WHADAYA KNOW!
Many recent college graduates are currently unemployed. Yes, we all know that the unemployment situation is not what we would call positive at this point. However, there are some jobs around. These jobs may be not the jobs of the moment but they can sustain the recent college graduate until he/she could do better.
While some college graduates work at Mcjobs either because they do not have parents who could help them tide the waters between graduation and employment so to speak or because some parents even though they are affluent, adamantly refuse to assist their now grown children anymore- staunchly believing that they should MAN or WOMAN UP, work and face the real world of adult responsibilities. However, there are SOME PARENTS out there who believe that they do not want their children to take just ANY JOB, they want them to wait until the RIGHT JOB comes along that would FULFILL them. Such parents believe that THERE IS NOTHING WRONG with financially supporting their children until such events occur! They do not want their children to have to socioeconomic struggle and do without.
What do YOU think about this contentious issue? If YOU are a parent of a recent college graduate, would you financially support him/her until he/she finds a suitable job or would you LAY DOWN THE LAW and tell him/her that it is time to face the real world of work, no matter what it may be?
If YOU are a recent college graduate, did your parents let you wait it out until you found a suitable job/career or did they tell you that YOU WERE GOING TO WORK REGARDLESS? To the latter, did your parents informing you that you had to work somewhat curtailed your dreams, hopes, and desires of having the job/career of your choice?The economy is tough right now but that is not the only problem Many young people these days leave the university with no clue how life really functions and that the certificate they worked so hard for won’t guarantee them that perfect job the moment they walk in the door.
Their ideas, often through no fault of their own, of working their way up is starting as a manager and heading for the top floor office, instead of starting in the mailroom and working up to management.
My children are responsible adults and parents and like most other members in our family they will do watever it takes to keep a roof over their heads. That has meant starting at the bottom and sometimes more than once. Yes the bottom is rough, sometimes you may work more than one job, but it teaches you skills you can't learn from anywhere else and how to survive no matter what life throws at you is one of them.
Parents who support their adult children don't do them any favors. Things you work for always have more value.Sorry, you are out of the nest. My son who is 24 in a couple of days is fortunate to have a wonderful career and is going back to college so I don't worry about him. However, if he had lost his job and couldn't find one, even a Mcjob, I would have him come home, but he had better be actively looking and it didn't matter what job he took. You have a better chance of getting a better job while you are already employed.
Psh, I'm still in college and my parents told me flat out that I needed a job and that they would help with tuition when necessary and when they could, but only if I proved to them that I was working hard and deserved it. And the truth is, I don't want to ask my parents for money or help. I'd rather take a crummy job (and I have taken crummy jobs before!) and know that I can rely on myself and take care of myself than go running to my parents for help. It's a pride issue for me. I'm an adult. All my teen years I wanted out-- I wanted to take care of myself and do what I wanted and be treated like an adult. Now that I've gotten that, why would I want to regress back to where I need my parents to coddle me?
My two roommates are not pressured at all to get jobs, and their parents give them a hefty allowance each month, too. It vaguely irritates me, because I work three part time jobs while going to school and I literally work my butt off and they don't have to or want to. I love earning my own money and gaining experience. I've learned so many valuable things at my jobs and I want to be financially independent from my parents as soon as possible. I don't quite understand how other college students are comfortable going back to their parents. It would drive me nuts.
having to work while going to school is really difficult at times, but that's the real world and it's teaching me how to suck it up and deal with life. The older I get, the more I realize that a lot of my friends don't know how to do that. They literally refuse any situation that is too difficult or uncomfortable and balk at the idea of working and studying as if it's impossible."It vaguely irritates me, because I work three part time jobs while going to school and I literally work my butt off and they don't have to or want to."
And why does that irritate you? That's what you want to do. We don't have to be your clones.It's not entirely what I want to do. I know my parents can't afford to pay for everything. I wouldn't be able to go to school if I didn't work. And I never said anyone had to be my clone-- I wouldn't ever want that. One of me is more than enough most of the time!
I guess it irritates me because I'm still a teenager. I'm still maturing and I still suffer from the "life is unfair and I don't like it" paradigm. Their parents have plenty of money and can afford to pay for everything and mine can't.I'm not so sure about the "still maturing" part. Most people never get over all of that "life is unfair and I don't like it" paradigm, and altogether too many live their entire lives deep within it's shadow.
