A Selection of Modern Novelty Cocktails

Bill Gates probably doesn't order anything with "Apple" in it, but what the heck.
Bill Gates probably doesn't order anything with "Apple" in it, but what the heck.

When it comes to drinking alcoholic beverages, a beer or glass of wine in the late evening is as far as I typically go. But I do once in a while play bartender for friends. It is a game for me, as I will have them come up with some unheard-of cocktail name, and then I busy myself to devise a cocktail worthy of the name. Judging by my friends' reactions, my creations usually turn out pretty gnarly. And for this you will be happy to know I've thrown away the recipes for such enterprising liquid treats as the Gary Busey Hair 'o the Dog, Crocodile Fever, the Purple Death Reaper, Bubbly Blonde Threeway, and my all-time worst endeavor: the Conway Twitty Burger Maple Syrup Barn Blast.

A few of my creations, however, were good enough they didn't end up poured down the sink. The following recipes are from that wee slender selection. In addition to the recipes for adult cocktails here, you'll also find one recipe for a totally non-alcoholic drink. And because I didn't know what the heck to do with it otherwise, you will also find one recipe for a flaming drink.

Be advised: I offer these recipes primarily as curios. If you want to try your hand at making any of these cocktails, please prepare and drink responsibly. .

The Bill Gates

1 part milk

1 part Arrack

1 shot Apple Schnapps

Splash of sour grape juice

Ice

Stir ingredients together. Add ice and serve


All Nite Troller

1 part Red Bull

1 part Mountain Dew

1 part cold tea (brewed or instant)

1 shot coffee liqueur

½ shot anise extract

Add ingredients together and serve.


I suggest Pinnacle "Pecan Pie" for the Bare Naked Hobbit
I suggest Pinnacle "Pecan Pie" for the Bare Naked Hobbit

Bare Naked Hobbit

2 cups eggnog

2 shots pecan pie flavored vodka

2 shots coconut milk

1/3 cup ale

Stir first three ingredients together. Add the ale and serve

Alternative Method:

2 cups eggnog

2 shots pecan pie flavored vodka

2 shots coconut milk

1/3 cup ale

Stiff whipped cream or meringue

Sliced strawberry “eyes”

Drinking straws

Make as before, except serve drink covered with the whipped cream or meringue. Garnish with one sliced strawberry –“Eye of Sauron” and serve in glasses with straws.


The Miley Cyrus Twerk

1 part bubblegum vodka (I recommend Three Olives Bubble Gum vodka)

1 part lemon lime soda

1 part moonshine*

splash of milk

Mix ingredients in ice-filled glass and stir. Twerk as you serve.

*If you don't make your own moonshine -and as a law-abiding citizen, surely you don't!- I recommend Old Georgia Mountain Moonshine or Old Smoky



Grape juice may be substituted for the snake wine, although the strict holy-roller may miss out on the full effects
Grape juice may be substituted for the snake wine, although the strict holy-roller may miss out on the full effects

Hater-Aid, aka the Westboro Baptist


1 part tonic water

1 part snake wine or sour grape juice

1 splash of holy water

2 splashes of bitters

Stir ingredients together in glass. Serve, pray, drink and rant at every living thing you meet.




The Karl Rove RINO

½ ounce white vodka

½ ounce Blue Curacao liqueur

2 tablespoons milk

splash of Schwartzhog

ice cubes

Add all ingredients into blender, mix at low speed for 1-2 minutes. Serve.


The Rachel Maddow Zombie


3 ounce 151-proof rum

1 ounce dark rum

1 ounce white vodka

2 teaspoons pineapple juice

1 teaspoon vanilla

splash of bitters

1 teaspoon saccharine

Shake ingredients well and serve.


Dracula’s Bloody Balls

1 part Hungarian or Rumanian Bulls Blood wine

1 part tomato juice

1 squirt lemon juice

1 shot plum Schnapps

dash of salt

5-6 small watermelon balls (per serving)

Ice*

Wooden cocktail stirrers

Mix first four ingredients gently, stir in the salt. Put aside.

Place the watermelon balls in the glass.

Pour in the liquid mixture.

Add the ice, garnish with a wooden stirrer and serve.

*also good without the ice


The John Boehner Tequila Shot

4-5 ounces of Tequila

Salt

Half a juicy rank onion

Lick the skin between your thumb and forefinger. Sprinkle salt on this area.

