Learning to Eat a Cookie Again
Because Life is Short
While oogling several displays of fudge, I came across a proud announcement displaying one person’s declaration that they ate a little bit of fudge every day for the past four or so years. With this declaration came the gleeful information of how many pounds of fudge they had eaten so far, how many calories it added up to and just how much sugar that was. Now, having added this nameless person to my hall of fame, I think this person has made a wise lifestyle decision. Having deprived myself of tasty food in the noble goal that is weight loss, this person radiated Gandhi to me. Well, if Gandhi liked chocolate and didn’t do that hunger strike activity. Go without food? Willingly? Inconceivable!
Although many months have passed since I have seen this declaration that life is meant to be spent eating tasty food of some kind every day, I realize now that this is a life changing experience. For, after having read this person’s very logical discussion on all the benefits they gained from eating fudge, I realize that when I look back on my life and how it was spent, I don’t want to look back on a cookieless existence. What is life if you can’t enjoy a cookie?
That day, part of life became as crystal to me. I shouldn’t deprive myself of a cookie. No. I would enter into a new kind of freedom. I would be like this faceless hero. I would eat a cookie! As these thoughts of cookie goodness filled me, I realized that while I couldn’t burn bras in the sixties, I could declare my freedom by eating a cookie every day. After all, by eating a cookie, I would revel in my newfound freedom to enjoy that part of life I had been depriving myself of (and it’s a hard deprivation especially when you walk past the cookie aisle, see the cookie dough and have a barely touched cookie pan greeting you.
Sadly, anyone who has ever had a revelation about a new direction they should take shares the frustration that is acting on that revelation. Sure, I have enough magazines telling me how to get those flat abs I want, but do I do them? Ha! Not even. Maybe I’ll change that. Tomorrow. And just like I approach my “improving abs” goal, I also approached my “eat-a-cookie” goal. I’ll do it after I’ve lost ten pounds. After I’ve gotten my eating figured out. After this week blows over.
Desire for cookies has begun to nudge me past my strict abstinence. Because while I have learned to measure, measure, measure everything in this goal I have of weight loss (the most insidious form of oppression placed on women today), I can’t go without cookies. Not any more. It’s just not right.
I feel much like Cookie Monster in this respect. Well, before he went PC and became veggie monster. He realized that cookie are an essential food group. He realized that not eating cookies meant eating everything in sight out of longing for cookies. In Christmas Eve on Seasame Street, he ate the tree, the telephone, the typewriter, the pencil and paper and every device that would allow him to communicate to Santa just what cookies he wanted. He did this purely out of that primal desire for cookies. As a child, he was my role model.
With his example, perhaps I can stay true in some form to this aspiration. Perhaps I can continue to defy the “can’t” part of myself and eat just one cookie. Thus far (my second day in the journey), I have eaten three chocolate chip cookies. I blame Subway for the extra cookie. They really shouldn’t give people like me two cookies at once. But I won’t refuse. And tomorrow, when I bike back to Subway, I think I will eat another cookie. Maybe this time, it will be peanut butter.
While this goal might not be the most noble one I’ve had, I think, given the brevity of life, that I really do want to have more fond remembrances of eating cookies. For while I do want to lose weight, I also want to be happy. Having recently learned of the phrase “festively plump,” I think that eating a cookie is quite all right. It signifies merriment. True hobbit-likeness.
Funny, though. For while I have been eating more cookies in my attempt to lose weight (I’m doing the calorie count thing now at livestrong), I actually have been losing weight. Tomorrow when I’m eating my cookie at Subway (because people like me tend to go cookie monster when cooking a whole bunch of cookies) and in the future when I’m cooking thirteen dozen cookies for a cookie swap (I’m a little worried about this. How ever will I restrain my primal urges?), I will think back on the day that my life changed. I will think back on the day I decided that it was OK to eat a cookie.
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