Does anyone have an answer to this question?
Hey Kmackey, if you are the grandparent, which means that your child is having a child.
Why would the child go up for adoption?
I am under the impression you want to adopt the child. But, what purpose does it serve?
I see it doing more damage, especially if your daughter lives with you presently. It could cause conflicts unforeseen, should you adopt the child, while she is living in the same home.
She could grow mother instincts? Then what? The child she gave birth to, is not hers and is yours...How would she handle that?
I'm not sure if I am helping or hurting it. And, I've not read a single response given to you already by others. I'm simply going by what your OP said.
Well, that's just my thoughts about it. I've never been in the situation and I am not a parent. So, take it for what it's worth.
Hi Kristie.
Sorry, no idea Does not matter really why. What matters is you grew up without father. It's a lifestyle you lived, live, and pass down to your kids...
Sorry it may sound harsh, I don't mean to blame you - you are a victim yourself
I have no idea Kmackey, but I would float this thread a bit longer. Hubpages has some great researchers and legal minds, some workable ideas will follow.
Good luck with it all.- wordscribe41posted 13 years ago
0 I think when your daughter's wildly flailing hormone levels calm down a little, you should grab the opportunity to sit down and really talk to her. If you are willing to bring the child up, do you do it as an adoptive mother, with your daughter effectively becoming big sister (I've known several families do this), or are you willing to leave your daughter as mother and offer her all support going - including babysitting every other night while your daughter enjoys her teenage years?
I'm sorry, I have no idea whatsever about US laws so can't help you with legal rights or whatever, but I think the very fact that she is underage and still a minor must give you some rights.
But it's her you need to talk to, she must be frightened, no matter what face she puts on to the world. She's only a baby herself.
Big hugs to you whatever the outcomekmackey, not to add concerns that aren't the issue right now (especially in view of this particular thread); but I thought this was worth mentioning (since your daughter is likely to change her mind one way or another over the next months).
I know someone who had a daughter who had a baby at 16 (pregnant at 15). The baby was born and boyfriend had little interest. Then there was another baby (same boyfriend) 2 year later. The boyfriend still had little interest.
The young mother messed up (although - really - she had taken pretty good care of the babies for the most part). All of a sudden child services got involved (when the mother messed up) and contacted the boyfriend. Before this girl knew it the boyfriend and his parents had custody of her two children, and she never again got custody back. He moved the children too far away for this financially-challenged girl to visit, and when she couldn't get to visits it made her look even worse than she had before.
The boyfriend and his "lovely" parents were "pieces of work", so as soon as he got custody of the children (who had shown no signs of learning problems or other "issues") the little kids (missing the mother they so loved, and whose biggest mistake had nothing to do with them) started to have "issues" because of it.
My point is, you and your daughter should probably not take for granted that the father wants nothing to do with the baby; because he's another one who may change his mind. Also, if the state agency were end up involved in your daughter's life, they may drag him into the baby's life out of "pushing" his "responsibility" as a father. (The boyfriend I'm mentioning is not the only father, married or not, to show little interest until "the time comes" - and then all of a sudden get "real interested" )
So, again, I don't want to add a new "cloud" over things (although I imagine you may already have thought of this anyway); but I'd hope you and your daughter keep in mind that she may need someone to make sure her rights (one way or the other) are protected against the kind of thing I described above.
Just another note: One of my grown children was adopted from infancy. (I had the other two myself.) Even as an adoptive mother who absolutely, absolutely, has always loved, loved, my son in every bit the same way I love my other son and daughter; I do think it's simpler and less disruptive (in a whole lot of cases) for children to be raised by someone in their birth family. If my daughter were that age and expecting I wouldn't want her child placed for adoption either. I'd also worry that making such a decision as such a young age (and before brains are even finished developing) might mean the teen gets older and regrets her decision. On the other hand, one reason a lot of young girls opt for adoption is that their parents pressure them. Obviously, you're not one of those parents. Your daughter must know that already, even if the two of you have been arguing. Kids know that stuff.
Having said that, though, the other side is that I know how very, very, much so many adoptive families can love a child in every bit the same way they'd love a biological child. As my son's mother, the one difference between him and the other two was always that he had his "birth story"/"beginning story" that I had to figure out what to say to him about it and when (and how to present in a way that I hoped was "just right", so I wouldn't leave him feeling like I'd either not acknowledged his birth story, refused to share important information with him, or else made a bigger deal out of it than it really was for him.
I hope you and she can find an attorney who will truly watch out for both of interests (and the baby's). Based on the "horror story" I had when I left my marriage and lost custody of my own children, I hope you don't count on any state agency, alone, to protect your interests and your daughter's (or even the baby's). They say they're out for "the best interest of the child", but they can be big, giant, screw-ups who buy whatever lies someone throws in their direction. (Again, sorry to throw some additional gloom into the discussion here. I'm just hope, for your sake, you know to be very careful about having the right interests protected.)
Hang in, though. Chances are your daughter is just going through the "Oh my God, what have I done" phase of early pregnancy.- cosetteposted 13 years ago0
that is patently RIDICULOUS. my father was a drunk, my mother was an abuser, but i don't drink and am a fantastic mother. what makes you the fount of wisdom where this is concerned, hmm? this woman came in here asking for help with an obviously emotionally charged issue and you make offensive comments but as long as they are peppered with smiley faces and "i'm sorry"s that makes it ok?
and "kimmy" prances in and makes this thread all about her, as her need for attention is off the charts.
i love how a handful of "cool kids" runs things here at HubPages and ignores the antics of their buddies and pounces on anyone en masse who dares to say anything against one of their little clique members.
that's why you're so smug, you and your buddies.
the only problem with a pack of hyenas is, it's a pack of hyenas. sooner or later, they will turn on each other when no fresh meat is available - it is the nature of the pack.
ugh.....
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