Awful Restaurants with Equally-Awful Names
"Why" are these guys smiling?
You don't need a college education to know that these are not good places to eat
Do you love food? Do you love to eat-out with your family and friends? Sure you do. We all do. No matter the cost, there is just "something" about getting cleaned-up, dressed-up and taking the wife and kids to a good restaurant and relaxing with good talk, great food and a fine atmosphere. Plus, food that is affordable.
Nothing like it, I tell you. And the more I watch CSNBC and CNN's Clark Howard, a money expert, I see a upward trend of more and more restaurants, both individually-owned or franchised, opening in more places in our country despite the slugglish economy. I like that. Faith in business. That, to me, is partly what made America great.
And if the new surge of restaurant openings isn't exciting enough, I also see more and more coffee-based stores such as Starbucks making their presence known for we all know how people employed or unemployed, love their morning coffee. In my case, I love my coffee at anytime of the day or night.
But did you realize that even in our advanced-society of 2012, there are still some people who do not know how to judge if a restaurant is good or bad just by reading the sign outside? I am sad to report this, but it's true. "These" trusting souls just drive-up, park, unload the wife and kids without even bothering to see if the resturant is clean or not, sit down and eat what they think is prime rib, but in fact it was processed meat that resembled prime rib.
The wife and kids didn't complain. For this was a treat for them to eat somewhere besides in their own dining room. Yes, the American dining experience is still an exciting event even if people don't bother to check-out the place that they are dining.
Now. I want to share with you, some really unique names for restaurants. Restaurant names that you would only see in a Bruce Willis or Clint Eastwood movie.
I have listed eleven names and what "I" think the owner was meaning to sell by way of food when he or she opened his dining establishment. It can be a tricky thing, my friend, opening an eating place purely on faith and hope that hordes of hungry people will support you because you have sunk all of your savings in your "dream venture," and even took out a second mortgage on your home to see this restaurant become a reality.
See if you agree with my analysis of these "unique" restaurant names.
1.) "The Hay Trough" probably the owner was after the equine-owners' patronage when they dine-out.
2.) "Uncle Henry's Out House," situated way "back in the sticks," this restaurant didn't stand a chance of succeeding with a confusing name like this. But many red faces were seen due to the many people thinking this was a secluded rest area.
3.) "Martha's Belly-Filler Diner and Bar," once there was a cute flavor about a novelty name in restaurants, but those establishments were '"eaten up" (pardon the pun) by not changing with the times.
4.) "Bare Guts And Suds" maybe a place for moose, deer and North American grizzly hunters to converge on and dine? I guess one needed the "suds," first, to face the "bare guts" of what food was on the menu.
5.) "Billy's Belch-A-Rama" obviously a take-off on Mexican food by trying to duplicate the true spicy-tastes of great Mexican restaurants. Or the owner wasn't sober when he named his eating place that stayed open for a grand total of three days.
6.) "Gassy Gus's Beer and Naked Ribs" unique, but Gus only served ribs? And naked ribs, what's up with that? Or what "was" up with that for Gus was seen climbing into a Mayflower moving van when his restaurant went through one night of slow business.
7.) "Balls, Butts and Boys," Okay, let me see. A sports-type bar that sold grilled Boston Butt pork roasts? And for a new twist, only guy waiters worked here. But for only a week. And never saw one paycheck.
8.) "Chicken House BBQ Palace," were the owners confused as to what they wanted as the main dish?
9.) "Slick Tommy's Cat House," okay, now we are getting somewhere. Tommy was probably a local rounder, gambler and down-right good ol' boy. His restaurant, sadly shut down after a record-setting five days due to patrons either wanting "more" services from Tommy's waitresses than the buffet or found out that there were no southern fried catfish to be sold.
10.) "Dick's Dancing, Meat Platter and Beer-to-Go," you figure this one out. My imagination is shot. I would wager that a guy named "Dick," provided music for people who loved to dance and the "meat platter" was probably a selection of fresh meats you find at diners in New York and the Beer-to-Go had to be beer in six-pack bottles or cans, and not a beer that made you stay in the rest room.
11.) "Fantastic Feedbags" well, if you are into gluttony, then this might be "the" place for you. The term, "tie on the feedbag," was coined for people who owned mules or horses and when meal time came for them, this bag filled with oats, would literally be "tied" around their head and neck to insure that they ate their allotted meal while their owners sat down and chowed-down on delicious steaks.
I forgot to mention this one: "Harry's Hooves and Grooves," a guy named Harry opened a restaurant and just sold pig's feet and had a dance floor for people to dance the night away.
Now that I am finished with this story, I have arrived at an epic decision. I think I will dine-in tonight.
With my lack of education, social skills and names of restaurants like this, Do you blame me?
And YOU would eat at a place like this?
More by this Author
Time for you to "step up" to the plate (what a great pun), and make your choice. And again, I am finished with another summary.
You walk into your favorite eatery. The hostess calls you by your first name. Then she seats you. But before your waiter/waitress gets your order, you wonder, what's that smell?
This is a trufh-filled piece about how great my life has been by being bald.