Selfish comes to mind. It is always what he wants to do and never what I want to do, and when I say what I want to do, he says ok, but goes on about his business like I never said anything at all.
My how the colors start to show after you have been with someone for a while. He said, "I will tell you, you are beautiful everyday." Haven't heard it since then.
He said, "Oh, I would never hurt you, you are too special." I guess ignoring me doesn't fall into the hurt catagory.
I told him, I will never stop you from doing whatever you want to do, it's your life. I know as much as I would love to control you, I can't do that cause it aint right even if I don't like it.
What is really bugging me at the moment is how, when me and my ex broke up, he knew why. Because he always chose to get fu**ed up with his friends over me. I could have been one of those girls who threw a fit everytime thier boyfriends went out, but not me. Nope, just let them go thinking, ok when I need him for something, I know he will stay...
I am so wrong, you see because if you are a girl with a spoiled and blindly selfish boyfriend, the one day you say, hey, do you have to go, can you just stay with me tonight, he turns and say, "don't try and stop me".
And just as he was always in agreement with why I left my x, it turns out he does the same thing. WTF???
I need to put a stop to it. I mean, he needs to learn a lesson on selfishness. Any suggestions?
I have a feeling you give more then you recieve and you like the naughty guys, been there done that. Put your foot down and stop giving in, as this is why he controls the entire relationship, he knows you are not going anywhere so he will do whatever he so chooses as he is quite comfortable. Go out with your girlfriends , that should get his attention what is good for the goose is good for the gander. If the cell phone rings don't jump to it, hit the ignore button believe me he will wonder what you are doing, it is simply reverse psychology.
"I need to put a stop to it. I mean, he needs to learn a lesson on selfishness. Any suggestions?" Maybe you need a new boy friend, someone who appreciates you.
Going out with girlfriends having a three year old kid? Come on ladies, be realistic!
Oh Misha, It is good for women to get out and I have children sometimes you simply need a mommy break for awhile. Men do it so women can too!!!
I have a 2 year old and a 9 month old, and I still go out. Not all the time mind you. We mamas need a break from those kiddos sometime.
Hey Sandy, sorry you're having such a crappy time.
The thing about people (especially guys) is that they won't change unless THEY want to change.
Sometimes deep down a person wants to change their ways (especially self destructive ways) but they don't know how and then they enter a relationship with someone who sees the real person inside and encourages that change.
Sometimes the seeds of change happen just through the love itself and wanting to be a better person for their mate but other times change happens because that person suddenly realizes their continued bad behavior is driving their partner away. It's that old adage: you don't know what you've got till it's gone (or almost gone.)
Your relationship should be a source of joy not pain. And while we all go through difficult times there should be more good times than bad and there should always be respect, otherwise, what's the point?
Unfortunately we can't control anyone but ourselves. This is both a scary and a liberating fact, I think!
Do what you want and need to do Sandy.
You have the choice (although it's a hard one) to determine your future. Simply tell your boyfriend exactly what you need and expect in the relationship. Tell him that you're not looking to change him but to ensure that what you want out of a relationship (to feel happy) is there.
Then leave the decision up to him.
Tell him that you can't go through another relationship like your last one and even though you love him, you need things a certain way. The tricky part is talking to him about this without being emotional and without giving an ultimatum. You're just clearly stating your needs, that's it.
Then it's up to your boyfriend to decide (without pressure) if he wants to be the one to fulfill your needs or if he just doesn't have it in him.
If he doesn't have it in him, then better to know now rather than later right?
By stating your needs clearly and honestly, it can save a lot of time and heartache.
I hope things get better for you!
Big hugs and love.
Thanks Rachelle, I sometimes wonder, is it worth it at the moment to bring it up?
How do you say, Hey baby, look I have been asking you to stay with me because I want to be reassured that you will pick me over your friends; so that he won't just pick because he knows that is what I want so it is just a pitty thing, but to pick me because that is what he wants.
I know guys are bone heads when it comes understanding what a girl wants even when it is layed out on the table. I do think it is like you said, I know he really wants to change but at the same time, I don't think he knows how to do it.
Since we have been together, his "drug" use pretty much stopped. I never asked him to stop, he just did. He said "since I have been with you I just don't feel the need for it". So this made me happy, but this one guy friend, while a good person, is remarkably persuasive, by which I mean, bad news for my bf.
And he is becoming defensive about my honest opinion of his friend. I know because his friend was also a friend of my ex and the straw the broke the camels back. He is a friggin enabler. What he does on his time is his business but it becomes personal when he convinced my x that getting shit faced and driving home was ok etc.
Now the same thing is happening.
I have tried every thing. I said, well I am lonely I want your company tonight. didn't work.
I said, please don't drink and drive and take it easy on the mj, you and mj don't work well together.
I said, oh well, maybe I get a little jealous about all the girls your hanging out with. which didn't work because the girls there I actually like, so he called me on the bs.
Finally I said, look I think that your friend is a looser, he does bad things and I don't like it.
Then it got ugly. I guess I am afraid to say to him, look you are just like my x. ouch! Not because I am afraid he will leave, but I know it will really hurt his feelings. So finding a more tasteful way to put things is what I am looking for.
As far as the go out scenario goes, yea it works but it works for the wrong reasons.
LOL Sandy, looks like it's time for you figure out WHY you are dating such kind of guys
I agree with Misha. You are a beautiful and intelligent woman that seems to be repeating a negative relationship scenario. I've been there, it's an easy situation to find yourself in if you aren't careful.
One thing I will say also is that friends can be bad influences on people, however, again if someone wants to change they make the choice to distance themselves from such people.
You can't put all the blame on the 'bad influence' if your boyfriend chooses to hang out with him and then get s**tfaced with him.
It was also your ex's decision to drive that way. I guarantee you no-one put a gun to his head and said drive. And while good friends will stop people from driving in that condition, the fact that your ex thinks that's okay says something profound about him. He needs a reality check and proper clinical help!
It's good to hear your current boyfriend seems to be wanting to change his behavior but it's going to take more than your influence to do that. Anyone who has difficulty saying 'no' to drug use needs to seek professional help. You can't deal with it on your own.
They have to decide it's not a healthy lifestyle and then they need to have counseling.
It sounds like you deserve SO much better. You have a child together? He shouldn't be running around getting ***faced. You need to get out, let him watch the baby while you go have a night out. I know how you feel, and it's not a fun situation. Maybe you should do something about it. He will be sorry when your fed up and leave. Good luck
Roger knows that the only solution to this problem is face breaking. His. Then perhaps you could enjoy a nice long bath with some of that smelly goo Mrs Rager likes so much. Then you can find a new man. Or a woman. Roger approves of lesbianism.
well I should have told ya'll what happened. I told him the truth about exactly the way I was feeling. End of story! He sees my point, I see his, it is all good, at least until next time. lol
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