Hot Lunch Sausage in the Cradle Adults Only

This lunch is best prepared as a teamwork event in a monogamous relationship. Children should not be in the house; so when they are young, do so while they are at school, or wait till they’re grown and gone and do it when you know they or friends will not be stopping by. Your state of dress and state of mind are limited only by your imagination and creativity as a couple. Remember what’s done in the kitchen stays in the kitchen and a life time secret between you. Like all things in life, it does not require expensive ingredients to make it a memorable moment between you, and like the oven it works best when you are pre-heated.

While I break the steps down to guys and gals these steps should not be done simultaneously they should be done consecutively with your partner standing close behind whispering sweet nothings in your ear and impishly wandering their hands and lips in those sweet places you know about each other.

Ingredients

1 Pkg Hillshire Farm Beef Hot Links

2 Slices Baloney

1 Tube of 8 Buttermilk Grand Biscuits

8 ea Slices of Cheese or 8 mozzarella sticks

Condiments of your choosing

  1. Preheat oven to 375 deg

Gals

  1. Remove the sausage from there sleeve, noting the firmness and length as you lay them on the cutting board.
  2. Take the knife and smile as you split the sausages from one end to the other with the deft hand of a kitchen surgeon performing a slow and cruel sausage vasectomy, yes remember the pain of morning sickness, of labor, birth, periods, the nights he snores after he’s had his leg over, or farts in his sleep and smile with each cut. But be deft lass do not pierce the bottom side skin as you want a trough down that shaft to hold the cheese.
  3. Fold and split the cheese slices into quarters along their length and gently place them into those long shafts of goodness as you turn your attention to the baloney slices.
  4. Place the cheese slice or mozzarella stick at the edge of the slice and lovingly roll it into a nice tight tube, think of the times when you looked and felt your worst and he came home from work gave you a kiss and said “Hey Beautiful, how was your day?” or think of the time when the meal was a flop and he said “May I have some more please?” You get the picture I think. Now move to the side and let him play.

Guys

  1. Release the biscuits from their dark prison of the tube. Notice how they swell a bit when they see the light of day.
  2. Place them gently and evenly spaced on an un-greased cookie sheet, carefully note the texture of these soft, pliable, tender little bobs, like petals of a rose not yet bloomed.
  3. Take each sausage from the cutting board and gently but firmly lay it in the center of the biscuit then slowly, thumbs on one side and fingers on the other lift and knead the biscuit up and around the top of the sausage. Swelling the softness until it wraps around that long hard tube, bring it up to the top but do not pinch it closed, just knead it softly until the edges meet. I don’t need to tell you what to think you’re a guy you think about it all the time anyway.
  4. When all are ready, when the tension, the ying and yang are at their heights, place the cookie sheet into the comfort of the warm dark oven.

You’ve got about 7 and a half minutes of time to kill. If you stay in the kitchen you’ll hear the release as cheese and sausage juice splatter the hot cookie sheet. Have some fun.

Wash your hands both of you.

Check the biscuits for golden tops and remove from oven. Let cool for five minutes or so before serving (time for some more fun), add your condiments and enjoy when you get around to it.

Warning - Do not fix these as a meal for your children! Use plain old hot dogs and crescent rolls if you want to make it a family meal, and do not prepare it together. Using the recipe and techniques above to prepare them for your kids amount to culinary child pornography.

Also if you can't do lunch, at home but have a getaway spot in the country than fix them late at night, let them cool to room temp, wrap them individually in foil and refrigerate. Go to your favorite spot in the country but before you do, pack them around the exhaust manifold of your car and put a bottle of wine or a beer or two (no more) in the cooler and head out for your private spot. By the time you get there they'll be singing in their wrapper and the eatin' will be good.

And for a chuckle or two here are six more ‘fundamental truths’

FINALLY, THE 6 ANSWERS WE HAVE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR:

Q: WHAT ARE THE SMALL BUMPS AROUND A WOMAN'S NIPPLES FOR ?

A: It's Braille for ' suck here. '

Q: WHAT IS AN AUSTRALIAN KISS ?

A: It's the same as a French kiss, but ' down under. '

Q: WHAT DO YOU DO WITH 365 USED CONDOMS ?

A: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.

Q: WHY WERE HURRICANES NORMALLY NAMED AFTER WOMEN ?

A: Because when they come, they're wild and wet. But when they go, they take your house and car with them.

Q: WHY DO GIRLS RUB THEIR EYES WHEN THEY GET UP IN THE MORNING ?

A: Because they don't have any b@lls to scratch...




AND:

Q: WHAT IS A MAN'S ULTIMATE EMBARASSMENT?

