Awful Restaurants with Equally-Awful Names

"Why" are these guys smiling?

or "how" can they smile with the dirty walls of this restaurant where they are planning on dining?
or "how" can they smile with the dirty walls of this restaurant where they are planning on dining?

You don't need a college education to know that these are not good places to eat

If you need a road map to find this "new" resturant, then turn back. It might be destined for ruin.
If you need a road map to find this "new" resturant, then turn back. It might be destined for ruin.
Nothing is as depressing as a once-thriving restaurant that is now used for a storage building.
Nothing is as depressing as a once-thriving restaurant that is now used for a storage building.
What a party? Not really, for there was a lot of beer drank to keep this meal from\ coming up on the diners.
What a party? Not really, for there was a lot of beer drank to keep this meal from\ coming up on the diners.
Why is this food only half-eaten?
Why is this food only half-eaten?
a sad sight: No cars, no people. And no business.
a sad sight: No cars, no people. And no business.
"Backwoods restaurants" like this one "shot themselves in the foot" with surroundings that were "too" rustic.
"Backwoods restaurants" like this one "shot themselves in the foot" with surroundings that were "too" rustic.
When waitresses do not clear the tables in a speedy manner, look out! You are headed for an upset stomach.
When waitresses do not clear the tables in a speedy manner, look out! You are headed for an upset stomach.
If a restaurant has rust on its sign and the neon seldom works, pretty good sign that this isn't a good place to eat.
If a restaurant has rust on its sign and the neon seldom works, pretty good sign that this isn't a good place to eat.
Remember Howard Johnson's resturants? Where are they now?
Remember Howard Johnson's resturants? Where are they now?
Gone are the big resturants on main street like this one that was once a lucrative business in some big city somewhere in the USA.
Gone are the big resturants on main street like this one that was once a lucrative business in some big city somewhere in the USA.

Do you love food? Do you love to eat-out with your family and friends? Sure you do. We all do. No matter the cost, there is just "something" about getting cleaned-up, dressed-up and taking the wife and kids to a good restaurant and relaxing with good talk, great food and a fine atmosphere. Plus, food that is affordable.

Nothing like it, I tell you. And the more I watch CSNBC and CNN's Clark Howard, a money expert, I see a upward trend of more and more restaurants, both individually-owned or franchised, opening in more places in our country despite the slugglish economy. I like that. Faith in business. That, to me, is partly what made America great.

And if the new surge of restaurant openings isn't exciting enough, I also see more and more coffee-based stores such as Starbucks making their presence known for we all know how people employed or unemployed, love their morning coffee. In my case, I love my coffee at anytime of the day or night.

But did you realize that even in our advanced-society of 2012, there are still some people who do not know how to judge if a restaurant is good or bad just by reading the sign outside? I am sad to report this, but it's true. "These" trusting souls just drive-up, park, unload the wife and kids without even bothering to see if the resturant is clean or not, sit down and eat what they think is prime rib, but in fact it was processed meat that resembled prime rib.

The wife and kids didn't complain. For this was a treat for them to eat somewhere besides in their own dining room. Yes, the American dining experience is still an exciting event even if people don't bother to check-out the place that they are dining.

Now. I want to share with you, some really unique names for restaurants. Restaurant names that you would only see in a Bruce Willis or Clint Eastwood movie.

I have listed eleven names and what "I" think the owner was meaning to sell by way of food when he or she opened his dining establishment. It can be a tricky thing, my friend, opening an eating place purely on faith and hope that hordes of hungry people will support you because you have sunk all of your savings in your "dream venture," and even took out a second mortgage on your home to see this restaurant become a reality.

See if you agree with my analysis of these "unique" restaurant names.

1.) "The Hay Trough" probably the owner was after the equine-owners' patronage when they dine-out.

2.) "Uncle Henry's Out House," situated way "back in the sticks," this restaurant didn't stand a chance of succeeding with a confusing name like this. But many red faces were seen due to the many people thinking this was a secluded rest area.

