Go On Then, Critique Me.... My First Attempt At Satire....

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   ryankettposted 13 years ago

   http://hubpages.com/hub/McDonalds-Raise … rger-Price
   
   My first genuine attempt at satire, if anybody can read all the way through and let me know what they think then that would be great.
   
   (This is in the extreme makeover section, by the way).

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   ryankettposted 13 years ago

   I don't know whether you would call that satire, but it was supposed to be funny...

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      EverydayKathyposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Ha that was pretty funny... I wasn't really going for satire but I feel like your hub is a companion piece to my hub  " I never ate a french fry for nutritional value but shouldn't it rot?"  I think I'll go link to you now!

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   Mikeydoesposted 13 years ago

   Pretty funny, better than anything I could come up with, and longer that's for sure. No wonder its taken someone 20 minutes to respond, haha.

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   kirstenblogposted 13 years ago

   I gotta say that was a welcome read in my bad mood! Thanks for that, left you a comment

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   wordscribe43posted 13 years ago

   Oh, Ryan... I thought it was fantastic!  HA!  I do think you should have an Amazon capsule for Morgan Spurlock's "Supersize Me" though.  Very well done.

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      ryankettposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Wow! The sites good writers like my humourous article, maybe I can be the bridge between the affiliate marketers and the creative types after all

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   ryankettposted 13 years ago

   Cheers guys, been a long time since I published a light hearted hub with pure enjoyment the objective.
   
   I will have to do it again some time, it felt good and a welcome break from sales copy
   
   I didn't really understand the end of your comment though Kirsten, I may be a half decent writer but plenty manages to fly over my head when reading

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      Spacey Graceyposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      She means that if you had been reading a book while doing your undercover work you would've stuck out like sore thumb
      
      This gave me a smle as I reminisced (spelling???) about a long drive from LA to Las Vegas and we had to stop at a McD's in the middle of nowhere - it was not somewhere I would've chosen to be but it was that or die in the desert from dehydration - still it was a pretty tough call to make.

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         kirstenblogposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         Spot on!

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      kirstenblogposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      The folks you described reminded me of a Bill Hicks bit. He is in a small town restrant and the waitress askes him 'whatca readin for?'. His shock was being in asked what for? not what? but what for?
      
      So I don't wind up a waitress on minimum wage in some hick town was his reply!
      
      I love Bill Hicks

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   lrohnerposted 13 years ago

   Who you callin' fat, ya dang Brit?
   
   Loved it Ryan!!! But there is one thing you might want to consider changing. You talk several times about the Ronald McDonald House with sinister clowns and kids running around, and I'm not sure that you understand just what a Ronald McDonald House is. It's certainly not a "fun" thing and has no clowns--sinister or otherwise. I do have a hub written about it if you want more info. It's actually a pretty serious and somber place.

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      ryankettposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Oh I know that a Ronald McDonald house is, and I know that this is close to the wire, but I left it in on the basis that McDonalds customers pay for those rather than McDonalds the corporation - we have the Ronald McDonald houses too. I guess that I just hope people will see it as tongue in cheek, I was trying to be a little ironic I guess - factitious stupid people being reported by an incredibly stupid journalist. Me playing the stupid Journalist
      
      I am sure that the Ronald McDonald houses are fantastic places, and that Ronald McDonald has his own house which has all been bought and paid for by his dividends I wouldn't mind chillin in his pool with those groupies though, do ya think they use waterproof face paint?

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   SteveoMcposted 13 years ago

   I thought it was just as you wanted it to be, humorous satire and provided a few chuckles.  Nice job.

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