I'm a little old school. A swap on the bottom now and then but now that's child abuse. What is/was your method of discipline?
Sometimes a little swat is needed to get their attention. If you have a two-year-old who continually runs out in the street, a spanking may be the only way to get their attention so they'll stop doing it. Better a sore bottom that they will remember than a dead child.
That was the one thing my child ever got a real whipping for. We couldn't stop him from running into the street by talking, timeouts or a spat on the bottom and he finally got hit by a car. No damage although it gave the driver and I both a heart attack; he just plopped down on his butt, got up and ran off laughing.
As you say, I decided then I either take care of the problem and put a stop to it or go ahead and buy a coffin. He couldn't sit down for supper, but I didn't need a coffin either.
"Sometime a good spanking will save a life. " Perhaps. A spanked child is better than a dead child. However, a harness around the chest when outside. Is much better than a spanking.
I am a product of an abusive childhood. Fortunately for me my son responded well to time outs and grounding. But some children just don't respond well
to it. Sometimes a parent needs to do
what they need to in
order to get through
to their children. I
do not advocate the
use of violence or
beatings. But even I have had to spank my son once. I cried the entire time and he clearly was sad for me because I had ro spank him. But he never ran out of the neighborhood at night without permission again. Still to this day if Zach leaves one friend's house to go to another he sends me a text. He got that spanking over five years ago.
"A swap on the bottom now and then but now that's child abuse."
No it isn't. But it also shouldn't be confused with "discipline." Neither a spanking nor a time-out, by themselves, are "discipline." They're punishments.
Discipline is showing a kid the difference between what's right and what's wrong, and instilling in them the desire to do what's right.
Spanking can be in your toolbox, but if it's the only tool you use, it will breed resentment. It'll certainly give you short-term results, but in the long term?
I had twins and so discipline was very important sometimes just seperating them was all I needed to do but often time out or taking away some privledges worked unless they were in ultimate danger and then I might give them a pat on the diaper . It was so padded not sure it was a real punishment.
If you set firm boundaries, I do not think spanking is necessary.
I like a good spank myself but sometimes Mrs. Miggins (my housekeeper) needs a timeout to rest her arm. She's getting on a bit.
Spanking communicates with the subconscious. Up to a certain age it is vital, necessary, and works for a lifetime.
Timeout works just as well as any physical punishment.
But you must stick to it. If you say "stay in your room for half an hour" or two hours or whatever, it must be that. And no TV/computer games. They can read, quietly.
If you give in to "Mom, pleeeaase. I'm sorry. I'll be good. I won't do it again", your child has only learned how to get round you and avoid punishment.
I hate spanking. I was spanked often as a child and if anything it made me even more rebellious.
A quick slap gets the message over just as effectively. But a spanking? Noooooo!
Psychological punishment is often the best. I never spanked my little grandson and seldom issued punishment or any kind (Grandpa's a softie, I know!) but one day he did something particularly bad and I spatted him on the bottom.
It could not have possibly hurt him through the diaper - no pain at all - but it broke his little heart that grandpa did that. It was a long time before he repeated that offense and it only took a couple of times to eliminate it altogether.
I have swatted bottoms and tapped little hands, but I have also use psychology too. Swatting is one thing, but beating a child, punching them and shaking them uncontrollably is not acceptable, in anyway shape or form.
I had my ass tore up many times as a young child. I always deserved it and got away with things I should have gotten punished for. I don't feel bad towards my parents for doing it, only respect for them teaching me right from wrong.
Of course, time out in my room back then would have been a pleasure compared to the work I would have been doing on the farm instead. "Let me see now, would I rather work out in the 100+ degree sub-tropical weather, breaking the flowering tops out of 6' tall tobacco stalks in 1/4 mile long rows all day long, or, spend "time out" in the cool, book infested, environs of my own room?"
Wow! That's a toughie!
I also like a good spank, but as a child it doesn't work...timeout and banned off their computer games or favorite toy is far more effective though!
I think a swat on the bottom or a smack on the hand is okay as long as it fits the crime, but spanking gets the bad rap from parents who repeatedly beat their children to the point of bruising. I was 'spanked' as a child, but I was told why I deserved it and that my parents loved me but they had to teach me a lesson.
Timeouts work, but again they have to fit the crime and be done right. The child should be placed in timeout in a safe, entertainment free area for as many minutes as they are old (for my 3 yr old, 3 minutes, longer for older kids) and told why they are placed in there. They are not to talk or move from the area for that amount of time. Afterwards, they are to be reminded about what the rules are and sent on their way.
I only spanked my younger daughter's bottom once. It was an out of control moment and took me quite a bit to get there. She now does not like to see me mad. I did not bruise her or hurt her bad but I think it scared her enough not to do it again. My older daughter (and I feel bad for this) was misbehaving years ago and pushed me beyond the breaking point. I was about to walk away for a minute to cool off and then she kept getting mouthy, kicked me and started pointing right in my face. She got my nose with her finger and I told her if she did it again I would bite her finger. She did it again and I bit her finger, a little harder then intended but no damage and really didn't leave a mark lasting for more then 5 minutes. She remembers to this day and when she starts to get an attitude, it usually isn't an attitude toward me anymore, I tell her to stop and she stops.
I do not recommend anything like what happen between my older daughter and I, she just kept doing what she could to try to hurt me. A spank is actually legal, as long as it is doesn't bruise and leave a mark. Wish that was the rule years ago when I misbehaved-I know I had my fair share of spankings!
I was always amazed how seldom I had to spank my three children because they knew that I would. When my daughter became a parent, she wasn't going to spank. I told her there is no other way to discipline a toddler because they don't understand reason. But she has proved me wrong. Her 3 year old and 5 1/2 year old are well behaved, normal kids who respond to her timeouts, etc. as well as mine did with spanking. It's the discipline that matters, not the method.
Whatever you do, don't wait until the problem gets out of hand to do it. It gets to a point where nothing works.
Time outs or removal of a favorite item. I find that time outs are effective up to a point, but removing a favorite item is a definite attention grabber.
Time outs. They work great if you do it right. My kids are great. I've never spanked them, but we definitely have time outs!
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