On waiting for a man to act without being told

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   Julia Changposted 12 years ago

   Him: You gotta be completely obvious with guys, that's how we understand (what you need or want). Sorry to break that to you.
   
   Her: Then I guess I should be a lesbian.
   
   My opinion: I would want a guy to act on his hopes and desires without constantly having to tell him what I expect out of him. I enjoy spontaneity in a relationship, I think it's a huge part of romance. Why can't some men understand this without being told? A real woman would never be disappointed if a man acts with integrity.

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      dixie28714posted 12 years agoin reply to this

      men are insecure... they are scared to disapoint so they just wait... good luck on finding a man to take charge and put his foot down and simply be a man.. I've yet to meet one of those.

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         TamCorposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         They exist--my husband is one.  Strong, secure, and wise, yet sensitive, loving, and giving...all wrapped up in one terrific man. 
         
         Men aren't mind-readers--you have to talk to them(not harp at them), let them know if you need to talk, or need something done.  So what if, once in awhile, you have to ask more then once for a chore to be done--they're only human, like us, they are no more perfect than women are.
         
         I've been married for almost 23 years, so I have figured a few things out when it comes to men, or, at least, my husband, lol. 
         
         One is to never raise your voice--TALK things over--don't scream at each other, because that never accomplishes anything.
         
         Another is to treat each other as well as you treat your friends--let HIM be your best friend, and I'll bet you'll become his in no time.
         
         Okay--off my soapbox, but just wanted to try to help a little.

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      Mikeydoesposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Sadly the guys that come on to you are usually the players. And the guys that you are describing say girls need to be obvious are usually the good ones. Maybe you should take his advice, its not always about what you like, although you can certainly find a man that will do what you want. Everyone is different and the more obvious girls are, the better it is for me.

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   kirstenblogposted 12 years ago

   On waiting for a man to act without being told, its gonna be a long wait

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   Sarah Shepherdposted 12 years ago

   Unfortunately, that's just the way it is... I LOVE my husband of 4 years, but I'm lucky if something simple gets done around here without me having to ask and harp...

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   Julia Changposted 12 years ago

   Ha! And here I was hoping that maybe I was just dealing with the wrong kind of men!

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   Sparhawkeposted 12 years ago

   Wow...you women really do not have a clue what you want do you from one day to the next? lol
   
   First you want a strong man, then a sensitive man, then a considerate man, then a confident man, then a good looking man, then a geek, then a man with money, then a man with muscles, then a man who will take care of you, then a man who is a man...then a new man (whatever the hell that is) and then someone who will wash the dishes, then someone who can fix a car, and someone who can set the video, then someone who will hand you the remote control, then someone who will take charge...
   
   MAKE UP YOUR MINDS!!!!!
   
   When are you simply going to get on with making your minds up and telling us what you actually want?
   
   No wonder we are all confused with the constant mixed messages, we men are easy...all we really want is someone who is not hard on the eye and who still has a pulse.
   
   All women want is the moon, and the stars too.
   
