How to turn KFC Crispy Strips into Something Edible

Close Encounter with KFC Crispy Strips Meal

So, you arrive home late from the bar, having stopped off at KFC, the only open food place on the way. You've not eaten KFC for ten years. Maybe it's improved. Hope springs eternal.

You open up your Crispy Strips Meal and reel backwards at the smell of fat. OK, there's possibly a hint of chicken in there too. You carry out a quick survey: three large fried things (probably the chicken), a small pot of coleslaw, a cone of chips (fries, if you prefer), four small sachets of tomato ketchup and a pepsi. A few other bits and pieces that are even less edible than the food.

crispy strips, or deep fried teddy bears?
crispy strips, or deep fried teddy bears? | Source

Anatomy of a KFC Crispy Strip

Crispy Strips don't look like chicken. In fact they look like deep fried teddy bears. Their thick coat is a way of selling less chicken and more batter. And more fat.

You seize the ugliest one and bite into it. You get a mouthful of hot oil and bugger-all flavour. You realise that you're not going to finish one of these, never mind three. But you're still hungry. The chips are a lost cause, having wilted inside the steamy box. What to do next?

You wander into the kitchen in search of inspiration. An idea surfaces slowly through the receding mists of beer. It is a kitchen, after all! You select a medium sized pan. You know it's medium sized because you have one that's bigger and one that's smaller. Cooking is easy.

You throw the chips in the bin.

You take the four sachets of tomato ketchup and squirt their contents into the pan.

You grab a lemon, halve it, and squeeze the juice of one half into the pan. It's offended by the ketchup but you don't care.

You chop one small green chili as finely as you can be bothered, and do the same to a piece of fresh root ginger about the size of your great toe. Into the pan with these.

You empty in the contents of the coleslaw tub, using the forefinger of your right hand as a scraper. You're cooking for yourself, so this is just fine.

You add one teaspoonful of garam masala. If you don't have this, you can use curry powder, but you do, you see, because you're me in this narrative!

You add enough water to make it wet, and let it simmer slowly, because simmering quickly isn't simmering, OK?

the best place for it
the best place for it | Source

Take three KFC Crispy Strips...

You brace yourself for what you are about to do, and with thumb and forefinger you prize the pieces of chicken free from their foul coating.

You squidge the coating into the KFC Meal box, shut the lid on it and chuck it in the bin, the only place it is fit for.

You remove any bones and obvious gristle, cut the chicken into sensible sized pieces and add them to the simmering sauce. They jump up and thank you.

The chicken is already cooked of course, so you give it only a few minutes to come up to heat and absorb some flavour. It's beginning to smell just great.

It says Aqua Fina, in Arabic, OK?
It says Aqua Fina, in Arabic, OK? | Source

And that's about it

You try the Pepsi and find it warm, flat and disgustingly sweet, so you pour it down the drain.

You pour a glass of water instead, except you use a steel tumbler which works every bit as well.

You serve your fresh chicken dish on a proper plate and eat it with a metal knife and fork, like the civilised chap you are.

You don't bother taking photographs of it because you're too hungry. You just enjoy the fresh tastes and scents of lemon, ginger and garam masala spices. And your heart is grateful too.

Eat your heart out, Colonel Sanders!

More by this Author


Comments 33 comments

Mentalist acer profile image

Mentalist acer 5 years ago from A Voice in your Mind!

No bones about it,you've indeed improved a dystopic situation Paraglider.;)


Paraglider profile image

Paraglider 5 years ago from Kyle, Scotland Author

Thank you :) And the recipe works even better with fresh chicken!


SilverGenes 5 years ago

I enjoyed the offended lemon very much! Best use of KFC I've heard in years!


Paraglider profile image

Paraglider 5 years ago from Kyle, Scotland Author

SilverGenes - it was certainly an improvement on the original. Maybe I should patent the recipe :)


Amanda Severn profile image

Amanda Severn 5 years ago from UK

My son has recently discovered the joys of KFC(!!??) We've tried to persuade him that it isn't really food, just artery clogging calories masquerading as a meal. He's not convinced, but then I wouldn't have been either, at his age. Your KFC recipe sounds a big improvement to me!


