Confessions of a Foodaholic
Me in my Kitchen
I was looking through some of my story folders and found this cute short story about, well you guessed it. Me! I hope you like it. Tell me what you think.
I am horribly addicted to food.It has always been that way for me.I didn't realize it until it started to show.Just as my mother warned me, I turned 30 years old and all that pigging out wasn’t as cute as I went from a size eight to a size 16.For a while I could loose it quickly but after two or three years of yo-yo dieting my body had enough and just stopped loosing.
My body hadn’t stopped loosing; I just refused to work harder to loose that weight.I, like many other fat Americans wanted the easy solution soI drank the shakes, I took the pills and I exercised like a maniac so I could eat what I wanted.
Oh excuse me a moment, this writing exercise is depressing me and there are a few Ritz crackers in range I feel the need to eat.Give me a moment please.
Thank you.I think I am good for another fifteen minutes.Yeah I know I had a nice healthy home made bowl of beef stew for lunch, but that was - dang it, only an hour ago - there wasn’t much left after having it for dinner the night before.Geeze, I don’t get out of work until 5.Humm, maybe I can sneak around the office to the coffee centers and see if there is some food from meetings left sitting around for consumption.I promise this will only take ten minutes tops.
Okay, I made out.I love the holiday seasons.Folks just be baking up a storm.Janet baked brownies.I got two of them.Now don’t you be looking at me like I am being greedy.She cut the pieces so small I was able to just plop one in my mouth while I was in the coffee room, and it was so good I had to have one with nuts and the other batch had icing.Anyway, after that I went up stairs at the two coffee centers on that floor and there was a party tray, so I made a half a sandwich.I got some ham and turkey, American cheese and put some miracle whip on it.I found a green piece of lettuce they had on the tray for garnish and tomato slice.Well I have to have my veggies and I don’t like sweet pickles.
So now I am ready to go again after getting my booty.LOL - Booty for the Booty.I know, not funny.This is a real problem.I really need to loose this weight.Well I feel better though because I took the stairs down from the second floor instead of taking the elevator.Plus, folks won’t see that I’ve been lurking around snatching grub.Heh, like they care.
Seriously, I feel awesome right now.I can get through the afternoon.I even winked at that cute Lebanese guy Faheed that just walked by.Oh he is a hottie.He smiled back and shook his head as he passed me.I guess he wasn’t expecting me to be following him with my eyes.Now that just killed my buzz.Heck I don't’ care.There are plenty of fine men that like a woman with a little padding.I aint pressed.
I’ve just popped the last brownie in my mouth and that brought my buzz back.Thank goodness.I have all these files to organize and I want them done before the end of the day when the new stack comes.
Scientist will tell me that all the sugar and high fructose corn syrup in the bread and dressing I ate is what is going to make me have another food craving in an hour or two.It was instant satisfaction.It was a meal, made and eaten in less than twenty minutes.Who could ask for more?Now if scientist can tell me how to eat in under twenty minutes a meal that would fill me up in under twenty minutes, where my dining will be varied, then please send me the book.I am not trying to spend twenty minutes preparing cleaning veggies then steaming them in some contraption that cost me nearly a hundred dollars so that I can eat like a rabbit and be hungry in less then an hour.
The work is done.I am so happy.I walk to my car, up two blocks from my building instead of taking the circulator bus.The sun is out and I feel great.I think I’ll take my dog for a nice vigorous walk in the park.
Excuse me, my phone is ringing and its momma.I have to answer it.
Good grief, mom wants to walk today.She has those prosthetic knees.She is mobile and I am glad for her but I can walk three miles in the time she can walk one.Yeah I am fat but I can move.I can dance two or three hours straight too.I’ve seen skinny girls not be able to keep up with me.Sorry, I digress, mom walking.I told her I would take her.So once again my Puffy Wuffy won’t get his walk and I’m not taking two walks just so I can get my heart rate up.I’ll miss my nightly TV viewing if I do.
The walk was nice with mom.I’m now in my pajama’s with my bag of popcorn and watching my shows.I got the lightly buttered bag.I know if I eat the entire bag I am eating two and a half servings but I’ll work it off tomorrow.
Nothing will stop my power walk tomorrow.
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