My Top Ten List for Having Kids

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Don't get me wrong - I love my kids...but like most parents, some days I would gladly give them away to any circus that happened to be passing by. Preferably one where they would learn some valuable skills like caring for llamas or something - anything.

...and then I remember how very much I love them. I remember how much joy they have brought into my life, and I realize how very lucky I am to have them.

Days when things get a little out of hand, I make my mental gratitude list. When I am very stressed, I take a moment to sit down and quietly reflect on my list of all the things for which I am grateful. I picture each face, and say each name quietly to myself, along with one reason to be grateful that person is in my life.

Some days, though, my list looks more like this...

My happy place
My happy place

Reason # 10 - Home decorating is a snap...

Why spend all that money buying paintings and accessories, when you have a virtual gold mine living with you. Just sit little Johnny down with some paper and crayons, and voila - you have an original one-of-a-kind masterpiece that will rival the expressionist painters of today.

Just look at the colours! Bold, vivid, and a definite use of imagination.

If you have more than one child, you can not only redecorate your home, you can make some extra money selling the ones you don't want!

I love you...you love me...
I love you...you love me...

Reason #9 - Built in babysitting

Now you can spend a leisurely afternoon and evening with the gang, answering those hard questions like "how many beers does it take before you pass out," or this important query, "If I keep drinking will I have a hangover tomorrow?" You can ponder those life affirming answers because you have a ready made sitter, available any time you want!

Now you don't have to worry who's minding the store, and can give yourself the time you deserve to relax and languish amongst friends, knowing that your precious bundles of joy are being well taken care of.

You're bonded right?
You're bonded right?
Buckled up?
Buckled up?

Reason #8 - Cheap domestic labour and personal chauffeur

This is living the American Dream. You will be the envy of the neighbourhood when you show off your new domestic help. Such loyalty and dedication to duty is very hard to come by nowadays - Oh, careful, you missed a spot...

Just imagine being driven to your part time job by your own personal chauffeur! Better not let the boss see this or that raise you've been asking for will fly out the window.

Anyone who can afford this kind of luxury has no business hassling the boss for more money. Besides, if he were to see this, he would want a personal chauffeur too, and that would upset the entire balance.

This will be great for the compost...
This will be great for the compost...

Reason #7 - What about the yard?

My goodness, how could I be so careless as to forget the upkeep on the property. Your property values will soar when you harness the power of kids. Jovial, smiling, dedicated and experienced, these workers will have your yard whipped into shape in no time.

Now you have the time to plan for that neighbourhood barbeque you have been dreaming about.

The American Dream
The American Dream

Reason #6 - Manage your own dry cleaning business

Now you're talking! You will be "moving on up" when you open this puppy. You will finally be able to say goodbye to your boss, and write your own ticket anywhere you want to go. What God fearing man wouldn't want to be the proud owner of his own dry cleaning shop? And now that you have kids, your dream is coming true.

Take me out to the ball game...
Take me out to the ball game...

Reason #5 - The All-American hero

Or, if you aren't into working for a living, perhaps sports might be a better way to spend your time. What red-blooded man hasn't pondered the idea of owning their own baseball team? The overhead would be non-existent, and the salary cap would be minimal.

Hell you could probably get away with pizza and icecream for wages, now how's that for a deal? Pretty soon your living room would be boasting trophies and plaques while fattening up your bank account. (Just make sure you have enough kids to pinch hit.)

Please sir...I want some more...
Please sir...I want some more...

Reason #4 - Save money on groceries...

Just think of all the money you can save having kids. No longer will you have to worry about those pesky left overs that grow into science experiments when the fridge light is turned off. Kids are better than dogs when it comes to leftovers!

I'm surprised more people haven't thought of this. I can't think how much money would be saved by recycling leftover suppers. By Jove I think you're on to something!

A little spit and polish and it will look good as new
A little spit and polish and it will look good as new

Reason #3 - Do-it-yourself projects

One of the all time best reasons to have kids is so you are able to offer them the work experience of a lifetime, and what better way to show your appreciation for their efforts than to give them their very own do-it-yourself kit.

After all, you have that wonderful, rusted out 1954 Chevy, that has been used as a lawn ornament for the last 10 years, so why not give them a new hobby? I'm sure they have time in between cooking, cleaning, and driving you places...

My summer villa
My summer villa

Reason #2 - Child Tax

This is a wonderful by-product of having children. The child tax you receive will not only make your mortgage payment, pay the grocery bill and the heating costs, you will be able to squirrel some away for your retirement fund.

Just think of the great vacation your kids will pay for before they leave home. Never mind Disneyland, they will be too busy rebuilding the Chevy to go on holidays.

Ok Stan, white or dark?
Ok Stan, white or dark?

Reason #1 for having kids

With the economy taking such a nose dive, and the possibility of being laid off right around the corner, it doesn't hurt to be prepared. What do you have in your freezer?

What happens if suddenly you find yourself unemployed, no money, no food, and no end in sight?

Easy...that's why you had kids. I just love them - lightly grilled with a touch of BBQ sauce...mm mm-mm good!

