The Despicables - America's most hated vegetables
The information below is not based on any scientific evidence, polls or surveys. It is also very very biased.
For the most part, I eat a fairly sensible, healthy diet. I exercise and try to stay fit. Like most people I enjoy a good leafy salad or veggie pizza. But lurking in the darkness, hiding in your freezer or on your shelves, there are some vegetables that are so utterly deplorable, so repulsive, they make me squirm just to think about them. From the wretched bowels of the earth, I present the vegetables only a mother could love, The Despicables.
Before we start I would like to acknowledge that there are some who actually enjoy these dregs of the food chain, to that I will say that even Ted Bundy had a fan club.
Cauliflower - Broccoli's mean brother. White, orange, green or purple, it doesn't matter, this food is wicked no matter what uniform it dons. Maybe it's my ears. Cooking cauliflower releases its full potential, spewing an immoral odor that will haunt the walls of your house for days. Stay away.
Lima Beans - Also known as butter beans, these grotesque pellets have the texture of a cooked bug. High in fiber and great for the heart, this food makes you earn it. I can still remember dinner time at my house growing up. Five of these critters would find their way to my plate. I would swallow them whole, like pills, washing them down with milk. Excuse me...I may be sick...okay false alarm. Next.
Peas- I'll will say this, these are probably the least offensive on the list. I can even stand them in a vegetable soup. But have you ever smelled split pea soup? Mushy peas anyone? That's a different story. Recently the president said it's time to eat our peas, that's because nobody wants to. The only reason you keep canned peas on the shelf is to donate to a food drive. Or is that just me?
Beets- Known as one of the healthiest foods (I think there's a trend here), beets don't offer much pleasure in the taste department. Loaded with carotenoids that I can't pronounce nor do I care to, this vegetable is full of nutrients I will just have to miss out on. Beet wine? No thanks.
Brussels Sprouts- The Hannibal Lecter of food. Saving the worst for last, this villain is downright sinister. Put it in your microwave and you will need a new one. Put it in your mouth you may never be the same. As I've gotten older, I've broadened my taste, I love asparagus on the grill, spinach in an omelet and broccoli in my salad. Brussels sprouts, as long as I live you will never win me over so just keep your vitamins A, C and folic acid because it's not happening, ever.
Well that was painful. We have stared evil in the face and lived to see another day. When I was 10 this list would have had around 125 entries, so my palate has succumbed to the dark side in my old age. The remaining evildoers will stay on my list for the foreseeable future. I will remain vigilant, safeguarding my freezer and policing my cabinets, knowing these scoundrels are out there growing, harvesting, and lurking.