Your most outrageous religious story?

1. 78

   Mighty Momposted 13 years ago

   It occurs to me that many Hubbers have had not-so-positive interactions with organized religion and its promoters.
   Here's your chance to shout at the devil (so to speak).
   Oh yes -- if you've had outrageous (in a good way) experiences, feel free to share them here as well

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      Diane Insideposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      interesting that noone has posted yet.

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      Baileybearposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Where do I start?
      
      How about the teenager (fridnd of my husband when teen) that destroyed his rare record collection because he was told his music was evil...
      
      The "prophet" that told my friend to get  out of a gang because her head was bald from brain surgery...
      
      The man that murdered and then raped the corpses of his wife and neighbour and buried them under the house - they were church-goers and my parent's church had been trying to get their kids back of social services...
      
      Being told I need deliverance (exorcism) because I had clinical depression....
      
      The creepy nut-case leading a prayer group that said that some women have man-hating spirits....
      
      A well-known leader in an evangelical church that sexually abused pastors in training while trying to rid them of homosexuality

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2. 78

   Mighty Momposted 13 years ago

   I notice that happens a lot when I am the OP, Diane. Maybe it's me
   I will go and check Schoolgirlforreal's thread about religious people having fun. Outrageous doesn't have to mean bad!

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3. 61

   WuldUStilRemebrMeposted 13 years ago

   The whole experience was outrageous.  Stories drilled into my head as a child.  Ya dee ya dee ya.  You have probably heard the stories.  The priest/nun who could not keep their hands to themselves, etc. etc. or those considered authority figures abusing their power.  Some of those perceived as having power did not necessarily have intelligence or real compassion. The ridiculous ideals of sin, satan and fearing god etc.  And finally, the fables/tales/stories/myths. Whatever you want to call them.
   
   Living close to the church, going to church, going to school with the church next door and never being able to escape the clutch of the 'cummmmunity'.  It is a story that I do not really need to repeat.  Many people have escaped the grasp and some haven't.
   
   Hundreds of Goofs!

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4. 66

   alternate poetposted 13 years ago

   OK  _   My first 'ban' was from a local supermarket.  I had been dragged to church by my mother when I was about 12, she spent some time chatting to a devout oldish woman with blue rinse hair.  Later I was behind blue rinse in the supermarket checkout queue when a couple of guys went past the window with long hair and dressed in whatever the trend of the day was - Devout catholic blue rinse announced to everybody "what they need is a damn good war!"   I was young and unable to control myself and called her a stupid vicious old bitch.  I have no idea who lady whatever was but the manager told my mother that I was not to come into his shop again.  She also stopped insisting I go to church with her after that as well.

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5. 78

   Mighty Momposted 13 years ago

   Devout. I wonder what it means?
   It appears to mean devoid of human compassion!
   That's a great story, AP. At least you got to skip church!
   
   WYSRM -- Sorry you are still so traumatized. I never had a person of the cloth lay a hand on me (not even Sister Ronald, who was notorious for rapping people's knuckles with a ruler). But in 8th grade I had boyfriend named Skip. We met at a Catholic youth center, actually. The priest who ran it seemed great (young and quite handsome). But appearances can be deceiving, as Skip found out when they went on a field trip and Fr. Paul tried to get in bed with him!!!

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      WuldUStilRemebrMeposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      I am  not traumatized.  I did not have anyone put a hand on me because I was lucky about how I handled the abuse of power.  I am familiar with other's stories; people I knew and grew up with.  However, my rant is about much more than sexual abuse.  Yes, some of those nuns were a tad crazy and seemed to be fixated on physical abuse.  I was surrounded by all of it until I was in my late teens.  I moved away and went to school.  Now some of the Hundrends of Goofs have started speaking in tongues.  I find that so outrageous.  The word outrageous is a good description.

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         alternate poetposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         and outrageous has no politcal correctness to worry about

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      Joe Badtoeposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Devout  means the devil has gone to party.

