advice of how to deal with my b/f daughter mom

1. 48

   tt1984posted 15 years ago

   Help with boyfriends crazy baby mom Please?
   Heres the facts
   -my b/f and I have lived together for 4 years
   -he has a 9 yr old child with another person, their daughter lives with the mom.
   -I have been around there kid no more then 15 times. Because the mom usually stops letting my b/f see or talk to his kid for a few days after I have been out with them cause she gets mad.
   - My b/f almost always goes to spend time with his daughter at their house.
   -I know for a fact that the mom wants to be back with my b/f or at least wants me out of the picture.
   -I met the mom face to face for the first time about a month or two ago. This is when it started to get really bad. Which is when she told me that they were sleeping together on and off. My b/f said it was all lies b/c she wants us to break up.
   -After that he told me that he is no longer going to go there to see his daughter, that she will come to our house.
   -My b/f went to their house on christmas eve to spend time with his kid and stayed after his daughter went to sleep to do her presents.
   -the mom called me a few days later telling me that my b/f and her had sex and that he told her that they could still work out together and he would leave me, but she was upset cause he is still with me.
   -She also said that when they had sex that she wiped herself off with his sweatshirt.
   -I have the shirt and there is a little bit of a white residue on it, problem is I dont know if they had sex b/c I dont completely 100% trust my b/f but I dont think he would have sex wit her.( He knows that she wants another child and me and him could get pregnant at anytime, I just don't think he would risk that among other things)
   -Part of me thinks she took his sweatshirt when he had it off and wiped her self on it so she could tell me this.
   -So my b/f got his daughter a bedroom set from ikea for christmas, now he has to go there to put every thing together.
   I AM NOT FEELING THIS AT ALL! IKEA furniture is not that difficult I say the mom could do it herself, FYI most if it is together the only thing left is a dresser. Besides she has men in her family that could do it if she wants to act useless. I told my b/f after that last thing she did I dont want him going there at all, he said since he got the dresser he needs to put it together and he doesnt want another man putting her dresser together and that the moms brother is not going to do it. I think he is crazy for thinking that it is okay for him to go one last time to put the dresser together just because he said he will go there early and leave early during the day and it will be the last time. Finally he said he would talk to her and see about someone else putting it together. Now his daughters mom keeps writing my myspace, facebook page telling they are sleeping together and that they will always be a part of each others lives. This is all really starting to get to me. I do love kids and want my own in the next year or two but I dont want to have a child that will not be able to know their own sister because her mom is psyco. Also I dont want to have to deal with the stress of her. I told her I am not going to believe her when she tells me they are still sleeping together, unless she taped it. Know she wrote me and said she recorded the sound but I dont know if I should go talk to her and see.

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   1. 68

      Nickny79posted 15 years agoin reply to this

      Sounds like a lot of drama.  In such matters, the emotions tend to overule reason, but if you are open to reason, I would suggest you retreat from such chaos and find a different guy.  I have been hung up on certain females in the past, to my stupidity, and thinking that this particular woman was THE one and that I'd never find anyone better.  This has happened several times.  I have found this sort of thinking to be illusory.  It can be particularly debilitating, but as a rule I've always proven myself wrong and was able to find someone better in every respect. 
      
      I would withdraw and take some alone time and think about what it is you really want in a man--make your laundry list and imagine yourself with that person.  In time, after working through some karma and learning some lessons, you WILL find someone better.  Believe me, there is no shortage of good men in this world, you just have to be willing to let them find you.

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2. 0

   Leta Sposted 15 years ago

   This IS massive drama, and what I'd do in that situation immediately is to cut communication with your boyfriend's ex.  She's trying to intimidate you, and somewhat succeeding.  Given her issues, there is absolutely no reason for you to have any contact with her.
   
   If you are still interested in your boyfriend, set some boundaries with him, too.  I would tell him his daughter is welcome to visit your home at anytime, but given the circumstances right now, you are not comfortable with him visiting this ex.  This is not being over demanding, but just good faith concerning your relationship and something he should agree to if he values you and your relationship.
   
   If you find he has been cheating, I'd say cut him loose.  This isn't a dependable person in any sense, and not someone you should consider having a child with.  It might hurt in the beginning, but in the long run you will feel better that you have made this choice.
   
   I don't see this as 'finding someone better,' but taking care of yourself and your future.

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3. 48

   MrsMRBSposted 15 years ago

   Well, I have a similar situation going on... Neither do I trust my fiance 100% and he has almost gained that trust back.  When things started getting shaky I told him where I stood and he can accept or step.  At some point I feel in your situation and mine the man needs to set common grounds for everyone and to maintain a healthy living environment for the child.  Being open to him telling her where he stands about situations and letting her know that he is true to only me(you).  First, you and he need to come to some type of understanding of how to deal with the situation.

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