Play Date etiquette

1. 85

   Lily Roseposted 13 years ago

   Okay, so my oldest daughter is in kindergarten and she's been begging me to have a play date with one of her classmates who I have not met.  I gave my daughter a note with my name and phone number to give to her friend for her mom to call me.  So she called yesterday and I told her we were free today and we agreed the friend would come to my house for a play date.
   
   The mom showed up, I invited them in and we chatted for about 30 seconds and then she walked to the door and said "Okay, I'm going to go run some errands - I'll be back in a couple of hours to get her."
   
   Is this normal?  She doesn't even know me and is leaving her daughter at my house!  I feel like I suddenly became this woman's babysitter when I thought that I might be making a new friend!

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   1. 67

      lrohnerposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      You would think they would stay... My kids are in their 20s now, but it was kind of hit or miss with Moms staying for play dates when they were younger if I wasn't friends with the Mom beforehand. Some stayed and some didn't. If the play date was at a park or something or I specifically invited the Mom for lunch or tea or whatever, then they would always stay. And I definitely saw this behavior mostly in Moms who had other kids that were older.

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      1. 85

         Lily Roseposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         Funny - you hit the nail on the head with your last sentence - she has a son in college!  Apparently this is "old hat" to her...oh, well, I guess I better get used to it!

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         1. 60

            couturepopcafeposted 13 years agoin reply to this

            I wouldn't leave my kid with someone unfamiliar.  If I did know them well, however, I think a play date is for the kids, not the parents, to socialize.  If you invited her, the onus is on you to watch the kids.

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   2. 0

      Sophia Angeliqueposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      She took the opportunity of doing something else while you looked after her kiddie - at first sight.
      
      Then, again, she might have felt that she wasn't wanted.
      
      You don't know at this point.
      
      Give it another few tries. If the same thing happens, I don't know what to say.
      
      But I certainly wouldn't leave my daughter with someone I didn't know.

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2. 85

   Lily Roseposted 13 years ago

   Thanks for the input, but I certainly don't think she felt unwelcomed because I invited her in and her actions definitely indicated that she had other plans.  Oh well, I guess I have to get used to this now that my daughter is in grade school!

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   1. 90

      Polly Cposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      From my own experiences I would say that it is not typical behaviour. I haven't ever done that, and no one has done it to me either. Not quite sure how old your daughter is, but when my son (who is 10 now) was younger, I was always invited in for a tea or coffee, and stayed for a chat before heading off for a while.  Likewise, I would always welcome people into my home.
      
      Sometimes my son was invited after school to a friend's house, and then he would go home with the parent without me picking him up first. But this would only happen after I had at least got to know the parent a little.
      
      I do however remember having a birthday party for his 4th birthday at home and inviting a child from nursery who my son liked but I did not know at all. He was dropped off straight away by his grandma (I had never met any of the family). That was a bit weird, and he got tired and ended up crying.
      
      People are all different though. I like making friends with the parents of my children's friends, but it doesn't always work out like that.

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3. 85

   Lily Roseposted 13 years ago

   Honestly, I was a bit relieved that I didn't have to "entertain" and was able to just let the kids play and I even felt like I had a little break since they were so into playing with each other for the first time outside of school...but the whole thing just felt wierd because I did not expect it to go like it did.
   
   I especially liked when the friend shouted "I'm thiiiirstyyyy!"  I am not a servant for my own kids (not on demand anyway!) and will not be for someone else's kid either - I let her know that I would be happy to get her a drink if she asked me politely!
   
   My daughter proceeded to tell me, after she left, that this girl is often a trouble maker in class.  My daughter is not at all.  Now I need to know how to get my daughter to steer toward the "good" kids, not the trouble makers - LOL!

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4. 85

   rebekahELLEposted 13 years ago

   from what I have seen in the past few years, it's not so normal. I've seen moms making acquaintance first, either through school or after school activities, then making play dates.  some of them meet at the parks or fast food places with playgrounds to get to know each other first.
   personally, my sons are older now, but even when young, I wouldn't drop them off at someone's home unless I knew the parent/s well enough to trust them.

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5. 82

   LondonGirlposted 13 years ago

   My son's 5. He's been to friends' houses a few times, and we've had some of his chums for tea here, too.
   
   In all cases, I've met the parents several times - we've made joint weekend trips to the park, and had a drink and a chat while our assorted infants race around manically. Or I've met them at school events, or birthday parties, and so forth.
   
   So now, when he goes to a friend's house for tea, friend's mother / nanny / father picks Isaac up from school along with the hosting infant, and we collect Isaac later. Same when we have visiting infants. But in all cases, I've met the parents for a good time first, and Isaac's at school with the children, anyway.
   
   I certainly wouldn't do a dump-and-run with someone I didn't know.

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