Doesn't sound like you are, though - you are to be commended for it.wilderness, I agree completely. Shanna, I have a friend who 'bought' a house a few years ago and often projects the image that she is wiser than the rest of her friends who haven't done so. Truth be told, her parents bought the house and she pays them for it. The miracle of it all is that if her house payment doesn't get made, there is no late fee, no fear of the account becoming delinquent or any other real consequence. Her parents simply make the payment and she picks up again when she can.
It has been a habit for her to turn to her parents in times of financial trouble - which is something she has faced consistently since she reached majority age.
I moved out of my mom's house when I was eighteen. Three years later, I borrowed $60. I paid her back three weeks after that and have never received a penny from my parents since.
You are indeed to be commended for attempting to be as mature and independent as you can be. Don't beat yourself up, though. Like wilderness said - some of us experience that 'life isn't fair' thing way beyond 18.
Well, you said that you don't want to ask your parents for help. Many people find that beneath them, but I don't. I don't see why you would find it unfair that your friends receive money and don't need to work, if your need to work is in line with the goals you have for yourself.
I also don't understand how people want to leave home, despite some of my aspirations for acquiring animals that I can't while I live here. Despite much of society suggesting this is not honorable, I don't care.It's not necessarily that people find it to be beneath them, Melissa. Some of us feel that asking our parents for help as adults might not be fair to them. After all, they have brought us to adulthood in the hope that we will become spiritually, physically, emotionally, and financially independent from them. I think Shanna's preference to not ask from help from her parents isn't so much because she thinks it's beneath her, but rather that she is working on becoming independent, and consistently returning to her parents for assistance defeats her purpose. I could be wrong.
I also don't believe that society feels it isn't honorable. In the U.S., we greatly value independence of spirit and the 'self-made' individual. IMO, it's a cultural paradigm that we have difficulty seeing around. Some cultures maintain multiple generations of family in the same home, and it isn't looked down upon at all.
Ultimately, it's a matter of what's acceptable to YOU, not others. I don't see a need to defend either attitude, provided that everyone (parents included) are on the same page. When a child takes advantage of his/her parents is when it becomes an issue.You've got it right. I just like the feeling of complete autonomy and freedom and being financially independent is the best way I can realize that at the moment. Plus I kind of just feel bad asking my parents for money. I haven't analyzed the reasons why I feel bad, but it makes me feel like a kid again-- a kid who is incapable of taking care of herself. I don't know-being a kid never suited me very well.
I don't know. I don't understand why some people DON'T want to leave home. Maybe it's just me, but I left home when I was 17 and I was more than ready to go out on my own. I love my family and I love going home-- I'm going home between semesters for Christmas and I'm excited for that, but I know that after the first few days, I'll wish I was back at college, living my own life and following my own rules. I don't think it's dishonorable if someone lives with their parents. That's their personal decision with their parents. My personality is more geared toward complete freedom, that's all. And someone who's less independent is in no way beneath me, or should be looked down on by society.
Shanna: I commend you. All you are doing will come back to you 10 fold. It is tough now but you are the one who is gaining. My daughter is now 23. She worked during college, took summer internships and is now doing well. Her friends were all given cars by their parents when they turned 16, and had much more handed to them. My daughters first car came when she graduated college. She is thankful that she has learned the value of working and money and school, and has even thanked me for not handing her everything like some of her friends. She knows that many of her high school friends are spoiled and ungrateful and have not built the work ethic and success ethic that she and you have. Keep at it - all you are doing will pay big dividends for you.
It certainly will. I bet that Shanna11 will either be a wealthy businesswoman or a best selling author before she is 30! You are correct. I know many parents who financially support their children, permitting them to wait for the perfect job although they are quite capable of working. They assert that if their children take a Mcjob i.e. a job that does not require college, they would be doomed careerwise. They contend that it is FAR BETTER for their children to be unemployed, even if it is years, than to take a job "beneath" their educational level. They state that they want THE VERY BEST for their children.
Haha, I'm hoping to be both a businesswoman and best selling author by then...
YOU DEFINITELY WILL, you have the intellectual acumen, skills, and the determination to make your dreams come true. You are an apprentice which means that you are an excellent writer. Need I say more!
