Is Marriage Worth It?

1. 70

   yenajeonposted 14 years ago

   Be honest married hubbers:
   Is marriage really a pain? Is it worth it? and most importantly,
   What is the HARDEST thing about a marriage?

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      Brenda Durhamposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Yes it's a pain, but it beats the alternative in the long run.
      Yes it's worth it.
      The hardest thing is the short run toward the long run. ha

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         samboiamposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         After 19 years of marriage I can honestly say, yes it is worth it. Is it easy? No. Are there times it would be easier to leave than stay? Yes.
         
         What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how
         compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility.
         Leo Tolstoy

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         Hokeyposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         whats the alternative?

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            china manposted 14 years agoin reply to this

            Living with someone is not different to being married for most people who can understand love and responsibility - until you get kids, and then that responsibility wants to give them a name and a formal recognition of what you already knew, but . . .

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               Sab Ohposted 14 years agoin reply to this

               "Living with someone is not different to being married"
               
               
               It is completely different.

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      hitched4liffeposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      After 36 years of marriage, I would have to say that my marriage has never been a pain, but is sometimes an inconvenience. Once I married, I no longer was the only person to consider in what I chose to do. And then with 5 children that have come along, there are many people and things to consider whenever I make a decision.
      
      Is it worth it? Absolutely! So many wonderful things have happened and been enjoyable for me because I had someone to share them with.
      
      Like I said above, the hardest thing has simply been that marriage is a "dead-end street" if you become selfish. Doing something for my husband isn't always convenient, nor do I always want to do something for him, but I do because I love him. But certainly the other could be said as well--I can think of many times when he got up to go to work when he didn't want to because of his love for me and our children.
      
      Yep! It's definitely worth it!

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      WriteAngledposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      When they try to screw you for everything you have in the divorce, even though they are more financially secure. Note, btw, this is a woman speaking!

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      goldenpathposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Yes, it's a pain.
      Yes, it's worth it.
      The hardest thing is the continuous endeavor to be "one".  It is important to be on the same wavelength in the decisions concerning the family.  Children need to see this as it will affect their own families in the future.  Men and women actually think differently.  This is good and is by design.  The objective, struggle and ultimate triumph is in making both mindsets and personalities work together in concert.  Nevertheless - it can be done.

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      IzzyMposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Marriage is a pain when you realise a couple of years in that you married the wrong person.
      I stuck with mine for 29 years, but we weren't in love for more than 2 - 3 years.
      After that the kids became the most important thing, and I'm glad I was married when I had them, for their sake.
      Not that it makes any difference really nowadays, when the vast majority of kids are born out of wedlock, but years ago it did. It made a difference to my childrens' lives that their parents were married.
      The hardest thing about staying married was knowing that by doing so I was giving up the best years of my life for my children.
      I love them far more than they will ever know. They will never know the sacrfices I made for them.
      Even though they don't even talk to me anymore because I dared to leave their father.
      If I had my life to live all over again, I would not get married.

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         myownworldposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         something about your post...it's honesty... really hit me. Loved it...

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         1. 87

            IzzyMposted 14 years agoin reply to this

            Thank you but it's not something I want to add to. This is something very painful to write about but someone asked the question and I gave an honest answer.
            Marriage seems to work for some people, but very few - just look at the divorce statistics!
            My own parents are still obviously very much in love after 57 years together. It does work!
            But only for some people...

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               WriteAngledposted 14 years agoin reply to this

               My partner is in your situation, Izzy, with respect to his two adult daughters. I can see how much it hurts him.

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               alphafemaleposted 14 years agoin reply to this

               A few years ago my mom confessed that had she been born a generation later she probably would not have gotten married.  I always knew that my parents stayed together because of the kids. 
               
               Since I knew I didn't want to have children myself it was never a priority for me to get married.  As it turned out, I married a bit late (31 years old) and it only lasted a few years.  I have been single for over 20 years. 
               
               Now that I am older I can envision a marriage for both companionship and to pool resources.  I have talked to many people who seem to feel the same.  The economy does strange things to you.

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         china manposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         Absolutely - mine was cool for the first half - then the little everyday sacrifices mount up.  When my wife became impossible and I left after a few years of trying to change things I lost a part of my kids. We are still in good enough contact but there is always my ex's bitterness and lies showing through in the strange questions they sometimes ask.
         
