Bisexuality and religion in relationships

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   Jonathan Jancoposted 12 years ago

   A friend of mine just started dating a woman who admitted on the first date that she was bisexual. The way he described it to me later I sensed he was a bit uncomfortable about it. He also mentioned to me that he has never experienced this before (dating a woman who is openly bi). He also communicated a slight discomfort with the fact he has never dated a non-christian before (the woman in question is a self-described wiccan). My friend is a very open-minded and tolerant person and definitely more Christ-like than a practicing Christian, but is struggling with his views on traditional sex roles. He tries to be open to her views but I can tell he's having a tough time with it. That being said, he does genuinely like the woman and I can see them having a future. I on the other hand have never dated a woman who wasnt bi (not deliberately mind you) and very few of the women I've ever dated would describe themselves as Christians. So, what he described is kind of passe from my point of view. So, I found it difficult to offer advice to him. Anyone who has such advice is welcome.
   Also, if you've been in a situation like this where a serious romantic interest caused you to challenge your own views, how did you feel about it and what did you do to resolve the conflict it created in your mind?

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      healinghands1668posted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Personally, I do not think I would have trouble dating a man who was bi.
      
      I was actually almost-involved with a bi man back in Chicago. I say almost involved because the two of us danced around our obvious mutual attraction for several months before finally admitting it. At that point, though, I was set in my plans to move to Georgia and he was set in his to remain in Chicago, and neither of us really wanted the strain of a long-distance relationship. But we've remained good friends, and I still find him sexually appealing.
      
      I still chuckle when I think about him 'coming out,' as bi to me. I was a little bit surprised only because his attraction to me had been very obvious, and I tend to think of people as either heterosexual or homosexual until they actually tell me they're bi. (Which actually seems strange now that I think about it, because I have more bisexual friends than homosexual friends.) But actually what makes me laugh is the way he explained the difference in his attraction to men verses his attraction to women:
      
      "I might be sexually attracted to a guy, but I wouldn't want a relationship with one because...well, men are jerks. There are plenty of pretty men out there. It's much easier to find a woman who is pretty *and* nice."
      
      Anyway...I suppose I'll close this sleepy rambling with some actual advice:
      
      If the relationship is monogamous and mutually respectful, there is little reason why this girl's sexuality should interfere. Though she may comment on an attractive woman--or man--if she does not belittle your friend with such comments or make him feel inferior, and he can trust that she means them harmlessly, they don't have to be disruptive.

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   Boryjustmeposted 12 years ago

   Hi, well nothing against the people that has different sexual preferences or religion, but to me if I'm going to plaw a landfield I must use two bulls. Ican't not use a donkey and a bull , beacause one of them would have most of the work. That being said is more about convinction, and if is ready to tolerate this girl preference more to him, but I think in the long run it will be a headache.

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   Emile Rposted 12 years ago

   Wow. That's a lot to overcome. I think your friend needs to think this through very carefully; for the girl's sake. He may be able to overcome his phobias now, but later on down the road in the relationship; will he push her to change? That's what usually happens.
   
   If he can't come to terms with complete acceptance of who she is he had better commit to keeping the relationship light and unencumbered by emotional attachments.

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      kerrygposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I'm inclined to agree with this. I had a pair of friends who were in a fairly similar relationship in college, with the additional complication that she was vegan and he loved meat. They eventually realized that they just didn't have the same vision of what their future together would be like - his egalitarian but ultimately traditional, and hers much less so. They weren't able to reconcile their different expectations and ultimately broke up, although they've remained good friends.
      
      I'm definitely not suggesting that it's impossible for a couple like the one Jonathan described to work out, but based on my experience, I would bet against it.

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   Jonathan Jancoposted 12 years ago

   I like the responses, ladies. I thought maybe this thread was dead and buried after the first couple days, but the three of you brought it back to life. Just as an update, I have met the woman in question since I first started this thread and I hit it off with her very well. This is unusual because he is one of my closest friends and there is often some apprehension between me and the women he dates. But this time everybody got along great. All in all, I hope these two work out because it seems now that I've seen them together that they do seem to fit together.

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