Great reply Shanna. I thought the same way as you and finally after much work and shcool I took time off (orginally cause I became unemployed) and then I realized that having that time off that I never allowed myself before because I wanted to be "independent" led me to greater things to discover and much more maturing. Sometimes we measure ourselves by accomplishments (working while going to school, making our own money, graduating, etc) but we can get more out of doing less sometimes, having time to think, explore our minds, create and innovate. It worked for me- my life is much better. Just some thoughts. Sounds like you took the route I did and it got me nowhere.
And by then I realized the value of time- youth today, as gmwilliams pointed out, if they don't get a Mdjob they're wasting away. When I fiunally had no job since age13 to finally 34, I valued time and when I became unemployed instead of wasting time on facebook I learned other creative ways to earn money the way I want to and learned more about myself and became a full time mom. I doubt your roommates value the time they are given by not having to work and that is probably the point gmwilliams is trying to make...about entitlement.
Shanna11, what you have stated is excellent and commendable. You should write a hub on what you have stated.
I graduated college in 2006- long enough to land a good job and lose it in 2008 at the beginning of the recession. I started college working as a waitress full time- i was failing a class here and there until I finally cut my hours down to 30/week, which led to more borrowing for school loans. My parents never saved or contributed to my college. The catch 22 is you are making less money because you are taking the time off to go to school so you have to borrow money to survive. I got out of school, landed a job somewhat what I wanted, but worked 20 hrs more per week and paid about $10,000 less a year than my waitressing job, but it wasn't a dead-end job until...the recession hit and Human Resources was the first department to be cut- yours truly.
I think youth is sold the college, make-a-better-life-for-yourself lie. i despise that the president has the nerve to send people to school to accumalate loans when the truth is it isn't a better life after college. It used to be back in the 60's (ish). That is no longer true. The young generations today will not see a benefit of going to college. I know 18 y olds who live in the country and to drive out to a Mcjob is more expensive than not having one. When I was unemployed it was cheaper for me to unemployed on unemployment than to get a job and pay on my student loan. To bring a little politics into this- Romney was right. There are people who exploit the system and government assitance- not because they are leeches (some, yes) but mostly because they are smart Assistance beats getting a real job right now and if thats what people want to continue then they voted for the right president. But what about our youth? The youth can't even fathom hopes and dreams right now.
Honestly, my "time off" served me a greater good. I got back into writing because I had the time while on unemployment and now make money with that. I'm glad I didn't get back into the workforce and settle back into a waitressing job. For kids who have never worked and just go to school...no way. They need a taste of reality, but I didn't go to college until I was 25. Work ethic needs to be taught and I think even kids can invent their own jobs- I sold hand made bracelets door to door, walked dogs, and babysat before age 16 when I could legally get a job.You despise the president for pushing students to get an education? This recession isn't going to last forever and you sound young enough to still take advantage of your education for years to come. If you are concerned about students with loans, you really should be despising people who are involved with private equity corporations, like Bain. Private equity has taken over the for-profit college industry and are putting profits before education. For-profits include places like Phoenix, Fortiss, Everest and many more. It is big biz at its "finest." If you are interested in education, research the for-profits, how the president tried to fix them and how he lost because of the Republican congress and special interest groups. We need more people speaking out on this issue and the fact that you are a writer and against students being talked into loans they can't afford would make you a perfect candidate for the job.
A college education is not valuable as it wa back in the 60's. Kids still have a notion that they will land a job out of college...and for the pay they're hoping for. It's what I call a college lie.
Our president may have tried to do something about it but simultaneously bails out big business...as first order of business in 2008.
Nobody should profit? Why against for-profits. Of course its for profit. Have you seen the interest rates? Good God! Here's my situation...I became unemployed after working 2+ years out of college. While on unemployment I became disabled. Sudden and horrible onset of Rheumatoid Arthritis. Well now I can't work full time...not even close. But in the meant time my student loans on hold for extremely high interest rates that keep piling up while I have no control ,but Mr presidnet should have control since my lender is someone he bailed out. Don't you think he could right that wrong? Do you think it's right he gives out more flexible loans for those in the future, but not for htose right now? You are right we are in a recession now so where is the relief for those struggling NOW?You're right Connie, I am young...and disabled. I' m not sure when I will see any pay off from my education I too had a plan like "Shanna11" above, but it got seriously derailed. And no help for me. if I find some meds that work and I can go back to work, i have accumalated an extra $4,000 in 3 years on my student loans. And I should thank the president for "trying" to help the people? He helped a bank that is screwing me so pardon me if I feel like he is second-hand screwing me.
