When he was young, he was joyful and filled with hope. Hope that one day things would be better. As he sat and watch the T.V. shows and movies filled with kids who had happy and loving parents and never had to sit up at night hearing them scream at each other. He would dream of the day that he too could have that life and be able to put the one he's captured in behind him. This is about a stupid kid who thought that he could make a difference in this world. This isn't a story with a happy resolution, no. This is a tale of a child that as he grew and learned, that life would never be any better then how it started, only worse.
He heard the conflicts, saw his father storm out of the house, heard his mother crying in the kitchen and only thought of what he did wrong. He was a naive , stupid and self centered child always thinking the problem was his fault and that he some how had to fix it. He would go to his mother and try to comfort her the best way he could, and of course his mother would thank him but soon after retreat to her room to cry more. At the time he would think the problem would be solved after all his mom said everything was alright, why would she lie? Stupid naive kid.
As he grew his opinions changed, he stopped trying to fix his home life after all he had problems of his own to worry about. His older brother was never there to help him, no, he only came around to make things worse for him, to cause him even more pain. His father, oh how his father would try to change him, try to make him into something he was not. The nights that he sat up hearing the whispered conversations of his parents one room over, hear them say how much of a disappointment he was, hear them complain about how he wasn't like his brother. How he wasn't tamed and controllable because he had a different view of the world. After all he had gone through a childhood of isolation, poverty and sadness. All he ever wanted was to get out, to leave, to forget.
He hates himself you know, he hates that he wanted to learn more about life, that he wanted to go out into the world and experience the things that his parents told him were wrong. After all if they ended up like the are without doing the things they say are wrong then how do they know that doing them could be his salvation?
So he tried the forbidden fruit. He gave up on education, it bored him he already knew to much about the things his teachers where teaching him and decided to take a step out into the world. He liked it there, surrounded by his friends, surrounded by people who didn't judge or hate him for doing the things he did. He didn't go back, he didn't got back to his home for a long time he cut the ties to his family , from his pain and misery for never being good enough in their eyes. They didn't miss him either it was like he never mattered to them. He was just a burden upon their shoulders till he was eighteen. That hurt him more than he thought it would. To see how his friends would interact with their families how there was love and tenderness in their homes. The feelings that he never had known in his life.
He envied them, envied them for their happiness and joy, envied them for having someone to go to and talk about their problems, envied them for not having to always make it on their own. In a way he was glad he had to deal with things he's dealt with. In a way it made him stronger, it gave him a sense of security that he would be able to survive anything that was thrown at him. Oh how he was wrong. He wouldn't understand true pain and regret till he lost the friends that he loved and cared about, he wouldn't know true pain till he watched the girl he loved give up and walk out the door. He thought he knew loneliness as a child it wasn't till he became a man far before his time that'd he realize life was just one long dark road with the occasional street light to guide his path.
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