Every Parent has a favourite child!

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   HouseSellerposted 12 years ago

   It's true.. I don't care how much you deny it but if you have more than one child, you have a favourite child. Yes you will utterly deny it if someone asked you who your favourite kid was. Hell I bet the majority of you that will reply to the post will say "oh I love my kids all the same"
   
   But statics and studies have shown that EVERY parent has a favourite child but only 1% of those parents admit that.
   
   I was always the underdog in my family. My sister was always highly favoured than me. She always got the latest toys, latest clothes and fashion and basically anything she wanted. Me, if I got anything at all I would think my parents were on helium or something. My mother even admitted it to me that my sister was her favourite child. At least she was honest, which unfortunately most parents aren't. Fast forward a couple of years later, my sister and I don't speak to each other neither do I have any contact with my mum.
   
   So parents, this is your chance. Don't tell me that you love your kids the same way because you don't. You know it, the kids know it and I know it. This is an ABSOLUTE truth discussion. If you're one of those parents who are still in denial land then this discussion is not for you. I'm looking for parents who are ready to fess up that they have a favourite child. So which one is yours?

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      K. Burns Darlingposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I have three biological children, and a niece whom I helped raise that is more my daughter than my niece, and I love all of my children equally, (including the niece-child) Do I have a favorite? Honestly, I have four favorites. The oldest, (the niece-child) is my favorite oldest child, now that she is an adult and a wife and mother herself, she is my favorite adult child.  Our relationship has metamorphosed into a deep and abiding friendship, where I don't have to tell her what to do, and where I try to only offer my opinion when asked. Don't get me wrong, I still worry about her the same as I always have, and I still WANT to tell her what to do, and there are a few subjects that are still off limits because we do have that auntie-parental-child-bond, but she is an adult now.  The next oldest is my son, and he is my favorite son, (he is also my only son). The middle child is my favorite middle daughter, and my four year old is my favorite youngest daughter.  I have strong bonds with each of my children, and each has had (and will continue to have I am sure), their own day in the sun as favored child.  If asked, I am pretty sure that each of them would say that I am fair, I don't show favoritism, and that I treat them all equally, but within appropriate boundaries for their age.  I love each of my children equally but differently, simply because each child is uniquely their own person.

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      stylezinkposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      You are absolutely correct about this! I recently watched a Regis & Kelly episode that had a discussion about this. And Kelly went over the statistics. I had to laugh, as I totally agreed when I thought about it.
      
      I love both of my children but I have to admit my older teen is my favorite. Don't ever let them know. Both of them would find a way to use it against me, lol!

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      mistyhorizon2003posted 12 years agoin reply to this

      You should do a Hub on this and then post a poll on this question. This way even those who won't admit it out loud can honestly vote as to if they feel they really do have 'a favorite child'. I suppose you would need to include a 'Don't Know' option, as some people really don't consciously realize they are showing favoritism, and may not even realize they have a favorite.

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   Emile Rposted 12 years ago

   You are exactly right. My oldest sister is the favorite. I have no problem with that; except for the fact that my parents would never own up to it. It seemed silly not to. It's human nature.
   
   I have one, so of course I have no problems with having a favorite.

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      Dave Mathewsposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I am the eldest in my family, but, I am also the one seen as the "Black Sheep".

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3. 92

   habeeposted 12 years ago

   I LOVE all 3 of my daughters equally, but I LIKE one best. She's the youngest and was born with medical problems, which I think is one thing that made us closer. Also, she doesn't work, so she spends more time with me.

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      kmackey32posted 12 years agoin reply to this

      My youngest is my favorite too. My teen just has a big mouth and knows it all...

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4. 60

   chamiljposted 12 years ago

   I think parents care more about their first child but I have only one.

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5. 64

   kmackey32posted 12 years ago

   Ok but do not tell my other children...

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      HouseSellerposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      no worries, my lips are sealed! Thank you for the honesty!

