10 Eating Habits that Might Make Me Dislike You

"Do you really want to hurt me?"
"Do you really want to hurt me?"

1. BITING a cinnamon roll instead of unravelling it

WHY?! I don’t understand it. It’s not just a regular bun, it’s all rolled up, so why not unravel it slowly and enjoy it, instead of taking a chunk out of it like a wild animal? P.S. If you do this, I can only imagine what you are like in bed.

NO. NO NO NO NO NO.
NO. NO NO NO NO NO.

2. Putting ketchup on macaroni and cheese

Eww, no. Get out. No, I don’t care if it’s dry. Just add some water or milk to it and reheat it. You have no excuse!

Looks pretty. Tastes ugly.
Looks pretty. Tastes ugly.

3. Eating broccoli raw

That’s just gross. Raw broccoli tastes exactly like dirt. Also, it’s not very good for you to eat it raw; the cellulose and insoluble fibre it contains are so rigid that it’s hard for your stomach to digest. Did I mention that it’s also gross?

Oh, don't tease me.
Oh, don't tease me.

4. Eating salad without dressing

What are you, a Puritan? Or just a bunny rabbit? What would you like for your main course, some boiled cabbage and plain brown rice? Ick. Throw some balsamic on that thing, at least!

Use sparingly.
Use sparingly.

5. Covering everything in hot sauce

Just... why? It’s not like you can taste anything under all that hot sauce, so what’s even the point of eating anything that’s not hot sauce? Seeing as you can't taste anything else, how will you know if you are eating something that's gone bad? Or might the hot sauce kill the bacteria? I don’t want to find out.

It doesn't have to end this way.
It doesn't have to end this way.

6. Covering everything in cheese

This is fundamentally the same as covering everything in hot sauce, just a little classier. Still, you are completely masking the flavours of what you're eating when you do this, so you may as well just eat a wheel of cheese and be done with it, Monterey Jack.

Would you like some waffle with that syrup?
Would you like some waffle with that syrup?

7. Drowning your pancakes/waffles in maple syrup

I’m not talking about being a little bit liberal with the syrup - that's okay (sometimes you've just got to). I’m talking about when your pancakes look like a small castle sunk in a huge moat of syrup. That’s just overkill, and you know it.

This makes the raw broccoli look almost tempting...
This makes the raw broccoli look almost tempting...

8. Overcooking your food

You know who you are - you cook your pasta until it’s a congealed lump in the bottom of the pot, you won’t eat vegetables unless they’re falling apart, and you boil everything with tonnes of salt, even if it came from a can to begin with (i.e. boiling canned peas. *Shiver*). If you do this, either your culinary taste never developed past infancy, or you have the palate of a centenarian. Either way, you need to work on that.

*Cringe*
*Cringe*

9. Eating Spam/canned meats

Spam, Vienna Sausages, whatever. That is pig meat that came from a can, dude! Canned meat is perhaps the vilest substance known to man, and I would hesitate to even classify it as food. I don’t care if you say fried Spam is delicious; I will still dry-heave at the thought of it, and I will judge you.

Food is not supposed to come in this colour.
Food is not supposed to come in this colour.

10. Preferring processed baked goods to handmade ones

You prefer Oreos to homemade cookies? You like Twinkies more than angel food cake? What is wrong with you?! I will completely question your tastes in pretty much everything else if you think this way. Why like the cheap stuff better than the real thing? Clearly you don’t know what’s good.

And there you have it

A few more of the many small things I secretly (or not-so-secretly) disapprove of in people.

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