Would you bear malice in your heart against your own mother?

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   LadyFiddlerposted 12 years ago

   After knowing the circumstances, at the time of your birth and thereafter.
   e.g. she was very young and unprepared for a baby. Now you are a big woman and she is much older, won't you forgive her? or would you go to your grave saying she was never there for me?

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      gregasposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I'm sorry, but people have to get over themselves and if this is the case for them, and they "do" find the birth mother, 'or' father, they really have to try and understand the circumstances at the time of the birth and why the decision was made. Greg

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      1. 76

         LadyFiddlerposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         Yeah people do need to let go of grudges i mean we are humans an somethings takes longer to really forgive people. But God said to honour thy father and mother so your days will be long upon the land etc. Can't go to heaven hating your mum i pity the person and they are very close to me

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         1. 71

            getitriteposted 12 years agoin reply to this

            It really annoys me to hear generalized statements as these...as if YOU know the circumstances of every person's relationship with his/her mother.
            
            What if your mother never even talked to you while you were growing up, unless it was a threat or an order?
            
            What if your mother, intentionally, never bonded with you, and never made you feel loved, by any stretch of the imagination? 
            
            What if your mom never protected you when you were too small and weak to defend yourself?
            
            Suppose you never heard one word of praise, or any words that indicated that you had any value?
            
            What if she made you feel that you were completely worthless?
            
            Why would God still require one to honor such a monster?  And what kind of God would shorten a person's life for not honoring such a vile parent?  And then the worst injustice of all, God would also send the downtrodden person to hell, for eternity, for not honoring such a terrible parent.
            
            It's amazing how your God seems to just continue the abuse started by the earthly psychopaths that we encounter while here.

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            1. 81

               gregasposted 12 years agoin reply to this

               @ Getitrite, I'm sorry, but I took the original question as being someone that was given up at birth. I was NOT generalizing. You are talking about someone that grew with an abusive mother. There is a big difference. If I'm wrong, I am sorry. In my comment I said they need to try and understand the situation the mother was in at the time of the birth. Greg

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               1. 71

                  getitriteposted 12 years agoin reply to this

                  I was not responding to your comment.  I was, clearly, commenting on LadyFiddler's statement.

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                     gregasposted 12 years agoin reply to this

                     That's OK, at least I clarified what I was thinking the original question was about. Greg

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            2. 76

               LadyFiddlerposted 12 years agoin reply to this

               Getitrite it seems to have GOTTENITWRONG. You are being hostile and please do not come to my forum question to vent your harsh feelings against your mother or father. Keep that hatred off of here. My questions was BASED ON BEARING MALICE AGAINST YOUR MOTHER WHEN YOU KNOW THE CIRCUMSTANCES WAS TUFF FOR HER, I did not have a good one either and i do not Hate my mother , God allows certain things in life for a reason and if you are doing just like your mother and bearing hatred etc you are NO BETTER THAN HER. JUST THE SAME OLD FOOL when you should think differently. Let me ask you a question if you believe in God, How many times have you done wicked things and u ran to him for forgiveness??? then he should not forgive us if that's your way of thinking. KEEP OFF OF HER Mr. Gotitwrong

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               1. 76

                  LadyFiddlerposted 12 years agoin reply to this

                  KEEP OFF OF HERE and go find your mama and see if you can get some love. If you hate her GOD will not answer your prayer etc . You cannot go to heaven HATING ANYONE. I Cannot believe you were so rude to just pop up here and write you ..............on my question.

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                  1. 71

                     getitriteposted 12 years agoin reply to this

                     Since when are YOU authorized to tell people to leave a public forum? 
                     
                     
                     
                     On second thought, I probably should leave.  Your mindset is based solely in superstition.
                     
                     
                     
                     That's not a good reason to not hate anyone...being that heaven is just an imaginary place, dreamed up by charlatans back in the Bronze Age.
                     