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6. 65

   PaulaHenry1posted 12 years ago

   I have a favorite as well- but I go out of my way not to show it- I grew up knowing my sister was the favorite- still to this day. She can do no wrong and I remain the "disappointment"- I would never allow my children that agony and doubt within themselves....

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7. 87

   Stacie Lposted 12 years ago

   yes, my 2 younger brothers were the favorites...one was the youngest for 7 years and then the other one became the favorite..confusing?
   to this day,mom dotes on them and they are grown men.

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8. 75

   wildove5posted 12 years ago

   The baby of our family was " the golden child."  My older brother and I used to tease my mother relentlessly that she thought he could walk on water.  My mom never hid it or denied it.  Sometimes it irritated us, but I can really say it hasn't affected us as adults.  The weird part is that since my mums stroke,  I am the new " golden child."  I'm not sure how the babe feels being wacked out of first place though! LOL

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9. 83

   Chasing Rileyposted 12 years ago

   I'm actually kind of surprised at the responses here. I love both my children. I don't have a favorite at all and I'm not just saying that to sound good. I have favorite things about both of them. I love that my oldest is insightful and just gets things on a higher lever. I love that my youngest is cuddly and has such a good nature. I also dislike some of the things that they do which may make me have a favorite that hour. There is an amazing children's book that addresses the issue about children vying for their mother's love called, "I love You the Purplest."

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      rebekahELLEposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      +  I feel the same way. You've expressed it well.
      My sons are both so unique and talented. I love and like them for who they are.
      I feel extremely fortunate as a mother.

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10. 58

    nybride710posted 12 years ago

    I only have two kids.  Sometimes I have a favorite, and sometimes I don't.  It has never been one over the other for their whole lives.  Sometimes one is at a more enjoyable stage than the other, but that often flip flops.  They are unique enough to appreciate as they are without feeling that I love one more than the other.  I think that would be horrible when only two kids are involved.  Now, I grew up in a family of five kids and I think my mother's favorites have also changed a lot over the years.  She used to love to quote my grandmother, who as a mother of eight was asked this a lot.  Her response was, "Yes, I have a favorite child.  It's the one who's sick or the one who's away from home."

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11. 90

    Polly Cposted 12 years ago

    No, I don't agree. I don't have a favourite child. They can each be annoying in their own way, and they each have their good moments and their merits.

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12. 0

    Del Sandeenposted 12 years ago

    I can't say I have a favorite of my 3, and frankly, just the thought that some parents willingly say they have a favorite and show such favoritism scares me. For the kids. There are days when I like one kid more than the others, but I recognize strengths and weaknesses in all of them. They're unique individuals and I love something different about each of them, while loving them equally as my children.

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    Rosie2010posted 12 years ago

    I had five siblings, a brother died a few years ago.  I knew that my parents had favourites.. I was not one of them.  It hurt because I was the second child, and it was obvious that since our childhood that my parents favoured my older sister, and the youngest sister and youngest brother.  I have two kids.  I love them both and I'm very close to both of them, specially now that I am their only parent left.  My husband had passed on.  Do I have a favourite?  I can honestly say, I don't.. I love them both equally.  Maybe this is because I only have two.. one being the oldest, and the other being the youngest.. no middle child or children.  Studies show that the middle child or children are the most unlikely to be the parent's favourite.  I was the second child.. I can relate.

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       Rufus ramblesposted 12 years agoin reply to this

       I hope I don't have favorites when I have kids. I can see how hurtful is it to be the unchosen one. My nephew is much shyer and quieter than his younger, more charismatic brother. I always make the effort to tell him he is my "favorite" only because I know deep down he feels second best. I hope that helps him feel better about himself. It's really hard.

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14. 60

    megs78posted 12 years ago

    I can honestly say that I don't have a favorite.  There are days that I like one more than the other but that has mostly to do with stages.  We also have to realize that LOVE has nothing to do with LIKE.  I love all 3 of my kids equally.  That love was born with each of them. Do I find myself having an easier time with one personality over another?  for sure, but it changes nothing about how much I love them.