3.) "Martha's Belly-Filler Diner and Bar," once there was a cute flavor about a novelty name in restaurants, but those establishments were '"eaten up" (pardon the pun) by not changing with the times.

4.) "Bare Guts And Suds" maybe a place for moose, deer and North American grizzly hunters to converge on and dine? I guess one needed the "suds," first, to face the "bare guts" of what food was on the menu.

5.) "Billy's Belch-A-Rama" obviously a take-off on Mexican food by trying to duplicate the true spicy-tastes of great Mexican restaurants. Or the owner wasn't sober when he named his eating place that stayed open for a grand total of three days.

6.) "Gassy Gus's Beer and Naked Ribs" unique, but Gus only served ribs? And naked ribs, what's up with that? Or what "was" up with that for Gus was seen climbing into a Mayflower moving van when his restaurant went through one night of slow business.

7.) "Balls, Butts and Boys," Okay, let me see. A sports-type bar that sold grilled Boston Butt pork roasts? And for a new twist, only guy waiters worked here. But for only a week. And never saw one paycheck.

8.) "Chicken House BBQ Palace," were the owners confused as to what they wanted as the main dish?

9.) "Slick Tommy's Cat House," okay, now we are getting somewhere. Tommy was probably a local rounder, gambler and down-right good ol' boy. His restaurant, sadly shut down after a record-setting five days due to patrons either wanting "more" services from Tommy's waitresses than the buffet or found out that there were no southern fried catfish to be sold.

10.) "Dick's Dancing, Meat Platter and Beer-to-Go," you figure this one out. My imagination is shot. I would wager that a guy named "Dick," provided music for people who loved to dance and the "meat platter" was probably a selection of fresh meats you find at diners in New York and the Beer-to-Go had to be beer in six-pack bottles or cans, and not a beer that made you stay in the rest room.

11.) "Fantastic Feedbags" well, if you are into gluttony, then this might be "the" place for you. The term, "tie on the feedbag," was coined for people who owned mules or horses and when meal time came for them, this bag filled with oats, would literally be "tied" around their head and neck to insure that they ate their allotted meal while their owners sat down and chowed-down on delicious steaks.

I forgot to mention this one: "Harry's Hooves and Grooves," a guy named Harry opened a restaurant and just sold pig's feet and had a dance floor for people to dance the night away.

Now that I am finished with this story, I have arrived at an epic decision. I think I will dine-in tonight.

With my lack of education, social skills and names of restaurants like this, Do you blame me?



And YOU would eat at a place like this?

with the word "nasty" in its name?
with the word "nasty" in its name?

More by this Author


Comments 46 comments

Starmom41 4 years ago

cool hub!

here there's a pizza place tagged "Lousy Service;"

and a bar called "The Library"- I was told the reason for that name was so college kids could tell their parents they 'spent the night at The Library' and parents would get the wrong idea!


lovedoctor926 4 years ago

Lol. I think I would definitely dine at home too. Who wants to dine at a restaurant with the name Martha's Belly Filler and Bar or Balls, Buts and Boys. Where are these restaurants located? I haven't heard of these places before. The names are actually funny, but yeah it doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that these are not good places to dine.


internpete profile image

internpete 4 years ago from At the Beach in Florida

Haha, very fun read! Some people just try to be too clever with names or simply don't change with the times. great hub!


Julie DeNeen profile image

Julie DeNeen 4 years ago from Clinton CT

LOL- this was funny. Nice job!


daisydayz profile image

daisydayz 4 years ago from Cardiff

Lol some of those names are so bad, you just wouldnt eat there!


catgypsy profile image

catgypsy 4 years ago from the South

Very funny, but it also made me cringe just thinking about some of the bad restaurants I've been talked into going to! Some of the names of yours are hilarious though and it would serve anybody right if they decided to eat there!


SmartAndFun profile image

SmartAndFun 4 years ago from Texas

LOL, you've done it again with yet another hilarious hub. I think my favorite is "Dick's Dancing, Meat Platter and Beer-to-Go!"


lambservant profile image

lambservant 4 years ago from Pacific Northwest

Kill Devil Hills, North Carolina has a cafeteria called Bob's Grill: Eat and Get the Hell Out.

