help me please understand why i lost him and he is ignoring me

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   goldengirl88posted 12 years ago

   Hi guys this might sound like a stupid question, but over a week ago my ex boyfriend, we were potentially going to get back togther as we both still love one another but things have been very complicated over the last few months ( well i assume he loves me), stopped talking to me suddenly like literally dropped off the planet he stopped answering my calls and texts everything.
   
   
   So i just assumed he did not want anything more to do with me as anyone would.
   
   
   Some background on my ex he is currently separated from his wife and because of legal isssues is not able to see his children. So as there is in any breakup you have the grief from a breakup/ potential end of a marriage and then the pain of not being able to see your children, and there is another issue in that he may go to jail lose his job f he does and his house etc, which is causing alot of stress too i assume.
   
   
   Ok so on Saturday i sent a text to my ex boyfriend saying that i was going to leave him be, and that i hoped life treated him kindly etc.
   
   
   On Tuesday i recieved a repy:
   It said dear Me: I realise that you think i have dissed you! and you hate my guts, and yes still alive, but i am in a terrible place and have needed to be by myself, and you were right it is just me. I do look now and realise that i should have just said i needed space insted of shutting you out. yes that is my bad and i will wear it. I understand you letting me go as all i seem to do is hurt you, im not proud that i have done it. I also guess that four days can change a persons feelings unfortunately i dont have that ability. so i hope life gives you a good go as well, you are beautiful and have alot to offer the world. i would like to think that i was your friend but looking back that is hard to say.
   
   
   love him
   
   
   ps rememeber you are a good no great person who offers everything and who doesnt expect anything in return! and you have so much to live or etc.
   
   
   
   I sent back saying that he should have just told me, and that i said those things because i thought he had dissed me and that i was going to keep trying to be his friend.
   
   I sent a another text apoligising as i should have known that was why he was ignoring me, because when he cant handle things has shut down and has ignored me before because it was too much stress in his life or something like that.
   
   he has not replied to any of my texts and i have left voice messages as well ( yes i know stalker)
   
   
   Its like all those time i forgave him and he cannot even forgive me once, its like im being punished.
   
   
   What do you guys think have I ruined everything and he never wants to speak to me again, and all i wanted to do was make everything better for him, and now ive lost him.
   Or maybe its same problem he just needs time, i dont know.
   What should i do?
   
   Im asking for an objective opinion, as i am literally so scared that he has stopped loving me and will never speak to me again. can you just stop loving someone if you do not see them for long time and maybe he will realise he never loved me at all.
   
   what should i do, what do you think is going on inside his head?
   Is it normal for people who are going through alot of stress and grief to isolate people out of there lives?

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      janesixposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      get a life and stop stalking this guy

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   Shadesbreathposted 12 years ago

   Bored, minorly curious, and sniffing a general sense of troll on the air this morning, I thought I'd see if this post is what it looks like. It is.
   
   This exact same post can be found in two other places already.
   
   http://www.   loveshack.org/forums/t309230/
   
   and
   
   http://www.   dearcupid.org/question/i-forgave-him-so-many-times-but-now.html

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3. 77

   Moms-Secretposted 12 years ago

   If he has stopped loving you, your fears and worries will not change that.  Why do you torment yourself?  All you need is one message:  I love you and am here for you when you are ready.  Then free your mind and LIVE.  If he, in all his spledorous drama, is meant for you than you will have him.
   
   Generally, stalking weirds most men out so you are doing more to guarantee your outcome now than if you left it alone for a bit.  Be the one that got away, not the one that keeps coming for more hurt.

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4. 0

   Arlene V. Pomaposted 12 years ago

   EX, EX, EX.  Make him your EX, move on, and don't look back.  With children and marital baggage, he certainly is no prize for any single woman.  If you aren't strong enough to leave, then get a therapist to help you work out your problems.  Despite the reasons before you, why is it that you can't let go?  Keep stalking him, and you'll get a record for stalking if he decides to press charges.  Leave him alone!  Trust me.

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5. 50

   goldengirl88posted 12 years ago

   Actuallu not stalking him, that was just a joke ( just text and called like 12 times over 9 days, but for me that is stalking. not seriosly stalking though.

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      couturepopcafeposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Yes that is sort of stalking, annoying, pestering, bothering.

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6. 50

   goldengirl88posted 12 years ago

   p.s yes posted elsewhere because you get more advice that way. if that is worng then yeah my bad.

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7. 50

   goldengirl88posted 12 years ago

   p.s yes posted elsewhere because you get more advice that way. if that is worng then yeah my bad.

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8. 50

   goldengirl88posted 12 years ago

   tuche, though in my defence he did it worse to me at times.