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15. 61

    Captain Redbeardposted 12 years ago

    I have 5 kids, when it was just my wife and my son he was my favoite. Then my daughter was born and she was my favorite, then my other daughter, then my other son and now my youngest child a girl is my favorite sometimes. I think this is a trick question just because at different times you relate with your kids better. I get along better now with my 8 year old than I did when he was 4. We can talk about science and fantasy stories. We are finding things we have in common. My oldest daughter is my favorite because she is the funniest kid I have ever met, my middle daughter is my favorite because of all that she has over come in her short life and is still smiling everyday all day. My youngest son is my favorite because he is the most like me in every way, good and bad. My youngest daughter who is only a year and a half old is my favorite because of how cute it is when she sings, "O Happy Day!"
    
    All my kids are my favorite for different reasons, I get along better with non of them any better than the others. I think saying which one is your favorite is kind of like saying which one do you do you leave behind in a fire. I couldn't do it. I know the topic here is which one is your favorite but I just can't decided on one! HAHA

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16. 74

    brakel2posted 12 years ago

    To pick a favorite is a scary thing to do to a child. I love each one for different reasons. If you favor one child, it is detrimental to the stability of a family and can cause emotional problems or resentment on the other children. Raising a family is hard enough without adding favoritism to the issue. I say this from my psychology background. It would make a great debate from the point of    children. some children are strong and can handle issues better than  others.

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17. 74

    brakel2posted 12 years ago

    To pick a favorite is a scary thing to do to a child. I love each one for different reasons. If you favor one child, it is detrimental to the stability of a family and can cause emotional problems or resentment on the other children. Raising a family is hard enough without adding favoritism to the issue. I say this from my psychology background. It would make a great debate from the point of    children. some children are strong and can handle issues better than  others.

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    tammyswallowposted 12 years ago

    I have four children.. three teen boys and a baby girl. I LOVE them all equally, but I enjoy the company of my two youngest children the best.

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    mistyhorizon2003posted 12 years ago

    For sure most parents have a favourite child. My older Sister was the favourite without a doubt, always the golden child, even the one who got sent to private school when I got sent to a normal secondary school. I have a good relationship with my family, but I am well aware of this fact, and other close family friends and extended family have noticed the favoritism too. Maybe I was just too different to my Mum, whereas my Sister was kind of 'cut from the same mould' as our Mum. As for my real Dad, well he died when I was 16, but him and I failed to get on because I had much the same determined personality as him, so he too would back up my older Sister every time. Luckily my Step Dad treats me with a little bit of favoritism that makes me feel better

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       mom101posted 12 years agoin reply to this

       This is true. And exactly the reason I only had one child
       
       It would have been unfair to the other(s). Could I love another as much as I do him? I couldn't answer that so I couldn't chance it.
       
       Some say it is cruel to raise a child by himself.  Wrong. I was raised an only child. I am not spoiled and neither is my son.

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          mistyhorizon2003posted 12 years agoin reply to this

          I admire you for stopping at one child. I would always worry that if I only had one, then I grew older, what would I do and how would I cope if I lost that one child in an accident, through an illness etc, and I had no more to be there for me to love, or to support me and vice versa, plus it was now too late for me to have any more.
          Sadly in my case I cannot even have one child because of infertility issues and a low ovarian reserve. It will take a small miracle for me to be blessed with children, but if ever I have any I will give them all the love I can and try not to have favourites to the best of my human abilities, (although even having one would be a pretty significant miracle in my case).

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             mom101posted 12 years agoin reply to this

             oh misty, I was married for 12 years, doc says this n that. 
             
