What will you do if you suspect that your spouse is cheating on you?

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   Jynzlyposted 12 years ago

   When couples in marriage had been closely-knit in their relationship for some time, they normally have this sort of "sense" feeling when one is cheating...there are tell tale signs. What you, the cheated, have very strong sense that your spouse is cheating on you but you cannot produce a concrete evidence to prove your suspicion? What will you do?

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      kayyluhposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      If I suspect they are cheating then you go and talk to them about it. Thats the best thing to do don't just leave because you think somethings going on

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         Jynzlyposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         What if they lie?

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      Niteriterposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      The first thing I would do is pray (or chant, or light a candle, or something saintly like that) that it's a guy she's cheating with.

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         Greek Oneposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         I would pray that it is a girl and that they need a 3rd

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            Niteriterposted 12 years agoin reply to this

            You are without doubt an ambitious chap.

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               Greek Oneposted 12 years agoin reply to this

               ..saw a movie once....

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      loveofnightposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      The first thing that I did or should I say the second,was to start a journal.I had already approached him about our needing to talk because.......but of course he lied.It revealed a truth that I chose to close my eyes to (even tho I did not know that I had closed my eyes).

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         loveofnightposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         I had to choose whether to except it or reject it.Like we all have to do in rthe end.

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         Jynzlyposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         loveofnight,
         I think that BLACKANDGOLDJACK has the better solution, what do you think?

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   alisha4uposted 12 years ago

   Agreed ! I would seek a clarification before taking any step..cuz one wrong decision could ruin our lives....
   So, it's better to give them an opportunity to explain and clear out things...

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      Jynzlyposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      If he would admit that he cheats, what will you do?

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         alisha4uposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         There is no point in lingering on to something that doesn't respect your feelings... I would appreciate their honesty and courage, if they admit...
         However, it would not mean that I would continue being with that person.
         
         Hope you got the point !! The case rests in your hands...

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            Jynzlyposted 12 years agoin reply to this

            alisha4u,
            Actually I have maid my decision, but I just want to hear other women's stand and see what they think makes sense in a situation like this.

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               alisha4uposted 12 years agoin reply to this

               Since you have already made your decision, would you mind sharing it ?

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   Jynzlyposted 12 years ago

   Yes, why not. Love covers all. My husband made the mistake, I am still his love and he admitted everything. "To err is human, and to forgive is Divine." I choose the Divine...

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      alisha4uposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      There you go.....
      
      Nice Thought ! All the Best !

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         Jynzlyposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         Thank you. All the best for you too, alisha4u.

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   pharuk temmy tposted 12 years ago

   My believe is,there is always a first time in every wrongs anyone made. What I will do is I will confront her and if she doesn't deny it and she is also ready to quit, I will forgive her and be the same person with her. But if she denies it, and keeps telling me its not true when I already know the truth,that might be the end of the relationship.

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      Jynzlyposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Hi pharuk,
      That's fair enough; I would do the same.

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   Greek Oneposted 12 years ago

   I would go cry on one of my girlfriend's shoulders

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      Jynzlyposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Greek One,
      That's unique.

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   JKennyposted 12 years ago

   I would tell that my partner that we need to have a chat; then I would gently tell them my suspicions and ask whether it is true or not. Hopefully by remaining calm, my partner would tell me the truth. If it turned out that they had been cheating, then I would ask for an explanation, and a reason. Then I'd make a decision whether to forgive them or not. If it was the first time, and they were truly repentant then I'd be inclined to forgive them.

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      Jynzlyposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      JKenny,
      That's a sensible thing to do but I now that it won't be that simple.

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   neeta chauhanposted 12 years ago

   Hi Jynzly,
   if God for bid i suspect him to be cheating on me then i will fisrt take time to let this big bang sink in myself then i will analyse the whole situation and frankly speaking i will blame myself in knowing what disaster has taken place because something must be lacking in me because of which my spouse took such a drastic step in every relationship you have play fair and square only then you will be able to understand the intricasies of it and the last thing i would do is sit with my spouse and ask him up front that why he did this with me and what is it that i am lacking in that has made him cheat on me. We often do not discuss matters among ourselves because of which further complications are errupted lots of marital issues are /can be resolved by discussion and being welling enough to fill in the gaps of your marriage if the marriage and your spouse is dear to you.....
   take care ,
   neeta.

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      Jynzlyposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Hi neeta,
      I understand your point. When I was in that situation...the big "bang" you're saying, I felt the same...I had the tendency to blame or question my inadequacy in my marriage. I talked to him, we talked...but when in our later
      relationship when I found out that he kept doing it, then I realized that it is not my fault that he is by nature a "womanizer"...no matter who the wife he married, even the perfect woman, if any...he would still cheat...A cheater is a cheater is a cheater...he has no satisfaction...you cannot transform a hyena into a lamb. Peace.

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         neeta chauhanposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         Hi Jynzly,
         
         oh i see if that was the case with you then let me pay my condolences with you on what happened with you and secondly congratulate you on being so brave and taking a bold step by leaving your ex.
         Yes , i agree with you 100% some are habitual bees never satisfied on suck nectar from one flower only , thanks for replying me back.....
         take care ,
         Neeta.