                     
                     
                     Again, I posed a hypothetical question.  Sorry you were so offended.

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               2. 71

                  getitriteposted 12 years agoin reply to this

                  I never said I hated my mother, I merely asked a question.
                  
                  
                  
                  My aren't we the emotional type.  I never said I hated my mother.  As a matter of fact, I never even mentioned MY mother.  I posed a hypothetical question.
                  
                  
                  
                  All this silly talk about God is absurd. And why are you assuming that I hate my mother?
                  
                  
                  
                  Get real, and stop talking to me about nonsensical childish fairytales. 
                  
                  
                  
                  I'm glad that you know exactly what God's ways are.

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                  1. 76

                     LadyFiddlerposted 12 years agoin reply to this

                     Maybe you was drunk when you posted this on my forum so i getting you sober now.  check it out     "It really annoys me to hear generalized statements as these...as if YOU know the circumstances of every person's relationship with his/her mother"   You were fast and out of place to make such a statement if you don't have issues with your mother i happy for you, then read well before you bounce your fingers on the keyboard. You are the CHILDISH RAT and never took time to read and understand the question at all ,everyone else got the question RIGHT "MR. GETITRITE" YOU GOT IT ALL WRONG. Hope you not illiterate!!! seems so to me,

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   2. 71

      AEvansposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Forgive we should always forgive, she gave you life instead of deciding to abort you. She was just young, immature and did not know direction in her life. You should always forgive and hold no malice toward another person.

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2. 90

   tammyswallowposted 12 years ago

   This is an interesting question and something I struggle with. My mother, though I love her, is an alcoholic and mentally ill. She was incredibly abusive and cold. I have accepted her for what she is but there is a part of me that really resents the fact that she never tried to get help of any kind, refuses to this day she has a problem, and has never apologized for the cruel things she has done and continues to do. When I was younger I had malice in my heart but as I get older I have gained acceptance and feel sorry for her. I have moved on emotionally and feel like I make things right by being a good parent to my own children.

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      gregasposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      @ Tammy, At least you have learned to understand your mother's situation. Maybe you can't accept it, and that is understandable, but it sounds like you learned from it and don't pass it on to your children. Some people don't have that in them and go on to be the same way and treat their children the same way. Greg

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   2. 76

      LadyFiddlerposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Hi tammy i am glad that you have matured and gotten over your hurt. Pray for her sometimes we want help but just cannot find our way to the helper. I hope she makes it right with you someday. Just always remember that's your mum no matter what I can relate to, but i LOVE my mother despiter things wasn't booming when i was younger

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3. 60

   knolyourselfposted 12 years ago

   If one loves one's parent(s) but denies it, it is better to admit to it, thus forfeiting the hate. However doesn't mean necessarily that one has to forgive thus.

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4. 83

   psycheskinnerposted 12 years ago

   Malice is a desire to cause harm.  No matter how bad a job she did, there's no point in that.

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      LadyFiddlerposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Exactly psycheskinner well said

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5. 60

   win-winresourcesposted 12 years ago

   Hi Lady-
   
   Malace, hatred, anger and the like all eat at the owner.  Though you are certainly entitled to your feelings, why keep beating yourself up?  I'll bet you have plenty of more valuable things to spend your time on.
   
   Once you stop bearing the brunt of the negative feelings, maybe, just maybe, there will be room and energy to move forward.
   
   Good luck.
   
   -DW

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   1. 76

      LadyFiddlerposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      winresources your so right we are in control of our emotions 90% or so. When we let go of hate etc we feel a weight drop off our back . thanks for the response

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6. 76

   Escobanaposted 12 years ago

   My birthmother was never there for me because she decided to do the best and most loving thing a young, Colombian mother of 17 years old could do.
   
   She gave me up, dropped me at an orphanage and went on with her life, marked forever by leaving her own flesh and blood to strangers.
   