             One day  I had eaten meatloaf for lunch and it liked to have killed me. I went to the doctor because NOTHING ever made me sick. He ran several test and they were good. he handed me another cup and well....
             I went back to the exam room, he came in, and said well i've found the culprit. nothing 9 months won't cure. He left the room, came back in, handed me a pc of paper with an appt , I went, she said either twins or 7 months went back in for ultrasound a week later. nope. not twins, but yep, 7 months. How!!!!!!!!!!!!!the last 7 months I had been dieting and had lost 52 pounds. He just turned 18.
             
             Don't give up hope. I was 30.

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                mistyhorizon2003posted 12 years agoin reply to this

                Virtually given up hope sadly, I am about to turn 42
                
                Also been to an IVF clinic in the UK (the original ever IVF clinic), and even they said we would be wasting our money as the odds were nearly zero based on my AMH blood test results. It is in the lap of the Gods now

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          gmwilliamsposted 12 years agoin reply to this

          To Mom 101:  What you have said is so so true. It is common knowledge that in multichild families, there is favoritism although parents are loathe to admit it!   Where there are siblings, there is usually drama to the milnillionth degree.   Children in multichild families are competing for the attention of two parents.  In addition to that, parents naturally like one child better than others based on many intangible issues.  This family psychodrama usually has a deleterious affect on both the favored and unfavored child alike.   In some multichild families, there is even a golden child( this is favorite child to the Nth power) who never seems to do anything wrong and there is the scapegoated child(this is the unfavored child to the Nth degree) who is always targetted by parents albeit in the negative sense.   
          
          Yes, there is a dark side to siblinghood.   Only children have taken the negative rap for far too long while siblingship was praised!  It is about time that the TRUTH be told about siblinghood.  Studies show that children in multichild families suffer at the hands of their siblings either physically, verbally, and/or emotionally.  Because of the constant banter by siblings, many children in multichild families suffer from less than positive self-esteem.  The only way not to have favoritism in families is as you say to have ONLY ONE child. 
          
          Only children, studies show, are happier because they do not have to follow the sibling group consensus and they do not have to compete with siblings for parental favor.   In fact, onlies will ALWAYS be their parents' favorites no matter what!  How lucky can ONE get!  I am too an only child and would NOT have it any other way.  I am lucky that I did not endure sibling drama!  I was free to develop my own personhood and talents.  Siblings are indeed draining mentally and emotionally!

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    Vanessamtz956posted 12 years ago

    I agree. I have four and I would have to say that my youngest is my favorite.  Not only is she my baby but she is my only daughter!

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21. 85

    gmwilliamsposted 12 years ago

    Of course, they do; however, they adamantly refuse to acknowledge the fact.   In any family where there is more than one child, favoritism is quite rampant.  In multichild families, parents tend to treat their children unequally, especially in larger families.   Children are either treated differentially and/or preferentially based upon many factors:  psychological and/or physical similarity to the parents, gender status, birth order status, and other variables.
    
    In many families, the youngest child is the one that is the favorite.   Youngest children receive the most preferential treatment from their parents because they are considered the baby and/or last child in the family.   They are hugged the most and are allowed to get away with things that the older children were usually chastised for at similar ages.   
    
    Oldest children in families are often hugged less and treated more harshly.  They are expected to assume responsibilities earlier than any birth order.   Oldest children, especially those in larger families, assume familial and caretaking duties from early childhood.  Oldest children in larger families are usually not their parents' favorites; however, in smaller families, they can be their parents' favorites, especially if it is a daughter. 
    
    Middle children, like it or not, are seldom their parents' favorites.  In fact, they are often the disfavored and ignored child.   They are in the family's no man's land so to speak.

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       megs78posted 12 years agoin reply to this

       ummm...that is quite a generalization.  in my experience, middle children were often the favored child.  maybe not with the other siblings, but with the parents for sure.  it happened in my family and I am the baby.  but i knew i wasn't loved any less, it was just a matter of personality.  when i grew up, i questioned my parents about it, asking why i was so often left on my own to deal, even into my adult years, when my sister was coddled and taken care of and helped through every difficult situation from finances to raising children.  i was told that i was regarded as the 'strong' child with a headstrong stubborness that they thought would take me far in life and that showed them I didn't need as much from them as my sister.  I now see that that was true.  My sister needed my parents much more than i ever did, and thats how it worked out.

