Like Attracts Like

1. 85

   gmwilliamsposted 11 years ago

   This is something I have known since I was a preteen.  In terms of relationships, men and women are  attracted to those of similar sociocultural, socioeconomic, and educational backgrounds.   Despite hearing about and reading of some affluent and professional people who have married nonprofessional and poor people,  highly educated, rofessional, and affluent people seldom seriously commit and/or marry people who are not highly educated, nonprofessional, and poor.   It is NOT DONE.  In other words, executives seldom, if ever, enter into relationships with waitstaff , clerks, and/or the greeter at Walmarts. 
   
   Highly educated, professional, and affluent people have relationships with and marry people who can bring something to the relationship. They want people who are educationally, socioeconomically,  and socioculturally assets.   If a highly educated, professional, and affluent person enters into a relationship with their opposite, those relatiionships will constitute liabilities.   There are women who want highly educated, professional, and affluent men and they are neither professional nor highly educated.   
   
   The chances that a nonprofessional woman will get a rich man is non-existent.   Men who are rich and/or wealthy for the most part are highly educated and want similar qualifications in a woman.   If such men enter into a relationship with such women, it will be a momentary  dalliance at best.   The same goes with women.   No right-thinking highly educated, professional, and affluent woman will enter into a serious relationship with a man who is less educated, in a nonprofessional job, and is poor.
   
   In other words, if one wants a relationship with a highly educated, professional, and affluent person, he/she had better be one himself/herself.  Highly educated, professional, and affluent people DO NOT have serious relationships with and/or marry those who are not in their educational, sociocultural, and socioeconomic level.  In other words, if a person is poor, less educated, and does not have a professional job, he/she will never date and/or have a relationship with a person who is in the former category unless the latter decides to continue his/her education and obtain a commensurate job/career. 
   
   If one is poor, less educated, and in a nonprofessional job, he/she has to take what he/she gets regarding relationships and marriage.  For example, the best a waitstaff or a clerk can do is to find someone at the same or similar level.  For a waitstaff or clerk to want to date a professional, highly educated person is totally fantastical and not realistic. No doctor is going to date, enter into a relatonship nor marry a hospital orderly.  What for?   One must have relationship aspirations according to one's educational, sociocultural, and socioeconomic level, not beyond that.   Do YOU agree with this premise?

   replyreport
2. 80

   dashingscorpioposted 11 years ago

   For the most part I do agree with your belief that "like attracts like". After all it is easier to get along with people you have things in common with. However I do think the following statement you made is not entirely correct.
   
   "if a person is poor, less educated, and does not have a professional job, he/she will (never) date and/or have a relationship with a person who is in the former category unless the latter decides to continue his/her education and obtain a commensurate job/career."
   
   What did Michael Dell (founder of Dell Computers), Steve Jobs (founder of Apple Computers), Bill Gates (founder of Microsoft), Larry Ellison (founder of Oracle Software), and Mark Zuckerberg (founder of Facebook) have in common? They are all (college drop outs) who went on to become Multi-Billionaires and married women who were "more educated" than them. I think it's important not to base a person's intelligence on whether or not that have a degree. I personally know wealthy people who never enrolled in a single college course.
   
   Love is an emotion that is tied to a chemical reaction one has towards another. This explains why you hear about kings who abdicated their throne for love or the well worn cliché "Opposites attract". Albeit these are the exceptions and not the rule.
   
   One area where you see a lot of "exceptions" is in the entertainment industry. Rich and famous people have been known to date and marry others who were unknown and poor in comparison.
   
   Examples:Nicolas Cage (age 40) at the time he met Alice Kim (age 20) who was (a waitress) at Le Privé a restaurant in Los Angeles. They met in February, 2004 and were married on July 30, 2004.
   
