stalked by a hubber

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   lovemychrisposted 12 years ago

   I'm being stalked by a hubber in the forums. Yesterday, he verbally assaulted me on numerous posts...he did not use a personal attack, per say, but assaulted my integrity and personhood in a violent manner. I felt assaulted.
   Now he follows around the forums, and when his friends make disparaging remarks about me, he laughs and agrees with their insults.
   How can someone like this be stopped? For, if I answer in turn, his cadre will report ME!
   I asked that we not address each other, but how can I stop him from stalking and using his friends to get his personal hatred out?
   And before you say it, I am not going to stop using the forums...this group has already ruined my writing x-perience by flagging and voting down any hubs.
   Is there such a thing as stalking not allowed?

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      habeeposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      LMC, I used to have someone do that to me, too, and it stinks. Unless something can be done by HP admin, I suppose your only option is to ignore him/her. DON'T stop posting! That will just hand him/her a "win."

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         lovemychrisposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         That's why I won't stop habee..because that's whey he/they want.

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            jenuboukaposted 12 years agoin reply to this

            Don't give up and never give in lovemychris, your fellow hubber friends will always be here to encourage you and support your writing.  The only person "they" are hurting in the end are themselves.

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   2. 74

      Shanna11posted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Ew, that sucks. I'm sorry. Ignore them? Bullies thrive on attention and are terribly insecure. The fact that you don't resort to such behavior says a lot about you compared to them. I'd wait for an admin response, but if I see any of this nonsense, I'll call them out on it. People who are awful via the internet are ridiculous.

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         lovemychrisposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         Well, I can't say that I don't attack...but I try to keep it on the politcal and public-figure level.

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            Shanna11posted 12 years agoin reply to this

            You'll have to decide whether political debate on the Hubpages forums are worth the harassment, I guess. If the admins can't do anything, you'll just have to avoid engaging them, or severely moderate your own comments so that they have nothing bad to say or do. I mean, you can still say what you want to say, but you can say it in a flowery, bright, pleasant manner- the more overtly nice you are, the less they can afford to be nasty back before people will start really noticing.
            
            That's how I turn things around on a lot of Internet bullies. You don't stop posting or sharing your ideas- you just treat them like gold and pretty soon they can't justify acting like pukes as much, because you'll make them look absolutely awful without even trying.

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               lovemychrisposted 12 years agoin reply to this

               hahaha! Pretty smart

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                  Shanna11posted 12 years agoin reply to this

                  People underestimate mind games sometimes.... manipulating others isn't necessarily something to be proud of, but it's one of my favorite tools....

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                     cclitgirlposted 12 years agoin reply to this

                     Shanna11 - the more I get to know you on HP, the more awesome you are.  You're so INCREDIBLE!!!  CONGRATS ON THAT AWESOME INTERVIEW, too.  You deserve some HUBHUGS. 

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                  cclitgirlposted 12 years agoin reply to this

                  lovemychris - when I've been harassed in the past, my first tactic was to ignore him/her.  The next was to send them some Peace and Happiness.  It's amazing how they get bored with that.  The people who are really genuine and awesome hubbers will ALWAYS respond positively.

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                     AEvansposted 12 years agoin reply to this

                     That is the best thing to do.

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      Cardisaposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Did you report the forum thread where they made the remarks. They can be banned from the forums and if they make snide comments on your hubs they can be reprimanded by HP.
      
      I also agree with Shanna, be very sweet and courteous.

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         mobiasposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         Agree with this! Why haven't you reported them already? I'm pretty sure that behavior IS a violation of some kind of HP rules here! Don't tolerate it. There's a fine line between voicing differing opinions and routinely abusing someone or stalking them. -As rebekahELLE found below:
         Keep it civil. Debate and disagreements on points of substance are okay, but personal attacks, petty bickering, trolling, and thread hijacking are not tolerated. forum rule

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2. 59

   paradigmsearchposted 12 years ago

   Those who live by the political/religion forums, die by the political/religion forums.
   
   In all seriousness, being subjected to unethical conduct (if that's the case) is indeed a highly unpleasant experience. I still remember such an experience on another site; even though it's already been over a month ago. I have no easy answer to this.

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      paradigmsearchposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Actually, I do have an answer. It's called "perspective". However, I know that it is a lot easier to say than to do. All we can do is try.

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      lovemychrisposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Yes, yesterday I felt violated.

