Do you have a friend with "benefits"?

1. 75

   Fluffymetalposted 13 years ago

   If so.... tell me how that's working out for you.  Does it exist?  Is it dangerous? Is it healthy? What do you think?

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   1. 70

      Cagsilposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Worked out well, while I was doing it.
      Yes, it exists.
      That depends on the given situation.
      Of course it's healthy.
      I just told you what I think

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      1. 76

         starme77posted 13 years agoin reply to this

         sounds healthy   and interesting - I just asked my daughter what the heck a friend with benefits was - and she laughed at me cause I didn't have a clue - but - hey - given the right situation it could be a good thing:)

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      2. 59

         damajoyiposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         For the most part it never works out.  If it ever amount to friends with benefit, it means you weren't good enough for a legit relationship.  So the person is being strong along until the other finds someone better.  While this is going on, one of you is bound to fall in love with the other, making matters worse.

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         1. 70

            Cagsilposted 13 years agoin reply to this

            That's completely untrue. It hasn't spoiled any of the friendships I had with those women who I've had that sort of arrangement with.
            
            Therefore, you conclusion is false.

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            1. 59

               damajoyiposted 13 years agoin reply to this

               Give it time Cagsil.  I think after mutiple of this sexual encounter, either you or her will realize that this is what you want or don't want.  and that when it become very sticky.  That is, one of you will want out while the other will want to continue.  in short, right now you are blinded by the fact that you are having you cake and eating too.  I am actually all for it because it is a good learning experience.

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         2. 59

            rkummerposted 13 years agoin reply to this

            I agree with damajoyi.  Unless both parties go in with shared/identical expectations and understanding, coupled with neither holding a true desire to expand the relationship, absolutely it would work. 
            
            Cagsil, what works for some doesn't work for others.  Just because you haven't experienced difficulty in benefits situations doesn't mean others won't/don't.

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   2. 0

      Baileybearposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      yeah, I married him

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   3. 60

      cpvrposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      It's healthy. We had benefits though, but now all she does is give me money and buy me food.

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      1. 61

         Daniel Carterposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         Then what's in it for her?
         Just wonderin'.

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   4. 0

      ssaulposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      To me friends with benefits are the best, there is no expectations, no commitment, no rush, no pressure just the best. Remember to always look for signs of attachment from the other person, if you don't want it to become anything more, talk about it, if not,  run as fast as possible!

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      1. 63

         ceciliabeltranposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         Call me a prude but I can't imagine having sex with someone I don't want to live with. I mean, if I don't want you in my life, I don't want you in my body all the more! (sorry, just wondering how that is possible, to want to have sex with someone you don't want to be around with)

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   5. 59

      lady_love158posted 13 years agoin reply to this

      I have lots of friends, some with bigger benefits than others

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   6. 63

      ceciliabeltranposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      NO strings attached was a good movie to watch. I was surprised that Ashton Kutcher did not distract!

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2. 68

   Aiden Robertsposted 13 years ago

   How sad am I?
   
   I do not understand the question, I think it means getting intimate without committment; am I right?

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3. 0

   Muldanianposted 13 years ago

   Well, I have one friend who always has an endless supply of furniture polish, which is a great bonus if I am ever short of it.  She is also very handy with a sewing machine, which is useful if I need something turning up.

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   1. 68

      Aiden Robertsposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Oh right!
      
      I have a friend who can fix almost anything, I sometimes wonder why he is my friend because I am pretty useless at everything

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4. 0

   ralwusposted 13 years ago

   uh huh, i married her long ago, puddy fat and all.

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5. 72

   tritrainposted 13 years ago

   Yes, my girlfriend.

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6. 78

   PBody5205posted 13 years ago

   They work until someone gets too attached and the other person doesn't feel the same way.  As long as your in it for the right reasons (to not be tied down but still get some) and both of you are cool with it, knock yourself out

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   1. 60

      cpvrposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      I agree. That's why I had to cut it loose with the girl I was messing around with, she caught too many feelings, and I wasnt having that, we were just friends with benefits

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7. 60

   AMSpaceposted 13 years ago

   I think it works for some, and as long as both parties understand that's all it is...then it's fine. If emotions get involved, then things could get a whole lot more complicated.
   
   I think the key is to draw those lines in the sand before beginning.

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8. 61

   KristenGraceposted 13 years ago

   Had one years before...
   
   Not anymore :\  Don't think it's dangerous or unhealthy.

