Why Eating Wood is a Bad Idea

Eating wood is a bad idea. I will just put that out there. Of course if your life depends on the consumption of wood then it is probably a good idea to eat it. Assuming that it is a bad idea then. Why is it so? Why don't we go around eating trees? I happen to know the common garden unicorn does (I cannot verify this). Well there are many reasons, for example.

Our digestives systems are pretty rubbish at digesting wood.

Our mouths would be a wonderful explosion of splintered pain! This would also cause problems when kissing...

Wood tastes awful.

Wood is horrible and will cause much pain whilst travelling through the body.

It will make a tree sprout out of your body causing yet more pain.

Greenpeace will hunt you down and eat you for killing innocent trees (I do not condone the killing of trees)

As you have eaten wood, there will be less oxygen in the atmosphere as the tree cannot produce oxygen as it is in your stomach. Therefore skypeople (Birds) will fly at your face. Wear a helmet.

This is why it is probably not a good idea to eat wood. However it might be a good idea to eat wood...I don't know. I am not a nutritionist. If you have never tried eating wood then leave your computer now and just go munch on a tree. Who knows? It might taste yummy! Probably not though.

Do trees taste nice?

  • Yes
  • No
  • Pineapple
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Comments 1 comment

sam3m profile image

sam3m 5 years ago from New York

thank you for your informative hub. based on your information, i am immediately ending my intake of wood.

i think perhaps sand might be a viable alternative.

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