         Be strong Izzy you know you are right and doing the right thing now.

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         Rafiniposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         such pure honesty cannot be disproven
         not only can I admire your honesty, I can also admire your sacrifices and  love for your children

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   6. 0

      Justine76posted 14 years agoin reply to this

      It hurts in ways I can't explain.
      It gives me joys I've never known before.
      It is love, strength, fear and security. It is a relatiosnship, it requires constant attention.
      I suppose how you feel about it depends on what you expect of it.
      It is worth all of it. I would not trade one minute of my hell, to have missed one second of my heaven.

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   7. 71

      Cagsilposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Is Marriage Worth It?
      
      Get married and find out.
      
      The only way to figure out this question is to take the steps necessary to fulfill the obligation of a marriage, so you can gain the best perspective as possible.
      
      If you're looking for someone else's perspective, which was your intent on this thread....then NO!
      
      It's not worth the effort. Simply because "MARRIAGE" is a religious concept, brought over to State and Federal Authority, so as to gain revenue, by giving out special incentives.
      
      This, in America, is the supposed separation of Church and Government, double-standard.
      
      Enough said.
      
      Enjoy!

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         drej2522posted 14 years agoin reply to this

         Interesting perspective, Cagsil...hmmm...let me ponder on that one for a bit, but I think it carries some merit.

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      andromidaposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      At times, one might feel that marriage is kind of a pain,otherwise its always a sweet pain.There is no hard part in marriage but keep continuing the loving relationship.

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      WildIrisposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Do you have to get married?  Can't one just be committed? Cagsil is right, marriage is just a contract and for some a contract easily broken. To be committed to another person even when the sh-- hits the fan, the kids screw up and everything feels like it is crumbling around you, means you have one person you can depend on, some one who won't desert you at the first sign of distress. Stuff happens in life one cannot control, and it is a hell-of a lot more fun to have some one around to share it with and still have a niche of your own. I am saying this because I feel luck enough to have found a person I absolutely adore, respect and stand beside through the worst of times-- like right now. But that piece of paper that says we're married, after 26 years I've never had a need for it.  Well, maybe  I could collect social security if i got married, but  social security will be all gone by the time I am old enough to retire.

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         jacquelinl57posted 14 years agoin reply to this

         the reason to get married is to have someone with you in the long run, not to get divorced or fight with each other not to force one another to do things that hey don't want.  to be married is to understand your partner to love him/her with all your heart and soul to help them when they need it.  no relationship in the world is easy everything needs to worked on and smoothed out and that even may take a lifetime... but thats the point of it all.

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   10. 60

       pinkboxerposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       There is an illusion perpetuated that marriage is all sweetness and light all the time. Marriage is both a combination of bitter and sweet. Take the journey by faith. You won't regret a single minute of it. Over time, and through many tests of the marriage covenant, you will be happy that you did. I am better because of marriage. 
       
       The hardest thing about marriage? Getting from the concept of  " I " to the reality of " we ".

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   11. 49

       MamaOsaposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       It is a pain, but it is a pain that you can't live without. When you find the right person marriage is a wonderful thing. It will be filled with both ups and downs. The key is that you are experiencing both with the person you love. As long as you don't loose sight of that fact things are good. I say get married, enjoy monogamy and all that it has to offer with the man/woman who loves you as you are! Who accepts you and all your imperfections. The right person makes all the difference.
       http://mamaoso.wordpress.com/2010/02/11/ode-to-him/

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   Ohmaposted 14 years ago

   Mine has been. we are not perfect and Lord knows we can fight but I wouldn't trade it for the world.

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   rebekahELLEposted 14 years ago

   absolutely, it's worth it. I wouldn't have my two amazing sons without my marriage. It was both wonderful and hard, but I'm very happy to have had the experience. my husband died young from heart problems so I'm no longer married at this time, but I wouldn't have traded it for anything.
   
   would I do it again??   possibly, if I knew it was right.
   
   the hardest part of marriage? probably different for each situation. I will say open and realistic communication is so important. marriage is not 'happily ever after.' respect and allowing each other to be their true self, not expecting the other to change for you.

