Tired of being frugal

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   Amie Warrenposted 13 years ago

   I've been spending too much money lately, because honestly, I just get so tired of not being able to buy anything I want without searching thrift stores first, or waiting until it is on sale, or trying to find it used. I love the feeling finding a really super bargain gives me, but I also love the smell of new leather shoes.
   
   I am working so hard to make enough money to be independent, so I feel guilty when I spend any on an extravagance.
   
   Does anyone else get tired of being frugal? What do you do to fight the impulse to spend?

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      LaMamaLoliposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      aagh! I so know that feeling! Splurge is what I say. Admittedly I don't go too crazy cos then you have deal with the reality again... but still, an expensive mascara, or a bottle of perfume can do wonders for the spirit!

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         Amie Warrenposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         I went a little mad, I'm afraid, and bought a pair of $100 boots, but they are so beautiful, and they smell so good!
         
         I need to buy more makeup, so I'm off to the Dollar Tree to see what they have, and if they don't have anything, it's off to Wally World. I'd love to buy my old Clinique, but I'll be paying for these boots by doing without for a long time!

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            h.a.borcichposted 13 years agoin reply to this

            The boots are not nessessarily an abandondment of frugality. I had a pair of boots that I spent $100 on years and years ago. They were high quality boots that went the distance. If I had a penny for every time I wore them - I definately made my money back. Cheap boots would have cost me more!

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      Rafiniposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      One of the things I did was while I was a smoker.  Silly, really, but it felt like a giant luxury.    I'd 'splurge' on one of those bic lighters with a colorful design on them, or a photo of some kind.  It was only like .50 extra, but it was an amount I could afford to spend! 

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      Ben Evansposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      I think frugality is actually a relative term.  What I mean by this is that we have to make our expenses less than our income.  It is just an equation.
      
      The problem is that most people want to live a step ahead of what they make.  There is nothing wrong with buying the boots in my book.  If you are able to afford them it that is all right.  Now if buying the boots puts you in hole, then it is not right.  To get ahead, we need to know how much we have to spend beyond our fixed living costs.  We also have to save.
      
      So if you have enough money it is okay to splurge.  Things like this can also be budgeted.  If you don't have enough money, then you have to buy something that fits your budget. 
      
      Your original sentence is that you are spending too much money.  I would seriously figure out what you have to spend and you can include extravagances in your budget.  It is all right to not be frugal all the time but it is impossible to get ahead if you go beyond your budget. 
      
      Budget comes first.

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      ceciliabeltranposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      well you know I have a fancy friend who is actually quite frugal on other things...like food. She says she's not going to spend on something that makes her fat.
      
      It really is a choice. Be lavish where you need to be and frugal with things you don't really care about. For instance...do you really need cable or a landline?

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      DoorMattnomoreposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      whhhaaaaaaa yes!!!!! I keep telling myself..money doesn't make you happy, and be thankfull for what you have..but what I REALLY want is to go shopping for new clothes with no budget and to go out to eat and to get my kids new toys and...and..and..new shoes and a haircut and new nail polish, a trip to the spa...all while all bills arepaid curent and up to date...with cupboards full of food and ...
      
      then I get finished with a day of work, the wood stacked, dishes done, school over for the day, laundry done, and the kids tucked into bed full (even if I DID have to cook) healthy, happy, and clean. And I realize money really can not buy happiness.

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   timorousposted 13 years ago

   Yeah, frugality gets a bit tiresome.  You just have to set priorities, take care of the important things first.  If at some point you have a little extra, perhaps by doing without something or having a little less of another, you can splurge once in a while.  That doesn't mean spending way too much for too little, just something of better quality at a good price.
   
   Still, it would be nice to have more than enough to live comfortably all the time.  For many people, that just doesn't seem possible.  Then again, anything is possible, if have a real passion for it.  Never take 'no' for an answer...even to yourself.  Go for it!

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   Home Girlposted 13 years ago

   I am precisely in the same boat. But for me there is no solution, just more work. Right now I work 7 (yes), 7 days a week, two jobs, so I can have a little bit extra for some new stuff as shoes,mascara, whatever I need. It's very little but with one of my jobs I simply need it. That's life for most of us. It's the choice we make.

