Geezus... The Virgin Mary ... and the Holy Toast

Finally Tonight, Jesus...

Under the Impression

Amid the many gifts and trinkets sent to me, by the friends and family who know my love for the nostalgic and the terminally hip retro... I received that one gift. Simple, yet with that nibbling humor. You know THAT humor... squirmy, yet too damn funny, but still flavored with that uncomfortable "so wrong" feeling? A gift that has it's teeth and roots cutting into a nerve that is known as the holy apparition found in food. A phenomenon that has seen the holiest of the holy of recent appear in images on food... usually of the dough and pastry variety.

Made by a company simply call "Fred," I have the power to preform the miracle of creating HOLY TOAST, not to mention other off-shoots like the Glorious Grilled Cheese, the Pious Pizza, and the Righteous Tortilla... just to name a few ideas that are racing through sacrilegious, foodie mind. Any product whose tag-line is, "In the beginning...there was bread. Ho hum. Make that boring bread an inspiration by embossing it before you toast!" and,"Our easy-to-use HOLY TOAST stamper always makes a good impression." Deserves my devotion to create gastric delights worthy of the temple that is the human body.

Besides breakfast being the most important meal of the day... what else could have been the inspiration for Virgin Mary toast or Jesus grilled cheeses? Do you remember the "PopeTart?" or the $28,000, 10 year old toasted cheese sandwich that had the image of the Virgin Mary (which was purchased by the almighty on-line casino, from the religious artifact auction site known as eBay?)

Just like my HOLY TOAST maker, some religious images on food have been purposely created as part of a scam, to fraud some religious believer who will camp-out in front of our house hoping to witness some kind of miracle, or at least a psycho-sematic, crowd hysteria healing due to the power of the divine pastry. One of the best "hoak'ems" claimed later to be an artistic statement after an investigation into the holy food phenomenon was the famous toaster pastry of John Paul II aka the "Pope Tart." The "Pope Tart" was a hoax apparition created by Karen Stollznow in 2005 as part of an iinvestigation for the magazine "The Skeptic" in Australia

Most famously, was in 2004 when the decade-old toasted cheese sandwich said to have the blessed image of the Virgin Mary was sold on the famous auction website for $28,000. The winning bidder was an Internet casino, which proudly confirmed it had purchased the sandwich, claiming it had become a "part of pop culture". The online gaming site claimed it would take the sandwich on world tour before selling it and donating the money to charity.

The original owner of the miracle sandwich,Diane Duyser, from where else but the Mecca of oddities...Florida, said that the sandwich had never gone moldy... that in itself could be considered divine intervention... come on the sandwich was made in 1994, and still stayed mold-free! Know that's a testimony... from Zip-Loc baggies.

Just in case you were wondering... by the close of the sandwich auction, the sale had received over 1.7 million hits on the auction site.

Another incident that received a lot publicity was in 1996, known as the "Nun Bun." The face of Mother Teresa was claimed to have been on cinnamon bun at a coffee house in Nashville, Tennessee. Needless to say the coffee house jumped quickly on the marketing wagon by selling T-shirts and mugs.

Rumor has it that  on Christmas Day 2005 the bun was stolen during a break-in at the coffee house.

Other divine food images regularly reported is of Jesus Christ. Apparently Jesus prefers to appear on Cheetos, Tortillas, and Pancakes.

Again, some of these items have been offered for sale on Internet auction sites, because I believe that some people are confused between the words PROFIT and PROPHET.... but at least I know what I'm making for lunch. A Virgin Mary pattiemelt seems to be in order.

Jesus on a Pancake? - Lisa Bitel

Comments 40 comments

Dink96 profile image

Dink96 7 years ago from Phoenix, AZ

OMG, you've elevated this to rock star status! Now I have to get the Eiffel Tower one for my girlfriend! Are those your pictures of the product in actual use or product pictures? I'm curious to see how well it performed for you. Because if it doesn't live up to the the "Mecca of Oddities," I'm not buying any more of Fred's stuff! Merry Christmas, Jimmie!!

Jimmie Mac profile image

Jimmie Mac 7 years ago from Lurking around Florida Author

Well Dink... the French Toast design is hil-LARIOUS. The photos were found, but I will send pix of Holy Toast as I progress. Maybe the Ice-Teeth would be fun too?

Thank you and I hope you and your had a Merry Christmas

Dink96 profile image

Dink96 7 years ago from Phoenix, AZ

Oooh, you mean the Frozen Smile? I think Smeeks has those! You should open a franchise in FL! And yes we did!

