Should we be judged...

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   Sed-meposted 9 years ago

   by the company we keep?

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      bBereanposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Perhaps not by the company we keep, but by our friends.  Professionally, unless you own your own business you often have little choice with whom you associate in the corporate world.  Even if you do own your own business you will probably have clients, customers and contractors you may not want to associate with on a personal level. 
      
      Your friends, however, do indeed speak volumes about you.  Of course, is that a friend or a crazy relative, (some of whom you would not want to be judged by)?  You have to deal with family, good or bad. 
      
      So if you are sure who a person's actual friends are, you have a very good gauge of them.

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         Sed-meposted 9 years agoin reply to this

         That makes sense. Then I would pleased to be judged by the likes of you.

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            bBereanposted 9 years agoin reply to this

            As I would, by you, which is good because I know in the forums we already are.

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         Rad Manposted 9 years agoin reply to this

         The good thing about owning your own business is that you can decide for yourself which clients you keep. It takes courage to drop a client, but I've done it and it felt great.
         
         I do think we can tell what a person is like by the friends they keep.

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            Sed-meposted 9 years agoin reply to this

            I think you're right. But sometimes we tend to like certain aspects of certain ppl. It seems like you can always find things in common with the least likely friends.

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               Rad Manposted 9 years agoin reply to this

               As long as the aspects are positive and the other less positive aspects of the friendship doesn't drag you down.

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               bBereanposted 9 years agoin reply to this

               We have friends, acquaintances, and many gradients in between.  Sales and marketing are built on the contention you can find commonalities to build on with anyone.  Here in the forums we have friends of sorts, we could not be judged by, because we differ so much.  Yet if focusing on the commonalities that do draw us together, be it ethics, morals, hobbies, or even just a common respect for intelligent and thoughtful people, where we overlap does speak to our character.

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                  Sed-meposted 9 years agoin reply to this

                  Yeah, I find there's something kind of beautiful about "falling" for ppl that you have seemingly, nothing in common with. Though ppl can be dark, at times, there is so much beauty to be found.
                  
                  I remember at one store I worked at, there were two old men that could make me late back from break and I wouldn't even notice. I would get caught up in their stories. One was an Aussie, in his 70s, missing his two front two teeth and as fun and lively as an 18 year old. The other was also an elderly man, black and looked like he was 50. He was always calling all the girls his gf's. I always felt like I was sitting on a front porch, in rocking chairs loving every minute.
                  
                  I had very little in common with these two, but I adored them. Life is full of this!

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                     Kathryn L Hillposted 9 years agoin reply to this

                     Truths I have found regarding friendship in general:
                     
                     If I didn't make friends with imperfect people, I wouldn't have any friends at all! 
                     
                     Whoever judges you by who your friends are…that person is not one of them.
                     
                     We people are a weird bunch, and God loves us all. However, we may not want them all in our lives...
                     
                     To attract true friends, stay in a position of command over yourself without being a people pleaser.
                     
                     To attract honest and sincere friends, be honest and sincere.
                     
                     When you have the ability to be alone, and don't need others, they will inevitably need you. At that point you are in a position to pick and choose those you prefer, based on your discrimination and feelings of benevolence.
                     
                     Develop discrimination. It is not others' judgement of our friends we should fear; It is our own!
                     
                     It is best to avoid the friendship of those YOU do not approve of. Trust your instincts.
                     
                     To avoid hurting others, never feign love or friendship.
                     Ever.
                     
                     And the old adage is indeed true: You can never judge a book by its cover.
                     
                     In the end, sometimes you just have to take the good qualities along with the bad qualities… and hopefully the good qualities out-weigh the bad.

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            bBereanposted 9 years agoin reply to this

            I agree, and have done the same, but you do have to employ discretion.  I guess my point is that we would probably do business with people we would prefer not to associate with otherwise.  If they are totally against our standards though, being seen doing business with them may do more harm than good.

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               Rad Manposted 9 years agoin reply to this

               And in my case take a toll on my heath. Sometimes the stress isn't worth it and when the product ends up inferior it makes me look bad.
               
               I've only ever done it once or twice. The last time it cost me a lot of money, but I still think it was worth it.

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      Emile Rposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      No. We should be judged by our own actions. I have had friends who were adulterers, convicted felons, recovering drug addicts. That didn't make any of them bad people. They were people who knew they had made mistakes in life.
      
      Those who judge are just gossips anyway. If you kept the best of company by their standards they'd still think of ways to negatively judge you.

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         Sed-meposted 9 years agoin reply to this

         I think you're right, but we are judged for the company we keep. I wonder if there are times that is appropriate?

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            Emile Rposted 9 years agoin reply to this

            I can't imagine when it would be

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               Sed-meposted 9 years agoin reply to this

               Well, I was wondering about our teen years. Our parents see the crowds we're hanging with and can usually judge pretty well if we're not on a safe path.
               Maybe the difference is, when we're grown, our true selves are established. However, I do know a few in their 30s that don't differ from those in their teens.
               
               It's just a funny concept... being judged by the company we keep.
               If a woman were to have a few prostitutes as friends... you might say, "She is secure in herself, she loves them for who they are." But were a man to have prostitutes as friends, it's hard to imagine he's not up to no good. But then Jesus himself ate with those who were rejected by society.
               
               So Im wondering, is it case by case, or is it never ever that we should judge/be judged? Just throwing it out there.

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                  Rad Manposted 9 years agoin reply to this

                  If my kids friends were a bunch of crack heads and male and female prostitutes should I be concerned? Should I be concerned if he hangs out with them 7 nights a week and sometimes invites them over to party? He's 20 years old, works part time and attends university, what would you do? He's just hanging with them and doesn't appear to be trying to help them at all, sometimes he doesn't come home for days and the last few months has started to fail and not attend his classes. What do you think? Perhaps I should just get a hobby and chill?