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      Pearldiverposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Especially if you don't know who to report it to... Hub Police or the Big Guy!

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   lovemychrisposted 12 years ago

   I'm hoping this will be enought to end it once and for all.

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   rebekahELLEposted 12 years ago

   All you can do is report it or completely ignore him.
   
   Keep it civil. Debate and disagreements on points of substance are okay, but personal attacks, petty bickering, trolling, and thread hijacking are not tolerated.  forum rule

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      lovemychrisposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      See, this is where it gets sticky...what is petty bickering??

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      Shanna11posted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Excuse my ignorance, but what in the world is 'thread hijacking'?

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         Rochelle Frankposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         It is taking the subject of a forum thread and turning it into another subject or using it for a different purpose other than the intended one.

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            Shanna11posted 12 years agoin reply to this

            Ah, thank you! I had no idea that was against the rules.

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5. 78

   LuisEGonzalezposted 12 years ago

   lovemychris: Did you contact administration with the hubber's username and a sample of the forum posts?

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      klarawieckposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I've been stalking LuisEGonzalez for years and he doesn't seem to mind!
      
      Hi Luis! Look out the window! HI!!!

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         LuisEGonzalezposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         So there you are...hope you have been doing OK and glad to "see" you again.

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      Maddie Ruudposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      lovemychris, please do this if you think this user's actions merit action from the HubPages team.

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         lovemychrisposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         If it ever happens again, I will. From any of them.

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      lovemychrisposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      No--I'm hoping this thread will end it.

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6. 62

   Greek Oneposted 12 years ago

   Maddie wants to stalk me but has not yet gotten the nerve to do so...
   
   so I wait patiently

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7. 0

   Longhunterposted 12 years ago

   LMC, since we had our exchanges yesterday, I can only fairly guess the one your speaking of here is me, Longhunter.
   
   Let it be known that, while I feel the insults have been a two way street, I sincerely and humbly apologize for my part.
   
   It is my hope we can fix this and once again speak to one another. We may not agree on much but we can at least be civil to one another.
   
   Once again, I sincerely and humbly apologize to you, LMC.
   
   I look forward to your response.
   
   Sincerely, Longhunter

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      lovemychrisposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I insult Repubs and Zios---you insult me.
      It's the same with a lot of right-wingers, and that is the difference.
      
      Always with the personal insults, belittling, smears.
      
      I accept your apology....and hope that it's sincere.
      
      Because I'm not getting into fights anymore, just because I happen to like Barack Obama.
      
      And do not ever tell me what I am, who I like or don't like, and that I hate myself and my life. TY

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         Longhunterposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         I appreciate you accepting my apology, LMC. Lets start this thing over.
         
         I want to make something completely, totally, and perfectly clear.
         
         I have not nor would I report you to the HP police as I'm a firm believer in the first amendment. Nor am I part of any conspiracy against you. I honestly have no knowledge of one either. That's not the way I operate. I'm too much of a lone wolf and don't like to be ganged up on either.
         
         I hope you will believe that. Again, thanks for accepting my apology.

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            lovemychrisposted 12 years agoin reply to this

            Ok LH.
            
            Thanks for apologizing.

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               AEvansposted 12 years agoin reply to this

               That is the way it should be handled. It is great to see that both of you have moved on. ((((Hugs to you)))

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8. 60

   FloraBreenRobisonposted 12 years ago

   This is a very serious issue and not to be taken lightly with jokes. I have been stalked regarding not only my forum posts, but my comments on my own hubs and the hubs of others where the person takes photographs of your comments so they have proof you made them if you delete them. I defended myself in one of my own hubs. No doubt this comment will get flagged, but I am beyond caring as to not make this post would mean letting the person control me, and I have no interest in that happening. I would rather get banned from this site for being honest than silence my voice. Unfortunately, in writing that hub I included direct quotes by HP's moderators they sent to me in an email and thereby I violated their terms of service  and have been put on publication probation. I expect to remain on this probation for a long time (perhaps for the remainder of my time on HP), but I don't care about that as I've never made any money here anyway and  the less time I am on this site, the more time I have to accomplish important tasks. . Keep what has happened to me in mind and I give you this advice: You can contact HP all you want and they will sound sincere in first dealing with you. But write a hub about your experience and refer to any correspondence with the HP staff and you will be put on probation too. So if it is important to you to have control over your domain, what you publish and when you publish (I do care),  you want to awarded silly badges  about social interaction on this site (I don't care), you care about HP people in general reading your hubs even if they aren't your regular readers or friends and therefore not your friends/customers (I don't care), then you want to avoid annoying the powers that be and ignore the person entirely. It's unfortunate the person I want to avoid makes lots of comments on the hubs of a person I care about deeply, or I could avoid her entirely.

