Telling your daughters

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   Paul Edmondsonposted 16 years ago

   Do you tell your daughters they are beautiful?

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      darksideposted 16 years agoin reply to this

      All the time.
      
      And they are, so it isn't that hard to do

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      gabriella05posted 16 years agoin reply to this

      I tell my daughters that shis beautiful and very much loved at all the time

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      IHT Farooquiposted 16 years agoin reply to this

      I do not have any daughters , I wish GOD gift me. Yes I will certainly tell them that they are so beautiful that no body in the world can match them. After all daughters are God gifted like the sons. But one day daughters has to go to their own homes and then have to start there own life. They must be encourage by their parents to be beautiful not only good looking but from their inner too.

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      IHT Farooquiposted 16 years agoin reply to this

      To be very frank daughters are the most beautiful gift from GOD. Unfortunately I do not have any daughter but I wish GOD gift me. We should tell them that can become very beautiful only if they are beauiful from their inner.We should encourage them on every good act and should teach them to behave good with all. Be loyal to their husband (eastern thinking) be kind to juniors, respect seniors. Helpfull for all.
      and pry GOD to give you beautify from your outlook and from your inside too.

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   Maddie Ruudposted 16 years ago

   I have no daughters-yet, but I do believe it's important.  My mother always told me it's what's on the inside that counts, and I took it to mean I was ugly... I found out only recently that she told myself and my sister that to keep us from getting big heads, because she DID think we were beautiful.  It would have been nice to hear, in conjunction with what she did say...

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      soyeludeposted 16 years agoin reply to this

      Daughters always underestimate the love of their parents for them...wonder why?

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3. STAFF

   Paul Edmondsonposted 16 years ago

   I have an intelligent aunt that was always told how smart she is.  The other day she offered some advice.  Tell your daughters they are beautiful.  It's important.  She said her father never did say she was beautiful.  The story was sad.
   
   It made me think about what we tell our daughters and what we don't.  We love our kids.  Kiss them.  Hug them.  Tell them they are smart and beautiful (at least we think so).

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   jimmythejockposted 16 years ago

   When I was born it was deemed unsuitable for the father to be present at the birth, but I was often told by my dad that when I was born I was so ugly that , the doctors instead of slapping my bottom to get me to breath they went into the waiting room and slapped my dad for creating such a monster. lol only joking.
   
   I believe that telling your children that they are beautiful, and smart and complementing them when they do something, is very important in their upbringing and helps with their confidence in later life.
   if you put a child down saying they are ugly or that they are bad or even useless all of the time sooner or later they are going to believe what you are saying to them and they will become withdrawn and have a low self-esteem........jimmy

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   Antonsen Appealposted 16 years ago

   I tell my daughter how pretty and smart she is daily.  I also make sure that I point out all of the good things that she does. They really appreciate you more and respect you more.

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      Lissieposted 16 years agoin reply to this

      First some background - I think this is a cultural thing.  I was born in 1962 my mother was born in 1923.  My mother was born in New Zealand which (for the white people) of her generation was basically a "little bit of England".  i was born in England but we moved back to NZ when I was 7.
      My mother never told me I was beautiful, or smart or cleaver.  In fact she never told me she loved me (or my brother) - she didn't need to - it was self-evident! My brother is younger & I remember when he was early 20's and having met a serious gf's parents for the first time he rang me up and said is it normal for parents to go around saying "I love you" "your're beautiful" all the time - we agreed it was weird!
      To this day I think its a little phoney to say all the time you're beautiful etc.  I think its appropriate if a kid comes out all dressed up for a date. or to see you're smart if they got into law school or whatever. 
      It bothers me when small (under 10?) kids are told all the time  - they seem to have too much self-confidence.  The world is a tough place - not everyone will love them or appreciate them  they shouldn't expect it from everyone.
      If my partner came home and told me I was beautiful and I was dressed for sitting in front of the computer -  Iwould know he was having an affair!  OTOH we don't have to say I love you once a day or even once a month - its obvious that we do!
      Just my 2c

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   Stacie Naczelnikposted 16 years ago

   I plan on telling my children how amazing they are all the time.  My grandma does that with, still, and it feels really good.

