To live life not knowing what is next sometimes excites me but mostly it worries me. I have issues with patience and letting go of control. Maybe my control issues stim from being the oldest sibiling and one of the oldest cousins..??? I feel I have to know what my man is doing at all times or I don't feel "safe" When he says "I'm running errands" I must know what the errands are...how long will he be? It's not like he has ever been unfaithful to me and after years of being together you think I would realize that he is probably just running to the bank! I consume him so much I sometimes push him away. The more I want to know...the more he pulls away. And, I don't want to be that needy chick!
Fellas: Why is it when we run to you, you pull away but when we ignore/avoid you, you come running in fear that we are pulling away?
Ladies: Who feels or have felt my pain on these issues what can we do to just CHILL and RELAX and let the man be...well...a Man?
First of all, trust him. Really trust him. I am the oldest sibling and one of the oldest cousins. I like to know what, where, when and why, but I trust my man, so if he says he needs to run some errands, he needs to run some errands. He has never given me reason to doubt him, but his time estimates are poor. I have learned that "I'll be right back" means at least 15 minutes, if not an hour. "I'm just going to stop by..." means at least an hour. After three hours, I call, because by that point the next meal has been sitting ready for over an hour.
If you have a really hard time not worrying about his safety, ask when he plans to be back, then add at least an hour to that for actually expecting him back, 'cause life does not always go as planned. Call if you need to to keep your peace of mind, but don't freak out at him. He is not a child and he is not yours to control.
You should read the book "Women Who Love Too Much" by Robin Norwood. It'll help you see how destructive being a controlling person can be. I plan to write a hub on this book. It's certainly helped me realize why I do it and how to stop it.
I think it's one thing when people aren't very comfortable not knowing what's next in their life. Some people, more than others, like to take steps to control their own life and hope nothing throws off their plans. Trying to control another person is a different thing.
As someone who seems to have with more than my share of people who think they have a right to try to control me, know my whereabouts, and generally expect me to act like I'm a teen and they're the parent - what it boils down to is someone who tries to have that much control over someone doesn't respect the other individual. People who do what you've described don't trust the other person to make the right judgments, to be honest, or, in general. I think it has something to do with some people's ego. Respectfully, and only because you asked, I think you need to ask yourself what gives you the right to think you ought to be in control of another adult. As someone who has been on the receiving end of that kind of thing, it's pretty offensive and disgusting (to me) to have someone act as if s/he doesn't even see that I'm a capable, sensible, decent, human being. What it amounts to is being pushed into keeping the other person at arm's length and knowing this is not someone who deserves too much in terms of relationship, because the "control freak" isn't good relationship material. Basically, you're either horribly insecure or else think you're the only one who "knows anything" - or both. In any relationship that's healthy, one person can't think s/he is "better" or "over" the other one. Thinking you are will destroy any relationship with anyone who is at all normal.
If some guy pulls away from you it may be that you're way too much for him and he has to, in order to preserve his own autonomy. If he acts like he's worried about losing you it could be that he likes you and knows you don't mean to be so destructive in the relationship; but he may not think it's enough (yet) to end the relationship. The other thing is there's the chance that what looks like pulling away to you is just asserting his own autonomy. In that kind of one-sided controlling relationship, the other person can be understanding up to a point, and all can seem mostly OK in the relationship - until the person just can't stand it any longer and leaves.
by Kordell Snowe 7 years ago
Is it normal for close family and friends to withhold information as a means of control.Etiquette Q: This is something that has bothered me since childhood with my mother and now with my girlfriend. I believe they purposely withhold information as a means of controlling a situation which I...
by swesley01 11 years ago
How do you know when to call a relationship quits? How far do you let it go in the name of Love?Does it mean that you do not love them anymore, or is it because you love them that you need to end it? When is the fighting and the stress of it all to much? I am at a cross roads. I have been with this...
by Nichol marie 8 years ago
Why try so hard to be in love, when you are already? a lot of people analyze it way too much,and it creates fictional problems for them,that they need to fix but can't because there not real.
by jessyferari1 11 years ago
I am going through a difficult time in my relationshipI have chosen to stay with my boyfriend, after what he did to me. I say I forgive him, but deep down I still feel betrayed and will never forget the humilation, but then I love him too much to let him go. for a bit I was cold and wasn't my...
by Ella Quirk 12 years ago
Do you think total fidelity is too much to ask for in a life-long relationship?
by BobbiRant 6 years ago
Do you think doing too much for a guy in a relationship, turns him off?A friend told me that doing too much for a guy, his laundry, cooking, shopping, especially in a new relationship, can turn a guy off. She said the more he does for himself makes him feel better. Do you agree?
Copyright © 2024 The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers on this website. HubPages® is a registered trademark of The Arena Platform, Inc. Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners. The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers to this website may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website.
Copyright © 2024 Maven Media Brands, LLC and respective owners.
As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.
For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://corp.maven.io/privacy-policy
Show DetailsNecessary | |
---|---|
HubPages Device ID | This is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons. |
Login | This is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service. |
Google Recaptcha | This is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy) |
Akismet | This is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy) |
HubPages Google Analytics | This is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy) |
HubPages Traffic Pixel | This is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized. |
Amazon Web Services | This is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy) |
Cloudflare | This is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy) |
Google Hosted Libraries | Javascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy) |
Features | |
---|---|
Google Custom Search | This is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy) |
Google Maps | Some articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy) |
Google Charts | This is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy) |
Google AdSense Host API | This service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy) |
Google YouTube | Some articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy) |
Vimeo | Some articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy) |
Paypal | This is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy) |
Facebook Login | You can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy) |
Maven | This supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy) |
Marketing | |
---|---|
Google AdSense | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
Google DoubleClick | Google provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
Index Exchange | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
Sovrn | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
Facebook Ads | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
Amazon Unified Ad Marketplace | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
AppNexus | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
Openx | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
Rubicon Project | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
TripleLift | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
Say Media | We partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy) |
Remarketing Pixels | We may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites. |
Conversion Tracking Pixels | We may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service. |
Statistics | |
---|---|
Author Google Analytics | This is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy) |
Comscore | ComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy) |
Amazon Tracking Pixel | Some articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy) |
Clicksco | This is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy) |