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      lovemychrisposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      It is serious...taken to the extreme, it becomes gang-stalking...something I've had experience with. Hasbarats...and sometimes I wonder if that is who they are here too.
      
      Here is the thing....when you stick up for yourself, that should not be in the same catagory as the bully. And this is what is wrong in schools today too.
      
      Both parties are deemed equally to blame, and I think that's rubbish.
      
      If someone hits you---you have the right to defend. IMO

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         Longhunterposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         LMC, the next time you suspect one of these Hasbarats are posting, let me know somehow.

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      Maddie Ruudposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Hi Flora. I'm really sorry you feel so persecuted. In fact, you were put on probation for personal attacks, not for quoting an email from us.  We always prefer not to go into the details of moderations in the forums, for the protection of the user, so if you're really not clear on the reasons for the moderation action and would like a private explanation, please email me.

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         FloraBreenRobisonposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         It's not necessary, Maddie.
         
         I don't really care. As I said, I get very little money from this site, so if I leave I am missing nothing. I appreciate very much you responding. There are some people that are wonderful here. I will miss them. But to have me put on probation for revealin gto the world that there is a woman on this site who manupulated people by telling lies about them is what I call pointless. I will not be on this site for much longer. I fact I just waiting until my first payment -if I get it-next month and then I am removing every hub I ever wrote and putting it on another site. I may just do that anyway.
         Personal attacks for revealing I have a stalker. Yes, very nice. Goodbye.

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            Jason Marovichposted 12 years agoin reply to this

            Hmmm...that might be the first time I've seen a moderator put themselves out there to console a disgruntled hubber.  Please take this for what it is, helpful advice.
            
            Nine months isn't a very long time for hubs to mature.  I checked out one of your Hitchcock hubs and your account obviously has potential.  Why throw away all that aging and hard work to start over somewhere else?  Wouldn't that be masochistic, in a way?
            
            I've been angered by admins on various sites, but don't hurt yourself by bolting when it seems to me that HP will work with you to get you back to a happy place with them

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               FloraBreenRobisonposted 12 years agoin reply to this

               I have nothing against Maddie, Jason. I appreciate her very much indeed. I just had no idea until I read her message that the quote from the email was *not* why I was put on probation. It is impossible to guess what will offend people and what will not. Apparently, anything I want to write about offends this one person who has great power here. Why, I do not know. I'm just a small cog in the universe. Truthfully, I'm not that important a person, so I have never understood this. But I beat my head against the wall at 3 in the morning trying to figure out how to avoid offending a  stalker while meanwhile, I can't even afford to pay my strata fees. Should not I spend my time looking for a full time job instead of wasting my time second-guessing people?

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                  Jason Marovichposted 12 years agoin reply to this

                  I don't know the particulars of your case, but I do know that most harassment on the internet comes from the offending person wanting to get a rise out of their 'prey'.
                  
                  I've been involved in some pretty inflammatory forums all over the internet, you really need to grow a thick hide to say what you want to say.  Your hubs are off-limits to comments you don't want there, so you can control that.
                  
                  I'm not saying don't take full-time employment if you can find it, but, as I stated before, don't penalize yourself further by ditching something you love.  Get straight with HP and then put on your armor and get back in there would be my advice. 
                  
                  Try to remember that online we're dealing with forces we cannot control.  Someone could take a disliking to any of us tomorrow, and start voting everything we post down.  I would take heart from the fact that HP cares enough about your membership here to have a moderator willing to drop everything, probably right around quitting time, to discuss your issue further.

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                     FloraBreenRobisonposted 12 years agoin reply to this

                     Thanks, Jason.

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                        Longhunterposted 12 years agoin reply to this

                        In 9 months, you have 444 followers and 138 hubs. That's nothing to sneeze at, Flora.

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                           FloraBreenRobisonposted 12 years agoin reply to this

                           I'm just feeling a bit down. Makes you say odd things you shouldn't.
                           
                           Take care.