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4. 64

   Mishaposted 14 years ago

   Depends on what you call marriage.

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      aka-djposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      You're kidding, right?

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      jacquelinl57posted 14 years agoin reply to this

      wow.. and thats all you would say? you could of stated what you considered marriage instead of saying that stupid piece of shit... you sound really stupid replying like that.

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         china manposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         This is one reason NOT to get married - some people are small minded with mouths that just run off with them - this sounds like a line from any late rocky-marriage argument.

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5. 61

   megs78posted 14 years ago

   Very much worth it!  No joke.  Its not always easy, but what IS easy when it all comes down to it?  having a partner in life is so much more than company.  Its validation to all that you do and who you are and what you've made together.  It really is worth it for so many reasons.

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   aka-djposted 14 years ago

   It depends what you want to get out of it?
   After almost 31yrs, I think it's MORE than worth it. But, in my case, it fulfills me as a person, and I think it does the same for my wife.
   Not easy, but worth it.
   Besides, who'd want me when I get OLD?

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      WriteAngledposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Hmmm, I'm 56 and living with my 61-year-old soul mate for the last two years. I'm old, he's old. As Catherine Tate would say, "Am I bovvered?, Am I?"

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   Lady_Eposted 14 years ago

   If you meet the right person it could be bliss.
   
   I think its nice to ensure you click with the person you want to marry on all levels, before diving in.  Having said that, sometimes people do click on all levels and then when they get married, one of them would still behave unbecomingly. Sometimes, I think it all comes down to being lucky.
   
   There are so many lovely women/men out there, who are willing to be committed to a marriage but always end up with someone who eventually becomes a pain in the !!!
   
   So, Marriage is worth it, but its nice to have a solid/strong foundation - that way, nothing shakes you both easily.
   
   Good luck.

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8. 0

   lyricsingrayposted 14 years ago

   Is it me or is this simple, meaning for many marriage is wonderful and a sacred bond and for many not to wed is as fulfilling just the same.
   
   I have lived in both arrangements and one not better than the other, really no difference, just different.
   
   

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   Justine76posted 14 years ago

   the HARDEST thing about marriage? The other person. 

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    caravalhophotoposted 14 years ago

    I absolutely love being a wife...I just did not pick the right husband.  The idea of marriage is very appealing to me and I hope some day I will find the man that makes my heart jump when he walks in a room...when he smiles.  Rather than wanting to punch him in the face just for breathing...
    
    Being single does have its pluses...dating is not one of them!

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    Hokeyposted 14 years ago

    I have never been married and have no children. The prenultimate bachelor. 

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    donotfearposted 14 years ago

    Is marriage worth it?
    I have mixed feelings about this. Marriage is very difficult. Sometimes I wish I was not committed. Other times I'm glad I am, mainly because of the respect factor and mutual companionship. We don't always like each other. Six months ago I was ready to bail out. I came very close, but something happened that made me reconsider. I'm now continuing the fight. It doesn't always feel good, it's not always happy. But it's security! Continuing to love is learning to be patient. But it's committed love, it's secure, and it's what we do with it that matters. I would call it content. Love is a choice, committed love is a journey. Creating excitement is an experiment in adventure. It's not all about sex and lust and passion. It's much much more. That's what it takes. The type of love in marriage is not the same as in the beginning: the rapid heartbeat and anxiety, honeymoon phase. In fact, it's much more than that. It's the pleasant knowledge that there's a unity even when we don't feel it.
    So is it worth it? 
    The journey is worth the travel.

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    sneakorocksolidposted 14 years ago

    I think it is but I like sex and I wouldn't do it outside of marraige. Sure it's tough but it's alot of things mostly good. I dated my wife in high school and before that she was my sister's best friend we knew each other. We were friends and are even better friends now we do everything to gether and I still chase her around the house and yes she still screams,"Stop it!" It's been 35yrs it wasn't always bliss but it was usually wierd!

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       Flightkeeperposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       Sneak, you've been chasing her around the house for 35 years and you still haven't caught her? You're a real slow runner.