   Recently - Hugh Hefner (multi-millionaire and founder of Playboy Magazine) at age 86 married a 26 year old woman whose only accomplishment to date was posing in Playboy. Some might argue that such marriages are the result of one person being a "gold digger" or "trophy wife/boy toy". Nevertheless it's proof that educated, rich, and famous people do not automatically rule out those with dissimilar backgrounds.
   
   Jennifer Lopez's second husband was a backup dancer and she is now currently dating another backup dancer.
   
   Several years ago Cher was linked with a guy called "The Bagel Boy" who got that name because he worked at a bagel shop. Elizabeth Taylor married Larry Fortensky  (a construction worker she met in rehab), Janet Jackson married René Elizondo, Jr (a non-famous dancer), Matt Damon met Luciana Barroso ( a Miami bartender) and got married, Patrick Dempsey married his hairdresser, Jeff Bridges married Susan Geston (a waitress/maid) working on a movie set, Julia Roberts met and fell in love with cameraman Danny Moder.....etc Of course I will concede that this is NOT the "norm" but it's a far cry from (NEVER) happening either.
   
   In fact I would imagine it happens even more so among entrepreneurs who own small successful businesses in various communities or have multiple franchise restaurants. Men more often than women will marry someone who is "HOT" looking without having a tough litmus test.
   
   It is also not uncommon for a rich and successful person to date and marry someone "who knew them when" before they became rich or famous. They see these people as being more (trustworthy) then their "newfound" friends and acquaintances. You see this especially with pro athletes marrying their college or high school sweethearts. In fact Kobe Bryant a player for the Los Angeles Lakers married a woman he met (while she was still in high school)! Clearly she had not accomplished much in life.
   
   In reality the vast majority of people are not going to obtain "the 1%" status of success. Therefore marrying someone who is rich is equivalent to winning the lottery. The odds are not in your favor but that does not stop most of us from buying the occasional ticket. As they say: "You have to play in order to win." In terms of dating or marrying a successful person this would translate to "being there" wherever rich and successful frequent in your area. Shop, dine, and spend lots of time in affluent neighborhoods. If you are "attractive" and intelligent (look the part), eventually you will befriend someone who lives there who may end up introducing you to others in "the inner circle". It's a long shot but what the hell, you only live once. You might as well shoot for the moon and if you land on a star that's alright too! :-)

   replyreport
   1. 85

      gmwilliamsposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      While your premise is spot on, affluent, successful, and highly educated people usually refuse to enter into serious relationships and/or marriage with those who are poor, in low paying jobs, and/or less educated.    For example, a waitress at a restaurant, no matter how attractive, will never draw the attraction of an executive nor a clerk will ever attract a regional director.   
      
      First of all, the executive and/or regional director will consider the waitress and clerk respective to be totally beneath them educationally, socioculturally, and/or socioeconomically.   People who are poor and in nonprofessional jobs have to settle for the average or less than average Joe/Josephina and be satisfied with what life has to offer.   People who are educated, professional, and affluent and/or rich have the choice of partner selection whereas the other category of people have to settle and take what it offered to them in terms of relationship and marriage.  For instance, the best that a poor clerk at Macy's could do is to date another clerk and/or maybe a security guard whereas the doctor has a wider selection of dating choices whether it is another doctor or a CEO.  The CEO definitely does not want to date the clerk as he/she is WAY OUT of the clerk's league.

      replyreport
      1. 80

         dashingscorpioposted 11 years agoin reply to this

         "a waitress at a restaurant, no matter how attractive, will never draw the attraction of an executive nor a clerk will ever attract a regional director."
         Successful men date (beautiful women) all the time who are not highly educated or career minded. As I mention below MOST couples did not meet on the job. In fact in the past I dated a waitress whom I met while out dancing at a nightclub. We were together for about a year.
         Most relationships fail. If they didn't we'd all be married to our Jr. High school sweethearts! You also have to take into account that there are still CEOs and executives who are married to (stay at home) wives/mothers who may be involved with charitable organizations or simply run the household.
         In fact I would imagine most millionaire men don't end up marrying millionaire women. Equally successful couples are not as common as one would think. There are lots of blue collar business owners married to college educated women. In fact according to recent studies more women are graduating with college degrees than men! At some point they are going to date or marry some guy who is "beneath" them or end up standing in line to compete with other women to hook a guy who is "high demand".
         To be honest with you I believe the "attraction" factor for men (outweighs) a woman's accomplishments regarding dating.
         