Paraglider profile image

Paraglider 5 years ago from Kyle, Scotland Author

Hi Amanda - I think KFC came top in a fat content survey of fast food outlets, even above McD's and Burger King. I certainly preferred my modified version!


amillar profile image

amillar 5 years ago from Scotland, UK

That's my kind of cooking Paraglider. However, if you want to bypass Colonel Sanders' processed food completely, for example the ketchup, you can add sweet apple. The sugar in the ketchup is probably cane sugar; the apple has fructose sugar, which is supposed to be healthier. I'm banned from using lemon juice because it leaves a "metallic" taste in my wife's mouth - but it substitutes well for vinegar; citric acid is supposed to be healthier than acetic acid.

If you want to eliminate the salt (in the masala) add a little black pepper and another toe-full of fresh ginger (expensive but worth it).

I hope you don't mind me being the clever clogs, but I was a cook to trade, although, admittedly, that had more to do with cooking "teddy bears".

This is a fun hub chef. Up, funny - and useful.


Paraglider profile image

Paraglider 5 years ago from Kyle, Scotland Author

Greetings amillar - professional visitors most welcome! I'm not too fussy about eliminating salt, for example, I use quite a lot of soy sauce sometimes which is pretty salty. But I hadn't realised there was any salt at all in garam masala powder. I thought it was just a blend of ground spices. That's good info. I won't ever give up my lemon juice though!


gramon1 profile image

gramon1 5 years ago from Miami

Why not eliminate the KFC completely and eat you chopped pepper with lemon, ginger, and whatever additives you want. You don't need the additional junk.

Have you ever noticed how the Chicken legs are bent, not straight? It's because the poor chickens were tied in one spot, fed meat scraps, antibiotics, chicken shit, and hormones. DELICIOUS!

Anyway, I'll try your recipe, without the JFK.


Paraglider profile image

Paraglider 5 years ago from Kyle, Scotland Author

Hi gramon1 - we get quite good quality chicken here in Qatar. At least semi free range and fed on grain. Though of course I don't know where KFC get theirs from. This was a salvage exercise, so I didn't have to chuck everything out. I eat fresh whole foods every day. The processed foods haven't really made inroads here, fortunately.


always exploring profile image

always exploring 5 years ago from Southern Illinois

This was funny, thank's for the laugh and new recipe.


gramon1 profile image

gramon1 5 years ago from Miami

Paraglider, let's hope you continue getting the good stuff there. Here in the USA, we have to buy organic food, read the labels carefully, and pray that the labels are true.

Anyway, the post is funny. Thanks.


J.S.Matthew profile image

J.S.Matthew 5 years ago from Massachusetts, USA

Very funny but sounds like an interesting experiment! I enjoyed your writing style on this one-good job!

JSMatthew~


Paraglider profile image

Paraglider 5 years ago from Kyle, Scotland Author

always exploring - one of my less serious offerings! Glad you liked it :)

gramon - keep reading the labels then! Cheers.

J.S.Matthew - chili, ginger and lemon can salvage anything!


quicksand profile image

quicksand 5 years ago

LOL! I liked the title very much indeed, and also the phrase "A few other bits and pieces that are even less edible than the food!"

Thanks for the recipe anyway! But ... what a waste if you spill the Pepsi into the sink! Can't you use it as a disinfectant when you mop the floor, or at least as an after shave? It probably kills acne causing bacteria faster than Old Spice does!

I would like to have a few more recipes like this please! :)___________:) [That means wide grin!]


Jeremey profile image

Jeremey 5 years ago from Arizona

I haven't craved KFC in a long long time, your added touch and humorous narrative have brought on a craving! Good thing There's no KFC with-in walking distance or off I would be! Hit up and all the buttons on this one! The new flavor of KFC has arrived.


Paraglider profile image

Paraglider 5 years ago from Kyle, Scotland Author

Hi Quicksand - I think I'll pass on the idea of splashing my face with pepsi. I'm told you can use it to clean silverware though.