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            Jynzlyposted 12 years agoin reply to this

            Neeta,
            No need for condolence for such type of person; it was in fact a good riddance, the condolence goes to my next husband who died and next, my fiance who also died of cancer.
            I thin that my psyche have a built-in revenge system...my ex had got a cancerous goiter after I left him...now it's oozing and he become literally loathsome...whereas, in my case, I continue to prosper, I married a Kiwi, then he died, I had an English fiance who also died of cancer...men who fool me will suffer the consequences...I am too pure in heart to fool by mere men. Whether its coincidence or not, what these men do to me just made me a better person...If my ex didn't fool around, I would have remained naive.

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   Disturbiaposted 12 years ago

   I would do what I always do, call my lawyer.  Any man who cheats on me is an idiot because it's completely not necessary.  If he is looking for a more open relationship, I'm OK with that as long as I know what to expect. There needs to be some discussion and ground rules need to be established. But I don't have a fit just because there is another woman. It's the dishonesty, the lies, and being made a fool of that I can't stand. So, if he's stupid enough to actually cheat and go behind my back when he could have his cake and eat it too by just being up front with me about his desires, he's just too stupid for me to waste anymore of my time on.

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      Greek Oneposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      ah, but what if he was cheating on you WITH your lawyer?
      
      

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      Jynzlyposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Disturbia,
      You are very practical. I hope it would be that easy for all. You are another unique to handle the situation.

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   Heather1956posted 12 years ago

   I learned a hard lesson long ago about men. Don't hold on to them. Why? Look around. Do you see 2 billion more men around? You can do without one of them. Shake him loose from you. You can stand alone. If you can not then realize you can. Learn how difficult it can be to "let them go". Try it and you will find out if he wants you or is on his way out. How? Do not call him. It's hard but you can do it. Do not seek him out. Do not talk about him to your friends. Now sometimes men need time. Time away. They are thinking. Men do not think like women, never will. Don't sit "wondering" is he cheating on me. Go your way as he goes his. Be busy, active, continue your life. You may find out you don't need him! Never fight over a man because it is a losing game. I have seen women do this. Tell the other one, here he is your trouble, you can have him. Walk away. If he cheats he ain't worth your time or tears or worry. This way you are not brought down to the emotional upheaval I have seen so many women go through. Rise above it.

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      neeta chauhanposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Hi Heather,
      could not help saying i must say you have given a really practical and a cut short solution too all the wounded women out there bitten by  insincere men but its not always a man's fault lets accept it being women ourselves tables can be turned anyway ... women can be the sort you have mentioned about men but none the less this formula is the i shall name " tough cookie " formula put in use when ditched by either sex.
      Thanks for enlightening us with such an advice....
      take care ,
      neeta....

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      Jynzlyposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Heather1956,
      Wow!!!!!!!!. Seriously, this is the best suggestion, very true. Thank you...there is great sense in what you are saying.

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    BLACKANDGOLDJACKposted 12 years ago

    I think I'll start a topic entitled, "What would you do if you caught your ex-wife cheating on her latest spouse?"
    
    True story.

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       Greek Oneposted 12 years agoin reply to this

       blackmail sex??

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          BLACKANDGOLDJACKposted 12 years agoin reply to this

          No, not blackmail sex. I don't commit adultery. I have enough other problems.

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             Greek Oneposted 12 years agoin reply to this

             i'm not a biblical expert, but I ont think it is technically adultery if she was your ex... and if you had a good excuse

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                BLACKANDGOLDJACKposted 12 years agoin reply to this

                Can you verify this? She's pretty hot. In fact, as I reflect back on it, that's about the only thing I liked about her.
                
                I could still do the blackmail thing since her current husband does not know about the hanky-panky.

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                   Greek Oneposted 12 years agoin reply to this

                   i think the 'She's pretty hot' factor was listed in the Old Testament as a blanket excuse for most sins...
                   
                   again, i am not a theologian, but I do watch a lot of Tom Cruise movies, and he is very religious as I understand it

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          Jynzlyposted 12 years agoin reply to this

          What's a blackmail sex? sorry, to ask, just want to know.

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             BLACKANDGOLDJACKposted 12 years agoin reply to this

             Well, Greek One opened that blackmail sex can of worms, and now he apparently doesn't want to catch some fish.
             
             Okay, Jynzly, suppose I tell you that if you send me some naked pictures of yourself, I will tell you the story about how I caught my ex committing the unforgivable sin.
             
             So you send me the pictures. And then I tell you the story. We're even, right? But then, I tell you if you don't have sex with me, I am going to show Greek One the pictures, and a whole lot of other people.
             
             That's blackmail sex.
             
             Did I get that right, Greek One?
             
             Jynzly, please hurry up and send me the pictures.

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       Jynzlyposted 12 years agoin reply to this

       BLACKANDGOLDJACK,
       That would be a very interesting hub, I am anticipating. True story.

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