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   Shadesbreathposted 13 years ago

   There was this really hot chick named Kelly when I was a softmore in high school.  She was in thrall to a church outfit.  I went and talked to her and found out that she did not do any thinking outside of that church outfit.
   
   I did mention she was hot, right?
   
   They had this "spread the word" choir thing they were doing, gonna travel up northern California into Oregon singing "Jesus loves you" songs in motel banquet halls and high school or junior high auditoriums.
   
   Did I mention she was hot?
   
   So I joined.  I swear to God (lol at that irony), I joined because I wanted to be like her, be with her, share the same mental, spiritual and physical space as her (it wasn't just empty, really).  SHE did recommend it, even if not with the same internal functions as I had going on between us.
   
   She blew me off almost immediately after we left.  She was nice while I, completely with zero musical skills, rhythm or pitch of any kind at all, trammeled my way through auditions out of pure dedication.
   
   We hit the road.  First venue... we had a song with a bit "everyone turns their back--three rows of us--and sings a few beats, then quick turn to hit a high point word, then back facing the wall... a whole wave of precise rythmic spirituality.... and yeah, I was the one guy who turned one beat too early.  Etc.
   
   Kelly blew me off.
   
   However, I was hella cool and I picked up chicks in three of the towns we went to and made out with them.  One turned into a long distance relationship for a few months but, well, I was a sophmore, so, yeah, it died.  But whatever.  She was hot. 
   
   So, the lesson here is that following God gets you zip.  Being  yourself gets you making out with lovely real-life humans as part of being alive. 
   
   

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      Diane Insideposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      not sure how that all has to do with religion, and not teenage angst.

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         Shadesbreathposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         Yeah, you can reduce it however you like.  I'm just a story teller.

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      Baileybearposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      There's plenty of "Technical Virgins" - slutty christians who do everything but.
      I knew of an abortion from someone in the church...they did it in secret because of shame in family
      There were plenty of teen pregnancies in the church - obviously their parents assumed they would be abstaining and sex ed wasn't necessary

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      1. 61

         hanging outposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         The most unfortunate part about this story is that the hymen is a valued part of the woman in jewish culture. The man wanted a virgin and nothing else would do and of course the woman expected the same in a man. This is in part why when a man lay with a woman he was made to marry her, because no man wants a person who has had sex previously and the hymen broken is a sign of this.
         In Gods' eyes the breaking of the hymen is marriage, so in fact, there are many many people living in adultery in gods eyes because the men hardly ever marry the first virgin they break.
         If the female body were taught to be a treasure instead of a purse for every tubular object, it may have helped. Jesus said if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off, better to enter into heaven without it than hell as a masturbator.
         Our society is so callous and because of that it looses out on some beautiful aspects of life. Two people in love and virgins, setting out to live life together and learning about lovemaking for the first time, teaching each other and experimenting together, this is a bond that makes a marriage last. Don't worry about sexual compatibility, love, tenderness, patience; it all works out, besides spiritual people aren't sexually active like the bunny rabbit.

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            Baileybearposted 13 years agoin reply to this

            so to rephrase what you're saying:  you say people are going to hell if they mastubate, and christians only have sex for reproduction purposes, never for fun?

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               hanging outposted 13 years agoin reply to this