         I have heard many a single woman rattle off their list of degrees, six figure income, the car they drive, and owning their own home...etc  I tell them that is all well and good if you looking to attract another woman!
         The first thing a man concerns himself with regard to a woman is physical attraction. The next is her personality and sense of humor. If she is not fun or pleasant to be around it doesn't matter how successful she is. Most men aren't looking to be "taken care of" so a woman's success is not all that impressive. If it turns out that she is "hot", sexy, fun to be with and also has those other things going for her that would be "incredible".
         
         Men generally will not date a woman based upon her credentials. A (hot looking cocktail waitress) will beat out an (average looking attorney) everyday of the week when it comes to being asked out. In fact I've heard it said in some circles that the more successful the man is the better looking his wife is. lol! On the other hand women are different when it comes to choosing a mate. They are generally more "practical" and will often overlook physical appearance if a man is "kind" and "successful".
         
         Author Lori Gottlieb wrote a book titled: "Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough " In other words ignore the fact whether you have chemistry with him or not. Can you imagine a similar book being written for men??? (It sure wouldn't be a "Best Seller")

         replyreport
         1. 95

            nomadspiritposted 8 years agoin reply to this

            Totally agree with you dashingscorpio. Lori Gottlieb was also spot on when she recognized the non negotiables in a future partner as those qualities that make for a successful long lasting relationship (these had nothing to do with education or socioeconomic status, and more to do with the real intangibles like kindness and commitment). It seems that people who are really looking to settle then in a lifelong committed relationship end up paying the most attention to attractiveness (for men), level of commitment and stability, sense of humor, kindness, empathy etc.

            replyreport
3. 80

   dashingscorpioposted 11 years ago

   Speaking from my own experience I know that what you say is not an automatic rule. When I was starting out I held some fairly lowly positions and never had a problem meeting, dating, or living with women at the time who were more successful than myself. Not everyone you meet is going to be during "working hours". Successful people go out to nightclubs, beaches, parks, movie theatres, grocery stores, and churches like everyone else. As a man I would never have ruled out a woman I was attracted to because she was a sales clerk at Macy's.  Being a snob is not as common as it once was.
   
   In fact I see you personally posted the following to a question on this very subject. ""There are women who do not care WHOM they marry even though the man is socioeconomically near penury, is far less educated than she is, and have other liabilities as long as she loves him."
   
   Apparently you don't buy 100% into the argument that love and marriage is solely based upon (class/status) in the United States. :-)

   replyreport
4. 76

   Cantuhearmescreamposted 11 years ago

   gmwilliams,
   I think that you have a basic observation, generally speaking or maybe rule of thumb going on. I would guess that most low-income, undereducated, "wrong side of town" kind of people aren't going to meet, attract, fall in love with and marry Steven Spielberg. I think there is a lot more to it than "Steven" refusing to lower himself to such options. Generally these people are not goint to be in the same place at the same time, they won't have the same social circles and probably won't be shopping or dining in the same establishments. Secondly, I think that someone who is ambitious, driven and goal-oriented is going to find that attractive in a potential lover and someone who is stuck at the bottom may be lacking such drive or doesn't have the tools to get there. One point that you really made me think of is these real or imaginary lists that people create. So many people have an ideal version of the what they want in a significant other but it is way above what they have to offer back. How can someone have a wish list or requirements of tall, dark, handsome, rich, famous, brilliant, witty,..etc. if they are short, fat, ugly, poor, uneducated,...etc, (I'm exaggerating for dramatic effect).
   dashingscropio brought up several good points and examples. We can't even begin to understand how some people fall in love. Tell me that you've never seen a couple and said to yourself "what is she doing with him?" or vice versa? Sometimes love just happens. Fall in love first ask questions later.

   replyreport
   1. 85

      gmwilliamsposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Many people date and marry aimlessly.   Smart people while they are dating assess their partner socioeconomically, educationally, socioculturally, and psychologically.    Smart people realize that have a commonality enhances relationships whether it is dating, a more serious relationship, and/or marriage.   
      
