Where to get Free Gum

Free gum comes easily to those who know where to look for it. The first place to look for it is online from various websites. Because gum is so inexpensive to make, gum makers have a lot of money to spend on advertising, and there is no better way to advertise than to offer a free sample hoping that we will become stuck for life. One thing you'll notice when searching for these samples is that they often are only offered during the winter months. As many of us know, gum doesn't react well to excessive heat, and the last thing a company wants to do is leave you with a bad impression with their free gum sample.

The romantic way to get free chewing gum is to learn how to ask for it from strangers, or, as advanced practitioners in the art of acquiring free gum will attest, the true measure of a gum hound is how readily he or she can induce someone to offer it freely before having to ask for it.

From an Anonymous Free Gum Junkie

The first time I got a stick without asking was age 26 at the mall food court.  Old timers tell you to avoid any sort of food setting when looking for your stick, but I made my mark and knew I could take her down.  She was about 50, exuding motherly wisdom, and obviously waiting for her husband to bring back lunch from one of the snaking food lines.  I figured I had anywhere between 30 seconds and 5 minutes.  I planned on being in and out in under a minute, and if bad luck struck and food-tray wielding husband arrived too soon, I could see the fluorescent glow of a fire exit sign flickering through the faux-foliage of the central rotunda.

As I shuffled toward her with a focused nonchalance, all I could feel was Alec Baldwin pulsing in my veins -- always be closing, thump-thump, always be closing, thump-thump.  I stutter-stepped and coughed to get her attention, then before she could look away, I gave her my best slightly scrunched face of quizzical recognition -- you're my mom's friend from work, right.  After we exchanged pleasantries and she concluded that it was a case of mistaken identity, I began to back away, smiling and apologetic, and then started to cough, slowly and subdued so as to not give a vibe of tuberculosis, and started patting my pockets in search of a phantom fix to my phantom ailment.  She didn't say anything, so I knew I had to close on my own  -- allergies, they always get me this time of year -- I said to her.  And that's what closed it for me.  She smiled and asked politely if I would like a cough drop.  No, I said, cough drops sometimes make me sleepy and I have to drive for about an hour and work with heavy machinery after lunch.  I'm just going to go out to my car and grab a stick of gum, it helps sometimes.  Before I could take my next step, she slid two fingers into her handbag and excised a strip of spearmint chewing gum like a cellist might reach for a difficult chord.

Careful What You Chew

Finally, the easiest way to get free chewing gum is to scour the many benches, tables, and sidewalks of the world looking for barely chewed pieces haphazardly discarded by enemies of the environment. While nobody in their right mind would recommend this method, we're fortunate to live in a society where most of us aren't in our right mind. Where to get free gum? The flavor may not be strong, the chance for disease or imminent untidy death is high, but there really is no simpler way to acquire a lifetime supply of free gum than to find an oft frequented area by rampant environmentally unconscious gum-chewers.

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msorensson profile image

msorensson 6 years ago

Funny :-)

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