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22. 59

    Dave Mathewsposted 12 years ago

    This is totally wrong of any parent. there should be no favoritism in a family.

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    S G Huppposted 12 years ago

    I do not have a favorite. There isn't one that I like more, or who's company I enjoy more. My three are very individual but I don't have a preference--when it comes to spending time with them I'm equally as happy to be with each of them.
    I know that many parents have a favorite (my mother certainly did) or a least favorite.  But it's incorrect to say that all parents have a favorite.

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    LoriSoardposted 12 years ago

    I think you're mistaken to lump every parent into this category. I'm sure some parents do this and I have seen it before, but I can tell you from a mother's perspective that I don't have a favorite. However, my girls are very different from one another and each has her own strengths and weaknesses that have had to be addressed or cultivated. This has more to do with helping mold them into productive citizens and good people than anything else.
    
    One big mistake I did make when they were little was thinking that they always had to be treated exactly the same. I did this because my half-sister was favored over me by my dad's family (one example I've seen of this) and I never wanted my children to feel the way I did. However, that didn't work either, because then they just felt entitled to things they perhaps didn't need. As they've gotten older, I've learned to remind them that while sister might have gotten a new pair of shoes this month because she needed them that the other daughter got a new jacket last month because she needed that. It honestly seems to work better and creates less jealousy.
    
    There are times when one or the other is easier to get along with. However, I enjoy the company of both. Some kids are easier to raise than others. Some give you fits (I've taken in a niece who did this). It doesn't mean you love them any less than the child that is easy. It is just less stressful to deal with an easy-going child.  I agree with what S G Hupp said. I enjoy the individual each daughter is and it brings joy to my heart.

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       Tracy Lynn Conwayposted 12 years agoin reply to this

       I agree with you on your point about treating your kids equally, there can never be this equality but each child can get their needs met, that is the point.  Even if I give each of my kids a serving of dessert some of them might look and see if one servings was larger, maybe this is human nature.  Trying to give each one "the same" is really impossible.  They get what they need and plenty of love.
       
       I have felt the favoritism with my brothers and it really hurts but I think when there is enough love and support for each child there can be an avoidance of these jealous feelings.

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          LoriSoardposted 12 years agoin reply to this

          Good point, Tracy. The key is to make sure that your children know you love them no matter what. You can be disappointed in their choices or behavior, but you love them. There may always be a little jealousy there. It's human nature after all.

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    agagliaposted 12 years ago

    My daughter will call me and say, 'It's your favorite child" like she's the one. they each do that. So, I think I have succeeded in not playing favorites.
    My husband is his mother's favorite. It really is a hardship for me. So, I guess I have really tried to give each of our children as much love as they needed, in the ways they needed. I can't say I have totally succeeded, but I think they each know that I love them.

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       Tracy Lynn Conwayposted 12 years agoin reply to this

       It sounds like you have succeeded. I think the strong connection with each child supersedes any other actions parents can take.  There has to be that one on one interaction it doesn't even have to take a long time but it needs to be ongoing.

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    sassydeeposted 12 years ago

    well when someone like my nephew or my daughter ask me such a $#@& question as such then i reply with an answer like this, niether!

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    jennzieposted 12 years ago

    My sister is much more outgoing and talkative than I am, so I'll sometimes feel like she is the favorite girl. I also feel like my brother is favored, especially among my dad. But my sister has said to my mom that she feels that she favors me over her.
    
    However, both my mom and dad have told us that they have no favorites, which I suppose any good parent would say.
    
    Definitely NEVER reveal it or show it to your kids if there is a favorite.

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