- Sunnie Dayposted 11 years ago
0My father was the type as soon as you graduated high school you better have a plan, no free loading here type mentality. While he may have been a bit extreme, compared to the free ride most children get today, I did give my children some time to think but not long and while they had their thinking caps on, they had to work doing something...anything. They had to push that broom until something better came along. It is not like they have to go door to door to put in resumes as everything anymore is done with an on line application ...what are they doing with the other 23 hours a day? Unless they are cooking, cleaning, and doing the yard work 24/7, I say take a job in the meantime.
Sunnie, I totally agree. Children whose parents financially support them when they are able to obtain employment are being done a total disservice. There was one woman at my first job who supported a grown son although he was quite capable of working. Each time a job was offered to him, she told him not to take it. Then at 39 years of age, he had to work and THIS WAS THE FIRST TIME. He was a total disaster on the job, his supervisor was soon exasperated with him. He made simple and careless mistakes. He was an unsatisfactory employee, did not know what became of him, though. To make a long story short, if he had worked earlier, he would have developed some type of work consciousness and ethic.
Hello Gm..I heard a term a few years ago and I think it does apply. As parents we can make our children emotionally crippled..It is sad that a man at that age had such a tough time, learning lessons he should have obtained much younger. Thank you!
I have read and seen statistics before this recession/depression that the job you take could very well mold your socioeconomic future. You don't want a burger job on your resume. A low paying intern job for POST-GRADs at a great company is much better than a burger job in the long run.
OTOH, you could do a menial p/t job that is not put on the resume to pay some bills or travel abroad, teach English, learn a culture and improve your marketability/Well don't enroll in the University of Phoenix because their degree programs are unaccredited, employers don't hire their graduates, and what's really interesting is the school pays former enrollment counselors/sales people $9 million dollars a piece in out-of-court settlements so the school can avoid public scrutiny! Senator Tom Harkin in Iowa is desperately trying to take the school out!
This forum has obviously struck quite a chord / nerve with people. I am a parent, with recent college graduate children and one who just can't seem to finish (7 year plan and still counting). I am also a Career Coach so I see this from many angles. It is true that many students AND many adults don't know how to effectively look for work. It is also true that many students / graduates don't take advantage of the excellent services that their Career Services Departments offer. If you are having a tough time landing meaningful work, DO take your resume into your Career Services / Alumni office and gain from their expertise! Use their contacts. Find out who is posting positions through the school / Alumni office. Create a LinkedIn profile and be certain your photo is professional. As a parent, my daughter knew she was expected to take advantage of internships, part-time work on campus and other opportunities to give her experience and add to her resume before she graduated. She took an unpaid summer internship and added a part-time job so she could pay expenses. Yes, we helped her that summer by giving her my car to borrow as she was out of town and paying for 1st months rent, car insurance and cell phone. She managed most of the rest - and it paid off in making great industry contacts, and landing another summer internship, this time PAID. My oldest step-son however, has chosen to work when it was convenient, continue to be poor, blame others and now is leaving school with only ONE credit to complete. We have yet to identify the missing piece to this puzzle. It does NOT help graduates to let them not work while waiting to find the 'perfect position.' Working shows initiative, adds some skills and at the very least offers a current reference. For employers, ongoing gaps in resumes equate to lack of initiatve and potential laziness and those are not traits employers are willing to take a chance on hiring. Blessings to all who are searching.
This all depends on the family dynamic. Many American families aren't really as close knit as families in other cultures. Some families help each other out no matter what, whilst others throw their kids into the "real world" thinking this may make then into "good, responsible" adults. Maybe. However it may also make them resentful and drift away from the family even more. If a child is trying to get ahead but is having a hard time there is no problem with parents helping them. After all, that is why they are parents. If they didn't want the responsibility of helping their children get on their feet then they should have never had any in the first place.