These are pretty gross but funny names.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Starmom, that idea was ingenius! Some college kids today who are running our country spent some time there. What a thougth. And thank you for your sweet comment.

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear wise, sweet and lovely, lovedoctor,

in answer to your question, "they are out of business." "Actually, they never had a chance of going big." Shame. But funny names. I am a decent Italian cook and I can cook a mean breakfast of smoked bacon, chocolate gravy (the German way), and eggs with sharp cheese . . .oh, as much as I appreciate YOU, Lovedoctor, Im getting hungry. I need to run.

Thank YOU for your friendship and following.

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

THANK YOU, internpete. You're right. What's in a name? Success or failure. Its all in the way signs are perceived.

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Julie De-Neen,

so nice to meet you on Hubs. And to thank you for your sweet comments. I appreciate it very much. I also invite YOU to be one of my followers so I can keep up with your works. Id really like that. Have a day of peace.

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, daisydayz, yep. You too are right. You might eat your half-done steak while changing your oil. Or while eating a stale salad, get your shoes shined. Lots of things. But not anymore. These are history.

Thanks for your comments and I invite YOU too to be a follower of mine so I can always read what your hubs are about.

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear catgypsy,

me too. One time my family and I, years back, were on our way to Colbert County, a 45-minute drive north of Hamilton. We stopped at this "Rat Hole" cafe to eat our Friday evening meal. The fake leather seat was torn as if a wild animal had been a hold of it. The waitress, who wore six coats of makeup, said, "you do that?" Meaning did we tear the seat? I looked at her, and in those days, pretty angry. She grinned and smacked her gum and an hour later, brought us something that looked like food. Guess what? The place folded like a steel chair in a week. Wonder why.

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

SmartandFun . . .thank you kindly for your wonderful remarks. Like I told our friend, lovedoctor, these places are history. Thank God. Even vermin avoided these places. A good sign that the food is NOT good.

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, lambservant,

I LOVE that name of the restaurant. I have longed to visit a cafe somewhere in this vast USA called, "Joe's Eats," and when I get to do this, I will write a three-part hub about it. Simple and to the point. I love it.

Kenneth


snowdrops profile image

snowdrops 4 years ago from The Second Star to the Right

hahahaha! this is great. soo funny names


Patty Inglish, MS profile image

Patty Inglish, MS 4 years ago from North America

I shared this one and rated it Up. We have some pretty bad places to eat in this country.


BizVT34 profile image

BizVT34 4 years ago from USA

Pretty funny. In college at Virginia Tech there was a sandwich shop called The Sewer and today in Austin there's the Magnolia Cafe with the lit sign that says "Sorry, we're open"


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 4 years ago from England

Hi, this was so funny! we have a pub/restaurant in my town called the Slug And Lettuce! just the thought of eating there makes me want to be sick! what a stupid name! lol!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear snowdrops,

"Thank you, my good friend, for your sweet comments." "I truly find myself looking for your words each time I publish a hub." "As you can tell already, I LOVE AND CHERISH ALL OF MY FOLLOWERS. ALL MEANS YOU TOO."

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hello, Patty,

thank you kindly for your comment and input. If only I had gotten a hold of their health ratings. Ahhh, the flaws of an amateur hubwriter like me. Someday I will, through many hubs and hard work, hopefully publish a near-perfect work on HubPages. At least thats what I am hoping.

Visit with me often, Patty. I love it.

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, BuyaBiz . . LOVE those cafe names, especially the sign, "Sorry,we're open," I need to share that with some of buds who own restaurants where I live. They, like me, will LOVE this.

And I appreciate YOUR comment.

Happy dining.

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Howdy, Nell Rose,

just where have YOU been for so long??? I used to read your comments so much on my hubs. I guess you have been with living life. Unlike me, having to stay at home with this Accelerated Fibromyalgia/Neurothopy . . .but Im not beaten yet. Im still hanging tough and appreciating YOU, Nell Rose, and all of my cherished followers, who make my days a lot sweeter with their comments.