      Affluent/rich, highly educated, and professional people seek others of their kind.    No right-thinking affluent/rich, highly educated, and professional person would date, have a serious relationship with, and/or marrying a person who is poor, less educated, and in a nonprofessional job.   The latter person would be a total liablity to the former.   
      
      Many people do not know how to date and marry smart.   They refuse to assess the situation of the person before they enter into a relationship.   Smart people consider all aspects of the person before entering into a relationship.   No lawyer is going to date a clerk because the latter has nothing in common with the former.    Lawyers and/or other professional people will gravitate to other professionals.   
      
      Usually, when educated professionals date less educated nonprofessionals, there is little commonality to the relationship which usually results in a chasm.   I have delineated that aspect in 3 of my hubs on the subject.    My advice: if a person is affluent/rich, highly educated, and in a high powered or a professional position, steer clear of relationships with those who are not thus. 
      
      People either date/marry the same or up; no intelligent person dates/marries down.  Even when I was a teenager,  I would NEVER associate nor date those from a poorer background-that would be totally futile.   I also would NEVER date or enter into a relationship with a person who was less educated than I was.   So many women especially do that much to their peril.    Note: I am not discussing the exceptions but the average less educated person.

      replyreport
      1. 76

         Cantuhearmescreamposted 11 years agoin reply to this

         You may be right as far as the "majority" of people, you probably are. I think that it is sad that someone would cast someone aside immediately based upon income, education or where they grew up. I certainly have never aimed to marry a caveman but I would like to think that everyone is of some importance. Haven't you ever heard of someone coming from the "wrong side of the tracks", nothing handed to them and yet they persevere and break the mold and become successful. I think most people strive to be more and I think people should be given a chance. Imagine throwing someone to the side today and then they surpass you 3 years from now?

         replyreport
      2. 80

         dashingscorpioposted 11 years agoin reply to this

         gmwilliams, Your theory is "No lawyer is going to date a clerk because the latter has nothing in common with the former. No right-thinking affluent/rich, highly educated, and professional person would date, have a serious relationship with, and/or marry a person who is poor, less educated, and in a nonprofessional job."
         
         However you also admit: "Many people date and marry aimlessly." and "Many people do not know how to date and marry (smart).   They refuse to assess the situation of the person before they enter into a relationship."
         
         This would appear to be a contradiction or admission that there are lots of people who choose to "follow their heart" as oppose to comparing resumes and backgrounds. As I stated before most couples rarely meet (on the job). If a male lawyer met a "hot looking" woman with an enchanting personality at a party who turned out to be a "lowly clerk" he is NOT going to refuse to date her. Maybe if the lawyer is a woman she might be incline to NOT date "beneath" her. Truth is (men) have dated/married poorer and less educated women since the beginning of time! The (more) successful a man is (multi-millionaire or billionaire) the (less) important it is for his mate to be successful financially or professionally. Rarely do you seen these men marry women who are their "equal" in those areas. It's the people who are "struggling" to get to the top that seek out mates who can "expedite" their rise to the top. What do you give a man who has (everything)? Love, passion, romance, a soft place to fall when the world is applying pressure, words of encouragement...etc The old saying is "Behind every great man is a good woman." A beautiful, articulate, intelligent woman with a great sense of humor will not have problems attracting men of any level regardless of her "forma"l education  and career. If she is (in) the same room/venue as a man anything can happen.

         replyreport