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   casparposted 16 years ago

   When I tell my teenage daughter that she looks lovely, she gives me the same withering look that she gives if I say that I like an item of clothing we've seen in a shop.
   
   Basically, I'm considered to be ancient and to have no taste, no idea of what looks nice and what doesn't, so I have to tread very carefully if I compliment her. 
   
   She doesn't seem to mind compliments fro her Dad though! Maybe it's a mother/daughter thing that she'll grow out of.

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      Maddie Ruudposted 16 years agoin reply to this

      But trust me, she hears it.  She'll grow out of giving you the look, but the compliment will stick in her psyche.

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   casparposted 16 years ago

   I certainly hope so.  What about complimenting sons?  I got my boy's school photo the other day and couldn't help but say what a handsome young man he is.  He didn't seem too horrified (unlike the daughter)!

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      simcoposted 16 years agoin reply to this

      I still tell my son to be carefull when he goes to town for a night out or just crossing the road or whatever..............
      
      he's 29 yrs old flies helecopters and been away (Iraq & afg etc ) 2 -3 times but what is a mam and dad to do? if we don't tell him then we feel awfull untill he comes home,guess we will keep on telling him,even if he gives ue that knowing look.. 

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9. STAFF

   Paul Edmondsonposted 16 years ago

   I hadn't thought so much about boys.  In my family you get the most parental praise for being a "good eater."  It took me a while to please my parents here, but eventually, I learned to like food....a lot!
   
   At the end of the day, boys and girls aren't that different.  As my father says, all people want is acceptance and approval...I think he's mostly right.

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    Sangay Glassposted 16 years ago

    I tell my kids that they are beautiful everyday idividually and privately, since they are teenagers.
    
    Occasionally in public if they are trying for that look, like when going to a dance.
    
    It's especially important for girls to hear it from dad because dads influence future relationships.
    
    If kids don't feel beautiful and loved by mom and dad, they will look for love and complaments among friends and lovers.

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    Sangay Glassposted 16 years ago

    Lissie,
    
    I think you are taking beautiful literally.
    
    I can let my kids know that they are beautiful without even using words. Just like adults, kids like to know you notice their efforts, trials, and accomplishments.
    
    Now, if your husband came home, saw your baggy sweats, but noticed that you had a manicure… feeling beautiful would take on new meaning.
    
    Still Stumped?
    
    Here’s several covert ways to say tell your kids they’re beautiful:
    
    “Hey, That shirt looks good on you”
    
    “Wow! That Mohawk is Sharp!”
    
    “You picked a nice shade of lipstick.”
    
    “Looking good in those jeans.”
    
    “Princess pink is your color.”
    
    And… several ways to show you think they’re beautiful:
    
    Hug them, sit next to them on the couch, make eye contact.
    
    Use their picture as wallpaper on your pc.
    
    Take interest in their appearance and help them get the look THEY want. (within reason)
    
    Spend time with them.
    
    Talk to them, not at them.
    
    Warning: All of the above cause groans, they also cause internal smiles.
    
    Hey is this topic up for grabs?
    
    I actually just finished a hub for parents on self esteem  http://hubpages.com/hub/selfesteem
    
    But I like the… tell your kids they’re beautiful aspect.
    
    Oh, and the same theory goes for smart too.

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    soyeludeposted 16 years ago

    I have three daughters and believe it or not, they came as a result of answered prayers! I come from a family that consists of mostly boys and it is a wonder my father lived until his seventies! When I recall the hassles he went through with 5 boys growing up under one roof...I leave the rest to your imagination!
    
    Anyhow, call it fear if you will, but I prayed to God to have girls and when they finally came tumbling out (the first one is a year older than the twins), I could not thank God enough.
    
    Again, because girls have a more tender disposition I am very at ease with them. My daughters are fun to be with and their beauty is an added bonus.
    
    Each time I hang-out with them their smiles melt my heart and I always tell them they are the meaning of the word..........BEAUTIFUL!