               nope and hi.
                   So long as a person maintains a constant practice of masterbation this shows the state of his heart toward God. Most christians realize that God is in them and in the room and during times of such practice we can all imagine God leaving the room till we are done and cleaned up. Not such a pretty picture now huh. Hell is doubtful as God is hopefully still working on cleaning up aspects of that persons Believing walk but cannot be ruled out entirely, masterbation may lead to actual adultery as there is little discipline being applied in this area. We cannot both masterbate and be clear of conscience toward God. The two do not mix. I am single and i know first hand pardon the pun. This is a more prevalent situation with single christians than married christians and perhaps idolatry and adultery of 'internet porn' play into this picture as well. Therefore masterbation is a work of the flesh and it is sinful activity which at one point (gods grace in action again) God will try to clean it up. Now if the person absolutely rebels against Gods teaching and continues to M and if hit by a truck, will die as a worker of iniquity, those are the brakes, indeed; hell i do not know for sure therefore i cannot say, as you have, i thought a humorous and semi applicable quote but did not mean to cement hell as a concrete result, sorry for the confusion, again i am being liberal in my deducement.
                    To be spiritually minded is to not fulfill the lusts of the flesh. This is a truism. The SP mind thinks and prioritizes differently than the carnal, unsaved or non-believing mind. The christian will love his wife differently than the non-christian, yes there are always exceptions to the rule, i do not know any, but anyway, not being married i can not say wholly and entirely that condoms are not used, i am not catholic and the christian church has to my knowledge no direct verses about that, being as i was vasectomied at age 29 i don't have to worry (dancing lol.. my bad.
               Ideally God opens wombs, there is direct documentation of this event often throughout the bible. If God opens the wombs for unbelieving sinners, i doubt it because in the opening of the womb is within the direct will of God for that persons life, outside of gods will, you get what you get, but God will work with whatever you bring to him. If i think deeper upon this, nothing surprises God, is my final conclusion.
               Never for fun? How would i know i am single. As i said the christian man would love his wife differently than the unsaved unbeliever. Poppin one off behind the tombstone at uncle frankies funeral.. probably not.. a quickie in the pool in the backyard on a hot day, perhaps.. I will keep you posted as to progressing changes in this opinion after my marriage day.

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            alternate poetposted 13 years agoin reply to this

            I have not heard such a stone age crock for such a long time-  The whole mess around virginity is MALE DOMINATION and nothing else.
            
            The vicars daughter was and still is the most certain lay on the planet.
            
            Spiritual people aren't sexually active like 'normal' people !! 
            
            You are one screwed up dude.

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               hanging outposted 13 years agoin reply to this

               
               sorry, not me.
               your inferences are just that, speculation.
               please resort to proof that the hymen is not special to God or show information that says the hymen (virginity) of the jewish female is not important.
               You may claim male domination but after reading that i might expect it of you.
               VICAR by definition you mean catholic.. please read some hubs instead of chasing me around you will note that catholicism is not claimed to be christian and therefore i will not enter into anything catholic. How the vicars daughter disclaims my statement is beyond the hubpages scope of imagination, my imagination as well.
               Spiritual people are not sexually active like unsaved unbelievers
               yep!
               you are one screwed up whatever you are.
               having mooted half your short and unthought post the rest can be scrapped also.
               better luck next time, for luck you seem to lean on. Maybe get a fact or two and try to refrain from acting like an upright monkey with the insults.

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            Beelzedadposted 13 years agoin reply to this

            Are you saying Jesus never masturbated?

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               hanging outposted 13 years agoin reply to this

               yep

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                  Amie Warrenposted 13 years agoin reply to this

                  I guess you know this because it says so definitively in the bible? I'd hate to be your wife.
                  
                  Oh, and what about cases of rape or incest? What about widows? Are they doomed to a life alone because they have no hymen?

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7. 61

   WuldUStilRemebrMeposted 13 years ago

   I liked the story.  Did you say she was hot? or not? 

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      Shadesbreathposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      You will probably do well here when you toss up a hub.  Be patient.  The sane amongst us need you to go through the learning curve and stay. Seriously.

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8. 62

   Lisa HWposted 13 years ago

   My "outrageous" story is pretty much an axe I've had to grind for years:  When I was a kid I babysat the three little girls of a very religious family.  They were the sneakiest, nastiest, little girls I'd ever met.  I was instructed not to bring any children's books to read to them because they were only allowed to read Bible stories.  The mother was in her thirties/early forties and had both her parents living.  (So, the point here is I didn't think much of the way this holier-than-thou, smug-faced, two-faced, woman had such nasty little brats for kids.  Of course, this woman had a smug face that anyone would want to slap even if they didn't know her.  Smugness has a way of showing on a person's face.)  Anyway...
   