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                  Pearldiverposted 12 years agoin reply to this

                  Flora .. read what you wrote here.  That in my opinion is the very reason why you should write for you and the ever-growing audience that as Jason points out, develops over time!  I've been through all this before many times!  Smart writers and real people actually don't need to rise for the bait!  Silence your critics with the very things that they are insecure with.... Your Talent and Success!  
                  
                  Petty jealousy is often the greatest achievement that many ever aspire to... the day that you fully understand that sad fact, is the day that you rise above it and become focused on how far you can go in this life! Believe!
                  
                  For the record... I'm Not taking sides in this or other He said/She said trashy threads!   I've posted this because it applies positively to every writer who wants to genuinely be a writer and applies honestly to those who only genuinely want to get in the way of talented people!

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                     FloraBreenRobisonposted 12 years agoin reply to this

                     Thanks, Pearldiver

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                     FloraBreenRobisonposted 12 years agoin reply to this

                     For the record, I think the person has just realized I am still here and didn't quit right away like I said I would. Well, I did say I would sleep on it.
                     life is strange. But like Univited Writer said, even though my problem is bigger than just the forums, I must not take it personally as far as the staff is concerned. Hard advice to follow at 2am, but during the day after a good night's sleep, the mind is more rational.

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                        klarawieckposted 12 years agoin reply to this

                        All relationships need work.

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                           FloraBreenRobisonposted 12 years agoin reply to this

                           True. By the way, I got an answer from someone else on the staff  about what the problem is. It is including actual names. You can say whatever you want as long as you make vuage references to "someone" or people in general-even if it is clear who you mean buy the words you say. Funny. I could write an article sayin gall men are rapists  when they have been drinking, and no one would care. But if I were to write an article about a specific man on HP and name him, that will get me banned. Even though in the previous example, I'd have insulted all men  and anyone with a drinking problem.  Go figure.
                           So talking about my stalker is fine as long as I don't name the person. If I do, I will get banned permanently. I don't know that is such a bad thing. I think it would give me a lot more credibility than I have now. Whatever I do in the future.

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   Jason Marovichposted 12 years ago

   Anytime.

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    Uninvited Writerposted 12 years ago

    Several of us have been banned. We take it and don't dwell on it, it's not personal. Think of it as a break from the forums and do some writing..

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       FloraBreenRobisonposted 12 years agoin reply to this

       True. A lot of people have been banned.

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    Dame Scribeposted 12 years ago

    Hi Flora there is a site where you can list his name don't know what it's called because I had a problem of similar nature. As for your hubs after all your hard work of developing your online presence, it's true, will be gone if you begin anew I do hope you reconsider and if you need somebody to talk to, don't be shy to send a email to me or find me on fb HP is good at helping also, within their abilities, but we can't expect perfect.

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       Pearldiverposted 12 years agoin reply to this

       Hi DS..
       
       I Love This Lady!
       
       She Has A Very Special Heart.
       
       Without Dame Scribe's belief and support in me... I would not be here and would not have learned and achieved much of what I have in this industry!
       
       I have much to thank and respect DS for, but most of all her Special Heart.
       
       I was really lucky.. She was my First 'Fan' and genuinely gave me her support!
       
       Thanks everyday G..

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          FloraBreenRobisonposted 12 years agoin reply to this

          I'm certainly glad to meet her.
          
          I am not saying that what I've done is okay. I just don't see why  other people can away with things just by not naming anyone. Even if they insult an entire race of people.

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             Maddie Ruudposted 12 years agoin reply to this

             To clarify, if someone said "All X people are evil and should be killed," that's hate speech. If someone says "I don't like X place," or "I like X place over Y place," that is simply an opinion.
             
             Of course, I don't mean to say that this isn't a complex issue. We have regular discussions about it amongst the team, with specific examples, to make sure we stay consistent.

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                FloraBreenRobisonposted 12 years agoin reply to this

                Maddie: Okay, I see a whole bunch of comments have been made since I last checked this forum before bed last night-truth be told, I had been avoiding this forum thread and decided to check it out just now. So I am only now reading these comments. Thanks for the clarification. Specific examples are indeed necessary to clarify any issue. Thank-you for responding to my question. As long as I understand the process, I don't worry so much (assuming it is not 3am and I have had enough sleep to think straight). But when I don't understand, I feel like there is something going on that is about me, specifically, rather than a rule for everyone. 
                