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Comments 26 comments

RedElf profile image

RedElf 7 years ago from Canada

Great hub, Enelle. I really needed a good chuckle! Thanks so much for this fun number. P.S. I prefer them sauteed with a white wine or Thai chili sauce, but deep-fried with lots of salt and vinegar is great, too. Serve with a nice summer sangria, lol


Enelle Lamb profile image

Enelle Lamb 7 years ago from Canada's 'California' Author

RedElf - LOL You will have to send me the recipe, I love variety LOL Glad you enjoyed the hub :D


mayhmong profile image

mayhmong 7 years ago from North Carolina

How does kids taste like? j/k about the last part you wrote.I keep saying that I'll never have kids. But they can be a joy to have and help you save money from hiring a maid.hehe Thanks for answering this request


Enelle Lamb profile image

Enelle Lamb 7 years ago from Canada's 'California' Author

mayhmong - my pleasure! It was fun to do

I said I didn't want kids either....should have listened to myself LOL


earnestshub profile image

earnestshub 7 years ago from Melbourne Australia

I'm not permitted to eat my grandkids, one of my three year old twin gkids told me off for that just the other day.


Enelle Lamb profile image

Enelle Lamb 7 years ago from Canada's 'California' Author

earnestshub - LOL I won't tell if you won't!


Nanny J.O.A.T. profile image

Nanny J.O.A.T. 7 years ago from Somewhere over the rainbow

Oh lord! I just found this - I' m laughing so hard I can hardly type - you are mu kinda lady!! Wanna have a potluck???


Enelle Lamb profile image

Enelle Lamb 7 years ago from Canada's 'California' Author

Nanny - A potluck would be just the ticket...I think I have a couple of 'spares' kicking around here somewhere...ah, that's ok, I have a friend who would happily donate 3! LOL

Glad I brought a smile to your face - and happy that you dropped by :D, pleased to meet you!


Lgali profile image

Lgali 7 years ago

very nice hub Thanks


Enelle Lamb profile image

Enelle Lamb 7 years ago from Canada's 'California' Author

My pleasure Lgali - glad to see you stop by :D


dayzeebee profile image

dayzeebee 7 years ago from Cebu, Philippines

I just knew I was going to learn much from you.LOL. This is what I would call humor of relevance. Thumbs up for such a creative way of approaching the topic. Be blessed:)


Enelle Lamb profile image

Enelle Lamb 7 years ago from Canada's 'California' Author

dayzeebee - thank you so much for your kind words and observations.

(do you prefer honey garlic or smoky BBQ?)


Anna Marie Bowman profile image

Anna Marie Bowman 7 years ago from Florida

ha ha ha...this is great!!!! Love the last one!! That was hilarious!! Didn't expect that!


Enelle Lamb profile image

Enelle Lamb 7 years ago from Canada's 'California' Author

Why thank you Anna Marie :D - I will definitely save a spot for you at our next BBQ - (a potato salad would be nice :P)


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 7 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York

This is one of the funnier hubs I've had the pleasure of reading. Simply hilarious, Enelle! Hopefully one day I'll have kids to push around myself, that is if I'm lucky!


Enelle Lamb profile image

Enelle Lamb 7 years ago from Canada's 'California' Author

Well when you finally join the ranks, remember...slow heat, marinated is best, but if you're in a hurry, then just use lots of BBQ sauce LOL


ehollis profile image

ehollis 6 years ago from Bath

I'm a mother of six and sometimes I think I'm going crazy but it is a reward when they go somewhere else and they are as good as gold. I really love my family...


Enelle Lamb profile image

Enelle Lamb 6 years ago from Canada's 'California' Author

You almost have a enough for a baseball team - you can borrow my two if you like LOL...one down, one to go...


Bail Up ! profile image

Bail Up ! 6 years ago

LOL - cute hub. I wonder what vegeterians will eat to get past this tough economy.


Enelle Lamb profile image

Enelle Lamb 6 years ago from Canada's 'California' Author

LOL toe jam? Ewwww lol - thanks for stopping by Bail Up!


writer923 profile image

writer923 6 years ago

Oh, I cracked up right when I saw the "some polish will make this better" car. Haha!


Enelle Lamb profile image

Enelle Lamb 6 years ago from Canada's 'California' Author

He he he, I rather liked that picture myself ;) Thanks for stopping by writer923.


lorlie6 profile image

lorlie6 6 years ago from Bishop, Ca

HA HA!!! This is a hoot, my friend! My only problem is that I had an only-child, that is. And now that he's 21, I think he's too squirrelly to get on the grill. Dang.


Enelle Lamb profile image

Enelle Lamb 6 years ago from Canada's 'California' Author

Sigh, I feel your pain... :D

Glad you enjoyed the hub my friend :)


KoffeeKlatch Gals profile image

KoffeeKlatch Gals 4 years ago from Sunny Florida

Enelle, thanks for the laugh. You thought of reasons that escaped me. Great hub.


Enelle Lamb profile image

Enelle Lamb 4 years ago from Canada's 'California' Author

My pleasure gals - I couldn't help myself :P

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