My Top Ten Worst Moments Before Morning Coffee

Waking up in the morning can be rough, especially when things happen that is out of your control. I think most people would agree that waking up to an alarm clock is a horrible way to wake up. However, we need to wake up to go to work and the alarm clock would be better than the list below. Below is the top 10 worst ways to wake up from my personal experiences prior to getting my first cup of coffee in the morning. Sometimes the coffee is missed.

Needless to say, before my alarm clock wakes me up, I have two pets that will wake me up first either for food or bathroom. However, I will take that over the beeping any day.

10. Pets using me as a wrestling mat

Prior to my alarm waking me up, our puppy climbs into bed with me and snuggles up close. Afterwards, our cat jumps up onto the bed and nestles himself at my head. The puppy will jump up at the cat since she doesn’t want him there and they begin to play and terrorize each other right on top of me. This in turn gets me right out of bed so that my wife doesn’t get woken up as well. It’s a great alarm clock, because it happens at least 15 minutes every morning before my alarm would go off. Sometimes even 45 minutes prior.

9. Birds chirping or squawking outside the window

I am definitely into birds chirping quietly outside of my window, because spring or summer is upon us. However, if a cardinal sits outside your window, directly above; squawks continuously first thing in the morning, you would have a change of heart too. This cardinal makes the loudest, most annoying screech of any birds I have heard before. This happens as soon as the sun peaks its face over the horizon in the morning.

8. Neighbor kids playing with their dogs outside

Living in our first new home, we have neighbor kids that have the responsibility to let their dogs outside to do their business in the morning. It is usually fine and they are quiet until the little girl wants to go back inside and the dogs don’t. She will scream at the top of her lungs to get the dogs to come back in.

7. A loud thump

When my wife and I lived in a semi-detached house we had neighbors that were loud beyond belief. Our bedroom was on the opposite wall of our shared wall to the other apartment. However, this does not stop the two kids from hitting the wall, waking us up from bed first thing in the morning. I don’t know what they are doing to cause that racket, but it was very annoying to wake up to. It almost sounded like someone falling down the steps.

6. Finding a dead mouse

As with any cat owner, you have to know that cats like to bring you presents in the middle of the night since this is their prowling time. One morning I awoke to a dead mouse at the foot of my bed. Not really something I want to wake up to. I would rather keep waking up to the blankets he brings into the room every night.

5. Falling into the toilet

Sometimes in the morning I have what we call, “an emergency” or what you may call, “a number two.” I woke up, ran to the bathroom, picked up the toilet seat then proceeded to sit. First thing, I wear contacts and my eye sight is pretty bad without them. I took the contacts out the night before and when nature called in the morning, I did not grab my glasses. I rarely have glasses on since I wear contacts. Well, I sat down and the next thing I knew my butt was soaking wet. At least it was a clean toilet.

4. Stepping in pet vomit

Even pets get sick; sometimes without you knowing it. Our cat must have eaten something that didn’t agree with his stomach one night; because when I woke up I stepped in two piles of cat vomit. That’s not all though, when I walked down the steps there were at least another dozen spots where he had thrown up. I wasn’t too upset though, more worried than upset. We found out after taking him to the vet that day he had too much cheese the night before and it must have constipated him to the point of vomiting. A couple antibiotics later (and no more cheese) he was good to go.

3. Falling down the steps

In our second apartment our bedrooms were on the second floor, leaving us to walk down the steps to take the puppy out to the bathroom. That morning she woke me up by licking me in the face, then stepping on me. This is usually the sign of her needing to go out to the bathroom. I got up from the bed, blurry eyed and walked to the steps. Our puppy walked right in front of me as I was taking the first step. My foot slipped and my whole body went out from under me causing me to fall on my butt then down all of our steps. At least this woke my wife up, so she would have been there if I did hurt myself to a degree of needing the emergency room. Thankfully I was alright, just a little stiff later on.

2. Coffee pot leaking

I love waking up to the smell of coffee. We have an automatic timer on our coffee machine and it starts brewing when my alarm clock goes off in the morning. It does not have a carafe, but it holds the coffee after being brewed in a separate tank. You just have to put your cup underneath and press down on a trigger.

I woke up one morning and took our puppy out to do her business and when I walked back in, I stepped in a large brown puddle of coffee. Finding out that our coffee machine brewed an entire pot and it leaked from the spout onto the counter, then all over the floor. Apparently some grounds were stuck in the grommet for the spout which made it leak. Thankfully we just had to clean it instead of throwing it away.

And the number one worst possible experience to have prior to your first cup of coffee just recently happened to me; see number 1.

1. Ants swarming my feet

I wake up to the pets moving around on the bed; walk through the kitchen and out the back door. I let the dog out; did my normal routine of sitting down on the back porch step to smoke a cigarette. A few seconds later I felt something crawling on both my feet. I look down; both my feet were covered in small army ants. I jumped up, dancing and swatting to get them all off of me. I looked back at the step; seeing that the whole 3x3 porch and step were covered completely in ants. Needless to say, I wasn’t tired anymore. And yes, I did exterminate the ants after that, but for the next half hour after that I felt like ants were still crawling all over me.


I hope some of you can sympathize with my worst experiences. I am sure I will have plenty more in my years to come. I will be sure to update the list as new annoying experiences happen. If you can relate, tell me some of your incidences.

Check out some vacation spots my wife and I enjoyed. At least I didn't experience any of the above while taking time away from every day routines.

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Comments 2 comments

lol 4 years ago

i can totally sympathize with u about the stupid cardinals marley. most annoying pieces of crap ever. all they do is screech all morning and even when i'm stomping around yelling at them they still sit there as if they think i'm playing around. since it's not illegal to shoot em here with a pellet gun of course i'm srsly considering getting one. i have extremely sensitive hearing so whenever i hear one of those little turds it sounds like TNT going off in my brain. wish i could get rid of every single one of em cuz to me they serve no purpose.


my worst pre-coffee moment 3 years ago

The other day I found myself staring at the kettle at 6AM wondering why it was on fire and melting. It turned out that I'd set our new electric kettle on the stove. In my defense, the new kettle was brushed stainless steel and black, just like our stove-top kettle. And, again, it was 6 AM. It was two hours before I'd gotten it all cleaned up.

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