   ~~~
   
   Time was that we could get away with knowing basic plumbing and fixing the horse-cart...nowadays there is so much that we have to know around the house from plumbing to electrics to powertools to roofing to groundworks, to cooking to engines and cars to everything else that everything is prioritised for most of us.
   
   The role of a woman, though granted it is full really has not changed that much in thousands of years whereas we are somehow expected to be experts in everything we touch.
   
   We do not do well with multitasking and what you may think is important really is not. I do not care that a corner of the wallpaper is coming away from the wall or it has a bubble in it, and your mother is coming tomorrow. It really does not interest me in the least.
   
   So long as electrics don't kill anyone I am happy.
   
   Has it ever occured to you that we simply may not know what we are doing yet do not want or can not admit it?

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      SomewayOuttaHereposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      ...really?....'someone who is not hard on the eye and who still has a pulse'    

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         Sparhawkeposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         Pulse optional...

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6. 61

   Julia Changposted 12 years ago

   Sparhawke, I agree some women can't make up their minds or change their minds too often. But the truth is, if women can handle multiple roles in life and do it successfully, then she should have high standards for her partner as well.
   
   This is just from my personal view as I am mom & dad to two kids, a student, a part-time employee of two jobs, a friend, sister, aunt, etc. I juggle my roles well with great support from those around me, but it's been a challenge finding a guy to be a partner in this crazy life.
   
   My experience has been he says he wants to be a part of it, but he never acts on his words. I think it's largely due to fear of failure, but how would a woman help him overcome that? There are no guarantees of success in life; it's what kind of effort one puts into it that makes it what it is. I have yet to find a man make that effort without being told what it is and how to do it.

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      Sparhawkeposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Exactly, as I said in the edited post we men simply have so much that has crowded in on us over the last hundred years and we are supposed to know it all whereas women have been carrying the same role for thousands of years.
      
      Women have a whole support network usually whereas all we have is competition and to admit that you do not know how to change a plug is a virtual social death sentence.
      
      I do not know anything about cars, I cannot even change a tyre because I have never needed to, but there is no way I am ever admitting that outside to my peers.
      
      I just wish sometimes a woman knew how to actually ask a man to do something...do not nag or rant, simply ask us to teach you how to do it.
      
      We are not that bright and reverse psychology works like a dream on us.

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   Sparhawkeposted 12 years ago

   About social settings, we as a group are terrified of them, they irritate the hell out of us yet some of us do try to push through it.
   
   We evolved as hunters away from homebase who had to learn to shut the f*** up otherwise we would have a mammoth playing basketball with our heads therefore with a bunch of screaming kids and chaos we do not do well. Watch any barbeque setting in the world, the women will be playing with the kids and chatting with everyone and us men will be sorting out the food...role reversed nicely
   
   I do not do well in social situations and can admit that, if you need a computer fixing or a world class dinner cooking I am your man, but social situations make me uncomfortable and it is the same for 99% of us.
   
   Women evolved as social people though since they were in the homecamp pretty much most of the time.
   
   ~~
   
   By the way, I do not respond well to hints and they go right over my head...for me to pick up on a hint it needs to be as subtle as a sledgehammer to my pinkie toes.
   
   Most men are the same too, you may think that a comment will have been heard and it will be acted upon but it does not work like that, we are goal orientated, if you write down what needs to be done and what needs to be accomplished that week we can go through that list more easily.
   
   You are thinking like a woman when you are coming up with these gripes, what you should be doing is figuring out how you would and what you would respond to if you were a man, not a woman. (And don't go for the old cliche, it never works)

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   mega1posted 12 years ago

   yes, and I believe, truly, that men have their minds on everything other than what women want them to do.  It is no sweat for me to be direct and ask for what I want.  And I have learned that just doing what I think needs to be done and not waiting for direction has sometimes gotten me in trouble.  Can't believe I'm defending the guys, but I am on this one, because I really understand.  It's not a bad thing really, when you think of it, that they don't go ahead and mess things up!  usually.  In fact, I know women who believe they must stand over the guy and direct and watch whatever he does around the house or it will go wrong - probably that's wise, but irritating, to say the least.

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   Julia Changposted 12 years ago

   I'm not speaking of a man doing chores or the mundane little things that I can rely on a hundred other people to do. I'm speaking relationship-wise, I'd like to find a man who uses his brain to help the woman steer the course of the relationship.
   
   Honestly, I hate making all decisions on my own. I know I can do it and do it well, but I prefer that my partner speak his opinion on the matter as well. I don't expect him to always have an opinion, but I'd like to feel as if I really am with someone in an adventure TOGETHER. I find, too often, that men prefer to leave the sailing of the ship to the women and refuse to contribute to creating a healthy, successful relationship.
   
   I don't expect my men to know everything and do everything. I expect a man to learn things with me and work as a team. A team with players that contribute equally in different ways is, to me, the most desirable kind of relationship to have. We bring our diverse talents together to create a bigger, better dynamic...it's trying to find that man with the initiative to join in that is the problem.
   
   Ah well, I always think my expectations are too high anyway! But I can't seem to bring myself to lower them. I will try if I need to though but that isn't how true happiness is found, is it?

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      mega1posted 12 years agoin reply to this

      the only solution for this is to find a young boy, raise him, train him up to be your partner for yourself, and make him real grateful for all you do for him - I'm joking! but I expect there are people out there who do this. 
      
      anyway, what can we do for you about this problem?  Nothing.  Maybe there's some way to use aversion behavior training on the poor schmuck!

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