Do writers need to grow thick skins?

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   Baileybearposted 13 years ago

   Is it just a fact of life that some will resonate with you and others will feel threatened or despise you because of your writing? 
   
   Is it just human nature that many people hold on to rigid beliefs? Just a fact of life that some people are on different wavelengths and find it hard to see the other point of view?  Is that why people argue so much and launch into personal attacks on forums?
   
   Do you feel frustrated when people misunderstand your intentions?  Do you bother trying to clarify, or don't waste your time/effort with closed-minded individuals?
   
   I asked what I thought was a benign question about accolades.  A few hubbers answered the question.  Another few were sarcastic and made the incorrect inference that I cared more about the accolades that writing.  One launched into a hub about how people like me act like being in kindergarten wanting awards etc.  I felt a bit offended and didn't bother following this person.
   
   I'm a person that is observing and learning, but hasn't figured out the complex world of crossed wires yet.  People and their motivations and behaviours intrigue me yet confuse me.

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      Rafiniposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      I don't remember if I met you already or not...Welcome! 
      
      Thick skins are good but not always necessary.  I have very thin skin and just need to remember sometimes to take a break.
      
      btw - people's motivations & behaviors intrigue and confuse me too.
      
      There are all kinds of people on the forums - one day someone will say something totally rude to you and the next day they'll laugh at everything you post only to turn around and insult you the next day because they were offended at something you posted but didn't intend to offend anyone with.  Nobody's perfect
      
      Enjoy your time here, it's a great place to write, share, and make friends.

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         DoorMattnomoreposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         I find most writers I know have extremely thin skin.....its what makes them good writers. 

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      Rochelle Frankposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      No need to grow anything. Just don't let them get under your skin.
      
      See if you can find that little plaque to hang on a wall that shows a little tot sitting on a potty. It says, "Do your best and flush the rest."
      
      Trying to figure out peoples' motivations is mostly useless. Sometimes they don't even know. themselves, what motivates them.
      Carry on.

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         Baileybearposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         love the flush the rest saying

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         katiem2posted 13 years agoin reply to this

         AMEN Rochelle AMEN very well put !!!
         
         Ignore trouble and move on...

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      Jeff Berndtposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      "Is it just a fact of life that some will resonate with you and others will feel threatened or despise you because of your writing? "
      
      Certainly.
      
      "Is it just human nature that many people hold on to rigid beliefs?"
      It's in some humans' nature, certainly.
      
      "Do you feel frustrated when people misunderstand your intentions?"
      Sometimes, especially when trying to have a rational argument, and the other person either refuses to acknowledge a fact or a logical argument that supports my position and simply brings up new unsupported assertions in support of his own. It's hard to play chess with someone who's trying to play tic-tac-toe. I don't (or try not to) take it personally, though).
      
      "Do you bother trying to clarify, or don't waste your time/effort with closed-minded individuals?"
      If there's time, sure. But after a while it becomes clear that the effort is wasted. What's the saying?
      
      "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No sense being a damn fool about it." --W.C. Fields

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   Lisa HWposted 13 years ago

   For me, it's not so much a thick skin.  It's more just-plain patience.  With a hundred and however many thousand Hubbers out there, there's bound to be a few who've been throwing back a few too many beers while they're online.  There's also bound to be a few people "with issues".
   
   If somebody doesn't seem to understand something I was saying in a Hub, I'll try to clarify.  What's the point of writing if people aren't really understanding what you're saying.
   
   What irks me is when people "read into" what I've written and proceed to tell me what my motives are (according to them and the "genius" ability to read minds  ).  That's when I get irked and have to decide whether I want to put them in their place or ignore them.  I have no problem whatsoever with someone who disagrees with some point I've made.  People think differently.  It's that thing people do with thinking they know your motives or thinking that because you say the sky is blue you don't know the trees are green that irk me.
   
