Criticize this hub - Computer Repair Shop

1. 78

   Penteposted 13 years ago

   I am looking for criticism on this hub:
   http://hubpages.com/hub/Start-Computer-Store

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2. 0

   Website Examinerposted 13 years ago

   Nice hub, well-written and interesting. Good images.
   
   Some corrections that proofreading should have revealed:
   -What if noboby came --> nobody
   -starting bringing in stuff --> started
   -started donated old computers --> donating
   -repairs was extremely --> were extremely
   -I would have reopen a new store --> reopened
   -I hope that this blog is of help to anyone --> this hub (or article)
   -The other thing though is know that it takes --> is knowing
   
   Other issues:
   - Detailed depiction of wife's and friend's physical and mental disorders. Ask yourself whether they may have a problem with being described in this way on the Internet.

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3. 78

   Penteposted 13 years ago

   Corrected: Spelling error, 5 grammatical errors, and changed "blog" to "hub".
   
   Minimized all references to friend's and wife's problems as much as possible without creating confusion in "Final Chapter" section of my article.
   
   Thank you for your input.

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4. 58

   karenfreemansmithposted 13 years ago

   I loved your story. 
   
   As far as critisism goes though.  I think it's too long, as in a lot of scrolling. The pictures are nice, but there are so many of them it adds to the scrolling problem. 
   
   There are a lot of good things in your story and I liked it a lot. It is a good overview of the subject of starting and running a business. I think a handful of hubs focusing on more specific parts of the process would be more useful and easier to digest. 
   
   A hub about starting a business, for example, including your experience, but also some general advice and maybe some links to resources for more information (like writing a business plan, finding financing, recognizine opportunities, etc.)
   
   A second (and possibly 3rd or 4th hub) could talk about other specific aspects of running a business: displaying your product, working with craigslist, handling the sneaky tricks of competitors.  Each of these would be a good stand-alone topic and give you more places to spread out those photos a little.
   
   I'm skeptical about the conclusion or "death of the business" being a useful part of this hub. It seems very personal and more blog-like than hub-like.

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   1. 78

      Penteposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you for your criticism. I thought about writing a second more general hub focused on the more specific problems of starting a business. I like the flow of my hub (both personal and educational), so I don't plan to break it up. I am going to give some serious thought about the conclusion part though. You are correct in that it does not really add anything to the business part of the article. It is very blog like, and worse, it is somewhat depressing. I occasionally go back and see huge improvements I can make to my hubs as I gain experience writing.
      
      Once again, thank you for your input.

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5. 0

   Butch Newsposted 13 years ago

   I did a speed read.  It seems interesting and personal.  I think many would enjoy the read.  I'm more into reading technical stuff than stories.  "Just the facts ma'am, just the facts"... Joe Friday
   
   I don't have great eyesight so you could help people like me by breaking your paragraphs up even more... not more than a few sentences so there is a bit more white space.  Long paragraphs are difficult for me and your story is lengthy so that would give it more appeal to me by making it easier to read.
   
   I read very, very fast so long stories are just not my thing unless loaded with facts I find useful.
   
   Not a bad story though.  Personal... I like that.

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   1. 78

      Penteposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you

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