   When my father died (I was 21) that woman was one of the first to show up at the wake.  I was composed and "reasonably fine", and this smug-faced, know-it-all, condescending, fool had the nerve to get right in my face and say, "You shouldn't cry.  You should be joyous."   I was standing a few feet away from my dead father's casket, and I thought, "You moron!  Let's see how joyous you are when your parents die!"  All these decades later her arrogant presence at my father's wake irks me.   I wouldn't minded if she said something like, "As sad as it is to lose your father, I believe he's 'gone on to bigger and better things'" (or whatever - you know what I mean.  )  But, for this moron to have the audacity, ignorance, and even cruelty to come up to a 21-year old (with her 16-year-old brother and 24-year-old sister nearby) and say (as if she was lecturing), "You shouldn't cry.  You should be joyous." - What a moron!!!!  I'm sorry.  Maybe that was her religion, but it wasn't mine.  It also wasn't her father.  She had her father into her thirties and beyond.
   
   Same religion.  Different death:  My 20-year-old girlfriend was killed in a car accident.  The people from that same church went up to her mother and siblings and "instructed" them they should be "joyous" too.   Of course, this was after these clowns had made a big deal, when my girlfriend was living, about the fact that she wore the same mini-skirts all the other young women were wearing at the time.  They had given her mother and her a really hard time over those mini-skirts (even though their own daughter had gotten herself into some pickles that weren't as easily remedied as buying longer skirts).
   
   Anyway, not a fan of anyone who is stupid enough to walk up to a daughter/son or, worse, a mother; and "instruct" them in that obnoxious, "all knowing", tone that they "should be joyous". 
   
   The way I see it, there's most likely a place in Hell for such arrogance and ignorance.  That smug woman is dead now (I just heard recently).  Oh well, hope her nasty little girls were good and joyous when she finally kicked the bucket.           I know I am.             

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      Diane Insideposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Hey Lisa, unfortunately, there are some people who like that. The have no compassion, or sympathy.  Sorry you had to deal with her.  I also have had to babysit some little terrors in my time, and yes you know what they say the preachers kids are the worst. 
      
      My sister has three, and all of them are forces to be reckoned with.  They are very religious and look down their nose at anybody even within their own church.
      
      That being said I think that is in every religion, and even in the nonbeliever sect.
      
      There are just some people who are nasty, or at the very least, not aware of how they come across to others.
      
      Still, sorry about the fact that you lost father, it should never be that the children lose their parents at such a young age.

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      Baileybearposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      I knew a girl that was killed in a car accident.  My mother said, "You know what the said thing is....we don't know where she was with the Lord when she died".

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   Amanda Severnposted 13 years ago

   An elderly lady I know was an active and valued volunteer at a local charity shop. One day some books were donated which apparently had a homosexual theme ('Tales of the City' perhaps?) and this lady refused to serve in the shop if these books were going to be on display. She was firmly told by the manageress that the charity was non-denominational, and that the books in question were likely to be popular, and raise much needed funds. The lady stuck to her guns and quit working there. Wow, what a victory for 'Christian' values!

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      hanging outposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      everybody has their own personal convictions. the important part is not what she stood up for but rather that she stood up.
      Romans 14:5   One person esteems one day above another: another esteems every day alike. Let every person be fully persuaded in their own mind.
      
      Those values may not represent every christian
      kudos for her!

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10. 61

    hanging outposted 13 years ago

    I remember kneeling and praying, the sinners prayer, in my own words of course, when all of a sudden i started to sweat. I can sweat rivers off my forehead working in the sun and this was no different except i was in the living room.
    By the time i had finished praying my pray that God take over my life and make it what he wants and forgive me for all my past sins... I had this picture in my mind of two hands which came from above and removed an invisible package from between my shoulder blades and I had the most incredible feeling of lightness and tingles.
    Indeed i had the impression that my sins had been lifted from me.
    God had answered
    (its His favorite prayer)

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       alternate poetposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       That invisible package that was removed from between your shoulder blades, that would have been your brain.

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          hanging outposted 13 years agoin reply to this

          have u ever even had one?

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       Baileybearposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       so sweating and a feeling inside was enough to convince you it was real?