There is no point giving a cut and dry "to help or not to help" choice in this question. It all depends of families and how they are structured. Let's take a look at the other side of the coin: what happens when the parents become too old to take care of themselves? Kids have the choice of looking after them themselves in a family atmosphere, or dumping them into an old folk's home. I am willing to wager that on the whole those kids who were helped when they needed it will be more willing to help their parents when they need it than those who were just told to make their own way or "man up".Completely agree. I certainly would have less of a relationship with my parents if they acted like I 'owe' it to them to leave. I don't see how it is "unfair" to them considering I didn't sign to any contract about my existence with them. Seems to me that would make them people who just bred because they thought they were 'supposed' to and not because they wanted another family member. I am aware that other societies are less like ours and I still don't understand why people want to leave so badly. Humans by nature work in a cooperative group. We are not orangutans.
Exactly. No child "asked" to come into this world. The parents decided to have the child, thus it is their responsibility to help them if they really need it. This is what makes us human: the ability to empathize, especially with our own children.
To Melissa and Franticek78, of course, each family dynamic is different regarding when an adult child is supposed to be independent, self-sufficient, and on his/her own. Some parents believe in financially and otherwise supporting their adult children until they are established socioeconomically, emotionally, and psychologically. They do not mind that their adult child lives with them until he/she feels comfortable on his/her own.
There are parents who do not mind their adult children living with them whatsoever. Their adult children do not have any time period to leave the parental home. These parents contend that if their children are happy, content, and contributing towards the household, that is fine. They actually enjoy having their children around. They help their children when needed and vice versa.
Then then are parents who believe that as soon as their children become adults whether it is 18 or 21, it is time to MAN or WOMAN up, leave the parental nest, and be on their own. These parents strong contend that the only way for their children to be adults is to get a job and live on their own. They believe that socioeconomic struggle and independence is good for the character. These parents are of the school that once a child gets to be an adult, PARENTING IS OVER, ADIOS TO PARENTING and THE CHILD IS NO LONGER A CHILD AND SHOULD REALIZE THIS, STOP ACTING LIKE A BABY AND BE A MAN/WOMAN.
Then there are parents at the opposite range who believe that their children will be children even when they are forty. These parents go beyond their parental duties- they financially support their adult children, knowing well that they can obtain gainful employment. They believe that their adult children are not ready for the real world, so they mollycoddle and infantilize the child so much that he/she is so crippled as to not have the prerequisite survival skills to survive and interface with the real world. Such children are totally pathetic. God helps if the parents die, such adult children were be totally bereft of important life skills and will be totally vulnerable. Many of such children become homeless.
While I believe that parents should help their children become educated and successful adults, adult children need to step up to the plate regarding the issue at hand. Yes, the employment situation is precarious; however, it is not an excuse for the adult child to continue his "adolescence". He/she has to be an adult. This means taking a sustainable job, if need be, but in the meanwhile look for something better. This means not living off the parental dime but learn the importance of doing on one's own. This eventually means establishing one's own living arrangements i.e. living on one's own. How else is an adult child going to be independent and his/her own person if he/she chooses to depend upon mommy and daddy.Well, I'm not going to speak for anyone else, but I attribute my ability to see the true qualities of people and life to my adult-childism and lack of saturating myself into such hostile environments that force terrible personalities and lack of proper priorities onto others. But then again, maybe that's just a 'people' thing. I actually began pondering several theories about adult-childism and so-called 'progressive thinking'. Psychological neoteny actually coincides with a more 'flexible' mind because that is a juvenile quality.
A prolonged period of development also allows for a longer period to absorb information. I know it's a stretch, but I'm further investigating into it, as I'm noticing a series of trends. I wish I had taken psychology instead of biology (also because it's easier). It's currently a subject I'm interested in learning about with animal-related cognition. I also tend to have excess emotional sympathy, and sometimes to irrational levels (inanimate objects), like children do. This is why I find it hard to deal with other people, who I feel are just out for blood. Either way, I enjoy staying home, and if I could I'd stay forever
Melissa, what you have stated is quite interesting to say the least. You have presented some excellent ideas on the subject. Many people do lose their inherent qualities such as curiosity, sympathy, and other types of vulnerabilities in a bid to be tough, mature, and strong.
Many people fall into the "age trap" which is that they have to adopt a certain persona in respect to their "age". This probably explains why so many people once they reach adulthood, they become almost drone like. They lose their spontaneity and joie de vivre, much to their mental, psychological, and emotional detriment. Well, let us not digress from the subject at hand but it is an excellent premise that you have brought up Melissa.
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