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9. 61

   SomewayOuttaHereposted 12 years ago

   ...ummmm...when did he become the ex-boyfriend...i thought it was ex-affairerer or sumthin' like....
   
   back again r ya?  didn't get the answer ya wanted

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      goldengirl88posted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Someway outta there, i dont know what your like as a person, you seem very judgemental its work for some and give your opinion very freely, but for some of us we need to gather the facts from every angle, people react very differenty depending on how a question is asked and the choice of words we use, as you have.  if you dont like it then stop reading the threads it is as simple as that.
      
      It is pretty easy i think for people to judge others, especially when certain things are beyond the capacity to grasp, im sure that even looking at this from an onjective view i would get the same opinion from you, because i alreadu can tell from you you are straight down the line, things are very balck and white to you, your probably a small town girl, simple view of the world, this is this and this is how i see it and thats is that.  But for some of us where more anyalytical and tend to look at things orm variours degrees and deal with things differentl even tough we already know the answer to he question, but others even bitchey comments all help. i say your a sweetheart, but you know id be lying. So do i know answer yes, do i need more pespecive yes, why because its helps in some mental way. Do i need to deal with your pms not really.

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         SomewayOuttaHereposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         ...i have absolutely no respect for you...you got involved with a married man....screw you.................and you wonder why yor screwed up?...and keep posting crap about him not calling you or whatever  - get over it...he's not yours and never was - you were a fling - got it? ya got screwed............yor bed right.? ......lie in it...
         
         i can't give ya any sympathy whatsoever...write a hub about it...about what happens when ya mess with a married dude...
         
         and yup...i'm judging....but, poor you!...

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    blondepoetposted 12 years ago

    I think him not calling you says it all. Let him go
    He has kids and a wife, he is probably feeling guilt,regrets, in limbo...
    He may even still love his wife...
    
    There are plenty single men to build a future with.
    
    My neighbour Hugh Flung Poo is single lol

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    goldengirl88posted 12 years ago

    Oh Somewayoutta here, i honestly dont care if you respect me or not,  personally i was just sick of your attitude and wanted to get a reaction out of you!  and of course i know your judging everybody is judging thats the whole point everytime someone gives there opinion it s a judgement. But i will give you one things done and dusted, its is time to build a bridge and get over it. and posting on these sites is not going to give me what i want, unless your a mind reader, you have psychic abiities or your secretly god then knowbody is going to give me the answers and where all just guessing, some of us may guess right and some of us may not. i asked or your opinion and i got it.

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    dashingscorpioposted 12 years ago

    Women have this tendency to romanticize things by wasting time trying to figure out, “What did he mean?” or looking “decode” a man’s actions. Clearly this guy is where he wants to be.
    It’s human nature to do what is our best interest. If the guy is not with you it’s because he does not see you as being his “best option”. That may sound brutal but it’s the truth in black & white. When a man wants a woman he’s not indecisive. He pursues her. Love is not hard! We make it hard by selecting the wrong partners for ourselves.
    There’s nothing to “figure” out here! Time to move on! My guess is once you cut off all communication with him he’ll try to get back in with you to satisfy his ego. Most of guys believe “Once I’ve been there I can always get back in.”
    Avoid the yo-yo game of being in an (on and off relationship) or worse yet a “booty call” situation. Find yourself a guy who has a lot less baggage! Save the drama for the movies. One man’s opinion!

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       AshtonFireflyposted 12 years agoin reply to this

       I agree...good advice

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    goldengirl88posted 12 years ago

    yeah it is good advce, i guess perhaps what I  should have asked is are there times in our lives when stress like missing your children, fear that you wil go to jail lose your job and your house cause you to isolate yourself from the people who care about you and who you care about too, because all you can focus on is yourself and you dont have anything more to give them right now, as your too consumed with your own problems that the pressure from a relationship based on there expectaions is too much so you ignore them as you cannot deal with it, and you think it will be easier or its better for them or better for you that you just be by yourself, regardless of with you love them or not sometimes you have to simply look out for you!
    
    LETTING GO TAKES LOVE
    To let go does not mean to stop caring,
    it means I can't do it for someone else.
    To let go is not to cut myself off,
    it's the realization I can't control another.
    To let go is not to enable,
    but allow learning from natural consequences.
    To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means
    the outcome is not in my hands.
    To let go is not to try to change or blame another,
    it's to make the most of myself.
    To let go is not to care for,
    but to care about.
    To let go is not to fix,
    but to be supportive.
    To let go is not to judge,
    but to allow another to be a human being.
    To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,
    but to allow others to affect their destinies.
    To let go is not to be protective,
    it's to permit another to face reality.
    To let go is not to deny,
    but to accept.
    To let go is not to nag, scold or argue,
    but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
    To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires,
    but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.
    To let go is not to criticize or regulate anybody,
    but to try to become what I dream I can be.
    To let go is not to regret the past,
    but to grow and live for the future.
    To let go is to fear less and love more
    __________________
    "I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."
    — Marilyn Monroe

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