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          hanging outposted 13 years agoin reply to this

          ya had to be there, i'm still at it, so let that answer your question and God is more real now than then

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             Baileybearposted 13 years agoin reply to this

             but it was a subjective experience?  Could have been reaction to hot chilli you ate or adrenaline?

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    richtwfposted 13 years ago

    Swimming naked in the Sea of Galilee (at night).

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    klarawieckposted 13 years ago

    I was sixteen years of age when I was desperately looking for a part time job. I saw an ad - "Looking for church organist". I figured it wouldn't be much different than playing the piano. So, I called, made the appt and rushed over there. It was a Jehova Witnesses Church. There were three old ladies sitting watching an audition when I got there. My boyfriend had accompanied me for support. Once it was my turn, I go up, sit at the organ and begin to play. I HAD NO IDEA WHAT I WAS DOING! I kept on pulling and pushing every button, moving every pedal, couldn't get the volume on the lower register to sound equal to the right. Anyways, total disaster!!! J.S. Bach's spirit and my boyfriend were crying, I'm sure. The faces of the old ladies as I finished my Bach fugue were priceless! How embarassing. I have plenty of church/music stories. That was just one of them, but I think I've been banned from setting foot in church.

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    earnestshubposted 13 years ago

    I hired a fourteen year old kid who was a reluctant catholic.
    
    He had been working on a motor with me hotting it up for racing and changing the compression ratio.
    He goes to church with his mum as he must on Sundays and told us how he had embarrassed himself with the priest when he said.
    
    "Forgive me father for I have sinned, it's been 3 weeks since my last compression"

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       Diane Insideposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       And you actually associate yourself with him, for shame. Associating with a christian?

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          earnestshubposted 13 years agoin reply to this

          The rest of his life story could be a great novel.
          
          He was working after school and stealing cars at night when I met him. His parents were devout and he and his brothers had a hard time staying at home with an abusive father who had been a ward of the state and bought up in a religious order orphanage where he was abused constantly along with many other children.
          
          I gave him a chance at a different life and he took it.
          He retired from his own business a happy and wealthy man at a very young age. I gave him one of my shops when he turned 18 and he doubled the bottom line within a year.
          
          I love real happy endings!

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14. 68

    IntimatEvolutionposted 13 years ago

    The first time I went to an Evangelical Christian church.  Oh my.  I was scared for my life, and I'm a Christian.  That holy rolling nonsense, just wasn't for me.

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    Mighty Momposted 13 years ago

    I knew it was bound to come out sooner or later.
    Just as I feared: Catholics are NOT christian!
    However, vicars are Catholic and have slutty daughters.
    Uh, ok.
    
    Sorry hanging out. Whatever chance you may have had of establishing credibility with me (and that's overlooking a LOT of other misinformation in your posts) is completely obliterated with those two statements.
    Catch a clue. Maybe go back into your living room and do your little sinner's prayer that's so effective for ya.

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       Amie Warrenposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       LOL! What gets me about the "Caholics are NOT Christian" thing is that every protestant church on the face of the earth spun off from the Catholic church, and then the holy rollers spun off from them. If not for the Catholic church, there would be no other churches.

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    Amie Warrenposted 13 years ago

    I grew up in the South, and once when I was very young, there was a cross burned on the lawn of an interracial family nearby. This KKK guy was out there reading the Bible, and I remember thinking that if God approved of what he was doing, then why was he hiding his face? I often think of that when I hear the Tea Party wailing about abortion and family values. Some of those idiots belong to white supremacist groups. How can one hate out of one side of his mouth and preach love out of the other?

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    SomewayOuttaHereposted 13 years ago

    yea...i remember those 2 christian leaders...Tammy Faye and Jimmy Baker....rollin' in the dough....preaching the truth.....Jimmy couldn't keep his hands off someone...i don't recall who...who cares.....poor Tammy.......I think Jimmy stole Tammy away from her first husband too or sumthin' like that or vise versa....who cares though......poor Tammy....
    
    the pic is from a SNL skit...i like it!
    
    

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