Lick the salt.

Swallow the Tequila

Bite the onion until you cry.


The Hillary Clinton or Bulldog Manhattan

2 ounces rye whiskey

½ ounce dry vermouth

½ ounce sweet vermouth

Splash of Arkansas Moonshine

Lemon twist

Stir the liquid ingredients in container, then strain into cocktail glass. Serve with the lemon twist.




Lady Gaga Arctic Bullrider

1 can Red Bull

1 shot Absinthe

Splash of bubblegum vodka

Scoop of vanilla ice cream (the more popular the brand, the more fitting)

Pour the absinthe and vodka into glass; pour in the Red Bull. Stir. Add scoop of vanilla ice cream to top. May garnish with crushed cherries if desired.


The FLOTUS Golden Ticket

1 part 75% liquor rum (Baccardi 151 recommended)

1 part Goldschlager

1 shot pineapple liqueur

1 shot vanilla liqueur

shot of Absinthe

stick of celery

"Exercise" the liquors briskly together. Pour into glass, garnish with the celery.



Justin Bieber's Spit-in-your-eye

1 part root beer

1 part bubblegum vodka

splash of cherry juice

squirt of whipped cream

Add root beer and bubblegum vodka together in tall glass. Add the cherry juice. Squirt whipped cream on top.


The cheaper the beer the more fitting for this cocktail
The cheaper the beer the more fitting for this cocktail

The Kanye West

2 parts Coke Zero

1 part cheap beer of choice

Splash of Goldshlager

Pour the Coke Zero into glasses, add the beer, stir in the Goldschlager







ObamaCare Boilermaker

1/2 shot Everclear

1 glass Kool-aid

1 shot bitter tonic

Drink the Everclear. Drink the Kool-Aid. Drink the tonic.



The Flaming Bill O’Reilly (Shooter)*

*This recipe is provided as a curio only. Do not attempt to prepare unless you are an experienced bartender*.


¾ shot Saint Brendan’s Irish Cream

¼ shot Everclear or 151 rum.

Irish beer of choice


Fill one shot glass ¾ full with the Irish cream

SLOWLY fill the remaining space in the shot glass with the Everclear or rum.

Fill a pint glass with the Irish beer.

With a lit match or long utility (fireplace) lighter CAREFULLY ignite the contents in the shot glass.

Drop the contents of the shot glass into the beer. Drink.


the NON-ALCOHOLIC Taylor Swift*

*A new twist on the traditional Shirley Temple

¼ cup diet ginger ale or carbonated water.

1 ½ tablespoons grenadine syrup

1 thin slice of cheese or split cheese doodles

Combine soda or water with grenadine in a tall glass half-filled with ice.

Garnish with slice of the cheese or cheese doodles.




This Hub and cocktail recipes ©December 15, 2013 by Beth Perry

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Comments 4 comments

Alastar Packer profile image

Alastar Packer 2 years ago from North Carolina

This fantastic, Beth! Your awesome creative powers extend into areas I would never have never thought of. And what fun this one is too. You have a second career as a mixoligist for sure! Is that a term? Oh well, doesn't matter, you have it. The ObamaCare Boilmaker and Flaming Bill O'Reilly should win awards all by themselves. They're all great and to be frank about it mind-blowing. Your the one to have at any party. Gosh how I wish the U.S. would follow Europe and allow absinthe to be made the way it ought to be made. Might see a green fairy but what a classic would be written! lol!


bethperry profile image

bethperry 2 years ago from Tennesee Author

Alastar, thanks so very much!

Yeah, I enjoy mixing concoctions, whether herbs, elixirs or beverages. And I totally agree about absinthe in the US. Of course, rumor has it some daring individuals have learned to make their own authentic green fairy, thanks to wicked old family recipes that have been passed down through the generations. But I wouldn't know anything about that ;)


vespawoolf profile image

vespawoolf 2 years ago from Peru, South America

Wow, these are definitely quirky and unique cocktails with creative names! I'd like to try the bare naked hobbit. I wouldn't trust my skills to make the flaming Bill O'Reilly.


bethperry profile image

bethperry 2 years ago from Tennesee Author

Thanks vespawoolf, and I think you'll like the Bare Naked Hobbit. With the Eye of Sauron strawberry, it makes for a pretty drink too :)

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