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                     Cgenaeaposted 9 years agoin reply to this

                     Oh, yeah. The law doesn't let you interfere too much in grown people's affairs. But a young mind (still sucking up knowledge to form ideas) is susceptible to lots of whatever. Even children who were raised by the "best" parents get the wrong messages before the right ones.
                     Age 20 is very very young, and getting younger.
                     Remember when kids were mature? Long time ago...

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                        Emile Rposted 9 years agoin reply to this

                        Kids were never mature. Part of being a kid is exploration. Their morals can appear as jello, but if you have helped them grow to be secure in their understanding of who they are, firm in their resolve to be true to themselves first and the value of their opinion that exploration is a learning experience and will result in an adult who has a more solid foundation.
                        
                        Sheltering kids from influence of the outside world is, in my opinion, just as unhealthy as attempting to shelter them from childhood illnesses and things which can be allergens. Sure, the short run might look like you've been effective, but they will encounter all of these in later life and exposure as adults, without previous encounters, can result in much more unhealthy outcomes.

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                           Sed-meposted 9 years agoin reply to this

                           There's a man Gever Tulley, who started a tinkering camp b/c he felt kids today lacked growth thru exploration in a way that was more common a few generations ago. He says (what we all know) that kids are sometimes over sheltered and that they end up consumers and not ppl who actually experience life. He did a Ted Talk. http://www.ted.com/talks/gever_tulley_o … s_for_kids

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                           Cgenaeaposted 9 years agoin reply to this

                           I think children used to be more mature than they are now. Least that's MY experience. But I guess others may see it differently if they like.

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                              Cat333posted 9 years agoin reply to this

                              I agree, Cgenaea. When and where people believe/believed you became an adult at a young age (early adolescence in some countries and times; late adolescence for others), people acted accordingly. They settled down early, began hard work early, had children early, began acting responsibly early. We've prolonged adolescence by a decade or more in recent years. So now we have a bunch of adult "kids" who party, get drunk, sleep around, mooch off their parents, treat people disrespectfully for longer and so on.

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                                 Cgenaeaposted 9 years agoin reply to this

                                 Yes... my sentiments. Thanks. That seemed kinda Twilight Zoney. I see it exactly as you do.
                                 I remember my what my grandma looked like when I was a kid. Like a grandma!!! and she acted like one...
                                 Today, "grandma" looks and acts waaaaayyy different.

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                                    Cat333posted 9 years agoin reply to this

                                    Yes, even the grandmas have changed!

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                              Emile Rposted 9 years agoin reply to this

                              I do see what you are saying, but functioning as an adult and being an adult aren't synonymous. I think some of the behavior patterns you two are attributing to today's kids are indicative of the influence of watching today's adults. I don't know anyone who raised their kids the way I was raised. I know I didn't.  Plus, they were raised to believe in an  American dream which isn't presently available for most people. As adults, most of us are still scrambling to understand where it went. I have faith in the next generation.

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                                 Cgenaeaposted 9 years agoin reply to this

                                 Yes! Someone threw away all the orthopedic shoes!

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                                    Emile Rposted 9 years agoin reply to this

                                    I have absolutely no idea what that means, but it did sound cute.

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                                       Cgenaeaposted 9 years agoin reply to this

                                       it was in reference to grandmothers in general when I was a kid.
                                       Grandma is often a sex kitten nowadays. Lol...

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                                          Emile Rposted 9 years agoin reply to this

                                          Oh. Yeh. It's creepy.

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                  Emile Rposted 9 years agoin reply to this

                  When my son was younger, I made it clear to him that who he chose for his friends was his business. But, it would become mine if their behavior patterns influenced his. He was responsible for his own actions. He never gave me cause to make his friends my business. He had some questionable associations, but I honestly think life would be incredibly boring if we insisted on hanging out with those just like us.
                  
                  I don't think it is anyone's right to judge another adult by the company they keep and even when judging those who are younger, the company can only affect them if they don't have a will of their own; or are prone to blaming others for their actions.

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   Cgenaeaposted 9 years ago

   No. We should NEVER be judged.
   The outer appearance very often misses in regard to showing others our own selves. As well, the behavior of our associates may miss in regard to showing who they really are.

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      Sed-meposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Good point.

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   Cat333posted 9 years ago

   I know you don't mean a condemning judgment (which is never okay), but making a spiritual judgment out of concern I think is sometimes needed - you might be called to confront your kid, a friend, a brother/sister-in-Christ, or others about their choice of friends and any dangers or negative effects you're seeing. We do know that our friends can greatly impact us, as it's written: "a companion of fools suffers harm" and "the one who walks with the wise grows wise". I think we have to keep in mind the motives in the friendships, the person's own strength of character, the strength of their beliefs and such.
   
   The cliché "birds of a feather flock together" does have some validity and can certainly serve as warnings to us. If all a young man's friends are players and thugs, even if he seems different, we're more likely to wonder if he's just putting on a front (based on the characteristics of his friends), and will more likely (wisely) question if we want to date or have our daughters date that young man.
   
   At the same time, a person with strength of character and convictions may chose to befriend all sorts of people. They would need to keep themselves in check (though not necessarily become concerned with others' judgments of their friendships). As long as they are being a positive influence and ensuring no negative influence is bringing them down, then okay.
   
   I personally find a lot of beauty in and am often drawn toward those others consider "lowlifes" - the struggling addicts, the remorseful convicts, the outcast and "rejects" of society. I think you, Beth, and others here have indicated something similar.

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