Is It Good To Be 100% Honest In a Marriage?

1. 67

   6 String Veteranposted 13 years ago

   Is it good to be 100% honest in a marriage?
   
   -YES? Do your forecast your actions (let's call that 'pre-honesty') or wait for him or her to ask ('post-honesty')?
   
   -NO? Why isn't it good to be 100% honest?
   
   -AND do you expect / demand the same of your spouse? Or do you have 'your own brand' of honesty and they have theirs?

   replyreport
   1. 70

      tritrainposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Some things are best left unsaid.
      
      A person should use discretion and care when saying things. 
      
      When, how, and why should be taken into consideration.
      
      
      Do the right thing and you won't have to lie.

      replyreport
   2. 61

      CaravanHolidaysposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Is anyone entirely honest with themselves in the first place?

      replyreport
      1. 67

         6 String Veteranposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         Great pitch, Caravan (a curve ball?). Hopefully most people are honest to themselves about the more painful things in life (bad decisions, offenses to others, unjustified selfishness, etc.). Although it's higher ground, I think, to be honest with others, one of life's necessities is to be honest with yourself.

         replyreport
   3. 48

      Communicationgirlposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      NO!
      It is typically never a great idea to be 100% anything. On significant matters such as MAJOR finances, family issues, commitment - of course yes! Anything that degrades you as a person or is disrespectful to your vows as husband and wife should be discussed openly and honestly.
      
      On insignificant babble such as harmless flirting and overspending by a margin at the mall - NO NEED TO MENTION!! Somethings are better left to yourself, we need to hold on to that in order to keep a sense of ourselves. Exercise some judgment, don't make a mountain out of a molehill and all will be fine!!

      replyreport
   4. 60

      speedbirdposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Being honest is an essential ingredient for any relationship to 'thrive'

      replyreport
2. 59

   revybabyposted 13 years ago

   Sometimes those little white lies - no the dress doesn't make your behind look too big - have their place and can be situational.  For instance if you are at home and trying to find an outfit to wear it should be ok to tell the truth.  But, if you are already out in public why tell them the truth when there is nothing they can do about it?
   
   Same thing goes with bigger lies -- it is somewhat situational.

   replyreport
   1. 67

      6 String Veteranposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      The prob with the small lies is the person hearing them. Most wives, for example will know her huz is lying if he says a dress looks good when it might not. Personal experience has shown me that the truth is better, even if awkward.
      
      As for the 'big lies', do you care to give an example?

      replyreport
   2. 59

      JLCloseposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      I agree Revy. Even if know that dress makes my butt look big, I want my husband to tell me I look great.  To most women, I think that sort of "lie" is okay. Then again, I could be wrong. Women confuse me! :0)

      replyreport
3. 64

   I am DB Cooperposted 13 years ago

   A few small lies are ok. For instance, I don't tell either of my wives about each other.

   replyreport
   1. 60

      Disturbiaposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      

      replyreport
      1. 0

         kimberlyslyricsposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         I third that and think I peed my pants

         replyreport
   2. 67

      6 String Veteranposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      @ DBCooper LOOOLLL

      replyreport
4. 69

   Joy56posted 13 years ago

   honesty is supposed to be the best policy, some people are just a little economical with the truth is all.

   replyreport
5. 60

   loveingyouposted 13 years ago

   Personally, My hubby and I tell each other the complete truth; mind you that it can lead to awkward moments, anger, and negative feedback. We discuss about everything from past relationships to current feelings, and little white lies don't really seem to apply to both of us.
   
   Although honesty isn't always the thing we want to hear, overtime the relationship does work, although it takes more effort opposed to letting some white lies slide, and a bond of complete trust can be built.

   replyreport
6. 60

   Disturbiaposted 13 years ago

   Honesty in marriage is a really, really big issue with me. I'd rather know the cold-water-in-the-face truth than any stupid lies made up to avoid hurting my feelings.  Although, I'm not sure it is really possible for anybody to be completely 100% honest, I think you should try your best.
   
   For example, I'm just recently divorced, again, because my husband couldn't be honest with me and went around behind my back like an idiot.  He has an internet porn and sex addiction which he apparently was too ashamed of to tell me about.  Well, I found out about it anyway, as if anyone could keep a thing like that a secret for very long. We went to counseling and did all the right things, but he couldn't control himself and kept on trying to hide it from me, so finally I kicked him out because I no longer trusted anything about him anymore. There were just too many little surprises that I wasn't prepared for and I didn't want to live like that any longer.
   