A: Running into a wall with an erection and breaking his nose.

(Editors note: I hate it when that happens!!)


Have a great day and keep your comments clean!!

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Comments 25 comments

breakfastpop profile image

breakfastpop 6 years ago

Okay, your hub is tasty, sexy, outrageous and funny as hell! Thanks for making me laugh.


Hmrjmr1 profile image

Hmrjmr1 6 years ago from Georgia, USA Author

Good O BPop


Lgali profile image

Lgali 6 years ago

very nice hub


GustheRedneck 6 years ago

Hmrjmr1 - Nice recipe explicitly stated. :-)))


Hmrjmr1 profile image

Hmrjmr1 6 years ago from Georgia, USA Author

Lgali - Thanks

Gus - Enjoy my friend


queenbe profile image

queenbe 6 years ago from NY

This hub is so clever and creative woven together. It is really cool. I enjoyed it wervy much. Thanks for the receipes and trivia. Way cool buddy. Bravo!


Hmrjmr1 profile image

Hmrjmr1 6 years ago from Georgia, USA Author

queenbe - so happy you enjoyed this culinary journey sweetie


Carolyn 6 years ago

I found this article very interesting...


Hmrjmr1 profile image

Hmrjmr1 6 years ago from Georgia, USA Author

Gets your mind wandering don't it? LOL


habee profile image

habee 6 years ago from Georgia

Okay, Hammer - I can tell you and I are gonna be fast friends! That hub "got my heart pumpin'"! Is it hot in here? I don't know about those sausage, but I definitely like your cooking methods!

Go read my "First Mammogram with the Twins." Tell me what you think about it!


Hmrjmr1 profile image

Hmrjmr1 6 years ago from Georgia, USA Author

Habee - Thanks for stopping by, Lunch with the Warrior Princess was a team event, it wasn't a meal it was a life style!!


stars439 profile image

stars439 6 years ago from Louisiana, The Magnolia and Pelican State.

wonderful recipes and like the humor. God Bless You for being and American hero. It is and honor to have you as my fan. My father was a World War 2 disabled veteran and career soldier. I was so fortunate to have a wonderful father. My mother was great also. She followed him in troop trains. God Bless You


Patty Inglish, MS profile image

Patty Inglish, MS 6 years ago from North America

I can't help laughing at a couple of these jokes. At the local high school a couple years ago, a young man in the shower found a small hole in the wall, ran into it for fun, and got "stuck", if you know what I mean.


Hmrjmr1 profile image

Hmrjmr1 6 years ago from Georgia, USA Author

stars439 - Thank you for your kind words, just did my duty as I saw it at the time. God Bless you and your family for thier service as well...Thanks

Patty - Thanks for coming by, Hurts to think of it OOOCH!


ralwus 6 years ago

Love those biscuits. This is an outrageous hub. Loved it


Hmrjmr1 profile image

Hmrjmr1 6 years ago from Georgia, USA Author

Ralwus - Thanks man, good hands with the biscuits is key to the success of the recipe. Hoooah!


ivori 6 years ago

Ooh-La-La! Sure do like the way you prepare lunch! Great hub, love it! Hooooooahhh, for sure!


Hmrjmr1 profile image

Hmrjmr1 6 years ago from Georgia, USA Author

ivori - I was blessed with much practice! Thanks for stopping By!


Springboard profile image

Springboard 6 years ago from Wisconsin

After that I don't know whether I'm hungry or horny. lol. Interesting recipe to say the least, I think I'm going to go share it with the wifey.

Luckily we have no kids to worry about. :)


Hmrjmr1 profile image

Hmrjmr1 6 years ago from Georgia, USA Author

Springboard - with no kids around you can afford to be both! Have fun and Do Enjoy!! :) :)


ralwus 6 years ago

I had to return and read this anew. I was laughing all the way through, again. 'Release the biscuits from their dark prison of the tube.' Loved that one and my sausage is never placed on no damn cuttin' board. Ever!


Tom Cornett profile image

Tom Cornett 6 years ago from Ohio

Loved this! Cracked me up! The kitchen is not just for cookin' anymore. :)


Hmrjmr1 profile image

Hmrjmr1 6 years ago from Georgia, USA Author

ralwus - glad it brought a chuckle lad! Now go free the biscuits and have a fun lunch!!


Hmrjmr1 profile image

Hmrjmr1 6 years ago from Georgia, USA Author

Tom - Like I said it's not just a meal its a lifestyle!! Do Enjoy!!


stars439 profile image

stars439 5 years ago from Louisiana, The Magnolia and Pelican State.

Great hub. God Bless You. Fun to read.

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