Looking for salt, fat and crass humor? Look no further than Smoky Bones Restaurants

Fat People Love Smokey Bones

Fat people seem to be drawn to the Smokey Bones concept of high calorie, high fat, high salt food.
Fat people seem to be drawn to the Smokey Bones concept of high calorie, high fat, high salt food.

Typical sexist signage at Smokey Bones

Fat People Welcome at Smokey Bones

Redesigned Smokey Bones Bar and Grill is heavy in more ways than one

My family and I love BBQ. When we lived in the Boston area we loved Blue Ribbon BBQ in Arlington and Red Bones in Cambridge. In North Conway, NH we always like Moat Mountain Brewery for ribs. And in Bangor, ME we used to like to go to Smokey Bones on one of our shopping days off Mount Desert Island. Sure we know its not the most healthy diet in the world but once in a while if you are active otherwise it can't hurt too much have a little fat laden food in.

Smokey Bones had a nice Canadian Log Cabin Lodge feel to it with lots of pretty nature scenery and decorations. The only thing we couldn't stand was the TV sound boxes at every table. They had TVs every where in that place and it was very distracting. I go out to eat to be with my family and to enjoy some conversation while other people do the cooking, serving and cleaning. I don't go out to eat to watch TV or to listen to some sports addicted guy next to me switch channels. But the ribs were great and the price was right so we put up with the TV control center atmosphere. Smokey Bones in Bangor closed suddenly a few years back while the chain owed by the same company that owns Red Lobster and Olive Garden decided what to do with this less than expected performer in their portfolio.

Well after going indoor sky diving in Nashua, NH we were hungry and saw that there was a Smokey Bones in town so we decided to check it out. I can't say the experience was all that wonderful. First off we had to wait for about 20 minutes even though it was around 2 pm on a Sunday afternoon and there were about about half of the tables open.

But it did give us a chance to expect the changes in this relaunched version of Smokey Bones. Unfortunately Smokey Bones seems to have taken the low road and is trying to add humor to its decor and play down the outdoorsy feeling. There are funny videos playing on the TV screens and funny yet crass signage all over the place. Like for example the restrooms sign has a symbol for men, women and a monster crossed out. I almost wonder if our long wait was part of their overall "Bones" experience as if watching funny pet videos and old Buster Keaton clips would some how form a lasting experience.

Otherwise they are trying to be more like a Hooters. The waitresses are all dressed in skimpy shorts and t-shirts that say things like "BBQ-Babelious". The signage all over the place has boys high school locker room humor, like "come get your balls wet on Tuesdays".

It really was not appropriate for any children who can read if you care for your boys to actually mature past the age of 10 and have respect for women.

So how was the food? My wife got the St. Louis ribs 1/3 rack and I got the favorites combo with smoked turkey and beef brisket. The ribs were up to what we remembered - what human can resist the salty/spicy dry rub and the sugary BBQ sauces? On my plate the baked bean were absolutely amazing, the turkey had a wonderful apple smoked flavor but the brisket was very fatty - I'm a big brisket fan and I've never seen brisket this fatty.

Judging by the patrons, this restaurant seems to be a fat persons heaven. Their commercials seem to emphasis over eating and having thirds and the menu has real health conscious choices. In fact they promote the opposite - one table tent shows a ridiculous mountain of three cheese burgers topped with fried onion rings. You'd have to have a mouth the size of an lions to take a bit out of that monster.

To top it off I had some ill behaved brats in the booth behind me craning their necks to see "The funny show, the funny show" while their parents tried unsuccessfully to get them to "leave the man alone". They weren't distracted until one of the adults pulled out an iPhone or iTouch and then the two devil kids proceeded to fight over that. At least they weren't breathing down my neck at this point.

Overall, I think I've had my last visit to Smokey Bones, the crass humor, the over-sized patrons and the Hooter Girls, I mean Boner Girls was just too much sensory overload to enjoy.

Smokey Bones is now owned by Sun Capital Partners and they've up the drink sales - alcohol was 8.5 percent of sales, although it had been in the teens in the concept’s early years, it is now over 20% of overall sales.

Eat your rib Baby

You are what you eat - Fat In, Fat On

According to the Smokey Bones Nutrition Guide here is what I packed on at my Smokey Bones lunch:

  • Fresh Steamed Broccoli - 70 calories, 110 mg of sodium
  • BBQ Baked Beans - Side - 250 calories, 660 mg of sodium
  • Sliced Smoked Turkey Breast - 400 calories, 920 mg of sodium
  • Smoked Beef Brisket -660 calories, 620 mg of sodium

This type of diet is deadly if you have high blood pressure.

You want to know why healthcare costs in America is skyrocketing? People are eating like this several times a week or more!


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