God bless you.

Kenneth


unknown spy profile image

unknown spy 4 years ago from Neverland - where children never grow up.

hahaha this is really funny Ken!


rahul0324 profile image

rahul0324 4 years ago from Gurgaon, India

This is hilarious.... LOL... some really bad ones there Kenneth!

how in the world do you come across such stuff ? just curious


Lot Rillera profile image

Lot Rillera 4 years ago from Philippines

To Kenneth : those restaurants have funny names. But I'd rather stay at home and cook for my family than eating in a restaurants like them.

Anyway this is a nice hub and thanks for sharing. voted up !


jellygator profile image

jellygator 4 years ago from USA

Cute hub! We had a place in a small town where I lived that consisted of the owner's last name followed by "Garage and Diner." It reminded me of a place in Phoenix, Greasy Tony's, where the slogan was "extra grease is free," but somehow I figured it would be a different kind of grease. Blech!


josh3418 profile image

josh3418 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

Another excellent hub Kenneth! Voted up and of course funny!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

unknown spy,

Thank YOU so much for your kind comment. Just be watchful when an angry waitress having personal problems with her fifth boyfriend of that day, waits on your table. This has trouble written all over it.

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, rahul,

Thank you, friend, for your nice words. Where do I find things like this? IN REAL life. Just stop once in a while and look. You will soon find more deporable things than these.

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hello, Lot Rillera,

Thanks for your sweet and honest remark. I had to. Eat at home a lot of the times. I do not trust most offbeat restaurants with waitresses who forget your name in five minutes.

Home-cooking rocks!

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, Jellygator,

I agree. Names like "Garage and Diner," do something to my appetite. Makes it disappear. Fast.

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hello, again, Josh . . .and another Big Thank YOU for your support and friendly, encouragement.

I wont forget it.

Kenneth


josh3418 profile image

josh3418 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

You are very welcome Ken! Anytime! :) I am glad to be supporting such a great hubber!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Josh,

Thanks, buddy, for your compliment. Although I thank you for your nice comment, I can give you a long list, including yourself, of hubbers who were born great writers. I dont see "great" in my resume, but love to give my thanks to My Heavenly Father for HE IS GREAT!!!

Have a safe 4th!

Kenneth


josh3418 profile image

josh3418 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

Aww thanks for that comment, and yes He is great, and awesome! :) And you are welcome for the compliment!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Thanks, Josh! My man, you rock!

Kenneth


josh3418 profile image

josh3418 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

You are welcome buddy! :)


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

God bless you richly, Josh!

Kenneth


Sueswan 4 years ago

Dearest Kenneth,

This is awfully funny. The more I read the harder I laughed.

Hope you are doing well my friend. Happy 4th of July!

Voted up up and away!


sharonchristy profile image

sharonchristy 4 years ago from India

Funny and interesting hub, loved it! Voted up and awesome! :)


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dearest Sueswan . . .

"Thank you, dear Susan, for the sweet words, compliments and wishes for a great fourth!" "I am alone except for "Festus," my cat. My wife had to work today, but she did get this past Monday off, so it all worked out. I enjoyed the quiet and peace of being alone with my cat and PC.

Thanks for your kind comments and votes.

I SINCERELY appreciate YOU!

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, Sharonchristy,

Wow, thank you for the nice comment and votes. Glad that you like this for I want my followers to eat in peace when they go out to dine. Just doing my small part to save them some unwanted embarrassment. Hey, if you are not my follower, I invite you do do that right now. Check out a few more of my hubs and that way, by following me, I can keep up with you.

Have a Great 4th!

Kenneth


Glimmer Twin Fan profile image

Glimmer Twin Fan 4 years ago

Very funny and the photos were great. Went back a couple of times to check out the names again!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, Glimmer Twin Fan,

thanks so much for your nice words. I liked the names too. But in all honesty, even a place with an awful name CAN have good food.

Kenneth

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