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      Amie Warrenposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      I know what you mean. I am so depressed over the lack of titles at DS right now. I had counted on that...stupid me...and now I just have to write and write and write all day long to get some residual income going.  I've started at Constant Content, and hope that will give me some sorely needed cash. I hate AC, but the way things are going, I may be forced to write some $3 articles for them to pay some bills.  It's all very depressing.

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   Ivorwenposted 13 years ago

   I really don't get tired of being frugal, but my husband does.  I don't mind saving for big purchases that I know I will use for years (like boots).  To me, it only makes sense.
   
   I don't find it a big deal to skip little things like snack food or new nail polish, when I know I am saving for something really worth having.  My husband, on the other hand, thinks he need the boat and the snacks.

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      Home Girlposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      I am not tired of being frugal, I am tired of being frugal every moment of my life!!!

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         Amie Warrenposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         AMEN! I would love to be able to splurge and NOT feel guilty! Then I see so many people here in NOLA who have so much less than I do, and it makes me feel even MORE GUILTY!  If I go buy a pizza, I feel guilty for the kids who won't eat tonight.  I have to keep reminding myself, I can't feel the world.

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            Ivorwenposted 13 years agoin reply to this

            I hate it when we haven't planned to eat out, but end up doing so for some reason, only to spend the same amount of $ for one meal that I can feed the family on for a week! 
            
            Going on dates with my husband is really hard on the frugal side of me.  He always wants to go to a high end restaurant, where a plate costs at least the same as two meals at home.

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               Amie Warrenposted 13 years agoin reply to this

               I know! I used to eat out almost every night when I was married. Now I see how selfish I was. I was just telling my friend that we could have supported a poor family of 4 with what we spent on food.
               
               It was nice not having to worry about what I spent, but looking back, I feel so guilty about it. Those rich people, their money is all they have. Without it, they're nothing, no self esteem. Those corporate wives are so brainless.

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               EmpressFelicityposted 13 years agoin reply to this

               I gave up a well-paid job at the end of 2007 and it's meant a huge drop in our household income.  Eating out was the first thing to go, especially since we're both good cooks and usually find that the meals we make for ourselves at home are much nicer than restaurant food.
               
               In answer to the OP's question: OMG yes - being frugal all the time does get extremely old.
               
               PS: when it comes to clothes and shoes: I've been shopping at charity shops for years, and you can get some fantastic bargains!

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   Maddie Ruudposted 13 years ago

   1) Do some research and find a cause or two you can really get behind, and then set up charitable donations to automatically charge to your debit card or transfer from your bank account every month.  You will feel better about yourself and your spending if you know you are also giving back.  You will also quickly figure out what is a priority as far as purchases when your budget is a little tighter.  Which brings me to...
   
   2) Think long and hard about what's important to you.  Would you rather have new leather boots and live with your parents indefinitely, or wear the ones you've got and have your very own apartment?  Prioritize within your spending, as well.  If your appearance is really important to you (which it sounds like it is), you may have to spend less on food and social activities.  For me, it's just the opposite.  I'll shell out quite a bit for a nice meal or evening out with my partner, but I don't go clothes shopping until my jeans wear through.  It's just a matter of choice.

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      Amie Warrenposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Live with my parents? ROTFLMAO! Hon, I'm in my 30's and just went through a horrendous divorce. Went from upper-upper class to lower middle class overnight. I'm just trying to get on my feet after not having to work for all those years.
      
      I know you work here, and don't have time to read everything written, but I posted before how the expensive makeup was the first thing to go. I care how I look, but I care more how I live.
      
      I feel guilty because I'm living with friends, and while they are not hurting for money...AT ALL...and say I can stay as long as I want, I want to be on my own, to prove to myself and everyone else that I was not just some airheaded bimbo married to a rich man for his money...and I will.
      
      My choice is to work my tail off and make something of myself. I will, but I will have to struggle along the way. Right now, I live rent free in a guest house that is bigger than the house I grew up in. I am not expected to pay for any necessities, but I do. I pay for all my own food, clothing, transportation, etc.  I watch their kids after school, because they are both workaholics. I'm going to earn my way, no matter what. They are my friends, and their being wealthy doesn't mean I can sponge off of them.