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          sneakorocksolidposted 14 years agoin reply to this

          I caught her once and we have one kid! Whoa! She was no fun in the delivery room! I was good I did the Lamaze classes and counted and coached. They told me to bring a snack it could take awhile, I brought a big can of mixed nuts. As things progressed I was eating my nuts counting and coaching. Until after about 10hrs of labor I jumped up ready to count and she sat up and glared at me and said,"What are you eating!?" I said those nuts I brought and she said,"You eat one more nut and I'm going to throw up on you!" I went back to the couch and her Mom said," It's ok she doesn't know what she's saying." She finished with,"Don't baby him Mom he's a moron!" I really didn't want to catch her again but I was blinded by lust and kept trying!

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       caravalhophotoposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       Sneako...you are so romantic, I love that story.

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    JeanMeriamposted 14 years ago

    There are times when I have thought yes and no. I now look at marriage from a very different perspective than I once did (unless I have PMS, in which case he is a jerk ;p )
    
    My marriage is a lot more than the two of us. There is us loving each other and of course the kids. The marriage itself is its own entity. This entity of me and him as a couple provides a home to children who need one, and has provided a family for one little girl. Marriage is very worth it. Alone we would not be able to do what we do.

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    POOPSIEGIRL69posted 14 years ago

    I think marriage is very much worth it but you have to commit to  it and work on it all the time.You will have good times and bad times .But alot of people just want to dwell on the bad times.But you made a vow for richer or poorer for better or for worse.You said it so stick to it and try to save your marriages dont just give up .Sometimes you have to act like its your job and coninue to work on it everyday.And always remember give each other space and a little breathing room and everything will work itself out.

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    Red_Dragonposted 14 years ago

    Ask Tiger Woods, he would probably have the best answer.

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    skyfireposted 14 years ago

    Such threads are for scaring singles    *gulp*

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       myownworldposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       ..OR encouraging them to make the most of their situation!

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    skyfireposted 14 years ago

    oh yeah...

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    Rafiniposted 14 years ago

    is marriage worth it?
    
    to be with the one you love - yes
    
    to sacrifice your dreams - no
    
    to have children - no
    
    to not be alone - no
    
    to have benefits singles are not entitled to - individual choice

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    babiiwovposted 14 years ago

    marriage is super hard with problems in every corner...not sure if its worth it.

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    Fluffymetalposted 14 years ago

    I spent 25 dollars to get married and 5000 dollars to get divorced.  Do the math?

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       Hokeyposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       We dont have to get married. Just be friends!

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          Fluffymetalposted 14 years agoin reply to this

          sounds good hokey.  so who won the contest.  its pretty popular.   You can be my HUBSband.  That doesn't cost money.

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    h.a.borcichposted 14 years ago

    There is a huge difference between living together and being married. Living together has an awareness spoken or not that if one party becomes unhappy it will be done. Marriage is vowed until death do us part.
    Marriages built by two self aware people who are willing to suffer, sacrifice and serve each other will sustain time. Each desires the others happiness. That is the marriage I am in and we have very little conflict, much happiness and no doubts.
    Just my opinion, Holly

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       china manposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       The currency of your vow seems to have dropped in value, divorce rates say that others can break it at will.  The vow itself is based in responsibility and honesty, if that is how people live together then it has the same value. The idea of until 'death do us part' is ok if the marriage is ok, same with living together, when it becomes shackles to hold one partner in place for the abuse of the other then it is not ok; just the same as in living together.

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    _cheryl_posted 14 years ago

    There are so many factors that involve a marriage that is worth it...so it's kinda unfair to say plainly- is marriage worth it? Kinda like asking, "is a trip to Vegas worth it?". Well, depends on your circumstance. If your using your whole paycheck and dipping into money that you know you're gonna need for bills, then...maybe it isn't worth it in the long run. You may have a great time, but end up having to pay for it in the end. But, if you've saved up and planned the trip and go with the right people, your Vegas trip can be unforgettable and well worth it. Mind you, even if you save and plan...if you choose the wrong people to enjoy your trip with, then it ends up not being worth it either. Like I said, sooo many factors involved! lol! I think that if you go into a marriage knowing fully what you want and who you want, not settling for less than that- as well as being willing to put in 110%....then yes, marriage is so worth it!

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    John Wiggensposted 13 years ago

    NO its a waste of your life.

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       feisty womanposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       It's not if you find the right one then don't let them go

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