The New Testament - Why?
God: Hey Jews.
Jews: Hey.
God: So listen guys, I'm thinking we go in a different direction with this whole religion.
Jews: What?
God: You know, do a non-gritty reboot. Same God taste, new God packaging. That sort of thing.
Jews: We don't follow.
God: Okay, work with me here guys. Remember the whole angry God' thing?
Jews: Vividly.
God: Where I killed a whole bunch of you and-
Jews: Yeah.
God: And forty years in the-
Jews: We remember that.
God: Not to mention Robo-Hitler. Yikes.
Jews: Wait, what?
God: Whoops, forget I said that. "Spoiler Alert", am I right?
Jews: ...
God: Anyway, we're going to re-work this whole God- thing. For example, kid-friendly is big these days in religion.
Jews: So, like...?
God: For example, I'm super chill now, for some reason. Plus there's a heaven. Oh, and this is Jesus. He's my son, and he's God too, or something. It's complicated, ok?
Jesus: Yo.
Jews: I think we'll stick with the old one here.
God:Look, I love the brand loyalty Jews, I really do. But this whole God- thing isn't playing to the right demographics. Jesus is a hip, young God, you know, for the whole A.D.- generations.
Jesus: Surfs up, dudes!
God: Ha, that Jesus. What a character, right? This is going to play huge in Rome
Jews: This goes against everything you've ever told us.
God: No it doesn't, so just shut up. Also, Jesus, you're going to die.
Jesus: What? I thought I was your son! Or God. Or both!
God: Look, this is just complicated, okay Jesus? Besides, you totally return when you fight the Devil.
Jews: Who?
God: Right, he's another new character. He's like an evil God. Plot twist, right? We're arch enemies.
Jesus: Why would you make your own arch-enemy? That's really stupid.
God: Shut up, Jesus. And what would you know? You're made of bread and wine.
Jesus: What? Why?
God: Sponsorships, alright? New testaments aren't cheap.
Jews: I'm sorry, this is just way too different. Is this your fan-fiction or something?
God: Of course not. This is the logical progression of Judaism which I planned all along. Like when I made all those references to a lamb.
Jews: You made, like, five.
God: Well, they were all about Jesus. Foreshadowing. Um, I guess. So there.
Jews: Couldn't you have been clearer then?
God: I work in mysterious ways, okay? Look, just go with it guys. I worked really hard on this. And come on, you totally owe me for the whole 'creation' thing anyway.
(pause)
Most Jews: Well, I guess we could.
God: Awesome! 'Most Jews', aka 'New Christians'-
New Christians: We're what now?
God: You won't regret this guys, I have the whole thing planned perfectly
Holy Ghost: Oooooooooh!
God: ...
New Christians: ...
God: You're going to love it.
source: http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1805812I'm laughing my ass of here!
It sounds soooooo logical! The new book is so much nicer about sending people to hell!
Who put your god in charge of lightning?
That was a joke - right?
- Over The Hillposted 13 years ago
0
Related Discussions
- 257
Why Jews don't believe in Jesus
"Why don't Jews believe in Jesus?"Every time I come from Israel to visit my friend here in USA, I am asked this question by certain people. I always answer that Jews do not deny existence of Jesus, they just don't give him an honor of being a Messiah. I explain WHY. Nevertheless,...
- 53
What is more important to those that belief in God?
I want to know what is important to all those that belief in God that is Christians, Muslim and other religious groups. Is their interest for people to do the right things or they want people to follow them. That is, is the interest of each group for instance Christians and Muslim that...
- 38
Are The Laws Done Away With?
Im reading the new testament and stumble across words of Jesus Christ that said "I did not come to destroy the law, but to fullfill." In Matthews Chapter 5.So I ask myself are the laws done away with? Because there are many religion that teach that they were, others teach they werent,...
- 36
To hate Jews is to hate God.
To hate Jews is to hate God.If you believe in the sacrifice of Jesus, then you must believe that God planned for it and set the conditions even before the earth was formed. If as most believe, the Jews were the cause of the sacrifice, then one must believe that God put the notion and desire to kill...
- 15
Was Jesus, in the Christian bible, a Jew?
Was Jesus, in the Christian bible, a Jew?If so then why aren't Christians Jewish? I have been doing a lot of studying about the Jewish and Christian faiths over the last few days and am confused at how so many Christians believe Jesus was Jewish yet they themselves are not. Someone please enlighten...
- 73
teaching of mohamed and teaching of jesus
i saw e post that the teaching of mohamed are againste the teachting of jesus soo i poste thise to clairifie to you aboute the religion of jesus and islamislam came to clairify the first revalationislam came to assert the first revalations like the torah and the gospel ,it does not contradict with...