   I got adopted by my Dutch parents at nine months and I have been forever grateful to both my birthmother and my adoptive parents.
   
   I'm very aware of all the opportunities life gave me and I wrote about my journey of growing up in the Hub...Forever Grateful or Forever Lost?
   
   I never felt the need to forgive my birthmother for leaving me behind. I feel I would love to thank her one day...in person.

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      tammyswallowposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      You have a great, mature outlook on this Escobana. That is healthy.

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   2. 76

      LadyFiddlerposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      @ escobana sorry to hear that but i understand why a young person will do that she wasn't prepared!!! I am happy though she did not throw you away by abortion but still brought you into this world. Hope you meet someday
      
      God bles you for mainitaining the right attitude

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      1. 76

         Escobanaposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         Tammyswallow and LadyFiddler:-)
         
         Thanks so much for responding! I feel blessed for sure and abortion certainly was one of my mother's options. She chose the right thing and I am forever grateful to her....Some day i'll tell her....

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         1. 87

            IzzyMposted 12 years agoin reply to this

            One day, you need to go looking for her. I loved this story in yesterdays news - http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/scott … -23761562/

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            1. 76

               Escobanaposted 12 years agoin reply to this

               Hi Izzy,
               
               Beautiful story! I watch shows about reuniting familymembers all the time, knowing I will start my search too one day. The timing isn't right yet but I will certainly write a Hub about it.

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               1. 76

                  LadyFiddlerposted 12 years agoin reply to this

                  Yes may God restore you both to each other soon Love your attitude escobana that's your mum no matter what if it wasn't for her you  wouldn't even be here today!!

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7. 61

   Disturbiaposted 12 years ago

   My mother is my hero, I could never have malice in my heart for her.  My childhood was by some people's standards a nightmare and mom was not always the perfect mother.  If I chose to, I could find many reasons to justify feelings of anger, resentment, abandonment, but those feeling only hurt the one who feels them.  We all have some hardship in our lives but it's pointless to carry around negative feelings.  Mom struggled with her own personal demons, but even on her worst and darkest days, I never doubted her love for me. She passed away much too soon and when I was still very young, but I feel her spirit is with me always.

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      tammyswallowposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      You have a big heart Disturbia. I am sorry for your loss and admire your resolve.

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      1. 76

         LadyFiddlerposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         tammy keep encouraging the good hearts your comment is most appreciated

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      LadyFiddlerposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Very nice Disturbia Good mind set

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8. 76

   Moms-Secretposted 12 years ago

   There are people in my life who i should bear malice towards for far more in depths reasons than the fact that they sacrificed the role of a parent to give a child a better life, and still I chose not to keep malice in my heart for anyone.  I can honestly say no, I would not.  Malice has this funny way of engulfing you and stripping you of your freedom and life while the other party is rarely affected in such a way.
   
   Some things that seem painful, hurtful, or wrong can often end in the greatest of goods if, that is, someone can move forward thru it.

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      LadyFiddlerposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Mom Secret great response makes no sense hurting while is only your inside being eat away and the other person is normal as can be. I appreciate your stop

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9. 77

   Mighty Momposted 12 years ago

   The OP is an interesting premise and (as is virtually every forum thread here on HP, regardless of the topic) wide open to interpretation.
   
   The simple truth is, children do not love their parents unconditionally, as (ideally) parents do their children. We are very judgmental of our parents, especially during certain times of our development (the teen years come to mind). It takes willingness, effort, perspective and maturity to get to acceptance and forgiveness.
   It's much easier to live in blame. It's not at all uncommon for grown people to still blame their parents for their own problems -- regardless of the actual circumstances.
   It's hard for me to imagine any circumstance that would cause me to bear malice against my mother.
   I've known many incest survivors and even they didn't bear malice against their fathers. They did struggle to forgive because, as pointed out earlier, holding onto that level of resentment kills us slowly and doesn't affect the other person at all.
   

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