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Unsure of whether or not to have a second child...

  1. SPomposello profile image79
    SPomposelloposted 4 years ago

    We both want to, but for me personally, it's a matter of finances, scheduling, and home space. I'm 26 and my wife just turned 34. I have a stepdaughter which is her's, she's 13 now. We both bring home a total of roughly $60,000 per year *after* taxes.

    I'd say the biggest issue is my wife's biological clock because we know that after a certain its not a good idea to have children. On top of it all, I'm starting my prerequisites for nursing in Fall 2012, so I'll be in school for a while. I don't know if this will cause issues, schedule wise, for the baby.

    Then there's our place. We rent a two bedroom apartment where all the utilities are included in the rent, it's a very good deal for a very good price, we don't have many bills outside of that. I'm able to save $800 a month thanks to this. If we were to have another kid, it would have to be in my stepdaughter's room, but as you know, it's gonna get bigger and want its own room in a couple of years or so. So that automatically puts a time clock on when we have to move out.

    And ideally, we don't want to move out for at least another 5 years. Our plan is to go from this apartment right into a condo. The place we're renting now is such a good deal and we have such an awesome relationship with the landlord, we've been living there for 4 years now. If we were to move into another apartment for rent, a halfway home so to speak, I doubt we'll find anything similar to what we have now or let alone a landlord who is as nice as the one we currently have. I mean in all of 4 years, he only raised the rent slightly one time due to the increase of the cost of living and that was it. I've heard of other places jacking up the rent immediately after the first year.

    So, what would you do if you were in my shoes?

    1. lorenmurcia profile image88
      lorenmurciaposted 4 years ago in reply to this

      It is understandable that you worry about finances. You know, I've  many  students who come from families that are financially-challenged, so to speak. I can sense how hard life is for them. I even have to share my food to some of them because they haven't eaten breakfast or lunch. There's no food on their table. Majority of these children come from big families. That is why, I secretly blame the parents who did not think ahead of their children's future. I also came from a large family, by the way. I also experienced how hard it is for us.So I grew up thinking that I must have only at least 2 children of my own. But as fate would have it, I was able to produce only one child. Now, I long for another one but I am afraid my biological clock has run out. It really is hard to be in a situation like yours. But if I were you, I would stop worrying. You are obviously a hardworking man and you can figure out what to do if the time comes. Good luck and I sincerely hope you find the right choice.

  2. shamelabboush profile image56
    shamelabboushposted 4 years ago

    Well, it is very easy. never worry about having a second child ever! God will provide and don't tke me for a strange superstitious fellow... Just go for it if you really want it. Good luck.

  3. Polly C profile image87
    Polly Cposted 4 years ago

    If you both feel, in your hearts, that you really want to have a child, then go for it.  If you can feed it, love it and look after it, then that's all you really need in the early years.  There might always be some kind of obstacles that you imagine stand in your way, but once the baby is born you are extremely unlikely to regret it, since you say it's what you both want. Whereas the other way round, you could regret it if another child never came along.

    We moved house just last week, and my youngest son did not have a bedroom until then.  We lived in a two bedroom terraced house and for more than three years he slept in our room, he did not share with his brother (who is 11) because that was his own space to be with his friends and keep his stuff. We had planned to move much sooner, in fact as soon as he was born in 2008, but that did not happen. The circumstances were not right and so we lived in our cramped little house (which I did love, but it was too small) for much longer than intended. You think you will never cope, but you do adjust and I would never, for one single moment, wish that I had never had another child.

    1. SPomposello profile image79
      SPomposelloposted 4 years ago in reply to this

      Well, the one thing we want to avoid is having the baby sleep in the same bed with us, that's just like bye bye privacy, ya know. We don't even have space for a crib in our bedroom.

  4. 72
    SanXuaryposted 4 years ago

    Reading your story I get the feeling that you our not to hip on the idea. Nothing personal but you refer to your step daughter as it and seem consumed by finances. I do not think that you have a desire for another child and that it might blow up in your face. Imagine a time consuming infant that you will eventually realize is your flesh and blood. I was a step child and my step father considered me as someone doing time in his home because he never established ownership. When he finally had his own I felt even more unimportant and ostracised. Still there is the possibility of finding a good deal with the same price perhaps with another room. Perhaps, I read to much into your story and you are more set on the idea of a new child in your life. I can only tell you that you will never regret the decision later and that life finds a way regardless of money.

    1. SPomposello profile image79
      SPomposelloposted 4 years ago in reply to this

      I wasn't referring to my stepdaughter as "it", I was referring to the baby itself because I don't know whether it will be a boy or girl, so I say "it". The baby will get bigger and want a bigger room. Me and my stepdaughter get along quite well.

      As for finances, I just want to make sure we are comfortable, you know? I don't wanna be one of those struggling families who can't get ahead. I'm real smart with money as long as I have the resources and the leeway to make things happen with it. Basically, I want to avoid being like my father who is in his late 60s and is still complaining about being broke. I don't want to end up like that, I want to be financially comfortable at that age.

  5. melafx profile image46
    melafxposted 4 years ago

    I can talk about my case. Im a father of a 6 years old cjild , and my wife is pregnant of a little girl, now with 5 months only. Besides the crysis we are feeling right now about the european situation, more like , portuguese situation, we just thought we would do as our plans ment to be, to have to kids. And we are standing for that, 1 boy and 1 girl, and we are SUPER HAPPY?
    Maybe i'll hubbit some day about!




  6. tyra marieza profile image60
    tyra mariezaposted 4 years ago

    It sounds like you need more time to think about it, which is absolutely fine. I'm sure if you two do have a second child you'll be more than happy. But, a child doesn't make financial problems go away or small spaces bigger. Weigh the pro's and con's, and hey, you two might want to start with a puppy first. If you all can swing the puppies scheduling needs, space and financial obligations then you'll know for certain that you're ready for a baby in the family.