   Reasonable people with reasonable points don't do that, so - yes - you have to either develop a thick skin or else learn to see that stuff as "their problem, not yours".  I had some "mind-reading" clown comment recently, and I've already decided I'll happily post his thinking on my Hub but I'm not bothering dignifying his ridiculous "mind-reading" with a response after responding to him once.

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      Baileybearposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      yes it was the inference "mind-reading" and getting it wrong that bothered me

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      lxxyposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Lisa's on track. Seeing the whole picture, too, there's millions of people out there. There's bound to be a select group who love you for who you are, as well as a select group that hate you for whatever reason be it valid or not.
      
      Patience. Finding the right time, the right readership, the right niche, blah blah blah. Don't dignify those who are out there in pure hatred.

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   raisingmeposted 13 years ago

   Adopt the mantra - "don't take it personally".  When someone is giving you a negative response to a positive or neutral statement or question they are saying far more about themselves then they are saying about you.  Example, one day my daughter who was nine at the time, came in from outside playing.  She was upset because a neighbour - grown woman - had called her a bitch.  I asked my daughter what kind of adult calls a child a bitch?  End of upset!
   
   Don't take it on board if it isn't yours!

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      Rafiniposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Great example!!
      
      
      (did you give that 'grown' woman a piece of your mind?)

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         raisingmeposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         No, the woman wasn't up to having a piece of my mind - I only invest myself where there are signs of intelligent life!

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   torimariposted 13 years ago

   Interesting topic. Some people are going to understand, distort and like the person who wrote a hub in reference to your, go the extra mile to belittle you over differing opinions. To me, those people are thin-skinned as they are SO offended by your belief, they have to threaten you to help qualm the offense within themselves.
   
   Yes, I'd be agitated if this happened to, but at the same time, if your writing gets A LOT of varying reactions it has served its purpose in affecting people and arousing conversation. Writing that only gets "That's good," and "Nice." Only positive, one-side and simple feedback, to me, means it needs some work. Writing is a tool at times to make a message even if it steps on some toes and ruffles feathers--that's part of its use.

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   alternate poetposted 13 years ago

   From my short experience on here most people are nice helpful and polite even in opposition in the forums, like life there are always a few socially retarded and educationally challenged morons who a are full of themselves and the dizzy heights they think they have achieved in their terminal confusion.  It is best not to communicate with them, or obnoxious drunks or psychopaths.
   
   Welcome to HP and and if ignoring them does not work then come to the forums and we can discuss them, they hate that.

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   Sab Ohposted 13 years ago

   And there are some who can't seem to express themselves without resorting to personal insults. These are the folks who could use some of that thick skin because they usually lash out as a result of oversensitivity.

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      luvpassionposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      You're right Sab...curious that, it's as if anything said contrary to their beliefs is a personal attack.
      
      Teri

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      Rafiniposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      oh, sure.  you couldn't have said that before I posted huh? 
      
      maybe my skin is a little thicker than I thought.....

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         luvpassionposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         I certainly didn't mean you....LOL

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            Rafiniposted 13 years agoin reply to this

              (I think I was replying to Sab Oh referring to oversensitivity causing someone to lash out....um...yeah, I'm quite sensitive but I hope I don't lash out  lol)

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   Cheeky Girlposted 13 years ago

   I think writers are the same as painters and artists. They are all open to being criticised  in a good or bad way, depending on how good or bad they are. The one's who feel to grow a thick skin might be getting a lot of negative criticism. I do not know if that is your situation. I hope not. When writers are submitting work, they face possible rejection from editors or publishers, so having an ability to deal with this is useful. Publishing hubs is automatic, provided the content fits the "terms and conditions" of Hub Pages. The comments come from people who read the hub title and hope the hub lives up to their expectation. Meeting that expectation is the hard part. That comes down to being a good writer. If you give it your best shot, no one can ask any more of you, right?
   
   Hope that helps somehow.

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   katiem2posted 13 years ago

   Good thread, I feel better having read it.  Thanks BB for posting

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