Jimmie Mac profile image

Jimmie Mac 7 years ago from Lurking around Florida Author

Maybe I'll look into Smeek's franchise once I decide I've had enough of the Tree-Free rolling paper manufacturing business... but right now things are rolling along. ;^)

P.S. I'm glad you did.

blondepoet profile image

blondepoet 7 years ago from australia

I popped in really fast to say dang you are looking hot James.Im thrilled to see you back.

JamaGenee profile image

JamaGenee 7 years ago from Central Oklahoma

One Saturday morning, when the moon was "just right", Mercury was retro, and I crossed the first and second toes on both feet, I made a waffle that looked like Tower Bridge. Alas, I was out of Zip-Lock bags, so I simply sighed and ate what surely would've been a a hot item at Sotheby's. Yum!

Jimmie Mac profile image

Jimmie Mac 7 years ago from Lurking around Florida Author

Hey Blonde.. you look as beautiful as always. Thought you gave up on me, and moved on... heart breaker.

Jama sometimes wonderous things are happen only to be consumed... Truely a treasure lost to the world... but a delicious breakfast for you.

BrianS profile image

BrianS 7 years ago from Castelnaudary, France

This is rather amusing, I absolutely cannot see the point to being able to put an image of Jesus onto food. Completely pointless and because it is so pointless, sort of funny.

Welcome back, looking forward to more of your new writings.

Jimmie Mac profile image

Jimmie Mac 7 years ago from Lurking around Florida Author

Well BrianS.. taking something pointless and making a light Hub about it is what I do best. Thank you for taking the time to read through... it means I did my job.

So I guess my work here is done. Up, Up and AWwwwaaayyy

profile image

Whikat 7 years ago

LOL, This is the first hub that I have read of yours, but I am truly delighted :-) It was very entertaining, and dare I say enlightening :)

Jimmie Mac profile image

Jimmie Mac 7 years ago from Lurking around Florida Author

Thank you Whikat.

Those who dare can share a laugh.

Redraven077 profile image

Redraven077 7 years ago from Utah

Entertaining hub! thnx for the amusement :)

Jimmie Mac profile image

Jimmie Mac 7 years ago from Lurking around Florida Author

Thank you Redraven077. Pleased to entertain you

zzron profile image

zzron 7 years ago from Houston, TX.

I dont particularly like the expression OMG but this is an awesome hub. Really neat photos.

Jimmie Mac profile image

Jimmie Mac 7 years ago from Lurking around Florida Author

ZZRon, Thank you for bestowing me with such an honor as being one of the few the can make you bust out such an expression!

IntimatEvolution profile image

IntimatEvolution 6 years ago from Columbia, MO USA

This is great. You've got to be kidding me. A Jesus toast stamper. i love it.

Winsome profile image

Winsome 6 years ago from Southern California by way of Texas

Poking fun at toast in the form of a holy press--what next, holy hand grenades? =:) Fun hub Jimmie.

Jimmie Mac profile image

Jimmie Mac 6 years ago from Lurking around Florida Author

Well Winsome, I do believe its all in fun.... until someone loses an eye... then it just maybe down right uncontrolable

Shinkicker profile image

Shinkicker 6 years ago from Scotland

Hilarious Jimmie

'Pope Tarts' and 'Nun Buns' Love it.

I seem to remember a genuine Pope John-Paul 2nd garden sprinkler called "Let us spray" :-)

Cheers mate

Jimmie Mac profile image

Jimmie Mac 6 years ago from Lurking around Florida Author

Shinkicker that IS a must see... happy you can join in the fun of the most holy of products

valeriebelew profile image

valeriebelew 6 years ago from Metro Atlanta, GA, USA

jimmie, sounds to me like a damned wild imagination. Umm. Guess it takes all kinds, of nuts that is, and please don't report that the apostle paul has been seen on a peanut. (:v

agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 6 years ago from Australia

Hi Jimmie, We have an amazing product here in Australia called Vegemite (I'm sure you would have heard of it?)

It goes very well with toast and when tried for the first time I have heard many people say "Holy S**t you actually eat this c**p" Does that make my toast "Holy Toast" ?

Also if you are a good artist you can make all sorts of images when spreading the Vegemite on your toast!

BkCreative profile image

BkCreative 6 years ago from Brooklyn, New York City

Taking something pointless and making a light hub about it - and yes, your work is done. Build it and we will come. And I'm glad I did. I remember all this craziness, and all these images and being sold on auction - are we truly that simple-minded? Well, then of course that is just a rhetorical question - sigh!

Great to meet you by the way and this is a special day for both of us - you are my...are you 1000th fan/follower. The day has come. I'm going out for some Chinese food now - and cookies. Yay! And thanks for this hub!

Rated up!

tonymac04 profile image

tonymac04 6 years ago from South Africa

HNilarious - and sad, in a way. How gullible people can be. And yet, if we weren't, we wouldn't have had a Hub like this to laugh about!

