Question for the guys.....

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   Emily Sparksposted 12 years ago

   I would like your opinion on this......I had a boyfriend who treated me very well.  He was a total gentlemen and stood up for me.  We got along great.  He always complimented me and said sweet things.  I though he was the one.......and he said he cared for me very much.  Long story short, problems within his family came up, I was blamed for things (which I was innocent) and he sided with them (knowing I was innocent).  We broke up and now he acts as if I do not even exist.  Did he ever really care to begin with or was he just happy having a girlfriend?  What do you think?  Could you treat a girl you truly care about like that?  He will not even look at me or smile or anything.

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      Dale Hydeposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I would say you were simply used as a show-piece, or dressing for "his" ego and pride. If this man had true feelings for you, he would not have sided with his family, turning his back on you, knowing the family was wrong.

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         Emily Sparksposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         Yes, this is now what I have come to realize. I think he just enjoyed having me by his side for all to see......

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      Jesus was a hippyposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Hello darling , sorry that happened to you. Emotions can make people do erratic things. I've said and done things that I regretted to people I love and the thought of what I had done made it hard to face them again.
      
      Hope you're ok.

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         Emily Sparksposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         Thanks for your concern....I am doing pretty good.....good days and bad:)

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            paradigmsearchposted 12 years agoin reply to this

            How old is he?

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               paradigmsearchposted 12 years agoin reply to this

               If he is young, it is very possible that he feels as absolutely miserable about the whole situation as you do; and he doesn't know how to tell you.
               
               As to what to do, I don't know. There are just too many unknown variables, what with his family being involved in this somehow, etc. Plus, my theory could be wrong.

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                  Emily Sparksposted 12 years agoin reply to this

                  He is young, but I don't think he feels bad.  He has made it known in various ways that he wants nothing to do with me.  I know him enough to think he would come to me if he had something to say.  We already talked and he made sure I knew some things, so I don't think he is feeling bad.
                    Not only is he treating me as an outcast, his whole family does.  So, yes, it is a very complicated situation!

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                     couturepopcafeposted 12 years agoin reply to this

                     I say turn the tables on him. Make him the outcast. If you cross paths, don't acknowledge his presence. Don't look him in the eye or anywhere above the feet. If you look at his feet, scowl in distaste as though you're looking at a hypocrite.
                     
                     Not sure how you're coming into contact with the family but if you see them, do the same thing. Scowl like they're hypocrites. Curl your lip and make it known how much you disapprove of their behavior.
                     
                     Gain your dignity and self respect back. You know the truth.

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                        Emily Sparksposted 12 years agoin reply to this

                        Well, I do not wish to play their little game of treating badly.  I do not wish to treat them the way they are me-- the Bible says I am to return good for evil and to love my enemies.  If I stooped to their level, I would be acting no better. I do not go out of my way to talk to any of them, but when I must have contactl I am not going to treat them as outcasts--that would be wrong of me

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                           couturepopcafeposted 12 years agoin reply to this

                           It also says 'do not throw your pearls before swine' so your best judgment in the situation is the answer. I guess curling the lip is a little out of Christ's character. You're right, of course. My reaction was in defense of you but in reality, not the right reaction.

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      Ramsa1posted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Sounds like he's under his family's control, a Mama's boy. You don't want this guy for a long-term, long-lasting relationship. He is not yet a man.

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   ptosisposted 12 years ago

   When I break up with a person - I break it up all the way because I do not want to be tempted to go back like a dog to its own vomit. The emotional cost of trying to just be 'friends' is too much and I try to avoid getting false hopes and deep depression from failed expectations.
   
   So Yes - He did love you, still has feelings for you. Pointedly avoiding you so as not to have inner conflict.
   
   Maybe a long time from now you both can be relaxed with each other again but don't expect it soon or at all.
   
   
   

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      Emily Sparksposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I can understand that to a degree, but why shun me as if I am an awful person?  His whole family shuns me.
        Also, if he truly cared about me, why would he have sided against me when deep down he knows I didn't do anything wrong?  I feel that if he had truly cared, he wouldn't have ditched me over false accusations but would have supported me.

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   iefox5posted 12 years ago

   Hi Emily, sorry to hear your experience. It is a great pity if you become strangers ever since, you should try to talk with him and figure out his thoughts.

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      Emily Sparksposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      We did talk, but all he wanted to do was rehash everything that had already been discussed, and to stir up strife.  Sitting there that night looking at and listening to him really opened my eyes about the real him. I have tried to talled to him, but all I get is a curt answer and nothing more.  I am not sure there is anything else to say--I have tried to make peace!

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         Efficient Adminposted 11 years agoin reply to this

         You have done all you could.  You have tried to make peace. You have talked to him about the situation.  You said your eyes have been opened after talking to him about the situation and you see the real person he is.  Strike this up as a life experience.  Move on.

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   Shadesbreathposted 12 years ago

   Contrary to popular media depictions of the modern male, men are not simple, shallow or easily explained.
   
   It's fun to discuss the complexities of women because, in some ways, they do seem to be. But that is only because we've spent the last two centuries in the West trying to understand (and sometimes unravel) several hundred thousand years of evolved social behavior. To do that required reversing stereotypes, and where for several "literate" centuries women were deemed the simple gender with very basic assigned gender roles, today we do the same but in reverse. And, just as women centuries ago "seemed to adopt the roles assigned" so to do men today "seem to adopt" their roles as whatever they are supposed to be. Have a beer, watch sports, be shallow in relationships. It all fits and requires no thinking or paying attention to what's really going on. Someone turn up the TV, Dr. Phil is on.
   
   Your boyfriend is responding to whatever he's responding to based a whole mess of things that are so much more complicated than anyone on an Internet forum can explain. Yes, it's fun, and yes, it's the Internet, so we all just throw our two cents into the penny fountain of emptiness, but, in the end, if this is a real problem for you and not just some Internet plea for attention, then you need to not worry about any of this crap, including mine.
   
   He is a real person, and individual. So are you. He's not a stereo type or generalization, as any of us will attempt to make of him based on the scant paragraph you gave us.
   
   He may be a total douche. He may be an amazing man in a tough place. You're not going to get answers here. Go live your life, for real. Find out. Talk to him, not us. Like really talk to him. And if he blows you off, you have to decide if you want to be patient and wait till he can (if ever can) or just move on. Nobody online has a clue for you.

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      Emily Sparksposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Well, thanks for your input.

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   mts1098posted 12 years ago

   While it is important to standby your family there comes a time when the siding needs to be for the girl friend. Such a time happens when there is a heart ans soul connection between the two.   Each of us has to decide or weigh family support vs lifetime of happiness...cheers and good luck

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      Emily Sparksposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Thankyou! 

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