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    dxdukesposted 16 years ago

    I always tell my daughter that she is beautiful.
    
    Darlene:)

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    Princessaposted 16 years ago

    I think telling your daughter that she is beautiful not only feels her with confidence but also teaches her to say nice things about other people.
    It is also important to praise their achievements, it does not matter how little they might be, telling them that we are proud of them is always important, even if we have to tell them that the next time they could do much better!

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       sminut13posted 16 years agoin reply to this

       i agree with this. i don have a daughter yet but a son, and i tell him you are handsome and cute. sometimes i feel like he might grow up to be vain, always thinkin about himself, thus at sometimes, if i want to tell him to clean  up or something, i tell him, you are dirty. go and clean up then you'll be cute and all and off he goes. i don know wat to think, hehe but yes it is important to praise them and say that they are beautiful and you love them. not often because they might take it for granted; that's how i feel anyway. but from time to time, occasionally and they'll believe you. even if they give you a 'withering look' like you say they listen and are happy within their hearts. so yes go ahead and say they are beautiful.

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    Apaeposted 16 years ago

    Telling someone something means nothing if its not meant. It can also scar your daughter. She could become really vain or something... But that's just me being extremist. I remember my Mum telling me I was beautiful. She stopped all that when I dyed my hair black and cut it short. Eh.

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       Maddie Ruudposted 16 years agoin reply to this

       This seems to be a common concern.  Just to set the record straight, there are soooooooo many negative messages being sent to young women these days that I don't think parents can possibly offset them, though I think we ought to try, nonetheless.
       
       Of course, if you ONLY give your daughter positive reinforcement based on looks, and not based on anything else, that could be devastating to her sense of self-worth as a person of depth.  But I don't think that's what Paul was addressing here.

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    Thrifty Mommaposted 16 years ago

    My mother and grandmother never told me I was beautiful or smart. If fact they said the opposite. They hated me because I looked like my father. My mother was married at 14, the marriage didn't last. They blamed me for the marriage I guess. When I was in my teens I thought I was fat, ugly, stupid, etc. I was 5'6", 110 pounds, blonde, and made straight A's in school. What you tell your children really does affect how they feel about themselves. My children all know that I think they are smart, beautiful and wanted. I tell them all the time. But in subtle ways. We have a little family joke. I will tell one of them that they are my favorite when they help me or something. They laugh and say we are all your favorite. I point out their strengths in front of each other. I encourage them to find good things in each other as well as themselves. Very important to help build your child's self esteem, belonging and for them to know they are loved, boys or girls. FYI, I have 6 girls and 2 boys.

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    Lela Davidsonposted 16 years ago

    Yes, beautiful, but also smart, strong, talented, kind, etc.  There are way too many princesses in the world.  My daughter actually tells me she wouldn't want to be a princess because they have to be perfect all the time!  Yay!  I tell my son he's good lookin'!

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    Catawnposted 16 years ago

    Coming from a teen who used to have those withering looks... there's soooo many ways to make your daughter feel loved. Even if they glare and spit nails at you, they do hear it. It makes them all warm and fuzzy on the inside, for a little bit, but, hey. Teens have a name to uphold.
    
    Also, tell yourself you're beautiful! My mother was always complaining how fat and ugly she was, and since I am her daughter... well, it was hard to separate our self-esteems, and even now I still struggle with it. So if you think you're beautiful, dress like you feel beautiful (sometimes), walk and talk like you know it, well... when your coworkers tell your daughter she looks just like you, she'll blush and run to a corner, instead of spitting nails.
    
    I think if you compliment your children in general on the good in them, they'll grow up to value their strong points. And that's what counts, yes?
    
    Blah, my thoughts are all fuzzy from my cold and jumbled. ;3 Sorry.

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    baileyedwards55posted 16 years ago

    Sangay,
    
    I appreciate your comments regarding what we say to our children. It goes beyond telling. We need to show them. Even if they don't respond they do notice.  My children are in their 20's but I prominently display clay sculptures they made in elementary school. They know that I have kept some of their school work from then also. My middle child is a painter and I have two of her works on my living room wall. I would display them even if they were hideous. 
    