Thanks for this.

Love and peace


Storytellersrus profile image

Storytellersrus 6 years ago from Stepping past clutter


marisuewrites profile image

marisuewrites 6 years ago from USA

really funny!! I once had a friend who had a daughter who was pregnant and she came flying in to my office one day to show me the sonogram....there was a faint impression of "Christ's Face" in among all the shadows where the baby was .... somewhere....

Was she trying to say it was immaculate conception? or... I guess you can see anything anywhere... LOL

mythbuster profile image

mythbuster 6 years ago from Utopia, Oz, You Decide

Jimmie Mac, this is an awesome hub. The pics are wonderful. I loved the text about the "Pope Tart" lol. I need to find one of those Jesus Toast gadgets.

stephanieculkins profile image

stephanieculkins 6 years ago from El Cajon CA

Love this hub, compiling all those info is quite a hard job, well in our current era such kind of issue are really intriguing because it has something to do with faith

MPG Narratives profile image

MPG Narratives 6 years ago from Sydney, Australia

I remember the "Pope Tart" incident, it was all over the news down here, it was hilarious. As is this hub, thanks for the laughs Jimmie. I'll have to remember to check my toast in the morning, I could make a fortune! lol

jeri741 profile image

jeri741 6 years ago from Lancaster, Ky

This one made me smile.

easylearningweb profile image

easylearningweb 6 years ago

Unbelieveable and quite interesting. One time, on awooden door, in the grain of the wood, I did see something that to me, looked like the face of Jesus. I do believe there are "authentic" occurrences of this, and if we do see this, it helps some of us "keep the faith".

Good hub and welcome back!


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 6 years ago from South Africa

James, first I have to congratulate you with your style of writing. It is short and sweet and captivating. Your avatar is also worth mentioning – it will sweep many women off their feet.

Regarding the theme - I would really like to share my personal thoughts about this, but only if you realize it is about the topic and not about you. Here I go – (knowing that you have the choice to delete it – and if you do, I will not hold it against you).

Personally, whenever I find myself in an environment where people make a mock of ANYTHING that may be regarded as precious and sacred by ANYBODY, I feel uncomfortable. I may admire the mockers’ creativity and even their guts to rebel openly in a funny way, and I may even smile behind my hand. But I will discreetly disappear. My conscience will not allow me to enjoy something which may be regarded as the lack of respect for the sacred values of others.

It is easy to respect the believes – how silly it may seem – of others when you observe a seven year old girl playing mother-mother with her dolls. She does that with her whole heart; in her thoughts she is a mother per excellence. Take away her doll, tell her she is stupid and silly to live in her imagination, make fun of her and her toys, will certainly break her heart and spirit.

Another metaphor: As adults we have to respect the innocent and sincere believes of people who are not as ‘old’ as us. We should not destroy the sandcastles built by those who love to build and admire sandcastles.

Your talent as a hubber (also as St. James) of highly intellectual hubs about topics too far above the comprehension of the majority people on this earth, deserves a bow. You are one of those who will be appreciated long after your death – like Beethoven and who-was-the-guy-who-said-the-earth-rotates-around-the-sun (while everybody else believed the sun rotates around the earth)?

I’m looking forward to your next hub.

k@ri profile image

k@ri 6 years ago from Sunny Southern California

I'm very glad to see you again! I've been wondering where you had gone. :D

Petra Vlah profile image

Petra Vlah 6 years ago from Los Angeles

Great hub in more ways than one. I will have to pay more attention from now on and see where else can I find Jesus. Will let you know soon.

Christopher Price profile image

Christopher Price 6 years ago from Vermont, USA

Well written and wholey funny.

Recently. an entrepreneur here in Vermont developed a toaster that singes the image of Jesus on a slice of bread. He's got a barn full of these things he had manufactured in China and he's expecting to make a bundle of 'em.

P.T.Barnum had it right!


Karen Wodke profile image

Karen Wodke 6 years ago from Midwest

Wow, great article on a subject I hadn't thought about yet. Thank you for injecting it into my head where it will now probably roll around like a marble on a slanted floor and distract me from my purpose. What was my purpose anyway? See? Told you it would happen.

kirutaye profile image

kirutaye 6 years ago from London, UK

Fantastic hub. So hilarious, i laughed through it.

Thanks for sharing.

Happyboomernurse profile image

Happyboomernurse 6 years ago from South Carolina

Fun hub. I love your sense of humor and wit. Thanks for a good chuckle.

Happyboomernurse profile image

Happyboomernurse 6 years ago from South Carolina

sligobay profile image

sligobay 6 years ago from east of the equator

Holy bisquits, Batman! Loved this hub and the holy grub. Yummy stuff.

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