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         wildernessposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         I tip my hat to you, Amie.  With that kind of attitude there is little doubt indeed that you will make it, and with just a little time make it quite well.
         
         Would that we have more people like you in this country.

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         Maddie Ruudposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         My point is the same.  The circumstances I gave are simply an example.
         
         
         
         Well, that just seems silly.  Why did you post if you didn't want to read answers?  Your last response was longer than mine.  And I'm not sure why me working at HubPages has anything to do with it.
         
         Seems like maybe I offended you somehow?  If so, sorry.  Was just trying to chime in and answer your question.

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            Amie Warrenposted 13 years agoin reply to this

            No offense taken, Maddie. It just seemed like you were talking down to me. I'm probably just hypersensitive, but even if you were, it shouldn't matter. I know who I am and what I am worth, right?

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               Maddie Ruudposted 13 years agoin reply to this

               Bingo.  Sorry, I was really just trying to give constructive advice.  Tone can be hard to convey/read in print on the net, so it's easily misunderstood.

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                  alternate poetposted 13 years agoin reply to this

                  Its them damn flourescent lights !!!   did you get that issue fixed yet - or do you want to engage the services of a seriously sarcastic rep like me, well versed in the ridiculous rules and regs that flood the workplace

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                  Amie Warrenposted 13 years agoin reply to this

                  Maddie {{{{{hugs}}}}}
                  
                  Poet - I've had enough ridiculous rules and regs for one lifetime, thank you very much. You think the workplace is bad, try being a corporate wife. Much worse, trust me.

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                     YU_First 1posted 13 years agoin reply to this

                     You have just unveiled the best kept secret of the married lot!

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   CYBERSUPEposted 13 years ago

   Execellent advice Maddie and Amie can go to the bank with that lesson you gave. Awesome thinking!

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   megs78posted 13 years ago

   Whenever I have the urge to splurge, I am almost always able to talk myself down.  I tell myself that someday I WILL be able to afford this or that and that waiting till that day will be a wonderful feeling.  I'm a bit like Maddie in the way that I will gladly choose a great meal out with my hubby or family or host an awesome dinner party over buying clothes.  For me, its important to look good, but I learned how to do it on a budget.

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   gracenotesposted 13 years ago

   Well Amie,
   
   I know the feeling.  I need to be frugal for at least the next year, or maybe longer.
   
   Getting in my car and going somewhere almost guarantees I'll spend some money -- some it for luxuries.  But it's boring staying at home too much.
   
   I have been trying to talk myself out of another pair of eyeglasses.  There is a pair of Chanel designer frames that I'd just love to have, but so far, I haven't splurged.
   
   I started thinking of ways I could afford them, and I came up with the idea of selling a gold charm bracelet that I'll never wear again.  After all, gold prices are up!
   
   The more ways I think of to come up with the moolah, the less the urge comes over me to buy the frames.  I think I'll just rock along this way as long as I can, since it seems to be working.

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   sofsposted 13 years ago

   You are complicating things for yourself, once in a while all of us need a change, we need to break loose and as long as it affects only you, why worry..Just think of it as a gift to yourself for all the hard work you have put in so far, while enjoying it work your butt off to overcome the setback. I am sure you can put in a few more hours and it will be done, dont grudge yourself even the smallest of things... Go girl enjoy your boots..
   Don't let that guilt take you on a trip!!

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      Amie Warrenposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      See, being raised in a Red State gives you a lot of guilt.   I love my boots. They are so fabulous, and hey...they were only $100!  The ones I really wanted were $300, so I did avoid temptation, didn't I?

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         Maddie Ruudposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         The most expensive item of clothing I own is a pair of gen-yoo-ine leather cowboy boots.  $350.  But those suckers are the most comfortable shoes I've ever owned, and they last forever.

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            Amie Warrenposted 13 years agoin reply to this

            I desperately want a pair of the new boots in the Reba McEntire line. So gorgeous, but  they're the ones that are $300. Guess I need to write more hubs.

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    Home Girlposted 13 years ago

    That's the problem. For good things you have to pay very good money. I bought $34 boots for this fall. "Sale". Plastic crap. Lucky if they last...