Jeremey - Resist the urge - resist the urge. . . :)


Christopher Price profile image

Christopher Price 5 years ago from Vermont, USA

Nice "save".

I must say however that I have seldom arrived home late from the bar while still maintaining even a modicum of concern for the nutritional content of what might satisfy my "munchies". You just weren't drunk enough!

CP


Paraglider profile image

Paraglider 5 years ago from Kyle, Scotland Author

Hi Christopher - you have a point there! Must try harder.. must try harder..


wingedcentaur profile image

wingedcentaur 5 years ago from That Great Primordial Smash UP of This and That Which Gave Rise To All Beings and All Things!

Well done Paraglider!

Even we Americans -- deep in our collective hearts -- know that REAL chicken is nothing like the way the Colonel puts it out. I like that recipe of yours.

You know, if you wanted to go into culinary writing, I think you have a niche for yourself, something like: "The Fifteen Minute Gourmet: How To Turn Inedible Fast Food Into Something You Can Eat!"

Can you do anything with so-called "Chinese" take out?

Nice Work!


Paraglider profile image

Paraglider 5 years ago from Kyle, Scotland Author

Hi Wingedcentaur - I'm strictly an amateur when it comes to cooking. This one was just a bit of fun. Here in the Gulf, there's no shortage of authentic Chinese cooking available, though we do also have our share of 'sugar, soy and msg' kitchens, more's the pity.


katiem2 profile image

katiem2 5 years ago from I'm outta here

I'm a vegetarian and just had to read about how you'd improve KFC crisp chicken strips into food. I applaud you and your discovery! :) Katie


Paraglider profile image

Paraglider 5 years ago from Kyle, Scotland Author

Hi Katie - I'm not vegetarian (obviously) but I do eat a lot of vegetarian food. I'm amazed that some people are wholly converted to McDonalds and KFC though. That's barely food at all! Thanks for the read :)


Shinkicker profile image

Shinkicker 5 years ago from Scotland

This message came to you from McDonalds :-)

Perfect advice Paraglider. How to turn KFC Crispy Strips into Something Edible. I've never liked KFC's. Absolutely tasteless muck. A zinger's a minger!!!


Paraglider profile image

Paraglider 5 years ago from Kyle, Scotland Author

A zinger's a minger ideed - like it!! Cheers :)


fetty profile image

fetty 5 years ago from South Jersey

Great hub and I love the KFC coleslaw. Very creative recipe,too. If you have access to Wendy's they make a killer chicken/apples with feta cheese salad. They offer two sizes. Granny Smith apples and Rome are chopped , Crainsins by the handful with feta or blue cheese is presented on fresh spring greens. A Pomegranate dressing and Black walnuts are presented in two separate bags for you to add or not. Currently, I can't get enough of this salad. The chicken breasts are lightly broiled and really appear to be chicken.


Paraglider profile image

Paraglider 5 years ago from Kyle, Scotland Author

I don't think Wendy has an outlet in Qatar, but I remember them from London, as being a whole league above McDonalds and Burger King for quality.


prettydarkhorse profile image

prettydarkhorse 5 years ago from US

Nice one Dave, hehe. I am not a big fan of the Col. I can imagine how it taste now with the lemon and curry. I am liking that with a bit of chili. I will try that. Maita


Paraglider profile image

Paraglider 5 years ago from Kyle, Scotland Author

Bon appetit! Thanks for the visit :)


Fay Paxton 5 years ago

Now this is my kind of recipe. up/funny and awesome


Paraglider profile image

Paraglider 5 years ago from Kyle, Scotland Author

And tasty too - thanks Fay :)


Talisker profile image

Talisker 4 years ago from UK

I like this! I haven't actually eaten a KFC, but the fact that they serve meals in a bucket rather puts me off.


Paraglider profile image

Paraglider 4 years ago from Kyle, Scotland Author

I wouldn't rush to sample a KFC. Pizza is far more wholesome :)

    Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account.

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.


    Click to Rate This Article
    working