Our kid has obsessive compulsive disorder. She can find any little black dot or speck in a food and not eat it. - Age 10 -
Also she's at the complaining stage of not wanting to help with some chores around the house (unless there's a reward). This is not good as they grow up thinking all work has some kind of $$ compensation.
I wonder what some parents would do aside from putting their child to see a therapist which is not in the budget.
Personally, I don't see anything wrong with the idea of work having monetary compensation, that's how most of us make a living. I don't know anyone who works for free, except for doing unpaid volunteer work which is an individual personal choice. I think doing chores should be rewarded. I have always paid my kids to do work around the house. I would be expected to pay the lawn service, the maid service, and the pool company, so why should my children be pressed into slave labor when doing those same jobs? It's not fair and I wouldn't do it for free either.
You don't say how you know your child has OCD. If therapy is not in the budget how was she diagnosed? If she's fussing about her food, maybe she has an eating disorder and not OCD at all. Or she could just be a picky eater.
I would suggest researching online and reading as many books about anexity disorders as I could to familiarize myself with the issues. But the bottom line is, not being a professional, mental self-help can sometimes do more harm than help. Find a good therapist. If you have a job with medical benefits, mental health issues are usually covered. If that's not an option, Medicaid covers mental health services. Also, there is all sorts of help out there if one looks for it. Community and human resource agencies that help low income families. Many states have assistance programs and grants available for disabled children. I'm sure even her school has some sort of counseling available.
I have two OCD relatives that drove me crazy. One is ultra OCD and needs everything to be in a certain order.
This behavior caused him to turn to alcohol abuse and take illegal drugs to self-medicate for many years. He finally got clean for the alcohol and drugs but now is even worse with the constant berating of others for not doing things his way.
It makes him miserable and those around him stay clear. i know he needs medication but he refuses.
Until diagnosed by an expert she can't be said to have anything. Nor is wanting to be paid an OCD symptom. I would suggest going to your GP for advice.
Sorry for the long post but I didn't think a short answer would suffice
First question is how do you know she's OCD? The example you gave is not indicative of OCD, combined with the rest of your post it does indicate an attitude problem on your daughters end.
You are right that she should not expect compensation for doing her chores, that's part of being in a family. Disturbia's comparing chores to slave labor is a great example of why some kids are such brats. Being part of a family includes contributing to the well being of the family, for kids that means chores. No child should be paid for regular chores such as taking the trash out, making their bed, etc. If the chores she's complaining about are extra chores than some sort of compensation may be in order, though it need not be monetary, staying up a little late can be a great reward. Do not reward her for extra chores unless they are done correctly and without complaint.
Require that all chores, whether normal or extra, be completed correctly before she has any privileges. This means no cell phone, computer, going over to a friends, nothing except what is necessary for life. She can go the bathroom, have 3 meals, and go to bed, the rest of the time she can sit in silence at the dining room table until she decides to do her chores. If she sits there until bed time have a sibling, or yourself if there are no siblings, complete the chores that absolutely need to be done and have her pay a premium price to whoever completed the chore, say $5.00 a chore. For each chore that can be left alone, like making the bed, assign her an additional, and very unpleasant chore, such as completely emptying and scrubbing cat boxes, that must be completed in addition to her normal chores before she can have privileges. In addition to this you should consider rewarding her for being responsible enough to do her chores correctly, every day, without being told. For example if she maintains this for two weeks she can stay up for another hour on the weekends, provided of course that she maintains this behavior every day. Post a simple chart for the both of you to keep track of how she's doing, kids tend to respond will to this visual element.
With the food thing that sounds like manipulative behavior not OCD. Fortunately the solution is very simple. She eats what you feed her or she doesn't eat. Don't require her to eat anything, but don't allow her the option of eating anything other than what you made or said she could have. If she doesn't want her dinner because of a little pepper she doesn't have to eat. She can go to bed hungry. She probably will go to bed hungry or skip lunch a few times, so be it, that is her choice. By choosing to skip a meal she chooses the consequence of being hungry, it's unlikely she'll persist in this behavior for long if you don't give in to her whims.
Lastly, but perhaps most importantly, do not argue with her, ever. You are the parent, your word is law. While you may choose to listen to a polite request that your reconsider a decision for valid reason, or at least what she believes to be valid reason, it is your choice whether or not to listen. On things like doing her chores, eating her dinner, time on the computer, curfew, and other big things tell her how it's going to be once. When you do, tell her that this is not up for discussion and you will not revisit this issue, or you will revisit it at a set time such as when she's 13. Then no matter how she broaches a closed topic, whether it be polite or in tantrums ignore her. When you tell her to do her chores if she tries to argue don't acknowledge that she spoke, go outside if you need to. If she has a fit about dinner tell her she can politely sit at the table or go to her room. Don't say anything else, if she refuses to be polite to her room with her. Remember you are in charge, good parents are dictators. That doesn't mean you don't care or consider your daughters thoughts or feelings. It does mean that your word is law and discussion is at your pleasure. Providing you aren't dealing with something serious like Oppositional Defiant your daughter will shape up and it will be a pleasure to discuss things with her.
My children have jobs/tasks to do to earn their pocket money but also know they maybe asked to do other things with no reward. I believe in teaching children that money has to be earned but at the same time, not everything has a monetary reward.
My son has aspergers syndrome and has some OCD traits. When I was teaching him to read he used to get really frustrated and tell me all the letters where wrong because they weren't in the right order. He of course meant the alphabet and it's order was correct and all there was with letters for him. He used to be very rigid, things had to be in a certain way or with certain other things (often food related) something he's would only allow a certain person to do even. Over time I have very slowly and gently been able help him overcome a lot of this by changing things a tiny amount at a time and also by making suggestions and then letting him control if it happened and how, or by making it fun. He used to only want to eat three different foods on a plate at any one time so one meal time I put two and when he mentioned it said 'oh no silly mummy, I forgot the peas' and then gave him them and he was ok with it. After a few times he didn't say a thing and now it's not a problem.
As someone who grew up with undiagnosed aspergers syndrome and dyslexia I can honestly say that if you truly believe she has OCD every penny it costs you to get an official diagnosis and treatment will be worth it for her rather than her growing up feeling different from everyone around her and being at risk of going on to suffer more issues such as depression and self harming.
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