Need knowledge/experience and advice

1. 52

   Miichanposted 13 years ago

   Well I've just recently got broken up with my ex. (duh) He was the one who did the breaking up and I can't blame him. I made the mistake of cheating on him a couple months ago. Now, don't get me wrong, I did make a huge mistake and I could've prevented it but well.. I was too exposed to the adult content in Second Life. I could've turned it off or avoided it-- I know! Now, some background and I'm sorry for being scatterbrained. We've been dating for about a year and three months. Most of that time was spent on SL and I graduated high school with no intention of doing the college life. So I practically sat home for a whole year waiting on him and playing SL while he was at college. Oh and we are long distance! I know some if not most do not approve of long distance or 'it doesn't work'. I'm the helpless romantic so I do believe anything could happen. Now.. When I did the things I did, I did realize I was doing something wrong and when he did find out about it, it was about 3 or 4 months ago-- which he felt hurt and tried to move on with it and I also told him what else I've done in which he trusted me a bit. So now, November was a complete mess.. We usually argue but the whole month was chaotic with the last day of that month being 'the big fight'. Now I have the tendency to immediately break it off- why? I don't know, maybe I'm scared or need to put up a front. But then he's like, no, I want to stay because I love you. The first of this month was okay.. I thought we made it through but it turns up that we went on webcam- and I felt something was wrong but I didn't mind because I wanted to show affection because we kept fighting and being the new year coming close, I'm deciding to make some changes but I didn't tell him. Believe me, positive changes. After that day, he started ignoring me and not responding to texts or emails. So I panicked a bit and I admit I was being pushy. Lo and behold, the 8th comes up after I get my permit and I realized my friend texts me saying 'I can't keep it to myself anymore, he's going to break up with you.' So of course I wanted clarification and called (I've never called him before the month) And it happened all in text because he didn't pick up. No one wants to hear it from a text so later we got on the phone and I begged and pleaded and got the same cold answer saying he thought it through and wanted the best for my future. -- Now here's where I'm stuck at. We've loved each other and felt a strong connection since day one. I mean everyday we were close and happy with other times being boring and frustrating because it'd be the same but we've still felt the love and appreciation. From planning our future and even having strong decisions on getting married and starting out. I don't know how a mans mind works let alone with someone who thinks all the time in school and such but right now I want to know what's in his heart. Truth is, I've tried talking to him but he won't talk about anything but the fact that I've broken the trust. I'm going through a process of spending time away to see if he opens up or is beginning to miss me and even I myself have begun to try to improve myself and feel more confident than I was. I'm getting my life together rather than sitting down on my butt. I know it's a bit too late but I really want this to work again and I'm sure he's the one for me because no one has ever treated me the way he does. Yeah, I know there are other fish in the sea but I feel more comfortable with him than anyone else I've met regardless of young age haha. I just really want to know what to do from here on out or if I'm missing something important. I need to know what can I do to build back that trust I broke and to make him see the good times instead of always talking about what I've done. I've accepted that I've done what I did and have promised God and myself to not ever do it again and I will not break that promise. Please help me because I love that man and I really need to get him back into my arms and to get back into his heart.
   
   ~A very devoted and determined young woman.

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2. 60

   garyrockzzzposted 13 years ago

   Hi Miichan,
   
   It is sure that you love him very much as you had taken the pain of writing such a long post about it.
   
   But, you know it too that trust is very important in relationship. He is certainly hurt. I think you must give him some time to get normal. Then talk to him and try to make up for your mistakes. The wounds get easier with times.
   
   When my girlfriend broke up with me, we were having a lot of family problems due to our parents. We decided not to talk to each other. Then I went to a other city for higher studies. But I really missed her a lot. It was hard for us.
   It was after a year, when I was on a vacation. I accidentally met her. Old emotions then I really wanted to be with her. I just thought hell with the problems and people why can't we be together when we really wanted to.
   We talk sorted out something and got back again.
   
   He loves you too, but at the moment he is a bit confused. Give him some time, talk to him gently. bring back the old lovely moments and try to make him forget what happened earlier. make some new memories.
   
   All the best

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3. 60

   AngelWings75posted 13 years ago

   I would like to say I agree with your answer hun, but, although he may still love her, and think about her, the truth is, when you are cheated on, you NEVER forget.
   Sure, he could say "let's try again", but sweetheart, no matter what, it will always be in the back of his mind what you did to him. He will always wonder, and always worry. Once you break that trust, it's almost near impossible to get it back. People say they have regained trust in others at some point, but the fact is, nothing is ever completely forgotten, and specific things will bring back memories and cause problems in your relationship forever.
   I'm sorry this all happend to you. People make mistakes and I hope that one day you can forgive yourself, and he can forgive you, and you can both move on, either apart or together, whatever may be. I wish you the best of luck hun!

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4. 40

   RomanceRealityposted 13 years ago

   You have to give him time and yourself time to come to peace with the hurt that was done.
   
   One of the most important things about overcoming a break up is not just faking, but really being okay with letting the relationship go and understanding why it happened.
   
   When we are going through a breakup, especially if we were on the receiving end, we tend to romanticize our relationship with that person instead of looking at things with a clear, unbiased pair of eyes. It is normal, but you have to pull away from that or you will just keep hanging on to a "fantasy".
   
   Once you can do those those, you can start working on yourself to address what caused you to stay so you can not only be a better person overall, but a better girlfriend in the future with someone else.

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