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    mega1posted 13 years ago

    so yeah, well, I was tired of being frugal, so I went shopping on line and got 6 shirts and a tank top for $63.00 and they arrived and are great quality as well - so I am very happy since I've never had that many new shirts at one time, and still I was rather frugal, really!  I did go overboard when I ordered that faux fur jacket from the same place, but that is also a good deal and I needed a good looking jacket.  Of course, you really wanted to know all this!

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       Amie Warrenposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       That was a great price! You did good.

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    Home Girlposted 13 years ago

    Did you pay for delivery Mega1?

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    Shona Venterposted 13 years ago

    You're right, Annie. Being frugal constantly can become tiring, especially when one isn't used to it at first. I speak from experience as well, in that, before, if I saw something I wanted, I would simply whip out my credit card and charge it, without thinking of the long-term consequences.
    
    It took a lot of wasted money (in the form of interest paid, as well as in not actually enjoying what I bought because it wasn't paid for, and was resting on my conscience constantly), for me to make the decision to change my spending habits.
    
    I agree with you on the boots though. You do get what you pay for in most instances, and those boots should last you a long time, hence saving yourself money as well as time and effort in the long run, because if you had purchased cheap boots, they wouldn't have lasted, and would have cost you time and money on shopping trips, which would also possibly have led to you purchasing other items that you might have seen and liked, but didn't really need at the time.
    
    I think a lot of people may also confuse frugality with being a tightwad. To me, being frugal simply means cutting expenses in areas that are not that important to me, in order to be able to spend a little more in the areas that are important to me.
    
    Thumbs up to you, and I sincerely hope that things start to work out for you on that side :-)

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       tmbridgelandposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       This is a great post and a great thread. I know the feeling, and I particularly feel sorry for my wife and kids, two teen girls. For myself it is not so bad, I am used to it from my childhood days. Treat it as a game, a treasure hunt. We found some great classic wood furniture at garage sales. I repaired and refinished it, and now it looks great and matches the stuff we bought. My home is furnished entirely with solid cherry and oak, much nicer than our 'richer' neighbors who buy new, but crappy cheap furniture.
       
       My sister and brother have kids older than mine, so we get lots of nice shoes and clothing second hand. We reciprocate by getting them nice Christmas presents. By buying early and searching carefully, we can get them things they can't find themselves, but are happy to have. It balances.

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          YU_First 1posted 13 years agoin reply to this

          Repaired, Refinished, Reworked, Revamped...
          
          Will never amount to the elating feeling of smelling new boots, new lingerie, new leather!

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    Brupieposted 13 years ago

    If you're tired of being frugal, I imagine you've done the analysis of your monthly expenses.  If you haven't, I recommend you do - it can be a real eye-opening experience.  Some people look at their monthly expenditures and see no room for adjustment.  Instead, ask yourself, "Could I cut down on rent or electricity or food or whatever it is that is eating up the bigger chunks?"  It is too easy to be penny-wise but pound foolish, e.g. clip coupons but not pay down high interest credit cards promptly. 
    
    As for your general question about being tired of being frugal, market researchers have found that most people enjoy money they spend on experiences (movies, trips, dining out) more than they enjoy spending on tangible goods.  Maybe you should experiment with how you want to be frugal, i.e. spend on things or experiences.

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    Paulette305posted 13 years ago

    I am frugal most of the time.  But I save whenever I can and ever so often I splurge on something like a nice pair of shoes or perfume or a special gift for my niece or nephew.

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    schoolgirlforrealposted 13 years ago

    I make a budget and try to stick to it. I keep track of what I spend on and my bills and how much I have to spend.......it does suck to think about money all the time

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    Stacie Lposted 13 years ago

    I'm on a very tight budget these days. I'd love to let loose and buy without worry but can't just now
    sigh

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    IvoryMelodiesposted 13 years ago

    Fighting the impulse for me is not hard, simply because there's not really anything to go and spend at the moment. Struggling with the feeling of deprivation is a bigger challenge. I'm getting used to it, and just figuring out things to do at home. Miss meeting friends for coffee or a soda, or just going for a drive, but just cannot justify those things right now. It is what it is. Prayer helps, too.  Looking at your hub and all these comments, it's good to know I certainly have plenty of company in varying degrees. If not being able to spend money is the worst thing that happens to me, or any of us, we shall all very likely survive. 

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