   What he never understood was it was never the sex that was the issue, so he had no reason to hide it from me. It was the fact that he wouldn't be open and honest about it with me and he wouldn't share it with me, and he made me look and feel foolish.
   
   If he had told me what he was doing, it would never even have been a problem. I've got a really open mind, and I can understand and live with the idea that people have different turn-ons and some might need more stimulation than others.  What I can't and won't live with is lies, cover-ups, and sneaking around till you no longer know if you're coming or going.
   
   My first husband had both male and female lovers and frequently brought home prostitutes. He was completely open about it, and made it clear to me from the beginning that this was his lifestyle long before he met me and he was not about to change it just because I was now part of his life.  Fine, I knew the truth about him and it was my choice whether to accept him or leave.  I may not have liked everything he was into, but I completely appreciated the fact that he had told me about it and I knew what was going on and what to expect. 
   
   There were no secrets or lies, no catching him viewing chatroom webcams, no hiding phone records, no telling me he was working when he was really with some girl he had met online.  No pretending he was married to an evil controlling bitch, or that he was in a bad relationship, or even that he was single.  Or having one of my friends tell me he was out looking for sex partners on a website that catered to married people looking to cheat, like this last one I just divorced.
   
   Even though my first husband had other partners, I never thought of what he did as cheating because I knew about his lovers and could have participated in his affairs at any time.  Also, he would have invited me to view the webcams with him and it might have been a sort of foreplay. He would not have excluded me, lied to or about me, and made me feel betrayed. To me, it's all about the honesty.

   replyreport
   1. 67

      6 String Veteranposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Disturbia - Thanks for the insightful post. Sounds like the first guy had more integrity.

      replyreport
   2. 52

      heesoposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Hey heeso here, first love cannot forget you, similarly first marriage cannot forget you.

      replyreport
7. 0

   Neville Walkposted 13 years ago

   Yes 100% honesty is necessary in any relationship.  If you love someone, then you need to be upfront with them, otherwise the sense of trust would be lost.  And without trust in a marriage, there seems little point in being in the relationship.  This is how couples become strangers to each other and often leads to the ending of that relationship.

   replyreport
8. 0

   kimberlyslyricsposted 13 years ago

   someone said honest

   replyreport
9. 62

   Anathposted 13 years ago

   100% honesty in a relationship is a utopia
   
   “If you truly want honesty, don't ask questions you don't really want the answer to”

   replyreport
   1. 67

      6 String Veteranposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Anath, in that case wouldn't those 'unwanted' answers be the truth?

      replyreport
10. 61

    jmpruitt1975posted 13 years ago

    Personally, I think that little white lies, like some people have said are one thing. If My wife would ask if she looks fat in public... well yyou know what I mean. not gonna start a fight in public. However, bigger things, absolutely must be honest. I see people who say, oh its okay... you don't have to tell the truth.. thats why their relationships are falling apart and most of them are too self centered (and stupid) to notice that they are destroying that relationship.
    
    I see people lying to each other. a relationship is built on love and respect and I have no respect for someone who lies to me.

    replyreport
    1. 67

       6 String Veteranposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       "Hon, do I look fat?"...I hate questions like those. A good response, though, might be: "I don't know...what do You think?" Just play hot potato.

       replyreport
11. 85

    rebekahELLEposted 13 years ago

    this thread reminds me of the Geico commercial with Abe Lincoln.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cdy3orO6tQA
    
    maybe not 100%..

    replyreport
    1. 67

       6 String Veteranposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       ".............Perhaps..." Then Abe himself questions the value of uncompromising truth. LOL

       replyreport
12. 0

    moncrieffposted 13 years ago

    No. You surely don't want to know some of your spouse's secrets either. And taking in account that more than half marriages end up in divorces, your honesty will play against you in the future.
    
    Spouses should cultivate myths about each other.

    replyreport
    1. 60

       Disturbiaposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       "You surely don't want to know some of your spouse's secrets"
       
       LOL, moncrieff, that might be true for most people, but I can't help equating secrets with betrayal.  I'd rather know the secrets, and there are no secrets so bad that I'd rather be ignorant of them than know the truth.   If a man can't be honest with me about himself, he's free to use the door, preferably the back door, and take himself out of my life.

       replyreport
13. 72

    Cagsilposted 13 years ago

    Is it good to be 100% honest in marriage? Yes.
    
    Trust is built on honesty. Open communications means that you can speak about anything and everything. Any breakdown in communications, then the relationship suffers.
    
    If your partner cannot handle you being honest 100% of the time, then apparently you're with the wrong person.

    replyreport