                I got advice from someone who apologized first for "being blunt"-and I told him not to apologize. I think that bluntness is better understood because the person has said what he means. Thanks again.

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    Friendlywordposted 12 years ago

    The man that stalked his roommate, and lead his roommate to jump off a bridge, was found guilty of the stalking but not the acutual murder.  If you know who the person is that is stalking you; you might be able to send him to jail.  After this verdict; I don't think creeps, peeping toms, bullies, and stalkers have the free hand they had before this creep was sent to jail.

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    FloraBreenRobisonposted 12 years ago

    I have a real example of what I mean. My rapist comment was an example. There is a sad thread in the comments section of a funny, sweet hub  about stickmen in a series of stickmen hubs by one of my favourite hubbers. There will be many more. The latest one is about Jamaican stickmen. They are adorable. But someone decided to say that Jamaica is his least favourite country after Iran. That won't get him banned from the site. Because he named no names. But I could. Because I named my stalker by name.

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       Cardisaposted 12 years agoin reply to this

       Flora, I have gotten over it. I admit that at first it really surprised and hurt me but as Maddie said it was an opinion, not an attack so it's best to just forget it. I treat everyone with respect regardless of how they feel about me.

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          FloraBreenRobisonposted 12 years agoin reply to this

          Okay, Cardisa.

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    Greek Oneposted 12 years ago

    I, for one, love all 'X' people...
    
    it's those dame 'L's and 'V's that make me angry!

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    paradigmsearchposted 12 years ago

    Why does there have to be so much bad in this world... It's all wearing me down.

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    melbelposted 12 years ago

    I have no idea the exact situation or even who is involved, but I've gotten some super mean comments -- from hubbers and non-hubbers in the past. I try to be nice to people, but I bet there have been some times where I've said something in the forums that has come out (unintentionally) snarky or bitchy.
    
    That said, if you feel you are on someone's shit list, I don't doubt that. I'm fairly sure I've been on someone's shit list before and it's seriously so hurtful.
    
    Generally what I do when this happens is to avoid the forums for a while. Maybe to some people, running away is "losing" or whatever, but to me it's not! And, for the long term, I avoid the forums where arguments commonly occur and I avoid hubbers who say hurtful things to myself or others.
    
    If I start shoveling sh*t right back, I'll eventually say something I super regret, so I just don't.
    
    The forums are a great place to meet friends and a great place to meet a lot of doo-doo heads. If someone says something crappy to me, I try to make the situation all nice and friendly with a pretty bow.
    
    You would be surprised how misconstrued things can get via plain text. Even something unassuming like a simley face can cause a ruckuss. Seriously. Sometimes, that little smiley can look like a smug sumb*tch.
    
    When someone says something crappy, I'll respond as if they meant it in the nicest possible way.
    
    Mean person: "Your hair looks like poop."
    Melanie: "Dude! I know! Brown hair DOES look sort of look like poop. Usually the same color, anyway"
    
    See! Totally diffused that situation! (j/k, that's a personal attack, I'd totally report that.) Of course, if someone calls me ugly, then I get super hurt and cry about it privately among my friends. I mean, come on... hair can be dyed, but ugly is an expensive fix!
    
    Avoidance is some awesome stuff. I get hurt feelings really easily and I assume that anything I could say would muck it up even worse, so it's best to just avoid the situation. Also, when I write something... I proofread it.. pretending I'm someone who would take it in the worst possible way... then I revise it so it's full of niceness and sugar and no meanness at all.
    
    Sometimes, I'll open my lolcats folder (I REALLY DO have a lolcats folder) and find an appropriate picture that will diffuse the situation.
    
    

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       FloraBreenRobisonposted 12 years agoin reply to this

       love the LOL cats folder!
       
       
       
       It all depends upon whom you are, Melbel. In my case, it isn't just in the forums, though. It's comments I make on other people's hubs and my own hubs responding to comments that are being moderated.  And for whatever reason, I'm on a person's list and there is no vocal inflection or facial expression available in text.

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    donotfearposted 12 years ago

    I finally learned to ignore those who mocked and sneered.  I would not reply to their jabs, no matter how insulting. If it went over the line, I reported it. I absolutely refuse to take anything personally.  And as far as those who pass out the rude insults, what goes around comes around.....they'll eventually screw up and get banned for good.
    
    I was told I was disgusting, imagine that.
    
    I'm so disgusting I'm disgusting I'm dripping with honey.

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