Fun Facts About A Grilled Cheese Sandwich
Grilled Cheese Sandwich Fun Facts
Your mortgage is paid off, your job secure, your halitosis cured; what's left to worry about?
Advances in grilled cheese sandwich technology offer unprecedented opportunities for life-affirming experiences. Never shy away from trying the Next Big Thing in grilled cheese. You may think you know what's up with pressed curds of milk between slabs of flour dough, but we beg to differ.
You're Supposed to Grate the Cheese
You need a cheese grater. The risk of grating skin off your knuckles is outweighed by the improvement in melting offered by shards of cheese. A slice will melt, sure, but probably after the bread has charred. You're left with a charred cheese sandwich, which is not the title of this article. Unfortunately, the cheese grater has been rated by Kitchen Sanitation Magazine as the 27th most difficult thing to clean up in the kitchen. Those people obviously need to go outside and play.
You Need to Slice Your Own Bread
Although bread manufacturers have invested millions of dollars to develop highly accurate slicing machines, no self-respecting grilled cheese chef wants pre-cut sandwich tops and bottoms. Proper toasted bread etiquette demands a knife sharp enough to cut through irony as well as crusty bread. Don't come home with a bag of Wonder Bread and expect to be inducted into the Grilled Cheese Hall of Fame.
'Murican Cheese Is The Best
Lotsa cheeses line supermarket dairy aisles. Each melts, eventually. Certainly you, as an independent grilled cheese consumer, may select appropriate sandwich contents. We here at The Institute for Melted Dairy Products on Bread heartily endorse American cheese as the sole choice for optimal consumption.
Cheddar is OK, also. Should you find yourself in the unfortunate condition of ordering Muenster on rye or even Colby on sourdough in order to close a big business deal, rest assured that you will not be judged. You will always find yourself welcome at the VFW Hall (Veterans of Fresh Windsor Red) kitchen.
You Can Order A Grilled Cheese Sandwich at a Drive-Through
If it's dark and you're in a town where no one knows your name, use the drive-through to satisfy your grilled cheese sandwich urges. Team it up with a cup of water and you have the ultimate Mexican prison hand meal. As an added bonus, most restaurants with drive-through windows also have ice machines. If asked, they will gladly plop a few cubes into your paper cup of watery goodness.
Sonic (the restaurant called Sonic, not the cooking speed or the classic hedgehog) grilled cheese sandwiches arrive in a little foil/paper bag. We wonder if the container cost more than the food it carries. Should the cheese be over melted, you may face a 2-handed chore if you want to actually separate the food from the container. This effort can be tricky once you're back on the freeway.
Wendy's will sell you a grilled cheese, but they don't know it yet. They offer a sandwich that inconveniently arrives with hamburger stuck in it; you can solve that problem. Ask the friendly voice behind the megaphone to prepare a plain cheeseburger with no meat. Don't try this unless you have a full tank of gas.
Good Cooks Comment on Grilled Cheese Sandwiches
We think that really famous people would have something to say about grilled cheese. We also think that they might sue us for defaming their chosen vocation, so vagueness becomes the order of the day...
Famous chef from New Orleans: I love grilled cheese sandwiches. I can get $47.50 for one at my restaurant.
Famous chef from New York: Grilled cheese? People only order it when we list it on the menu in French. When we do that, they sell like gâteaux chauds.
Famous chef from A Cable TV channel with the word 'Food' in it: We are currently developing a series called Grilled Cheese Iron Chef. The secret ingredient is the same every week. The pilot tests through the roof!
Famous Chef from The North Pole: My employees live on grilled cheese from the day after Thanksgiving until December 26th. They are great at toy making but lousy cooks.
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This is a callout. Google loves them. Surely my Grilled Cheese manifesto will now be featured.
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