A friend of my recently got a new apartment in NYC. It's a beautiful space in a great area, specifical Soho. His girlfriend (?) of six months decided that she wanted to move in with him. Being kind of spoiled and used to getting her way, she just kind of imposed herself on him. He acquiesced and let her move in.
As she began moving her stuff in, she began going through some unpacked boxes and found the following: pictures, mementos and letters of an ex girlfriend.
She got very angry and had a fit. Do you believe she was justified in reacting like this?
No, she wasn't, but it doesn't surprise me. I'm constantly amazed by the extent of people's jealousy. Surely it's healthy to regard a long past relationship as an integral part of your life - you shouldn't have to pretend several years of your life never happened. Yet my experience is that the majority of new partners (men and women) react jealously if you have any contact or mementoes of old flames. Silly in my opinion. At the same time, it's a primeval reaction for those people and no logic is going to talk them out of it.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't this exactly the story you use to get the nasty, snotty, pretentious, and dumb women of NYC to sleep with you?
Yes, she was right. Your friend should have informed her. What her new GF did is natural Femanine behaviour.
Hi, this is Doctor Love. The answer to your question is yes she is justified reacting like that because he may not say it but He LIKES THE WAY SHE ACTS!
At first I guess it must of come as a bit of a shock, however she should realise that she is with your friend now.
Also she should realise that whatever relationship splits happened in his past, they all worked for the greater good because those break ups led to him finding her. The course of true love rarely runs smoothly for most of us.
I see he kinda got under your skin, too....
My theory (and don't ask me why I have one--just I guess I am intrigued by the amount of negativity put forth) is that nickny is partially who he says he is--he's got the degrees, etc., (because you shoulda seen this post he put on the religion forum--quite literate, lol) but he is not from NY--I'd guess the Midwest like both of us or New England somewhere--or somewhere even less glamorous. That's gotta be an old fraternity photo or something from college. I think he's just not happy in NYC and can't meet a girl/woman that likes him. His approach to marketing techniques are a bit sad (as I am far from an expert here on hubpages, but do work in marketing at the moment professionally) for him to actually really be such a jerk. I'm thinking he's a 'fairly' nice guy somewhere in there, but given the marketing 'act', he can't show it.
Or! He might just be a shallow jerk, lol!
You got it backwards, I grew up in NYC and went to college in the Midwest--I went to a well-known Catholic university in Indiana. I adore America's Heartland, its people, its values and its women. I'm back in NYC for law school, alas! very bourgeois, I know...but I am flattered that you care to speculate about my origins, albeit incorrectly. Someone loves me out there! ='( lol
I'm a writer, Nickny, we speculate about characters! But you are intriguing with all your idiosyncrasies... I did have part of it right--the theme part, lol, if not the exact plot! I knew Catholic figured in there, too.
And to some extent, I've got to agree with you about the Midwest.
I guess it depends on how they broke up. If it was a traumatic break-up, there'd really be no reason to keep the pictures. If the split was amicable, then there's nothing wrong in it. Though for the life of me I can't see why anyone would really WANT to keep pictures of their ex anyway!
I think it would definitely raise some questions. Is he still close with this person? Obviously, after further thought, she should be able to understand that he is with her now, and has made a very big step in showing his commitment to her by agreeing to allow her to move in with him (which i think 6 months is WAY TOO SOON!!!)
he should kick her to the curb. Tell her to kick rocks. Jealousy is poison in a relationship. It has killed more than one of my past relationships. No one needs it.
I agree. She had no right to react like that. what if that other gal had passed away.. this new gal shows great insensitivity towards others and should be a signal for future trouble. I tell my sons, never go for a girl just because the "outside" looks good
I don't think she had the right to behave in that manner. If he is two timing both her and the ex girlfriend then it is justifiable. When you are in a relationship you would not want your partner to cheat on you behind your back. But if the ex girlfriend was his past and he is still keeping the momentous and stuff it also indicates that your friend have not really moved on with the relationship.
Nickny79 now you have to understand in our Victorian valued society you must marry the first girl you ever lay you eyes on, and never look at another girl ever again. And now you the day of the the door to door salesmen has gone away. Was real strange when a housewife answered the door he was not allow to look or talk to her if he was married. The profession had the same problem as the priest hood recruiting blind salesmen did not work out very well I guess.
I think that this girlfriend is very insecure and has some issues. I too have a tendency to have a jealous streak in me. But HELLO- life doesn't start when you get with someone. He obviously had a life before her just as she probably had one before him. I am sure if he found pictures of her momentos "oh how the tables will turn"..... She needs to grow up. If she continues down this path she will have this reaction with every relationship and ultimately she will end up the EX girlfriend indefinitely.....
Without jealousy, a free market society would have no basis in reality. Therefore, these feelings should be embraced.
Also, where would sorority girls with no real fashion sense be without jealousy? They'd have to wear knock offs and settle for proletariat guys who wear white T-shirts when it's cold--and that wouldn't be good!
It all depends on the situation.
I think everyone has memorabilia. Pictures of a former boyfriend/girlfriend, scrapbooks, photo albums, etc. It doesn't necessarily mean that the former relationship isn't "over" or that anyone is still hanging on. It usually means that that was just part of your life.
I've been married and divorced, for example, and have photos from previous marriages. Why would I want to throw out photos of the house we owned together, pets we had, or wedding photos? Sometimes it's nice to see what I looked like when I was young and cute.
I think jealousy and possessiveness is a very big problem in a relationship, and my experience with it is that it usually doesn't get better over time. I cannot handle a controlling partner, and I will never again put up with a partner who doesn't trust me. I don't like being interrogated and having to justify my every move. I think the guy with the psycho girlfriend should dump her, and never look back.
I understand jealousy a little better if there is just cause. If the boyfriend or girlfriend is a big flirt, comes on to the opposite sex, has friends of the opposite sex that they see every day and talk to all the time where the partner is not included - or where it's clear there really IS cheating - I can see it. In that case, I would also recommend ending the relationship. Why be with someone you can't trust?
This story sounds very familiar. Didn't someone once suggest that a couple of guys could 'stage' a conversation like this in a public place (park, restaurant) when they were near attractive women, so they could involve the girls in a conversation? It was kind of a variation on a pick-up line.
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