reading my post. I sound like a jerk...sorry.
I posted this question to see how other parents that have had this happen to them handled it. My first reaction was to hunt her down, drag her back kicking and screaming. Then it was followed by a bit of grief, and now just rests in knowing that no matter what I could have done, this was her choice and she has to live with the results. (As for the boy...well...that is another story. He is just lucky to have both his legs right now after having a run in with my son.)
Thanks for your input and support.
My adopted son moved out of our house into his 'girlfriends' basement in October of his senior year. ( I am the cut and dry one and my husband is nonconfrontational at all costs.) But even this behavior blew him out of the water. We did not drag him back kicking and screaming because he was months away from turning 18 years old. The girl friends mother played a big part in this fiasco. I won't go into anymore details however, --- One month before graduation he asked us if he could return home. We paid for his pictures , his senior trip and all his expenses during this period. However, I wrote a formal letter to the school informing them I was no longer his guardian because he was not living under my roof. This "mother" even went to Social Security pretending to be me to file paper work to get funds for housing our son. She failed. His relationship with her daughter fell apart and I have the makings of a book, believe, me. I feel your pain. I called the guidance counselor in the high school( lucky for me a personal friend) and I informed the adoption agencies supervisor of our situation. She would call me once a week to "hold my hand". Always be there for her - She is your "Blood". As my sons would tell us we weren't theirs. Good luck on your journey. God Will Bless You.
Thank you Fetty, I wish you the best of luck with your children. Looking back at some of the drama in our household, it doesn't surprise me that she wanted a "break" from home. I think more of this anger is focused on her dad than me at the moment. My main consern has been for her to finish school and it sounds as if she is doing that. Time will only tell if she decides to come home. For now as much as I would like to push it, I think it will do more harm than good. She has a good head on her shoulders, even though this move didn't make much sense. We have taught our children to be independent and think for themselves. I just didn't expect her to rush it. (Again I would love to blame the boy...)
Thanks again for your support.
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