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9. 79

   brimancandyposted 13 years ago

   I only have one. But, we basically only see each other in the summer. But, when we do get together it's like fireworks! We both have partners, but if we didn't, I would want to snatch him up for myself in a second. He's a great guy, and hot as hell!
   
   As for it being dangerous. Since being gay has many levels of what is acceptable in a relationship. Being found out, might not have the same outcome as if we were a straight married couple. Don't get me wrong, there are some very possessive fags out there, who would scream bloody murder, but, I think the level among them would be less intense as the jealous husband or wife.
   
   It's like skating on thin ice. You never know what will happen.
   But, my relationship is pretty open. So, for me, it's more of a guilt trip on ice. (Sounds like I'm promoting an arena show!)
   
   The Amazing Guilt Trip on Ice! Coming to a town near you!

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10. 65

    kmackey32posted 13 years ago

    Not anymore.....lol

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    1. 70

       Cagsilposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       Hey Kmackey, did you ever check out that other thread about tattoos for my response to your post? If not, check it out.

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       1. 65

          kmackey32posted 13 years agoin reply to this

          Ummmm no...lol. I was off for a bit making food....lol

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11. 0

    Stevennix2001posted 13 years ago

    They do exist but as far as people getting hurt in it are concerned, it really depends on the parties involved.  If there's established ground rules from the start on how no matter how much sex takes place, it would not change the nature of their relationship then it's okay and harmless fun.  Is it dangerous?  Well technically speaking ALL relationships are potentially dangerous.  It just depends on too many variables.  However, as long as both parties are emotionally secure enough and agree on the established rules of the "friends with benefits" concept, then it should be fine.
    
    For me personally, i don't think i could handle a relationship like that personally.  However, I certainly wouldn't stop anyone else if they wanted that kind of relationship with another person.  Just leave me out of it is all i would tell them.

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    Bard of Elyposted 13 years ago

    I thought it meant social security payments if you are out of work! lol

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13. 60

    Heart of a Lionposted 13 years ago

    A friend with benefits can be healthy, but only between two balanced, well rounded people who managed to stow their baggage, not drag it behind them forever. A person with baggage, whether it be past relationships or addictions or self image or any topic which can cause unbalance and turmoil deep inside, will typically engage in that "friend" role unable to truly "benefit" from the NSA relationship. In these situations the pleasure gained from the partner/friend is only skin deep. Deeper than the physical relationship lies the emotional, all the while possibly judging, comparing, hesitating, second guessing and most of all not communicating. So I believe that anyone who decides to go this route should exercise caution and look for warning signs such as personality changes, inability to accept compliments, withdrawing, avoidance and mood changes. None of those things should interfere in a NSA relationship anyway right? Those things are the strings so many friends discover in these potentially great but usually not relationships.

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14. 77

    stclairjackposted 13 years ago

    i dont know if what i've got right now is a "friends w/ benenfits" kinda thing.... we are friends, we fish and BBQ together, we change his oil and fix my plumbing together, we also attend each others parties and family dinners,... but i'm not sure anything more will ever come of it, we live in our seperate homes, we prefer it that way, we may not see each other for a week, but we text or call most days, more of a whats up check. its more of a "your place or mine" kinda thing,... it works.

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15. 60

    Mrs. J. B.posted 13 years ago

    They were called F Partners in my day and YES I had one.. They are the best

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16. 75

    Fluffymetalposted 13 years ago

    Thank you for all your comments.  I completely forgot about this thread. :v......

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17. 74

    Richieb799posted 13 years ago

    Wish I had one, kinda had one once but I was desperate at the time lol

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18. 67

    Bill Manningposted 13 years ago

    I sort of had one. Seems like it's always just a matter of time before it gets someone hurt, not worth it IMO.

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19. 75

    Fluffymetalposted 13 years ago

    My best friend gives me my benefits... nobody is getting hurt.  we are very mature about it.

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    1. 70

       Cagsilposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       Hey Fluffy, just the thought, entertains the mind, almost enough to ask more questions, but since we're friends on FB, I don't need to guess who your best friend is.
       
       But, I'm glad you're mature about it though.

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20. 78

    TahoeDocposted 13 years ago

    Long ago and far away...I still think it was great at the time (right time, person, place) and have no regrets and in my situation, no one got hurt.
    
    Works if both people are TRULY on the same page. I know some people (mostly women) who would agree to something like this, but it was really a desperate attempt just to get close to someone. They invariably got hurt when they couldn't 'win over' their partner into a committment.
    
    Proceed with caution.

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