    We need to go beyond telling them they are beautiful. I tell them what I love about them as human beings. My son has a good heart. He is giving and has always been a good friend to others. I talk about their talents, their sensitivity to others. I tell them I am proud to have them as my children. I tell them they are great people who have the ability to make a difference in the world. I believe that when I speak this way it affects them and their future. They just stare at me as if they are soaking it all in and they light up.

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    FullCircle4Youposted 16 years ago

    To all of you out there, 
              Always tell your children they are beautiful.
    The key here is that we let our children know true beauty comes
    from with in. A person can be very beautiful on the out side and
    that is nice, if they have not beauty inside it matters not what is on
    the outside. There is to much in today's society about the way we
    look on the outside, when we really should be looking within on
    who we are and how we feel. When a person feels good about
    them selves it shows beauty in rays around them.
    All people can be beautiful.
    One other thing Make sure you tell them you are proud of them
    this is good for all to hear. When they start doing those little
    things like coffee(with salt and not sugar lol) all kids at a very
    young age take pride in what they do And we should too.
    When I was growing up I never cared about my father telling me
    how beautiful I was, what I really wanted to hear more than anything
    was that he was proud of me. It meant the world.
    Love And Light To All
    Cheryl Nichols

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    ripplemakerposted 16 years ago

    I believe with all my heart that parents should tell their daughters that they are beautiful and meant it too.  I never heard that from mine and I grew up thinking I was ugly.  It took a long time for me to believe I was and am beautiful.

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    positivemindedposted 16 years ago

    I don't wanna sound as if I am whining. But no one told me I am beautiful. I grew up with a face covered with acne, feeling as if I was the most ugliest person on the earth and hating myself. From the past one or two years, I am doing some serious work on myself, trying to tell myself that I am good-looking and building up my self-esteem.
    
    Yes, I do believe we should compliment our kids. Tell your daughter she is beautiful. She will love you for it, even though she pretends not to believe you when you say so. In my case, even when I openly asked if I was beautiful nobody assured me. Moreover, I kept meeting guys who told me I should visit beauty parlours and mend my smile.
    
    The situation is not so bad now. I believe in my own worth, and would kick anyone if they dare to make nasty comments on my looks or my smile for that matter!! And if I have a daughter, I would assure her that she is beautiful. Thanks for this discussion.

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    sminut13posted 16 years ago

    good for you positive minded. tht's the way. despite your childhood, like u said you now know your worth. happy for you.

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    rogue nestlingposted 16 years ago

    I have the harsh words of my parents in my head from childhood. My mother, criticizing and making snide comments, never a hopeful word, and my father, who would insist it didn't matter how I looked behaved, or what I achieved because it only mattered that I worked hard at home doing chores.
    If I had gotten compliments and praise, not just for who I am or what I look like, but for my academic and artistic accomplishments, I may have had the courage to pursue an interesting career. I don't want to say it's my parents fault I didn't pursue my dreams, but if I had known I possessed talents, I may have been more driven, and felt less like I was incapable of doing anything worthwhile.
    
    So tell your daughters they are beautiful. You don't have to lie to give praise, find things that make them unique and special and let them know. Maybe they aren't incredibly smart, but you can tell them how persistent and fastidious they are. Maybe they can't tell a joke, but they are sensitive and considerate of others.
    It's important, because one day, your children will hear the words you tell them in their heads day in and day out. Leave them with a mantra that inspires, not one that impedes.

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    Blogger Momposted 16 years ago

    What a great question!  I have 2 boys and 1 girl.  And she is told she is beautiful by us and our family and even strangers.  I try to make sure my boys know they are handsome, and I compliment what my 4 year old picks out to wear in the morning.  I honestly do not see any harm in paying someone a compliment.  I do see something wrong with saying "You are the most beautiful girl in your class" or "You are smarter than all of the other 4 year olds".  But we will always compliment our kids.

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